Post: #1

Hey I´m going to go out this sunday with a girl that I met on OKCupid that recently has been diagnosed with Aspergers syndom. All i know about it what I saw in the movie Adam and what I read on wikipedia.

Anyways anyone have any experience?

I setup the date to walk my dogs sunday afternoon... I think it should go well!

Well I just felt like sharing more than anything... and I´m curious if anyone has gone out with an autistic chic or something like it.

Post: #2

No experience with Aspie girls (I believe autism spectrum disorders are much more common in males) but I've known a few guys with Asperger's. They tend to go off on extremely detailed, extended monologues about things that are very interesting to them but will bore you to tears, and they're generally unable to recognize when they're having this effect on people or when they commit social faux pas's. Don't be surprised if they give you their completely unvarnished opinion without considering how it might make someone feel; not because they don't care, but because it's hard for them to predict how others will respond to them in social situations.

They also have great difficulty reading body language and understanding when someone is joking so I guess I'd lay off the teasing and the cocky/funny. You're also going to have a hard time reading her body language cues. I bet if you tried to escalate physically with an Aspie girl she wouldn't really know what was going on and it would probably freak her out (they also tend to be very, very averse to people touching them).

So I dunno how you'd go about gaming someone with Asperger's. Subtle communication absolutely does not work at all with them and if you want to communicate something you pretty much need to be so explicit you feel like you're beating them over the head with it. Probably the only thing you can do is tell her in no uncertain terms exactly what you want from her. In my experience they usually thank you for it even though you feel like you're being blunt to the point of rudeness.

Good luck dude, I hope this chick's super-hot because after writing that gaming an Aspie girl sounds like absolute hell.

Post: #3

hey thanks for that! she is pretty hot, we´ll have to see how she is in person. I kind of like that i wont have to be playing that many games and can just be more laid back honest with stuff. I think its bad but I feel like I´m going in feeling really secure, something that going out with a girl thats too perfect won´t make me feel right now. Just got out of a ltr so first date in a yr and a half.

Post: #4

I forgot to mention, don't be surprised if you get a really weird vibe from hanging out with her. People with Asperger's pretty much have to consciously control their body language right down to the level of when and how they make eye contact, and the result can be pretty unnerving if you're not expecting it (you feel like you're under a microscope if they overdo it and it seems like they're not paying attention if they do too little). Just remember that the situation is probably 100X harder for her than it is for you.

Your optimal vibe here might actually be somewhat beta since odds are this girl's had it really rough and been made fun of her whole life. Project too high a value and you might scare her off, but be genuinely kind (but still leading the interaction where you want it to go) and you might be exactly what she's looking for.

Post: #5

(05-06-2011 10:15 PM)Riker Wrote:  Hey I´m going to go out this sunday with a girl that I met on OKCupid that recently has been diagnosed with Aspergers syndom. All i know about it what I saw in the movie Adam and what I read on wikipedia.

Anyways anyone have any experience?

I setup the date to walk my dogs sunday afternoon... I think it should go well!

Well I just felt like sharing more than anything... and I´m curious if anyone has gone out with an autistic chic or something like it.

The fact that you met her on OKC means she is at least open to meeting people. Sounds like you did pretty well. I don't have any experience with "Aspie" girls but commend you on your effort.

Post: #6

Thanks Gmac! We´ll see what happens tomorrow

Post: #7

I knew a guy ojnce with arspergers and he was very very weird. I couldn't be in his company for too long because he always went off on random rants about strange things that everyone bar him found strange and it would just get uncomfortable. He never knew when he was getting to OTT, too close, talking too much, when to shut up...nothing!

Be prepared for a weird date.

Post: #8

Good luck buddy I liked reading this. Let us know how it went after your date tommorrow

Post: #9

God damnit, I got flaked on last minute, well almost last minute. This is how it went down. (we were suppose to meet afternoon to walk my dogs... 3-5PM?)

I didnt call becuase she said she doesn´t like speaking on the phone, I figure becuase of shyness and aspergers combo.

Oh btw she is a pilot and is only recently been diagnosed. I figure it cant be that bad if she is a pilot cause I figure you can´t be too out of touch if your job is flying a plane with people.

(translated from Spanish)
11:42 Me: Good morning friend, seems like we have a nice day on our hands.

11:43 Her: Yup, seems like it :-)

(btw she´s always replied instantly like that making me feel like she doesn´t play as many games)

11:58 Me: I found this nice place to merendar (afternoon tea/snack) with the dogs... I live by X train station, its the train that goes to X. I think you live close to X station.

12:11 Her: I´m not sure which train that is, I live close to X train.

12:31 Me: Right you have to take that train to X station, and switch trains there, and then that train will take you to my place.

(this is around a 40 minute trip)

12:55 Me: Hehe, hey, if you´re afraid to travel alone I can go to where you are and I´ll show you.

