Post: #1

I made the grave error of getting married this year.

Have been married since February. She is Colombian. I got married in California but am a Canadian citizen. Currently I am living in California. She is back in Colombia.

Can anyone advice me on where it would be best to file for divorce. I don't want her to get a penny. While in the USA i was working but she was not.

So i was earning during the marriage but we spent what i earned on rent, eating out etc.

Any advice would be very much appreciated. For any guys considering it getting married was a huge mistake, so make sure you are 110% sure. It takes a minute and less than 100 bucks to get into but seems a nightmare to get out of.

Thanks guys

Post: #2

Why did you get married in California? Doesn't Cali have the most rigid divorce penalties?

Post: #3

Well don't panic. You are not bound by the laws of where you marry, but rather where you reside. California does not have favorable laws. Canada may also have unfavorable laws.

You can move to another state, but there are usually residency requirements before you can file for divorce, i.e. you have to live there for 6 months befor you file. Check local rules. All should be on Google. The fact that she's in Colombia means (I think) that it's your choice where you file for divorce, since she's out of the country. You have no children, so this should not be too bad.

Post: #4

(12-21-2014 11:54 AM)kosko Wrote:  Why did you get married in California? Doesn't Cali have the most rigid divorce penalties?

Cali doesn't seem much worse than anywhere else. She has no right to any pre marriage assets. Community property bought during would be split ( there isn't any) but she is entitled to some alimony for max half the time we were together. At least I think this is the case.

Was hoping for some advice from someone who divorced in Colombia. I understand there is a very fast option. Would she be entitled to less there?

Anyone with experience of this please PM me.

Post: #5

(12-21-2014 11:33 AM)saturn Wrote:  I made the grave error of getting married this year.

Have been married since February. She is Colombian. I got married in California but am a Canadian citizen. Currently I am living in California. She is back in Colombia.

Can anyone advice me on where it would be best to file for divorce. I don't want her to get a penny. While in the USA i was working but she was not.

So i was earning during the marriage but we spent what i earned on rent, eating out etc.

Any advice would be very much appreciated. For any guys considering it getting married was a huge mistake, so make sure you are 110% sure. It takes a minute and less than 100 bucks to get into but seems a nightmare to get out of.

Thanks guys

It's always easy to second-guess, but what got a then RVF'er of a year and a half to get married?

I know that it won't help you now but maybe it can help others not to fall into the same trap.

Post: #6

Saturn, this is an easy one. Reno, NV. It's close, only requires 6 week residency (which u can use airbnb for), and probably cost less than $200.
Short term marriage where she left the country, it's a walk in the park.

Let us know how you make out. The info may be useful to others in the future.

Post: #7

(12-21-2014 12:17 PM)saturn Wrote:  

(12-21-2014 11:54 AM)kosko Wrote:  Why did you get married in California? Doesn't Cali have the most rigid divorce penalties?

Cali doesn't seem much worse than anywhere else. She has no right to any pre marriage assets. Community property bought during would be split ( there isn't any) but she is entitled to some alimony for max half the time we were together. At least I think this is the case.

Was hoping for some advice from someone who divorced in Colombia. I understand there is a very fast option. Would she be entitled to less there?

Anyone with experience of this please PM me.

I'm not a lawyer. Neither are most of the people on this board. Talk to one! Don't cheap out on this.

That said, here's my two cents: My understanding is that you are correct - premarital assets are likely pretty safe in a marriage so short. HOWEVER, I have had a couple of friends who got divorced after short marriages. They didn't lose much in terms of pre-marital assets. BUT, while separated, they were ordered to pay "alimony pendente lite" (pronounced ''lee-tay"). Some states have this. It means, between the separation and the divorce, you're basically paying her half your salary! So she has NO incentive to finalize. One friend, who was married just a few months when they separated, got raped this way. His ex dragged it on for months! He finally settled with her by paying her $45K to go away! That's after a THREE MONTH MARRIAGE!! Now, not all states have alimony pendente lite. You must talk to an attorney! The longer you wait, the worse this can be. AND, the greater the chance SHE will file in the jurisdiction of her choice, which can FUCK you entirely.

