Post: #1

The problem with comic book heroes is that they're a bit gay.

Thor had a sex change. Spiderman never gets the bang. Even Superman flies around in a skin-tight leotard with a cape that Liberace would have rejected as being "too queer".



It's like comic books are drowning in estrogen and bum sex.

But fear not! The greatest country on Earth - Britain - has the answer. A hero so manly he makes Batman look like a poof.



A hero so rugged he doesn't need gadgets or superpowers or a secret lair. A hero who fights crime and commits crime with the gleeful abandon of a rottweiller in a kitten sanctuary.

Meet Big Dave:



Big Dave Facts:

* Big Dave comes from 2000AD, the home of Judge Dredd
* Big Dave was created by famous comic book nerds Grant Morrison and Mark Millar
* Big Dave is the hardest man in Manchester
* Big Dave's hobbies include fighting, drinking, shagging, and hating poofs

A Wikipedo summary of Big Dave's notorious adventures:

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Dave

Quote:Big Dave first appeared in prog (the 2000AD term for issue) #842 in his first story which featured Saddam Hussein trying to take over the world and turn everyone into "poofs" with the aid of some scary aliens. Big Dave, "the hardest man in Manchester", manages to stop Saddam's plan with the help of Terry Waite.

If this story was controversial then the next story surpassed it. It featured the British Royal Family as robots plus The Princess of Wales and The Duchess of York as a pair of horny drunks. The story ends with Dave in bed with both royals.

A third had Dave leading a minibus full of disabled children to the football world cup final where they defeat a German team managed by Adolf Hitler.

Here's Big Dave sorting out a problem with a robot impostor of Prince Charles:





Big Dave is a true British patriot:



And he loves the Royal family:



Big Dave was controversial back in 1993, but 2000AD didn't give a fuck.

Gentlemen, can you imagine Big Dave being launched today?

Hugboxes would explode. SJW's would run screaming for their safe spaces. "Geek girls" would find themselves pregnant.

In short: we need Big Dave more than ever.

Hollywood is making all sorts of shitty comic book movies based on characters nobody gives a shit about. Ant Man. Doctor Strange. Queef Woman.

Fuck that shit.

It's time for a Big Dave movie!

Who's with me?

Post: #2

Post: #3

I can't tell if this post is serious or not?

Anyway, the art for Big Dave looks like its by Steve Dillon...longtime artist for most Garth Ennis projects. Garth Ennis writes stories that children should never read and make Big Dave look like archie.

Post: #4

He-Man was actually the gayest of them all. They tried to cover it up by having him ride a giant pussy into battle.

Post: #5

I'm with Dr. Howard. Garth Ennis is the shit! The Crossed comics were top notch when he was writing them. And his run on Punisher was some of the best writing that came out of Marvel in decades.

Post: #6

(07-05-1974 01:36 AM)Dr. Howard Wrote:  I can't tell if this post is serious or not?

Anyway, the art for Big Dave looks like its by Steve Dillon...longtime artist for most Garth Ennis projects. Garth Ennis writes stories that children should never read and make Big Dave look like archie.

I really enjoyed the way Garth Ennis revamped the Punisher when I was a teen. Both his 'PG-13' Marvel Knights shit and his Marvel MAX comic run were awesome. However, as soon as he quit writing the book Marvel went and fucked the character up again.

Punisher (Marvel Knights) punches a polar bear in the face to rile it up and devour pursuing criminals:



Punisher MAX series origin story, Born:

Post: #7

I could see that working out. Some beta dad who used to read comic books and imagine being a badass or a former stoner who misses the mtv era pick these up and start reading them secretly so their wife doesn't find out.

After a few months, this shit catches on and groups of guys laugh about big Dave's unholy shenanigans around the water cooler, just out of earshot of the feminist "office manager".

Pretty soon these guys realize that the best part of their day isn't just about reading some funny comic...it's about the time they spend with men who reminisce about the good old days doing manly things and pounding every hot piece they could get.

Slowly these men group together all over the world, creating spaces for men to discuss and thrive without the burden of a nagging wife. They exchange ideas and shape the world for their sons and grandsons the way they want it to be.

Thus ended feminism.