12:55 : Her: I´m sorry, I´ve just changed my opinion.

(damnit this sucked right here, I just finish sending a super beta message and I get instantly dropped)

13:04: Me: Haha why? Did you get offended when I said you might be afraid to take the train alone?

13:10 Her: No. I´ve just realized that I truly don´t want to.

I honestly debated a colder message here but Idk I felt bad when i thought about the aspergers thing and plus I felt like I should make it seems like I didnt care.

13:38 OK, well have a nice day without me then don´t take this the wrong way but try to cancel plans a little earlier. Take care.

13:40 her: Though you may not believe me, I did it with as much anticipation as possible.

Stangely I beleived her when she said that, and I tried to respond with: I believe you. But I had to put more credit on my phone to send the message so I just left it like that.


Anyways thats what happened. I´m doubting myself now when I mentioned I had found the nice place to go and definately doubting when I offered to go where she was to show her where to take the trains.

Honestly I swear not one time I´ve ever asked help with a chick have I gotten her that I can remember. Its like, if I care enough to ask then I´m obviously not super secure and I mess it up. Idk though here, I dont think I did anything too wrong.

Post: #10

Well don't stew much on it, but its good for the experience.

Although I'd like to know why you used the word ''friend'' the way you did.

Post: #11

(05-08-2011 05:31 PM)FretDancer Wrote:  Well don't stew much on it, but its good for the experience.

Although I'd like to know why you used the word ''friend'' the way you did.

Yep. Well I said ''amiga'' just a casual, laidback way to call a girl I think. Didn´t put too much thought behind it.

Post: #12

Dude she did you a favor. Unless you have Asperger's yourself I see no reason why you should deal with what sounds like a robot.

Post: #13

Yea I guess... I just figured it might be slight and it would come off as quirky/cute, but probably won´t find out. I might send a message in two weeks for one last try to meet up.

Post: #14

Fuck that bitch she has Asp...shes a woman.

Post: #15

As someone on the autism spectrum (ADHD is considered to be on it) I can actually analyze your mistakes for you and correct a few mistaken assumptions you made.

Mistake number 1: Telling her to come to you. Remember, interacting with someone like this is like interacting with a robot. They're not good with subtext and think extremely logically. Follow this logic: You are contacting her, therefore it is your initiative to come to her. Because it is your idea to meet, it is easier for you to come to her, as you appear to know where she lives, whereas she does not know where you are at.

Mistake number 2: You didn't clarify. We often assume others know what we are thinking - incorrectly. You should have asked her when she said "I don't want to" whether she meant seeing you or the train. My guess would be she didn't want to go on the train if it's a 40 minute ride. Then, when you said "I can show you how to get you there," that's still a 40-minute train ride. That's not walking dogs in the park. That's not what she agreed to initially. It's a big itinerary change to her mind. And change is bad.

Mistake number 3: Letting off the pressure. If you're really interested in the girl you need to keep at it. Think like a robot: "MINIMAL LEVEL OF COMMITMENT REGISTERED FOR EVENT KNOWN AS "DATE" = LOW INTEREST LEVEL? "DATE" IS HIGH_VALUE_EVENT, REQUIRES INTERPERSONAL CONTACT :ERROR: SUBJECT REQUESTS EXCEED SOCIAL INTERACTION CAPACITY. TERMINATE INTERACTION AND WAIT FOR FURTHER INPUT."

But all in all I wouldn't bother if you're looking for an easy lay because it won't be. You'll need to be very warm and patient with her, you'll have to do all the legwork, and escalation, especially physical escalation, is going to take a very long time. Not for the faint of heart or the weak-willed. But, on the plus side, she will never play "games" with you and you are probably one of the first people who has ever shown interest in her - that she recognizes as interest. And even a robot can learn how to love. Your choice.

Post: #16

   

Post: #17

It sounds like I would get more pleasure from masturbating than dealing with an Aspergers girl.

Post: #18

Quote:Mistake number 3: Letting off the pressure. If you're really interested in the girl you need to keep at it. Think like a robot: "MINIMAL LEVEL OF COMMITMENT REGISTERED FOR EVENT KNOWN AS "DATE" = LOW INTEREST LEVEL? "DATE" IS HIGH_VALUE_EVENT, REQUIRES INTERPERSONAL CONTACT :ERROR: SUBJECT REQUESTS EXCEED SOCIAL INTERACTION CAPACITY. TERMINATE INTERACTION AND WAIT FOR FURTHER INPUT."

Post: #19

While you don't have to beat yourself up over losing a thing that was lost already, I think it was unnecessary to engage in "witty" banter when you already had a date set up. There was nothing that you could have gained from "banter", you could have lost something, as it seems to me like she was just waiting for an excuse to flake.

Post: #20

(05-08-2011 04:57 PM)Riker Wrote:  God damnit, I got flaked on last minute, well almost last minute. This is how it went down. (we were suppose to meet afternoon to walk my dogs... 3-5PM?)

