Post: #51

(02-11-2015 09:22 AM)TravelerKai Wrote:  If you have everything a woman wants and needs, other dudes become completely and utterly invisible to that woman. Other men literally fade into nothingness, irrelevancy, and oblivion. You become their whole world. You cannot even ask them questions about other men or male celebrities without a dismissive remark or them changing the subject because they truly give zero fucks about any other men other than you, with maybe the exception of their own father or male family members.

Man I think I experienced this once from an American woman for a brief period and she was trying her damnedest to ascend to be a reformed slut so it was partially desperate.

Great key for finding the right woman though, foreign girls make this much easier.

Post: #52

Delete. Duplicate

Post: #53

(02-11-2015 08:07 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  @Sharkie

What have you learned from this situation?

What can you generalize about man/woman interactions that will help you in the next situation?

WIA

EDIT -- time ran out, apologies for the double post


A few things actually.

1- There is no such thing as a free meal.
You cannot go at it with multiple girls and expect your main to be fine with it. Over the short term, maybe. But there is a limit. Eventually, it is going to chafe at the relationship and break it down. You cannot get into an LTR with such a girl, because it is eventually going to pop up. Dread game has its limits with normal girls.

2- You cannot reform someone once they start going down a certain path.
Frame may be everything in short term relationships, but in LTRs, there are many more factors that come into play, and one would be wise to acknowledge that not everyone stays / grows the same way.

3- No girl is "different"
There are similar patterns many of them follow, and the sample size that are the collective experiences of so many men on the forum is too large to not apply to any random girl. -- I knew this, and yet, in the case of this girl, I suppose I didnt acknowledge it fully. Pedestalizing someone is out of the question, but so is giving them a free pass for transgressions you would ordinarily deem undesirable.
Exceptions may exist, but they make the rule true. Chasing after exceptions is futile, and perhaps as much a function of proximity and fate. Screening can only go so far.

4- Beyond a certain point, marry or move on.
Always be closing, so to speak. Know when to walk, and act on it.

5-It takes balls to walk away from something you're used to, but what is objectively right is right.
The most painful thing in the world is not losing the love of your life, its losing the time, energy and emotions you could've invested in something else. This is doubly true for men, whose worth in life is determined as much from their achievements as it is from other things.

6- Never give in to the feeling that your "game" is indefatigable, even if it yields consistent results.
Because the moment you start believing in its immortality is the moment it starts dying out.


Honestly, Ive come out of this humbled but by no means broken. I suppose atleast I know now truly what it is to have loved and lost. Fire is birthed from experiences such as these, and goddamnit, one day Imma come back to this thread and report how motherfucking good this break was.


I still believe in love, but whatever.
I'd like to hear what you think WIA.

Post: #54

(02-10-2015 12:34 PM)BostonBMW Wrote:  Sharkie: There is no doubt that you'll feel the pain as you should. On this forum, and elsewhere, there is all this alpha talk of not caring/nexting her -- the reality is that we're also humans with emotions. There is no doubt that it'll hurt for some time, but keep this in mind: In the long run, you will be better off.

Honestly, reading your post makes me realize that my relationship with the top girl is nearing the end. Although, we haven't been together for less time (3 years), she's girl that's probably better than 95% of the females out there. However she wants us to move in, see each other more than 1-2 times a week. I can't do it -- not just because I can't be tied down to her, but also because I have other stuff (work, investments) going on. I'm probably dragging this one for too long and will soon be where you are.

Take time to reflect, brotha. After that move on towards improving yourself. Remember that everyone dies alone, so live your life with richness of experiences.

I've come to accept that in many ways I'm a role player in these women's lives. I'm the guy that meets certain needs at certain times, but most all women will pass through my zone of relevance and beyond.

I'm good for a 3-18 month intense relationship that affords them a chance to grow and explore while I get my needs met. and then after that when they really realize i'm not going to change for them, they move on. its often times amicable and just a 'fact of life' but when they get really attached, thats when it is harder.

i too am dealing with the same thing right now. i've dated this girl for about a year (open the entire time, she knows she is one of a group) and she's my number 1 girl. she is 25 and hot. she wants to be a mother and home maker. a red pill chick as there can be.

but i'm not going to give her what she wants ultimately. I owe it to her to use my experience and wisdom to cut her loose so she could have a chance at finding it.

there is some element of doing "whats best for her" by cutting her loose. she wont see it that way of course.