WAIT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?? GO SEE AN ATTORNEY MONDAY AM!!

Post: #8

Talk to a lawyer- the best money you will spend and depending on your situation it isn't necessarily that much for even a lawyer with a lot of experience. There are a lot of solo guys (get a guy) out there who can make it quick and easy for you and isn't paying an ass-load of staff and overhead.

Is she going to contest it? Your lawyer should talk you through the difference between a divorce that gets contested and one isn't (pray for the one that isn't.)

Make sure you do the service correctly for Columbia. Going out of country involves a lot of rules - best to just hire a good service company that will do it internationally and will do it right. You don't want the chance of getting an uncontested unanswered divorce tossed because you screwed up service.

I would be very wary of doing it in Colombia- are you going to go and live there while you get divorced? Do you speak perfect Spanish? Do you have a hook with a Columbian lawyer?

Why not make her come here or hire someone here, or as above just pray that she doesn't even bother? Picking the venue is one of the best cards that you have.

Post: #9

Thanks for the advice The Father and eljeffster.

I don't know at this point if she will contest. Unfortunately I would guess yes. She will try and get as much as she can. Right now she doesn't know I am pulling the plug and is currently back in Colombia thinking we are on a time out. Although she knows there are problems. I am trying to be as strategic as possible to limit the financial damage she will be able to do. Her family has money but I am still sure she and them will want to get as much as possible from me.

eljeffster I guess you are right about being wary of colombian law- my understanding was that it would be cheaper and faster to divorce there so I was looking for advice from someone who knows the system there or has been through something like this.

At this point Nevada sounds like my best bet. I wasn't earning much in california, only about 4k per month for the past year but all that was spent on our lifestyle.

I will start calling around for lawyers in California tomorrow. If anyone could recommend someone please PM me. Any other advice would be much appreciated.

Again thanks very much for the advice guys.

Post: #10

Look into an Annulment also. Not sure if you can do it, but check it out. An ex-pat in the Phil said you can get one in California online for $350. He was from California. Not sure if he's correct, but look into it.

Post: #11

(12-21-2014 12:04 PM)Menace Wrote:  Well don't panic. You are not bound by the laws of where you marry, but rather where you reside.

Does anyone know how this applies to guys with no permanent address?

Post: #12

(12-21-2014 11:33 AM)saturn Wrote:  I made the grave error of getting married this year.

Have been married since February. She is Colombian. I got married in California but am a Canadian citizen. Currently I am living in California. She is back in Colombia.

Can anyone advice me on where it would be best to file for divorce. I don't want her to get a penny. While in the USA i was working but she was not.

So i was earning during the marriage but we spent what i earned on rent, eating out etc.

Any advice would be very much appreciated. For any guys considering it getting married was a huge mistake, so make sure you are 110% sure. It takes a minute and less than 100 bucks to get into but seems a nightmare to get out of.

Thanks guys

1) get a lawyer. The lawyer will research the best place to divorce. Wouldn't be surprised if it was Colombia.

2) what's the back story? Why are you getting divorced? We need more cautionary tales on this board.

WIA

Post: #13

You need to get a lawyer, Saturn. Like right now, as WIA said.

Guaranteed he or she will have seen your scenario before dozens of times. Talking about it with other guys on a forum should be done after you already have the legal advice.

Post: #14

Quote:The lawyer will research the best place to divorce.

Make sure that the lawyer really does that. Out of convenience the lawyer might be biased towards the jurisdiction that he already knows about.

Perhaps you should get a lawyer that also knows Spanish. Researching Colombian law is probably not the easiest thing if you don't know Spanish or have any Spanish speaking partnership.

Also don't forget to mention to the lawyer that you are willing to move to Nevada or elsewhere on the planet for that matter if it would facilitate a 'cheap and easy' divorce. Otherwise the lawyer might only look into the situation from where you currently reside.

Post: #15

saturn:
How long have you been living in California? When did you get married? When did you separate? Did you buy anything (including in your own name) since you got married? Did you live in any U.S. states prior to moving to California? If so, where did you live and for how long?

If you can answer those questions for me, I should be able to steer you in the right direction.