The end.

Post: #8

In all seriousness, comics have the dark/red pill side. The really good stuff was the stuff you had to special order or buy from stores. Deadpool was the craziest out of the Marvel Universe but even then, Deadpool is tame compared with the stuff that came out of Dark Horse, etc.

Post: #9

(01-27-2015 01:04 PM)Dr. Howard Wrote:  I can't tell if this post is serious or not?

Anyway, the art for Big Dave looks like its by Steve Dillon...longtime artist for most Garth Ennis projects. Garth Ennis writes stories that children should never read and make Big Dave look like archie.

Preacher was probably one of the best comic series I'd read. It's a bit left leaning but not bad overall. Favorite character was definitely Arseface.

Post: #10

Brilliant. Bring back Big Dave and stomp all the poofs.

Post: #11

I'm with TheWastelander on this one.
Admittedly I left comics back in ~2009 after the Secret Invasion story arc, but while I was there I was hooked on Garth Ennis' run of The Punisher.

Long Cold Dark and Valley Forge, Valley Forge were fucking phenomenal and a brilliant example of powerful writing in comics.

Post: #12

Re: Comic Books Are Gay - Here's The Cure

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persepolis_(comics)

Post: #13

I think comic books might reveal a lot of a culture's underlying psychological issues:

- The few British comics I've read tend to feature heroes who are either for or against the state. Judge Dredd is a government agent; V seeks to overthrow his government. They both fight crime, but not as a passion, rather a job.

- Asian comics tend to feature heroes who have to undergo extraordinary efforts to attain their goals. Goku had to actually die, seek a trainer in the afterlife, spend a long time training with heavy weights on a planet with increased gravity while his friends where getting beaten up one by one, then he had to be resurrected from death in order to face the big baddy. In contrast, Spiderman was bitten by a spider.

- American comics tend to feature heroes who were given their powers on a silver platter for next to nothing. Superman is born super. Captain America got injected. Spiderman got bitten. Thor is born a god. The only American super-hero who arguably expended any real effort to become a superhero is Ironman, and even he is depicted as a born genius rather than someone who studied hard at school.

In short, Asians want to believe in the power of hard work; Americans want to get something for nothing; and the British can't imagine life without bureaucracy.

Post: #14

Post: #15

Everybody in the UK knows of a "big Dave". Anytime I speak to a foreigner I always like to slip in a "u wot?" to confuse them.

Never heard of this comic character but it sounds like a one-off.

Post: #16

(08-22-2015 02:12 AM)Thomas the Rhymer Wrote:  I think comic books might reveal a lot of a culture's underlying psychological issues:
{snip}
In short, Asians want to believe in the power of hard work; Americans want to get something for nothing; and the British can't imagine life without bureaucracy.

I felt this was a gross oversimplification and wanted to disagree but couldn't find any examples to refute the British(I don't read them) or the American(besides Batman and the X-Men who need to go Professor X's school to master their powers and train to use them efficiently) analysis. So those seem spot on.

I'm not sure how much manga you read but I had a hard time applying the "hard work" analysis elsewhere. For example:

Yu-Yu Hakusho: The juvenile delinquent protagonist get supernatural powers and becomes a cop for the afterlife after getting hit and killed by a car. He didn't work for them at all.

Death Note: A kid just find a magic book that allows him to kill people after he writes a description of their death in it. Again no hard work involved..anybody could've found that book.

Yu-Gi-Oh: A kid find an ancient puzzle that contains the ghost of an Egyptian pharoah that possess him whenever the kid is confronted by an enemy.

The above were all serialized in Shonen Jump and very popular during their runs. I 100% agree that the Western stuff leans heavily on tropes(i.e, the hero has 1 weakness) but the Japanese comics are so off-the-wall you can't classify them all so easily.

Post: #17

Then again a lot of the older Japanese serials go strongly against that grain. Naruto and Bleach being two major examples (and the only ones I know about) where two characters start off being fairly inferior to their competition and are able to close the gap by working insanely hard to improve their abilities. Same goes for even more classic series like Dragonball. I also gather that the same is true of a few other series like Kenichi, but I haven't actually seen those. Just know about them from some extended family that is into them.