Post: #1

So I've not always been the most social person, I don't generally lack social skills though. In a professional setting or something of that nature, I excel. In social situations I can usually hold my own, particularly in small groups. The one thing I'm really bad at is parties. In this case I mean college parties for the most part, and it isn't always true but it's a general trend myself and a mate of mine noticed. He described it as a "lost puppy look" where I look like I don't know who to talk to or what to do blah blah. It particularly happens when I know a small amount of the people present. How do I conquer this shortfall and overcome it? I've also noticed it'll sometimes happen at bars where I know a small number of the people. Although it doesn't happen if I'm in an unfamiliar area, then I'm fine at meeting people etc.

Post: #2

Play peerpong

Post: #3

What makes people fun and outgoing at parties is that they socialize and mingle in spite of not knowing anyone. I'm not the most social person either, but I try and make an effort to work the room at parties just so I don't feel out of place.

Feeling out of place and uncomfortable in social situations means that you probably don't go out to parties too often. We met recently, and this seems to be the case for your particular situation although correct me if I'm wrong.

The reality is though that most people at parties and bars are not overly social. They tend to stick with the group of people they came with. Guys on this forum are unique in that they approach strangers. It's called "cold approaching" because you have no rapport with them and therefore there's going to be some discomfort for both parties, something the average guy can't handle.

Post: #4

(11-01-2014 04:40 PM)Seth_Rose Wrote:  What makes people fun and outgoing at parties is that they socialize and mingle in spite of not knowing anyone. I'm not the most social person either, but I try and make an effort to work the room at parties just so I don't feel out of place.

Feeling out of place and uncomfortable in social situations means that you probably don't go out to parties too often. We met recently, and this seems to be the case for your particular situation although correct me if I'm wrong.

The reality is though that most people at parties and bars are not overly social. They tend to stick with the group of people they came with. Guys on this forum are unique in that they approach strangers. It's called "cold approaching" because you have no rapport with them and therefore there's going to be some discomfort for both parties, something the average guy can't handle.

That's pretty true, I don't go out to parties a ton. I didn't feel odd in DC at all. Certainly not that bar, although like everyone else I was primarily focused on watching the end to that very entertaining game.

Post: #5

The reality is though that most people at parties and bars are not overly social. They tend to stick with the group of people they came with. Guys on this forum are unique in that they approach strangers. It's called "cold approaching" because you have no rapport with them and therefore there's going to be some discomfort for both parties, something the average guy can't handle.

I think this is an important point that often gets overlooked. People at "social events" want to talk and have fun, but typically not with people outside of their sphere. The degree of interaction will vary with the location, people, and other factors, which is why it's just important to approach enough people each day.

Post: #6

How well do you get in a pre-party state of mind?

That has a lot to do with how well you'll interact with strangers, even your friends, etc.

Post: #7

It's normal.

I remember one of the 1st parties I went to in college.

I'd show up solo. (this was before I met most of my friend in college)
I'd walk over to where people were gathered.

It'd be like 4-5 little mini-groups of people gather in little huddles.

I was just standing on the solo, can of Sprite in hand, looking through the rest of the crowd.

And for whatever reason, I'd notice that those 4-5 little mini-groups would either disperse or just plain move away from me.

Not towards anything, just away from me.

A 19 year old WIA was like, WTF?
What is wrong with me?

Looking back on those days, those groups gathering and moving had nothing to do with me. No one was paying attention to me at all.

But in my head, it had to be something that I was doing.

You grow out of it by going out more.

The people at most gatherings are either
1) just as scared as you are
2) non-threatening and usually accomodating

Of course there are in-groups and out-groups, and the occasional hot head dude and sharp tounged chick, but by and large there's little to fear.

When there's little to fear, like your typical work situation, or situation with your friends - then you'll be more incline to get social.

WIA

Post: #8

I do better when I take a general interest in people and try and go for good conversations and new connections. You have to be fully present and give of yourself, and not a wallflower, not a space filler. Being high doesnt help.

Post: #9

(11-01-2014 04:01 PM)Slacker101 Wrote:  So I've not always been the most social person, I don't generally lack social skills though. In a professional setting or something of that nature, I excel. In social situations I can usually hold my own, particularly in small groups. The one thing I'm really bad at is parties. In this case I mean college parties for the most part, and it isn't always true but it's a general trend myself and a mate of mine noticed. He described it as a "lost puppy look" where I look like I don't know who to talk to or what to do blah blah. It particularly happens when I know a small amount of the people present. How do I conquer this shortfall and overcome it? I've also noticed it'll sometimes happen at bars where I know a small number of the people. Although it doesn't happen if I'm in an unfamiliar area, then I'm fine at meeting people etc.

Start conversations and even just make offhand jokes with random people. You need to break the ice - you can't just wait around for someone to show you a good time.

A simple "How's it going, Man" or a cheers are fine for icebreakers and will even be appreciated.

If it's all the social ambition you can muster, start with other loners or small groups. Even better, strike up conversations with people as they wander off from their big group to run party errands (i.e. get a drink or take a shit). If you're cool and they see you alone, they may directly or indirectly invite you back or gesture you over later.

Socializing with people on the fringe of bigger groups is often a great in too. Probably the best one.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling