Post: #26

Guys, my friend really likes clowns and I want to sing this song to her next week. My idea is to pop out of an oversized cake and burst into sublime song. I've never sung in my life--except in the shower--and I don't care for opera. Is this feasible?

Post: #27

(09-06-2014 03:11 PM)Sharkie Wrote:  She's saved me from suicide waaaaaay back when I was an utter beta, and I want to do something in return.

With all of the negativity surrounding us in regards to women these days, I love hearing stories like these proving that yes, there are good women out there.

With that being said, if you can't get the violin down, maybe try it on guitar? It may not be exactly what you want, but it's the thought that counts.

Post: #28

I understand the positions of other guys on this thread, when they say that this is a ridiculous idea, doomed for ridicule or failure.

I understand it. And maybe they're right.

But I say this:

He's not buying a violin to become a virtuoso. He's doing this to show respect and love for another person, who is dying.

Dying.

I wish I could type it larger than that.

He's making a simple gesture of human emotion for someone he cares about. And for this reason, the "rules" are different. Love is the most powerful, the most sincere, and the most enduring of all emotions. Does it matter what the musical "product" will sound like? No. Does it matter that you will butcher the song you try to do? No. Does it matter that you will only be able to scrape out a few pathetic notes? No.

Look into your hearts, guys. Love has its own logic, of which reason has no say.

Sharkie, hear me: you become a better man the moment that violin bow brushes up against that cheap, rickety, Amazon-bought violin. Your actions spring from a sincere desire to do something that will act as a gesture of connection to another person, distressed in her suffering.

You're a good man Sharkie. It's the nicest thing a man could do for someone else.

Post: #29

Sharkie,

If you are willing to spend **2 hours a day** doing something for this girl, my suggestion would be this:

Become an expert on the exact cancer subtype she has. Start by reading general background material, then some more specialized reviews, and finally the most recent papers and studies related to her illness.

Unlike learning to play the violin, you can get reasonably up to speed on a subject like this within weeks, and become a lay expert within months, if you are truly willing to put in the kind of time you say you do.

If you do this, there is some chance you can repay your friend the favor she once did you by prolonging or even saving her life. At the very least, you can help guide her towards choices that will give her the best shot.

Nothing is set in stone, and research related to cancer is moving very rapidly, especially in some fields. Just yesterday there was news of FDA approval of a new Merck immune therapy drug that may be highly effective against melanoma. The understanding of the interactions between the immune system and tumor cells is advancing rapidly, and there may be game changers ahead. Already there are some radically novel therapies that have been tried successfully only on single patients (those on whom all other approaches have failed).

A patient like her can use as many well-informed and objective advocates as she can get. Women are not necessarily very good at evaluating available evidence and making rational decisions. You are an intelligent man, educated I assume (didn't you just get a full scholarship to a good grad school recently)? You can be the guy who is always up to speed and who finds out about a novel therapy that she might try, which she might not have heard of and that her doctor might not suggest. You can never assume that someone is actually going to get the best care possible. It will be tremendously helpful to her to have someone calm, knowledgeable, and rational on her side -- you can be all these things if you put your mind to it, and if you are willing to be patient and modest and evaluate all available evidence as objectively as possible.

If you are really willing to put in the time and patiently acquaint yourself with the literature, starting from basics and advancing to the most recent studies, you might be able to do a great deal more for her than by buying a cheap violin and learning to screech out a tune. And you will make yourself a better and smarter man in the process.

If you were to go down that route, here are a few quick tips:

1. Her first decision and one of the most important ones will be where to get treated. Quality makes a huge difference. Specifically, outcomes for patients treated in the elite cancer centers are consistently superior to outcomes anywhere else. The two most elite centers in the US, and in the world, are Sloan Kettering in New York and MD Anderson in Houston. If she can get into one of these, or at least consult them for a second opinion, she is already ahead of the game. If you take nothing else from this post, at least take this.

2. If you do reading or research, don't be distracted by quacks, cranks and "alternative healers". It will be a waste of your time and hers. Concentrate on legitimate research published in medical journals.

3. There will be a major web forum devoted to the exact cancer type she has. Find it. Identify the best and most respected posters on that forum -- there will typically only be a couple of them, almost invariably men (even if the cancer is a specifically feminine one). Read everything they say very carefully and take it seriously. Use the forum to follow on the latest developments and use the couple of mavens there to try to gauge their significance. Don't pay excessive attention to anecdotes or personal stories related by patients who post there, especially women.

4. When interacting with her, always be calm, rational and moderately optimistic.

Post: #30

Lizard of Oz - Thanks that was an awesome response!
Her dad is a doctor so they're looking into it but yeah, your post really put things into perspective!

On it.
I love this forum.

Post: #31

(09-06-2014 07:35 PM)Sharkie Wrote:  Lizard of Oz - Thanks that was an awesome response!
Her dad is a doctor so they're looking into it but yeah, your post really put things into perspective!

On it.
I love this forum.

Alright. It won't hurt her to have a knowledgeable friend who is willing to put in the time, even if her dad is a doctor.

If you devote some time to this, a few final tips:

-- Remember to be patient and modest. Don't rush to give advice -- make sure you familiarize yourself with the subject as thoroughly as possible first. The only strong advice that she needs right now is to get a great oncologist, at an elite center if at all possible.

-- Never be upset or take it personally if suggestions you make are not taken. Even if you are completely right, people are not always rational, and that should be expected from the get go.

-- In the end, her oncologists have to be deferred to on most judgment calls, especially those that involve clinical experience -- that is something you cannot gain in weeks or months of reading. But where you can help is covering the ground -- making sure that some possible approaches have not been simply missed or overlooked, making sure that all the right questions are asked, insisting that second and third opinions are sought and given in the case of a controversial decision. Things like that, and they can sometimes make all the difference.

Post: #32

Sharkie, you ain't gonna learn no violin bro. Even if you go full romantic and get the violin, the effect on your friend will be for one time...that's it, after that the initial "oh that's lovely' , if there are following attempts, the awful sound will be grating. If you're hell-bent on getting the violin, I'd take it to a flower shop, get them to put soil in the F holes and make a bed of soil, then plant some flowers in the F-holes. Then have friends make well wishes out of Post It Notes and stick them over the body of the violin ( At $40 it's a scrapper dude ), maybe stick some photos of family members on it also. She can place it on a window-ledge and water it and be reminded of friends and family.

If you want to play an instrument, pickup the electric bass. Get one at a pawn shop, people are pawning everything in this economy, pawn shops are full of really decent stuff these days. Get a Seasoned bassist to go with you and pick one out. He'll know if it's a dud or not. It's easy to learn ( that's why you see so many girl bassists...lol ), easier than guitar, keyboards, drums, singing, and you can jam out with her to take her mind off of things, like this

Post: #33

(09-06-2014 06:08 PM)Tuthmosis Wrote:  Guys, my friend really likes clowns and I want to sing this song to her next week. My idea is to pop out of an oversized cake and burst into sublime song. I've never sung in my life--except in the shower--and I don't care for opera. Is this feasible?

I get the point of your satire, but its in poor taste.

This man just wants to do something nice for a dying person and most people on here deride him because it is stupid, unfeasible, unrealistic, a waste of time?

Wald

Post: #34

(09-07-2014 12:16 PM)Walderschmidt Wrote:  I get the point of your satire, but its in poor taste.

Your sanctimonious white-knighting is in poor taste in place like this. We don't come here for platitudes and disingenuous compliments like women. We come here for honesty. Nobody attacked him personally; we went after his half-baked idea.

(09-07-2014 12:16 PM)Walderschmidt Wrote:  This man just wants to do something nice for a dying person and most people on here deride him because it is stupid, unfeasible, unrealistic, a waste of time?

He asked for an opinion. If he was simply attention whoring for pats on the back for his "beautiful" thought, he should have stated that in the beginning.

Post: #35

Honestly if you really dont care for the violin and just want to learn this one song for your friend, just hire a teacher and tell them that straight up. I bet you can get there a lot quicker than you think. It doesn't have to be perfect, because in this scenario, it really is the thought that counts.

Post: #36

There are two ways to go about doing this...

1) Learning to play the violin.

2) Learning to play just that song.

If you go to a violin teacher, explain your intention, and then ask to learn with performing that piece as a goal, you might be able to do it in time.

On the first episode of the Tim Ferriss experiment (I know he is hated around here, but bear with me) he learns the drum piece for a public performance in a week by just learning the song rather than how to actually play drums. Violin is more complex and may require greater techinque, but if you were going to "hack" the skill, this could work.

Of course, as always, follow your highest excitement. I think this is a great intention. If you do it, I'd also suggest getting a friend to video tape it, as the result and reaction will probably draw tears, tingles, and go viral.

Post: #37

If you are doing it to please her, you should not do it.

But if you want to learn to play Game of Thrones on the violin because that's the best way you can think of saying goodbye to her, then do it. You've got a teacher, you've ordered the violin. Screw whatever anyone else thinks. Do it for you. One of the most difficult things to do in life is to say goodbye to someone you care about, do it in whatever way is meaningful to you. She is probably not going to be impressed by your violin playing, but if all you want is to say goodbye, then the violin playing doesn't mean much anyway. And it's not really about her is it? It's about doing one last crazy thing to prove to yourself that she meant something to you, and with every damn note you learn you will be one more note closer to her death, and that's okay, because if that's what you have to do to get the grief out of your system, then do it. She'll understand, you'll understand, and the rest of the world can go to hell because it doesn't have the right to judge two people who are going to lose each other.

