Post: #1

Hey folk,

A friend of mine and I made a bet: he thinks I wont be able to go out on a date with an unknown - hot - girl that I contact via facebook.

I tried.
I contacted 5 "hotties", 2 replied, 3 didnt.

Among the 2 that replied (my opening is quite lame, but not threatening "Did I meet you at xxxxx club, last friday), with 1 I managed to overcome the initial defenses.
We actually e-mailed back and forth, about 9 times within 3 weeks.

She is a waitress (argh, Roosh, dont scold me, I didnt know!) ;-).

She is hot, has never been outside the US (ergo I DHV thank to being well traveled, speaking 4 languages etc), she is nice but not exactly Einstein.

It worked out quite well and I found out she is single.

When I finally asked her out (after 4 e-mails), she replied with the typical:

"I'm actually seeing someone...we will see, in case it doesnt work out we will go for a coffee".

Instead of taking it as a no - as I used to do before - I pushed even further the cocky funny with something in the vein of:

"Lol, so, you turn me down? do you really believe I take no for an answer? hahah, foolish girl. I wouldnt even be born if my dad stopped pursuing my mum after the first time she said no! Actually, half the population of my country wouldnt exist if we werent persistent. The guy got to earn his date! Watch out girl, I'll ask u out again. Now instead tell me about that....blah blah blah...".

She loved it and kept e-mailing me back on and on.

This week I'm leaving the US to go back to my country for Xmas, therefore I e-mailed her again, with non-chalance, to say I'm soooo eager to leave the States.
She replied as usual ("Soo great you travel so much, lucky you, I havent even ever been out of the US, except Mexico!") and, surprisingly, asked me what I'm doing this week before I leave.

Taking it as an opening - as every normal man would - I suggested a coffee.

I havent heard back since.
6 days passed (included the "coffee" day, of course).
Usually she replies within 1-2.
I think the window of opportunity closed, for whatever reason, and I should just move on.
Please enlighten me if you see/understand the blatant mistake I made.

The paradox is, now, my friend (that should root against me to win the bet, LOL) is all fired up and argues that I should try a different, less direct approach, like add her as a friend on facebook (so we can chat online), or ask for her number "so we can talk and I can finally hear your voice".
This way, he argues, I will ease my way in, until she is more comfortable and will agree to come out on a date.

Personally I'm more tempted to simply move on.

Thoughts, suggestions?
Change of tactic for a last approach or instead, "Next!"?

As usual, thanks for your inputs folks.

Post: #2

I think its over man. I've had experience before with online dating and you can email a bunch with a girl and think its going well, and then suggest meeting and you never hear from her again. I think they may just like the attention.

Post: #3

I don't mean to sound like a hardened dater, but we had alot of shared experience (me and my friends) with internet dating in the last 3 months. I've seen alot of men thinking that she's emailing "so wow": You may have PERFECT email game, but emails mean nothing.

Post: #4

The problem with email is that women will flake more often because they can. It's not like she is ever going to run into you anywhere and I've found the most women on the Internet just enjoy the attention and that's pretty much it. I've seen some Internet hookups before, but if memory serves me correctly most of the ones that did occur was the result of the two people actually being able to see each other via webcam.

Internet is just good for socializing and not a serious place to pickup unless it's a dating site or chat room designed for that I guess.

Post: #5

(12-19-2008 12:41 PM)Trotter Wrote:  The problem with email is that women will flake more often because they can. It's not like she is ever going to run into you anywhere and I've found the most women on the Internet just enjoy the attention and that's pretty much it. I've seen some Internet hookups before, but if memory serves me correctly most of the ones that did occur was the result of the two people actually being able to see each other via webcam.

Internet is just good for socializing and not a serious place to pickup unless it's a dating site or chat room designed for that I guess.

Thanks a lot for the replies guys.
In theory I know where she works, so I could even "bump" into her.
Or maybe go there with another date? ;-) lol

But yeah, no worries, I'm definitely not going there.

This was a very useful learning experience.
I was able to test a few ways to disarm certain defense mechanisms that a girl would definitely use with a complete stranger.
Overall though I agree, internet is simply a bad medium.

Post: #6

(12-19-2008 12:57 PM)Oblivion77 Wrote:  

(12-19-2008 12:41 PM)Trotter Wrote:  The problem with email is that women will flake more often because they can. It's not like she is ever going to run into you anywhere and I've found the most women on the Internet just enjoy the attention and that's pretty much it. I've seen some Internet hookups before, but if memory serves me correctly most of the ones that did occur was the result of the two people actually being able to see each other via webcam.

Internet is just good for socializing and not a serious place to pickup unless it's a dating site or chat room designed for that I guess.

Thanks a lot for the replies guys.
In theory I know where she works, so I could even "bump" into her.
Or maybe go there with another date? ;-) lol

But yeah, no worries, I'm definitely not going there.

This was a very useful learning experience.
I was able to test a few ways to disarm certain defense mechanisms that a girl would definitely use with a complete stranger.
Overall though I agree, internet is simply a bad medium.

Just to provide an update and also an insight on the mysterious ways women operate under: now, after 10 days, she has e-mailed me back, apologizing for not logging on in so long...

Post: #7

You are getting played by an attention whore. It's that simple (not to mention all the other golden observations by those who posted above).

Also, "accidentally bumping into her" at this point in the game is borderline stalker behavior. She doesn't want to meet you, she just wants the attention and is probably enjoying playing you. Nothing new here. Move on brother.

Post: #8

The only thing i would have changed is asked her for coffee first. Even if she is seeing someone, if she's curious she would have offered up less resistance.

Post: #9

3 weeks of emailing back and forth is way too much. When doing the online thing, the name of the game is to send just enough emails to stoke her interest and sound like someone she would want to get to know more. All it should take is a few. Then get her on the phone, within a few days of first contact. Make your phone conversation fun but short. No more than 15 mins tops. Give a false time constraint at the beginning of the conversation, "I've got to meet someone in a few minutes but I thought I'd give you a ring before I roll out." If the conversation goes good, ask to meet up the next day for a coffee someone close to where she lives. She's less likely to flake if she doesn't have to go far out of her comfort zone. That's the main reason it boils down to as to why women flake so much. If you push her out of her comfort zone too much, she'll flake on your ass in a second. I think a woman's boundary for comfort zone is much smaller than a guy's, which is why girls are so fickle and flakey all the time unless they happen to be unusually self-confident women. The whole process has to make her feel comfortable from moment of first contact till your first meeting with her.

As an aside, I don't quite understand Facebook game, since you can't see anyone's profile unless they're a friend, all you possible be contacting them for is just their thumbnail sized pic. At least with myspace(if it's not set to private), or a dating site, you can see something about her, and it gives you a chance to say something tailored to her interest that will build some rapport.