Post: #26

Stop fucking around man. You may buy a ticket anywhere outside of 'the West'. This is rare dunk Phoenix shit. I've been to Italy, don't fucking bother unless you're a taxi who wants to go mildly above UK-level speed limits. Co - signed by an Italian dude who's a good mate who lives in fucking korea and also claims ONS in korea is 'easy' in spite of below average looks. That'll tell you something.

You may go to the following: South America ex Argentina, East europe ex Moscow & St Peters, anywhere in Asia that isn't Muslim. Stretch bro, NASA has put cunts on the moon and you want to go to Italy.

Post: #27

Why do you need to be forgiven?

What did you do that was so bad?

It sounds to me like you need to have more fun and more passion. (just my opinion)

And, you need some income!

(02-11-2015 02:02 PM)Hardy Daytona Wrote:  Do any of you have similar feelings?

What's the thought process you experience and how do you manage to wrestle it into something constructive?

Sometimes, I feel a little sad.

When that happens, I tell myself that I am lucky. Lucky to be a decent looking, American man born in San Francisco with my health and plenty of opportunity to have a great life.

I count my blessings and remind myself of all the advantages that I have.

Then, I go and do the things that I enjoy. And, I challenge myself to get better in my weak areas.

And, I immerse myself in my passions. (sports, vitality, girls)

That's what works for me.

Also, I apologized to the people I have hurt, I have forgiven myself for being young and stupid, I loved myself the way I would love my own son.

I have studied the topic of forgiveness, I have read many articles and book chapters on the subject, I have talked to counselors and therapists.

I think the more you study it and discuss it, the easier it becomes.

(02-14-2015 02:14 PM)Hardy Daytona Wrote:  I'm sleeping for ~11 hours a night from 1am to about noon.

Staying up til 1am and sleeping til noon?

Maybe, you should try to get to bed a little earlier?

Poor sleep can fuck up our mindset!

(02-14-2015 02:14 PM)Hardy Daytona Wrote:  so much time pondering my actions.

Stop pondering and start doing!

Do something fun or constructive or both!

(02-14-2015 02:14 PM)Hardy Daytona Wrote:  Maslow's Hierarchy, I'm not addressing my problems in the correct order of urgency.

Yes, take care of the bottom of the "pyramid' first.

(02-14-2015 02:14 PM)Hardy Daytona Wrote:  My main objective right now has to be to find sustainable work. Secure an income and get back a sense of purpose.

You know what you must do.

---

Get off your ass and take some action.

Get outside and get some exercise + talk to pretty girls.

You have been thinking for a long time.

It is time for some physical action!

---

I want to tell you one more thing..

Have patience.. Changing our life takes time..

One small step at a time, just keep going.

Ask for help when you need it. We all need it sometimes.

Stay positive and be good to yourself.

Post: #28

Quote:What did you do that was so bad?

After some reflection, I can honestly say that the things I've done aren't that serious. But because I've never had any exposure to extreme situations or experiences they seem that much worse.
I need to keep my eyes open and remember relativity.

Quote:Maybe, you should try to get to bed a little earlier?
Poor sleep can fuck up our mindset!

I've gotten rid of my laptop so that's not something I have to factor in anymore.
I'll be rolling it back gradually. And getting some loud alarm clocks so I don't procrastinate and waste the mornings.

Quote:Stay positive and be good to yourself.

As Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter said: "Be excellent to each other."
I need to start being excellent to myself.

(02-18-2015 01:21 PM)Phoenix Wrote:  Stop fucking around man. You may buy a ticket anywhere outside of 'the West'. This is rare dunk Phoenix shit. I've been to Italy, don't fucking bother unless you're a taxi who wants to go mildly above UK-level speed limits. Co - signed by an Italian dude who's a good mate who lives in fucking korea and also claims ONS in korea is 'easy' in spite of below average looks. That'll tell you something.

You may go to the following: South America ex Argentina, East europe ex Moscow & St Peters, anywhere in Asia that isn't Muslim. Stretch bro, NASA has put cunts on the moon and you want to go to Italy.

Phoenix, I value and appreciate your counsel.
Now that I think about it, this is the first international journey I'll be taking by myself. I should take some satisfaction in that.
Anyway, I'll be heading out in about 2 weeks. I've no intention of staying here for my birthday. Save 1 man for security I'm not telling anyone where, when or why I'm going. I refuse to be subjected to an inquisition and mocking calls of "Why the hell would you do that?"
Unfortunately I can't go as far as you've proposed because of cost. But it is a place I've got historical interest in with literary admiration.

Thanks to all of you who answered my quandary. I'll give a report in about a month or so.

   

Post: #29

(02-11-2015 02:02 PM)Hardy Daytona Wrote:  A wise man once said, "Life is an adventure in forgiveness."