Post: #38

(09-06-2014 05:34 PM)Sharkie Wrote:  For what its worth,

http://www.amazon.com/Full-Student-Violi...rds=violin

Seriously man? A referral link?

Post: #39

(09-08-2014 03:56 PM)Hades Wrote:  

(09-06-2014 05:34 PM)Sharkie Wrote:  For what its worth,

http://www.amazon.com/Full-Student-Violi...rds=violin

Seriously man? A referral link?

Is that a faux pas? It looks like the OP copied and pasted a keyword search result.

Post: #40

Is it a referral link?

Shit.

I meant to post the link of the instrument I went ahead and bought.

Sorry

Ignore that if its a referral please.


Edit: Hades dude im drunk but do you think I would post a referral link? Im not that kinda person man,

Like really dude, I love you(no homo) awesome posts, I love this forum it sucks that Wald was banned i reached out to him on his website hes okay ii love you you all (hit me personally, im like so fucking sad, we lost an awesome poster i really like his post).

DO NOT CLICK IF ITS A REFERRAL, THANK YOU.

Im going through with the idea, Lizards idea was so fuckiing awesome i was shaking my head at it and saying dude, this was so obvious im such a retard. This is a retaarded post but hey, Im gonna do t.
Thomas is a smart guy too, i never realized till he wrote, yeah this is more about me than S-----, poor chick shes gonna die.

So im gonna take like a multi pronged approach, what thoams and qyuintus wrote, plus what lizard wrote.

Tuth was .. well i afgree what he said too, at a macroscopic leve but perhaps not what the situation demanded. I like him too. Im prolly gonna get banned but i gave like a 25$ tip to the waitress feel like a white knihgt/ shes not even that nice.


ugh i absoolutly hate trying to "bump" my post thats why i wasnt replying to so many ppl just liking stuff ; thanks for all your inputs


Cheers,
M

Post: #41

(09-06-2014 03:17 PM)Sharkie Wrote:  I Dont want to learn the violin, just one song practiced over and over again till it is acceptable.

Ha, this is like saying, I don't want to learn game, I just want to get that one special girl.

Hey man, not to be negative, only realistic: The tactile equipment required to produce acceptable sounds on a bowed string instrument have to be developed by a young age- I'd say by the middle teenage years at the latest. And even that won't guarantee any better than mediocre playing in adulthood. Moving beyond mediocrity requires high levels of talent and hard work. In any rate, at 25, the window for aquiring that base level of "equipment" has long since closed.

Having said that, I do believe that with sincere curiosity and effort it's possible overcome that handicap.

My question, would she really like it? If you think so I say go for it. I'd be willing to help over Skype- I'm a substitute member of a mid-tier American orchestra.

Personally, if someone tried to do this for me, I don't think I'd like it. (I can barely stand listening to most of my colleagues). Although, I would be curious to listen to a rank beginner. But it would have to come from a place of absolute honesty with no self-gratification about it Honesty and conviction is everything, in my opinion.

But girls are different and maybe she'd love it. You know her, and if you think she will then why not. Feel free to PM if you'd like some assistance over skype sometime.

Post: #42

Used to play it as a child. To be really good you have to start quite young. One reason is that your pinkie finger of your left(usually) hand has to overreach, and this is better done before your growth plates are closed. Basically it needs to be dislocated but functional. Not sure if this is also true for other string instruments like guitars.

It is a great gesture, and I wish you all the best i your endeavours. My best estimate would be about two years regular dedicated practice before you sound presentable (i.e. Not like fingernails drawn over a blackboard). Maybe consider an electric violin. I have no experience with them but I would guess they are more forgiving with something like vibrato, which you would need to master to sound presentable.

Post: #43

Hey buddy sorry to hear about that and sorry for her. My girl is dealing with the same thing right now although things aren't quite as dire with her but yeah its rough. Before commenting on the violin thing if she's in a state with medical MJ tell her to get signd up. If not if you're looking to help her out buy her some products from deepweb ie weed gummies candy, open vaporizer, etc. I know a few people who've fought cancer and all the $20 a pill meds and crazy shit western medicine comes up with either doesn't do shit or comes with a whole array of more terrible side effects, nothing works as good as the real thing. It will make things as easy on her as can be expected.

As to the violin thing, I agree I think she'd probably more appreciate spending time with you than you sitting in your room with a $40 violin learning to play. That said I don't think it's stupid or impossible and no you don't have to be mozart. To master the violin in that time, not gonna happen however to learn to play a single song if that's your goal and that's what your focusing your efforts on is easily doale I think.

Overall just spend some time with her, be a good friend, don't treat her any different, etc.