Post: #1

Let's see, I'm a divorced man, and I have two young kids (3 and 2). Four out of the last five girls I went on dates wanted to know what happened? My ex wife cheated, so I divorced her. Anyway, when ever I explained what happened, I noticed a change in the interaction. I've noticed a drop in chemistry or the girls start talking about bad past relationships of their own.

I like to live in the moment, and I just don't see what I can gain by talking about past relationships.

Would you guys keep it light when answering this loaded question or just dodge it by saying "its complicated" like Chateau Roissy and redirecting the conversation?

Thanks

Post: #2

(05-09-2011 08:31 AM)AboveGroundLevelRush Wrote:  Let's see, I'm a divorced man, and I have two young kids (3 and 2). Four out of the last five girls I went on dates wanted to know what happened? My ex wife cheated, so I divorced her. Anyway, when ever I explained what happened, I noticed a change in the interaction. I've noticed a drop in chemistry or the girls start talking about bad past relationships of their own.

I like to live in the moment, and I just don't see what I can gain by talking about past relationships.

Would you guys keep it light when answering this loaded question or just dodge it by saying "its complicated" like Chateau Roissy and redirecting the conversation?

Thanks

The fact that she cheated on you is a subtle DLV regardless of the real logic behind it. I wouldn't bring it up until you've gone on a few dates. Evade/redirect just as you mentioned until then. You can always say "what's in the past is past", which can create a sense of mystery and keep her guessing... but it will only work for so long.

Post: #3

(05-09-2011 08:31 AM)AboveGroundLevelRush Wrote:  Let's see, I'm a divorced man, and I have two young kids (3 and 2). Four out of the last five girls I went on dates wanted to know what happened? My ex wife cheated, so I divorced her. Anyway, when ever I explained what happened, I noticed a change in the interaction. I've noticed a drop in chemistry or the girls start talking about bad past relationships of their own.

I like to live in the moment, and I just don't see what I can gain by talking about past relationships.

Would you guys keep it light when answering this loaded question or just dodge it by saying "its complicated" like Chateau Roissy and redirecting the conversation?

Thanks

"So what happened?"
"I divorced her."
"Why?"
"She was a Islamic terrorist." (dramatic pause, then inane banter).

Throw her off the scent of DLV as fast as you can.

Post: #4

"So what happened?"

Response:

"In the end I guess we just weren't a match. Different views on life, you know? Seemed like it could have worked at the start, but life gives you curveballs sometimes. That's just reality."

This statement should be stated casually and in a matter-of-fact type of tone, maybe even with a casual shrug at the end. Then you should seek to change the subject smoothly, but quickly.

Play it off like it was just a minor fact of life-you married, you divorced. It happened, you're not mad about it, you're not emotionally hooked on it, you don't even particularly regret anything(you've adapted and rolled with the punches life threw at you) and by conveying it this way you've shown that you're not avoiding the issue(which a girl could read as a bad sign), but rather are willing to engage in the discussion calmly(albeit quickly).

Post: #5

Dodge the question man. Think of yourself like a complex puzzle that she wants to put together. However, you're just giving her the edges to start with. Make her earn the middle pieces and then don't outright say where they fit in.

Post: #6

The more I think of it, the more it make sense about the cheating being DLV. The girls energy and enthusiasm definitely took a nose dive after I had answered the question truthfully.

Next time I will make them work for it as it is a very forward question for a first date anyway. In any case, the last five dates did not go anywhere so I might as well experiment with the next ones.

Post: #7

Tell them you cheated on her and see what happens

Post: #8

(05-09-2011 07:42 PM)truedat Wrote:  Tell them you cheated on her and see what happens

Depending on how he words it they'll probably think he's shady and untrustworthy, possibly leading them to being more reluctant to relax around him. Not saying he shouldn't try it, as I don't have proof, and the reaction would naturally differ from girl to girl.

Post: #9

(05-09-2011 11:04 PM)CJ Wrote:  

(05-09-2011 07:42 PM)truedat Wrote:  Tell them you cheated on her and see what happens

Depending on how he words it they'll probably think he's shady and untrustworthy, possibly leading them to being more reluctant to relax around him. Not saying he shouldn't try it, as I don't have proof, and the reaction would naturally differ from girl to girl.

Agreed. He needs mad alpha cred to pull that off. Simply brushing it off would be better, unless he could somehow prove stalker, but from the sound of it that's not an option.

Post: #10

This is going to be my default response: Well.... its complicated... we had a lot of great times together, but in the end, it just didn't work out. It's all in the past now. The only thing that matters to me is the well being of my kids, and I have to say that they are adjusting well. Say something fun about the kids and transition back to other topics.

Post: #11

(05-10-2011 10:16 AM)AboveGroundLevelRush Wrote:  This is going to be my default response: Well.... its complicated... we had a lot of great times together, but in the end, it just didn't work out. It's all in the past now. The only thing that matters to me is the well being of my kids, and I have to say that they are adjusting well. Say something fun about the kids and transition back to other topics.

What do you want from the women going forward? Are you looking for another LTR or do you just want to take it cool and easy?

If you are just looking for something casual, just say your ex girlfriend got a job in Europe and had to move?

And then smile and say, that was lucky of her, I'd love to visit Europe especially Milan and then smile again.

Don't mention you were married, it can throw some chicks off. And don't worry about lying, chicks do it all the time.

I was dating one chick for ages before she told me that she was still technically married (even though she no longer lived with the guy).
For all I know, she may have still been bonking him behind my back...

Post: #12

Her: Why did you get divorced?
You: I was out of bullets.

CHANGE SUBJECT

Post: #13

I would totally humor my way through this.

(pretend polygamist response)
"Why did you get divorced?"
"Well, it turns out there are laws in this country that prohibit more than one marriage at at time."
"What do you mean...?"
"Once my wives found out about each other, it all went downhill from there."

or

(picky husband response)
"So what happened with your last marriage?"
"Oh you know... same old. I wanted to have a wife who would practice karate with me, and she refused, so I divorced her."

or

(absurd wife response)
"I guess things didn't work out with your last marriage, huh."
"When it says 'Till death do us part', my wife somehow interpreted that as meaning she needed to kill me before she could divorce me."



Man, if you're on a date, you need to be playful. Treat serious questions like they're a joke.

Post: #14

You shouldn't be talking about past relationships in any context except one that will be positive for you. As you mentioned, when you say something they start talking about bad relationships. So even if you say something neutral, now they are thinking about their past bad relationship.

Being single and in my 20s has a different context than where you are at, but for me it generally goes something like -- "I don't really want to talk about it." Then once I either know the girl really well or we are hitting it off I'll make fun of her for doing something like an ex. I never tell her how the relationship ended, the color of her areolas, or whatever. Fuck I don't think there is a reason for them to ever know.

From my standpoint I've found it is pretty important to refuse information to a girl. It will drive them nuts that they don't know the answer and thus they will keep thinking about you.

I am extremely successful and have nothing to hide when a girl asks me what I do, where I live, etc, but I have found not telling her is more rewarding than telling her.

Post: #15

Gmac's line from another thread can be used in multiple situations with good success. "Its complicated"