I tell her that she is giving me her greatest gift possible: the peak of her spring bloom. and yet I know it wont be rewarded.

the gift of the red pill for me is knowing that i have the tools and experience to find another number one girl in no time, yet another one to give me her spring bloom, while I give her only the shade of my tree.

Post: #55

Apologies for bumping a year old thread, but I believe an update is warranted if only to add yet another data point to the RVF repository. Immediately after the break-up, I pushed myself hard in four major aspects –

1. Approaching - I probably clocked over 500 approaches in a couple of weeks. Some of them were fun, many of them were a chore, but the whole point of approaching was two-fold –

a) Shaking the rust off of my approach game - During the 7 year relationship, I never actively went out and gamed anyone, most of my side bangs were through social circle game or random chance). While the fundamentals of game remain the same whether in a relationship or out of it, at the micro level, there are significantly different nuances to both, and being stuck in a relationship for a long time did mean that certain aspects had atrophied.

b) Proving to myself that I hadn’t turned into a keyboard warrior - Too often we see people espousing extreme game philosophies when out of relationships, only to fall back into the NAWALT and game denialism after finding a girl to suck dick on the regular. Nothing like brute force rejection to shock oneself out of limiting beliefs. Plus I was hungry and in school then, so there was plenty of time and opportunity to keep approaching without running into the same people over and over again.

2. Developing a social circle - In conjunction with the above, I started focusing my energies outwards (as opposed to, say being stuck in bed for two weeks listening to James Blunt and tearfully jerking off to old photos). Started hanging out with diverse groups of people, signed up on different clubs - soccer, theater, analytics, bang poetry, golf and animal-care. Our house also became the epicenter of mid-week parties, as thankfully both of my roommates were super outgoing undergrads who wanted to make a name for themselves.

3. Internships – I started actively searching for part time internships where I could make use of my previous work experience and fuel the extra expenses associated with going out all the time.

4. New experiences – Listening to foreign music, watching foreign language movies without subtitles, bungee jumping, cooking. Really took to contemporary Latin and French music, but that’s a personal preference.

The main logic behind this was that there had been a major change in my life, and instead of fighting it to get back to the old status quo, it was better to use the momentum to embrace the change and push the envelope further. Plus, a few times I’d advised people to just shake off break-ups and stay mentally and physically “busy”, and it was time to walk the walk.

Of course there were MANY instances where I wanted to go back, or gave in to self-pity and convinced myself that I’d lost the best thing in my life and would die alone (usually under the influence of alcohol)….I think Hwuzhere and a few other people noticed this when I started shit posting in the unofficial chat around this time. But for most part, and always when sober, there was always a focus on suffering well and moving on. It was also around this time that I sent a few PMs to Bosch, QC and TLOZ, often fueled by alcohol, as I sought to get to the root cause of all the “pain” and pseudo-damaged-soul masturbations, thankfully receiving sobering advice that I occasionally still go back to.

Eventually I realized that I was no longer in the “change” phase and was using alcohol solely as a crutch, and got on the no-alcohol wagon. That brought more stability. Fast forward to today, and I’ve changed much over the past year and half (as we all have). My body is stronger, my skills are better, Im significantly more comfortable in my own skin, have a better perspective of the world and perhaps most importantly, haven’t let the whole experience “define” me or become obsessed with what is, ultimately one of many experiences that life has to offer.

I ran into her a couple months ago when visiting my family, and while she’s still young, pretty and significantly more tattoed, one could sense that she’d stayed the same and was slightly intimidated. Whatever, the whole point of this post is just yet another reminder that time really does heal most wounds, and especially when it comes to relationships, energy is better spent pursuing something new rather than trying to fix what is broken in an attempt to go back to a time when things were “better”. Or as Chuck Palahniuk says,

“I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say…let…let’s evolve. Let the chips fall where they may”.

Post: #56

This thread has so much gold advice in it. Wish Jariel didn't disappear into the abyss.

Post: #57

If you liked then you shoulda put a ring on it


Don't be mad if you see that he want it

Post: #58

I agree that she did a mistake and whatever you have done was right. If you still love her then you can give her second chance, if you don't want then life is to move ahead.

Post: #59

What a mind fuck. Wahawahwah=sharkie?

Post: #60

(08-16-2016 06:06 AM)anistonjennifer Wrote:  I agree that she did a mistake and whatever you have done was right. If you still love her then you can give her second chance, if you don't want then life is to move ahead.

My guess is OP's, especially considering the recent name change. You've got a digital stalker.