Now, you might rate bungee jumps from a bridge or bachelor parties in Vegas a few notches higher on the adventure ladder.
But think about the risks involved.
You could climb to the mountaintop of attrition only to get shot down by a victim who refuses to forgive.
Think about the rewards.
A chance to heal those nasty wounds, reconcile with someone you love.

In 2006 the APA conducted a medical study and showed that carrying around the baggage of anger and bitterness can put you at risk for mental illness, for depression and anxiety, as well as strokes, heart disease and heart attacks.

So if forgiveness is so good for us, why don't we do it more often?
There are 2 primary reasons for holding back.
First - accountability. As long as we're still in pain we need someone to blame. What can you do with all that pain if you've let the guy off the hook?
Second - identity. Without this rage consuming me, without this resentment, this bitterness, who am I?

But who's the hardest person of all to forgive?
Oneself.
The demons inside, they laugh at the thought.
When you forgive another person, they're not likely to turn you down and say "Fuck that."
Trying to forgive myself though? It's "Fuck that" all the time.

After all, there's few things as cruel as memories.
Unwanted party crashers creaming through the synapses. Unrelenting, inescapable. You can't even escape into madness.
The nights are the worst. During the day, at least, there's work to be done or a mission to accomplish. Something to distract the mind. But in the night with nothing but the company of my own thoughts, they constantly barrage me with every regrettable incident I've done to date. Even the things I was too young or too naive to do anything about. Justification doesn't matter. The only thing that prevails is the overwhelming sense or regret and embarrassment.

Maybe instead of forgive and forget it should be forgive and remember. Remember that I have to wake up every morning and forgive myself over again.

Of course, it's not all bad. Being chased by my demons has it advantages.
Foremost is a symbiotic relationship were I use the pain to push me to lift greater weights at the gym. But that's a temporary boon.

Do any of you have similar feelings? What's the thought process you experience and how do you manage to wrestle it into something constructive?


Apologies if there's unnecessary ranting or if it's is in the wrong section but this is something I could use a little sage wisdom on.

I've lived a pretty mixed life. I grew up very poor, raised by a single parent, and have lost a lot of people in the process. Ultimately though, I realize that through understanding and acceptance I have been able to move on. A lot of people I feel like they view their circumstances as something to be surpressed and ignored, and that is what leads to greater turmoil in the long run. I've learned you cannot run from things that have happened in your past, and you need to learn to accept those issues and move on.

Part of my long standing anxiety stemmed from these issues. It was like, because I was always suppressing my anger and upsets at things that happened in the past, that it would almost leak out by making me anxious about seemingly menial things. It wasn't until I deeply reflected on why I was anxious, and faced my problems head on that I got over them.

So I look at understanding and acceptance as key components of moving on from traumatic events. If you understand but don't accept the situations, then you'll continue lingering on your issues as "If I did this it wouldn't have happened." But if you accept but don't understand the situation, you stay in a cycle of regrets, "I know I have to move on from this, but how could that have happened to me?"

Now, I view my past with a fondness, something that I can even laugh at, no matter how fucked up shit got. It sounds weird, but even with all the negatives, I accept my situations as positives that helped develop me into a more well rounded human.

Post: #30

(02-20-2015 12:43 PM)Hardy Daytona Wrote:  Phoenix, I value and appreciate your counsel.
Now that I think about it, this is the first international journey I'll be taking by myself. I should take some satisfaction in that.
Anyway, I'll be heading out in about 2 weeks. I've no intention of staying here for my birthday. Save 1 man for security I'm not telling anyone where, when or why I'm going. I refuse to be subjected to an inquisition and mocking calls of "Why the hell would you do that?"
Unfortunately I can't go as far as you've proposed because of cost. But it is a place I've got historical interest in with literary admiration.

Excellent. Exactly what you need. Enjoy.

Just do one thing. After you land and check in and drop your bags, walk out into the city by yourself, and stop and stand somewhere. Maybe in a central square, maybe in a park, maybe on a bridge overlooking the city's main river, maybe overlooking the sea. Somewhere peaceful.

Then quietly stand there, and contemplate your situation. Look around you. Look at the unfamiliar surroundings and feel the freshness. Feel how easy it is. Feel your body standing there, look at your hands. It is all yours. You are completely free. You are hundreds of miles away from anyone you know who could cast judgement or criticize you. They are all remote, powerless, and irrelevant. It is just you, your body, standing there, completely free, completely yours. Calmly stand there and consider this. The independence and freedom of your self. You could be standing anywhere on the earth if you so wished.

Then take a deep breath and breath out. You can do this at anytime. You can go anywhere at any time. You are in total control of your being, and of your future.

Post: #31

I had to learn to forgive others before I learned to forgive myself. Sadly, too many people walk around with grudges and expect to be able to look at themselves without wanting to die. Forgiveness isn't a one-sided concept where you forgive yourself of everything and hate others for everything. That's childish and somewhat sociopathic. I won't pretend that I've completely forgiven everyone, but I know I'm moving in the right direction when I'm not always worried about the past and the things that already happened; instead, I focus on what I can do today and tomorrow.