Post: #16

(12-21-2014 02:40 PM)saturn Wrote:  At this point Nevada sounds like my best bet.

No! You're not listening. You have NO idea what your best bet is, because you haven't spoken to an attorney. Just some regular guys like us on a forum.

(12-21-2014 02:40 PM)saturn Wrote:  I will start calling around for lawyers in California tomorrow.

There you go... THAT'S your best bet.

As for a reference, the only guy I know in CA is Adam Sachs, the attorney that appears on the Tom Leykis show. He is on the show quite a bit and is clearly very knowledgeable. After hearing him speak a couple of dozen times, I am comfortable with his approach and I think he's worth a phone call. AND< he is familiar with things from a guys perspective, he is familiar with anglo-latin relationships (as any divorce attorney in CA must be). I know he is licensed in neighboring states, perhaps Nevada is one of them. If not, I'm sure he can give you a reference to someone who CAN help you. And that's all you need. http://www.adamlawyer.com/

Post: #17

Saturn

Best of luck man. It would be helpful to hear the background...how you met, what went wrong, ect. It would be helpful for anyone considering marrying a foreign woman.

Post: #18

dadsdivorce.com forum, go there and ask, get real advice, even though everything here is spot on except for thinking you can be cheap and handle this on your own without a lawyer.

Read this and do this, let it sink in, your scenario is not as common, but most of the steps to prepare are;
http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=13374

Get the lawyer, no you cant do this on your own.

File first and file now. A lawyer that that is uncomfortable with that is not the right one for you, find a bulldog.

Post: #19

(12-21-2014 06:12 PM)Vaun Wrote:  dadsdivorce.com forum, go there and ask, get real advice, even though everything here is spot on. Essential for any divorcing man, not just dads.

Read this and do this, let it sink in, your scenario is not as common, but most of the steps to prepare are;
http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=13374

Get the lawyer, no you cant do this on your own.

File first and file now. A lawyer that that is uncomfortable with that is not the right one for you, find a bulldog.

OP, I was going to mention to find a lawyer and ask these questions and go to a forum that is more specialised on this matter. Not that I don't think RVF is great for info, it is. But sometimes you need a more specialised forum. Thanks to Vaun for posting the link.

I am also interested about how you met, decided to get married and then how it fell apart. Not.trying to make you feel bad, just to educate the rest of us who might want to get married some day. Thanks and sorry for the mess you are dealing with.

Post: #20

(12-21-2014 06:24 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  

(12-21-2014 06:12 PM)Vaun Wrote:  dadsdivorce.com forum, go there and ask, get real advice, even though everything here is spot on. Essential for any divorcing man, not just dads.

Read this and do this, let it sink in, your scenario is not as common, but most of the steps to prepare are;
http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=13374

Get the lawyer, no you cant do this on your own.

File first and file now. A lawyer that that is uncomfortable with that is not the right one for you, find a bulldog.

I was going to mention to find a lawyer and ask these questions and go to a forum that is more specialised on this matter. Not that I don't think RVF is great for info, it is. But sometimes you need a more specialised forum.

even though there is a lot of experience here, thats really the best one

Post: #21

(12-21-2014 06:26 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

(12-21-2014 06:24 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  

(12-21-2014 06:12 PM)Vaun Wrote:  dadsdivorce.com forum, go there and ask, get real advice, even though everything here is spot on. Essential for any divorcing man, not just dads.

Read this and do this, let it sink in, your scenario is not as common, but most of the steps to prepare are;
http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=13374

Get the lawyer, no you cant do this on your own.

File first and file now. A lawyer that that is uncomfortable with that is not the right one for you, find a bulldog.

I was going to mention to find a lawyer and ask these questions and go to a forum that is more specialised on this matter. Not that I don't think RVF is great for info, it is. But sometimes you need a more specialised forum.

even though there is a lot of experience here, thats really the best one

I guess I wasn't clear enough. I wrote that mainly to the OP and am grateful that you posted the link for more specialised info. I fixed my post. Thanks for the link Vaun.

Post: #22

By the way: I assume the reason you jumped into this is that the chick was SMOKING hot! Columbians - whew! I'm sweating already!