I didnt call becuase she said she doesn´t like speaking on the phone, I figure becuase of shyness and aspergers combo.

Oh btw she is a pilot and is only recently been diagnosed. I figure it cant be that bad if she is a pilot cause I figure you can´t be too out of touch if your job is flying a plane with people.

(translated from Spanish)
11:42 Me: Good morning friend, seems like we have a nice day on our hands.

11:43 Her: Yup, seems like it :-)

(btw she´s always replied instantly like that making me feel like she doesn´t play as many games)

11:58 Me: I found this nice place to merendar (afternoon tea/snack) with the dogs... I live by X train station, its the train that goes to X. I think you live close to X station.

12:11 Her: I´m not sure which train that is, I live close to X train.

12:31 Me: Right you have to take that train to X station, and switch trains there, and then that train will take you to my place.

(this is around a 40 minute trip)

12:55 Me: Hehe, hey, if you´re afraid to travel alone I can go to where you are and I´ll show you.

12:55 : Her: I´m sorry, I´ve just changed my opinion.

(damnit this sucked right here, I just finish sending a super beta message and I get instantly dropped)

13:04: Me: Haha why? Did you get offended when I said you might be afraid to take the train alone?

13:10 Her: No. I´ve just realized that I truly don´t want to.

I honestly debated a colder message here but Idk I felt bad when i thought about the aspergers thing and plus I felt like I should make it seems like I didnt care.

13:38 OK, well have a nice day without me then don´t take this the wrong way but try to cancel plans a little earlier. Take care.

13:40 her: Though you may not believe me, I did it with as much anticipation as possible.

Stangely I beleived her when she said that, and I tried to respond with: I believe you. But I had to put more credit on my phone to send the message so I just left it like that.


Anyways thats what happened. I´m doubting myself now when I mentioned I had found the nice place to go and definately doubting when I offered to go where she was to show her where to take the trains.

Honestly I swear not one time I´ve ever asked help with a chick have I gotten her that I can remember. Its like, if I care enough to ask then I´m obviously not super secure and I mess it up. Idk though here, I dont think I did anything too wrong.

I dunno why the hell you texted her like this.

Why not just text her "Hey Aspie girl, let's meet up at X at X o'clock" or something short and sweet. Then you get over any hurdles as you encounter them. Instead you tried to have a text convo with a girl who is clearly a bit retarded. Text convo's already difficult to do with NORMAL girls, what hell did you try it with an aspie girl for, LOL??

Post: #21

thecrazyfool: Thanks for pointing out those mistakes, I didn´t realize about the whole train thing would have put her off that much, and if it did I figured she´s mention it but what you are saying makes sense. She mentioned a couple guys she went out on OKCupid that she didn´t like because they were boring and needy supposedly.... so should I go ahead and wait a couple weeks to reinitiate contact or try this weekend?

Handsome and Sams: Yea I´m not sure, I guess I just did it thinking she is a normal girl. Earlier we had another exchange which was funny becuase it took forever for her to get my joke, I should have realized then to keep it at a minimum.


Honestly I´m feeling insecure right now and don´t have many leads so thats why I´m going to work this a little longer.

Thanks everyone for the responses... I love this forum.

Post: #22

Guys, I don't want to offend someone but I don't think it's righteous to mock someone with terms like...'hey Aspie Girl' or so...
I mean, what the hell, guys?! Be a Man! Not a kid!
Secondly, it also implies that don't feel sympathetic to her just cause you have to. I mean, don't make her feel as if you really care or are concerned about her disease. Make it easier for her...really easier. I am not really sure why but I can say bringing a bit beta traits like some caring words or something 'soft' might bring her to ease.

I know 3 people, with girlswho are diagnosed with Aspergers and other mental instability problems and they go along better than most of the people I know of! One is in relationship since 4 while the other has been in relationship since 7.5 years ... So don't think its gonna be a weird problem with this girl...
Just take it easy, mate!

Post: #23

I don't think he meant to actually text the term "Hey Aspie Girl", its just that on this forum that is her name to us so its "Hey <Insert Aspie Girl's name>".

Post: #24

(05-10-2011 08:40 AM)Yams Wrote:  I don't think he meant to actually text the term "Hey Aspie Girl", its just that on this forum that is her name to us so its "Hey <Insert Aspie Girl's name>".

I would text "Hey Aspie girl", but that's just me.

Post: #25

(05-10-2011 08:50 AM)Gmac Wrote:  

(05-10-2011 08:40 AM)Yams Wrote:  I don't think he meant to actually text the term "Hey Aspie Girl", its just that on this forum that is her name to us so its "Hey <Insert Aspie Girl's name>".

I would text "Hey Aspie girl", but that's just me.

Allright well her name is Sofi for future reference I{m going for it one more text on thursday and see if she still might be interested in meeting.