I think a big part of forgiveness is changing your time-orientation. Some dudes are always talking about the past. I think a fixation with what has already happened is a negative thing.

Think about it: a guy who is always talking about the positive things in the past is subconsciously letting us know that the present and the future aren't looking so bright.

A guy who is always blathering on about the negative events in his past is actively letting us know that the present and future aren't sufficient to entertain him.

Thanks for this thread. Interesting.

Post: #32

I promised a report and here it is.
There's a thread for the summary of the trip I took last at the start of the month:
/thread-45853.html

I can't deny that it was very invigorating to be in a new city by myself. And the communications blackout with everyone back home made for very welcome respite.
Having a 3-course steak dinner on my birthday complete with cigars and drinks made for a damn fine celebration.

I'll admit that the lethargy of being back home is doing its best to set in but I'm trying to keep pace as well I can.
Unfortunately my lifts have suffered from the break but I'm working my way back to my personal best. The search for work has yielded further rejections but it's not phasing me as much as it did previously. If anything it makes me more determined to find success. I'm not bothering with game at the moment as I have more important things to be getting on with.
Well that's not entirely true. My AA is still hindering my ability to approach so it makes a convenient excuse. But I can commit to it more fully when I've got some financial security.

As for my mentality, that's tricky to describe. I want to say that I'm feeling more at peace with myself but that's not quite true. It's more like I'm not so concerned with it. Or maybe the negativity has diminished. But whatever the description it's much more tolerable.

Anyway, this is a note to myself that next time I need to head further afield than southern or eastern Europe. If I can arrange it, I'd like a trip to Costa Rica.

So, my thanks to you who've answered my queries here and offered advice. And if I can reciprocate the gesture then please feel free to drop me a line.

Post: #33

(03-29-2015 08:56 AM)Hardy Daytona Wrote:  As for my mentality, that's tricky to describe. I want to say that I'm feeling more at peace with myself but that's not quite true. It's more like I'm not so concerned with it. Or maybe the negativity has diminished. But whatever the description it's much more tolerable.

Anyway, this is a note to myself that next time I need to head further afield than southern or eastern Europe. If I can arrange it, I'd like a trip to Costa Rica.

Not only is everything you've done applaudable and thoroughly in the spirit of this forum, and its effect on you has been exactly as should be expected, but you've planned the right next move too. Carry on at full speed.

Post: #34

(03-29-2015 08:56 AM)Hardy Daytona Wrote:  I promised a report and here it is.
There's a thread for the summary of the trip I took last at the start of the month:
/thread-45853.html

I can't deny that it was very invigorating to be in a new city by myself. And the communications blackout with everyone back home made for very welcome respite.
Having a 3-course steak dinner on my birthday complete with cigars and drinks made for a damn fine celebration.

I'll admit that the lethargy of being back home is doing its best to set in but I'm trying to keep pace as well I can.
Unfortunately my lifts have suffered from the break but I'm working my way back to my personal best. The search for work has yielded further rejections but it's not phasing me as much as it did previously. If anything it makes me more determined to find success. I'm not bothering with game at the moment as I have more important things to be getting on with.
Well that's not entirely true. My AA is still hindering my ability to approach so it makes a convenient excuse. But I can commit to it more fully when I've got some financial security.

As for my mentality, that's tricky to describe. I want to say that I'm feeling more at peace with myself but that's not quite true. It's more like I'm not so concerned with it. Or maybe the negativity has diminished. But whatever the description it's much more tolerable.

Anyway, this is a note to myself that next time I need to head further afield than southern or eastern Europe. If I can arrange it, I'd like a trip to Costa Rica.

So, my thanks to you who've answered my queries here and offered advice. And if I can reciprocate the gesture then please feel free to drop me a line.

Boy you sound like an over-thinker, and I say that being one myself. Just a few bullet points:

For your AA: don't put this off. Don't make excuses to game. You ALWAYS have time to approach. Approaching isn't something you make a big deal of. Approach the next bangable woman you see. At the grocery store, on the street, at the gym. It's not always easy. But the feeling you get afterward is golden.

You'll find that travelling to different locales has different effects on you. European big cities are great for cultural enrichment and getting in touch with history (I guess that's true for most big cities) but make sure to spend some time out in the boonies or on a beach. Cities can wear you down and it's good to have at least a few days to let your brain recharge.

As far as work, what do you like to do? Is there any way you could open your own business doing what you like to do?

Post: #35

It's like being stuck in an infinite loop. It's called recursive thinking. You have to break the thought process cycle. I usually delve deeper into my work or drink to change the mood. Smoke a j. What ever you have to do to get your mind off of it.

The negative emotion is tied to the event in your mind. You have to break the association. You may have to change your whole belief system to reconcile your thoughts and feelings. It's all a part of growing up.