Lady..you have to.

Post: #61

This thread is full of gold nuggets.

I predict we'll start seeing a rise in relationship-oriented redpill game material in the next few years.

Post: #62

(02-09-2015 06:40 PM)jariel Wrote:  Once you got to a place where you were actively fucking other chicks and she knew about it, the relationship was over in spirit. You should have dipped, she only continued to play along because she did at least care for you.

I'm not trying to pile on the OP, but seriously, what delusional world are we living in that we think we can have relationships where one is so flippant about the integrity of the relationship by definition?

As they say around here, you pulled a weird version of a cuck (normalizing your cheating) on her.

I'm trying to be compassionate but if you don't realize how deranged that maneuver was, you're far too lost in "game" whatever that shit means.

Post: #63

Such integrity is a Christian fiction. Since time immemorial, man has required his bit on the side. He craves variety, whereas the woman craves exclusivity. Society does not admit the co-existence of these drives, so discretion is necessary.

A relationship is a pragmatic or political compromise. Look at the Clinton family. High-value men will always utilise their power to attain young pussy, while retaining the integrity of the family unit. Marriage is only a sex contract to the low status male, who relies on the law to subjugate his wife.

"Those who restrain their desire do so because it is weak enough to be restrained." William Blake

Post: #64

^ agree with above.

But, and I am guilty of this as well, once you tell a young women you been parking your dick in other pink garages, that relationship is on life support. You think.."oh, honesty. I did the right thing and she should respect me for it" where in her mind its..."ha, nigga, I'll never be honest with you about shit and you just gave me a strange dick ticket and you know im going to cash that in"

Using the Bill Clintons cheating history while maintaining a "political power marriage" with a lesbian as an example of how to manage cheating is bunk.

If your going to side dip, you better be able to compartmentalize. When I did it in the past, I cracked and paid the price.

Just remember, rarely is your honesty paid back with equal value of similar worth.


PS-Sharkie..I'm glad you're still around.

Post: #65

(08-16-2016 10:48 AM)churros Wrote:  Such integrity is a Christian fiction. Since time immemorial, man has required his bit on the side. He craves variety, whereas the woman craves exclusivity. Society does not admit the co-existence of these drives, so discretion is necessary.

A relationship is a pragmatic or political compromise. Look at the Clinton family. High-value men will always utilise their power to attain young pussy, while retaining the integrity of the family unit. Marriage is only a sex contract to the low status male, who relies on the law to subjugate his wife.

"Those who restrain their desire do so because it is weak enough to be restrained." William Blake

but craving is not the same as action. For example, I crave the blood of the person down the street who's dog shits on my lawn...but I don't act on it. Thats the Christian angle. It doesn't deny desires, it just points out the perilous road of being a slave to them.

Marriage is a religous contract, pledging monogamous commitment with a covenant with god as collateral. An LTR creates a contract where a chick pledges her word/character as collateral, a prenup creates a contract where a chick pledges her 'divorce payday' and marital earnings as collateral and a marriage creates a contract where a chick pledges her religious standing with god as collateral. If she has no standing with god, she has nothign to lose by getting married.

Tl;DR don't get married if you aren't religious. Just get a legal contract if you are in an LTR.

Post: #66

^ Yes, it's weird they say at first they reject my point ... then go on to prove it by supporting it and betraying themselves in the same posts.

Odd.

Post: #67

Thanks for following up with your evolution through this, this is my first time reading the thread and I wondered if you'd report back.

Post: #68

Title attracted me because I broke off a 1.5 yr a month ago, we're still friends as that's how we began and I belong to that social circle. Having to remind myself of why I called it off almost daily, doesn't help that I'm now incredibly isolated due to the move to a diff. country and lack of my own social circle here to occupy my time.

Before I get the "don't ever move for a GF" talk, I came here of my own accord but we moved in together immediately to see if we passed the cohabiting test, rather than potentially waste more time after being long distance for 9 months. Suffice to say it didn't work. But anyway.

I'm glad I read it from start to finish, some gold links on the byway which will really help me come to terms with the above situation.

"Sharkie" thanks for updating us, it's 100% a source of motivation.

Post: #69

This thread is exactly what I needed today.
Full of great views and refreshing "reminders" of what things really are.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Glad to see you back on your feet and kicking.

Post: #70

When I saw the title of this thread for the first time I immediately thought I about this movie xD.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3799372/

Either way man, I hope you're doing okay.