Post: #26

(09-19-2014 04:05 AM)Sp5 Wrote:  Important question for me. Being divorced and in late 50's I have gone through 15 mini-relationships in the last 2 years.

I am considering a long-term commitment, just because I am getting old and lazy. I also could have the woman work and support the house while I collect the pensions.

Out of the women in these relationships, I usually reach what I call a "DQ" (disqualification) moment because of attitude, sexual performance, annoyances, conversational ability, etc. There are some who I consider as real LTR prospects. One was a 42 year old virgin.

As Jariel pointed out, it's amazing how many women will try to emotionally manipulate you into commitment while not actually doing the things you ask them to do, putting in the work. As if telling you how much they love you and miss you 100 times a day is enough.

You know you are more of an abstract idea of a romantic escape for these women than a real person. I try to bring the reality that I am a real person early

It's a dilemma - when do I stop looking? I know there is no "one," there is only "good enough."

In a similar mindset although in my 40s now. Have had a lot of 'mini-relationships' over the past 5+ years. Have one Ukrainian women in her late 20s (or so she says ) who's angling for a relationship now and stepping up contact with me and am trying to figure out how to manage and ultimately end it.

Those "DQ" moments seem to happen a lot earlier with me these days. Whereas it might have taken me a few months or half a year to move on a few years ago now it's a month or two at most. I guess I've gotten smarter about women, and they just don't impress me much and I know what to look for, but I think part of it also has to be me becoming increasingly aware of abundance mentality and also being so set in my ways that I'm a hard man to please at this point. I guess I also really don't know what to look for re a baby mama or long-term relationship (otherwise I'd already have one) so if I do find a potential candidate I tend to err on the side of caution and blow things up.

I think re kids and finding the "right woman" inevitably you will grow apart/she'll go crazy or things just won't work out so increasingly I'm like "eh, just roll the dice" and have the idea to knock up one of the next few girls I'm with and see where it takes me. People change, post-partum depression happens, the sex gets old, women let their bodies got to waste etc. so even a "perfect" long-term candidate has a decent chance of blowing up in your face. That puts me firmly in the "just find one who's good enough" camp and in favor of taking a chance I guess.

Or I could move to Norway / Switzerland and try to find a girl who will take care of me financially/get me free healthcare & a passport, etc.

Post: #27

(09-15-2014 08:18 AM)MY DETROIT PLAYAS Wrote:  I've had situations where the ONLY thing that a chick would respond to was Dread game, and once confronted with the real possibility of losing me that was enough to snap them back to reality and place her back in check

Truthfully, that becomes too exhausting and mentally taxing; not to mention to much negative reinforcement

When the only thing she responds to is negative reinforcement - it's time to send her packing

I know this is an old thread but I saw this today and it really struck a chord with me. I've been neck deep in a situation like this for months now and I'm just not sure I have anything left in the tank to keep this going. It's been very effective to simply say, "OK, if you don't like (something) about me, there's the door" over and over again, but it really takes its toll as time goes on. I'm at the point where if I have to do this one more time I'm probably going to have to just kill things off entirely, because I can't take the negativity anymore.

I always found dread game fascinating and I know it can be a great equalizer when shit tests become to frequent/deep, but lately I've begun to ask myself the question - if we can't ever get along being ourselves, what the hell is the point of this?

Post: #28

Dread game is like diesel- heavy, dark and dirty. A LTR in need of it should be kicked to the curb.

But then, that leads us to the next question: What's the best energy to drive a LTR with?

Post: #29

^^-- "Team" / "My Intern" vibes

Credit WIA for the intern analogy -- but it's having her down for the team, ride or die, not in it for the pay day, but for the cause.

Inspire her to be useful to you and to herself.

The "dread" is creating such a great energy, she knows other guys who look great on paper can't provide the You.

Post: #30

Bumping for visibility. Jariel's threads are missed.

Post: #31

This is a great thread, thanks for the bump. Wisdom here and chords that run true for me.

For me a bad habit is that it takes so much effort to find a decent one, and then to train her up, that I tend to put up with suboptimal behaviour too long rather than go through the effort again.

I can get them to step up with dread game, but thats so much hard work.

They are devastated when I sack them, and tell me they will do anything to get back, but its like Fuck me bitch, why not put that effort in before you get the sack?

Bitches be lazy and crazy.

Post: #32

(09-17-2014 03:00 PM)kinjutsu Wrote:  Currently there's a girl in my rotation that has low self-esteem.
This basically means she's doubting herself all the damn time when she's around me. I basically have to kick her out or dip after i nut.
I can't stand that "woe id me" non-sense.
The only reason she is around is because she's extremely attractive to me. Very similar looks as my main girl but big boobs and a few years younger.

I've dropped boring girls in the past and will do in the future.
Sex is just sex. If a girl i meet is hot and wants to fuck i'll do it but for her to keep me around for pre and post sex she's gonna have to use more than her mouth and her 2 holes to do it.

I have 2 girls in my rotation that are very boring (they seem to be always tired) but are hot. I have been wanting to drop them for a while, but they keep coming for sex, but it's enough I will drop them now, I think I can do better (having a girl that is both hot and I enjoy their company). I will go out and replace them, at least try.

Post: #33

Man I miss Jariel's posts so much. He said it perfectly here.


Most girls are not putting in the effort to be the kind of girl she needs to be. I tell girls all the time things I need them to do: go to the gym, pluck out those hairs, do something better with your hair, don't give me that attitude. And half the time they give me a look, like, really? A good amount get it though and understand this isn't the retard Olympics, not everyone gets a medal.

My main problem is that I get a lot of girls, I tell them to jump and they say "how high". They understand Im the boss. But then things slide off and I have to tell them again. Then again. Things like diet, gym, clothing. I don't want to be their Daddy all the time. One issue is that Im a bit older and the girls I date are often 12-14 years younger than myself so maybe I'm self-selecting minor daddy issue girls. But it still bugs me. Im the captain, its cool, but I don't want to micro-manage some girl. I don't have time for that shit. Just listen to what I tell you and work at being good enough for me.

Post: #34

I have the same problem. You have to select girls that align with you on your most important wants (say you mentioned diet, very understandable). I guess that's why they say that for relationships to work the man and the woman need to have similar values.

Otherwise, it'll be endless work to align these values, I think.

But I had a girl who shared my values around health before and she was crazy in other ways, so just that is not a guarantee.

Post: #35

(09-14-2017 05:58 AM)ball dont lie Wrote:  Man I miss Jariel's posts so much. He said it perfectly here.


Most girls are not putting in the effort to be the kind of girl she needs to be. I tell girls all the time things I need them to do: go to the gym, pluck out those hairs, do something better with your hair, don't give me that attitude. And half the time they give me a look, like, really? A good amount get it though and understand this isn't the retard Olympics, not everyone gets a medal.

My main problem is that I get a lot of girls, I tell them to jump and they say "how high". They understand Im the boss. But then things slide off and I have to tell them again. Then again. Things like diet, gym, clothing. I don't want to be their Daddy all the time. One issue is that Im a bit older and the girls I date are often 12-14 years younger than myself so maybe I'm self-selecting minor daddy issue girls. But it still bugs me. Im the captain, its cool, but I don't want to micro-manage some girl. I don't have time for that shit. Just listen to what I tell you and work at being good enough for me.

To be honest I think your problem is maintenance, i.e. how to keep their interest level high enough in you, to keep making you happy a high priority for them. I think thats the crux of LTR's in general. For all of the other stuff, you can't negotiate any of that. And thats where I learn if she is good enough, is she the person I want to have in my life, without my intervention.

Post: #36

Bumping this because I just broke up with my live-in LTR of 3 years. She is a good person, a sweet/cute and loyal girl, but in the end, not good enough for me. She is a very capable girl who had to fight for everything in life (Foreign born 3rd world immigrant). I really admire her resilience, work ethic and grit. Plus, she is a great cook and showered me with affection. Not one fiber in body ever thought that she would break up with or cheat on me.

Unfortunately, she is pretty messy and sloppy when it comes to the household. 80% of our fights were about stupid shit. Minute, silly things like cleaning up after yourself, taking down the trash, etc. I never thought that I would break up over this kind of shit, but here I am.
My approach with girls is always pretty direct, they do something I don't like and I tell them immediately. Since nobody is a mind reader, you have to vocalize your needs. Since I really love this girl and wanted to keep her in my life (potentially for good, I'm almost 40), I gave her more than enough heads-ups, pointers, whatever you want to call it. I even showed her how to do certain shores in the household to my liking. She always appeared receptive and did improve a bit on a couple of things but in the end, she always slipped back to being her sloppy self.

The final straw was that I came back from a trip aboard and while the house wasn't super messy, it was too messy for my taste (crates in the hallway, chairs semi blocking a door, etc). She also had decided to buy some new despite me told her explicitly not to buy anything until I was back. On top of that, she messed up my entire desk organization trying to optimize it, when in reality she just dumped everything from the desk's drawers into the new piece of furniture. Essentially, the house was in a worse condition than I had left it in.

I confronted her, told her that I cannot live like that and that she has to go. Now she claims that she'll improve and do everything right. However, she did have almost 3 fucking years to improve and I'm tired of arguing with her about that mundane bullshit as if we were still in college being roommates or something. It still hurts like a mofo because I thought that I had found my unicorn. I guess it's off to the starting line again. Sucks ass but it is what it is.

Thank God (or Roosh) for this forum. So much knowledge, wisdom and insight. Jariel is missed.

Post: #37

BoiBoi, typically most people would say that it's a bit much to break up over that but I completely understand where you're coming from.

Sometimes we also know deep down that we might not want to be with a person even if they check off our checklist - something internal might just be off and it might not be the cleaning thing.

Post: #38

In my experience most women are somewhere on the slob spectrum. They just hide it when you come over their place. It's only when you start cohabitating that you see how messy they really are. That's just one reason not to cohabitate. It's kind of impossible to keep things in the honeymoon phase when you cohabitate.

Post: #39

(03-17-2019 06:47 PM)BoiBoi Wrote:  ...The final straw was that I came back from a trip aboard and while the house wasn't super messy, it was too messy for my taste (crates in the hallway, chairs semi blocking a door, etc)...

I CRIED laughing at "SEMI BLOCKING" -- like as I type this I am cracking up.

Because I'm kind of the same way, and it's unintentionally hilarious that the FINAL straw chair wasn't even FULLY blocking a door!!!

This kind of stuff has played a factor in my breaking up with girls as well.


Ironically the saddest breakup was when I realized, even though the girl was as neat as me*, and learned all my organization idiosyncrasies, I still just wanted more alone time and space. Later on, I lament how I took those amazing neatness and adaptive organizational skills for granted...

(*Even still, she had some minor weird one-off habits, like not fully tightening certain bottle caps in the bathroom. And I feel like that's actually a pretty serious one as it makes inopportune spills much more likely!)

Post: #40

I've let girls go for some really petty reasons, as well. You think you being "alpha" and "dominant" but in reality you're just gonna end up lonely.

Post: #41

(03-18-2019 09:25 AM)TigerMandingo Wrote:  I've let girls go for some really petty reasons, as well. You think you being "alpha" and "dominant" but in reality you're just gonna end up lonely.

I know, it sounds ridiculous to break up over this kind of issue. It's not about trying to be alpha, dominant, etc, though. It is about her inability to cater to my needs (I'm a tidy and organized guy). After having explained my needs in terms of cleanliness and tidiness to her for like 10 times, I just can't understand how she could act this way. Especially given that it would have taken her maybe 1 min to tidy up the house before my arrival.
This leaves me with 4 explanations: a) She is a retard b) She has a learning disability c) She tries to piss me off on purpose d) She is not a careful and caring person. None of the aforementioned options sound like great character traits/ wife material to me.

Post: #42

(03-18-2019 04:09 PM)BoiBoi Wrote:  

(03-18-2019 09:25 AM)TigerMandingo Wrote:  I've let girls go for some really petty reasons, as well. You think you being "alpha" and "dominant" but in reality you're just gonna end up lonely.

I know, it sounds ridiculous to break up over this kind of issue. It's not about trying to be alpha, dominant, etc, though. It is about her inability to cater to my needs (I'm a tidy and organized guy). After having explained my needs in terms of cleanliness and tidiness to her for like 10 times, I just can't understand how she could act this way. Especially given that it would have taken her maybe 1 min to tidy up the house before my arrival.
This leaves me with 4 explanations: a) She is a retard b) She has a learning disability c) She tries to piss me off on purpose d) She is not a careful and caring person. None of the aforementioned options sound like great character traits/ wife material to me.

As an anal neat freak myself, I'm surprised you lasted that long.

Also girls with messy cars are the worst.