Post: #51

Post: #52

If my wife was cheating on me and my male friend knew about it and didn't tell me, I'd resent him for making me look like a fool. I wouldn't end a friendship over it, but its really shitty to not know you're being cheated on when everyone else knows.
The blame should fall on the friend of the wife, his wife, and your mutual guy friend who she is fucking. You did nothing wrong.

Did the female friend of the wife explicitly tell you to not tell the husband?I would probably say "___ wanted to tell you about some conversations she had with your wife that would suggest she is cheating, but she didn't know how to tell you so she asked me to tell you, but you should talk to her." this simply makes you look like a messenger and if he wants more info, since thats all you know, hes gonna go to the female friend. But then the female may deny it..

Another thing would be to tell the husband and when it comes to the man who the wife is fucking, since he has shit on you, I would tell him "I knew she was cheating I just didnt know it was with you, if I did I wouldn't have said anything." If theres any way you can pull that off.. but I havent seen the texts.

Post: #53

Telling someone they're getting cheated on, is one of the biggest shit hitting the fan moments you may ever have to deal with. If I had to rank all of the worst decisions I've ever made in my life doing so would be no 1.

All the guys telling AntiTrace to just sit his friend down and tell him are speaking hypothetically. All the guys telling AntiTrace not to are speaking from experience.

Find someone or something else to let him know for you.

Post: #54

I lost a good friend telling him he was being cheated on.

I wouldn't do it.

If you are going to do it, be extremely sneaky, think out a fool proof way that demonstrates his wife's unfaithfulness, and which in no way implicates you as being the guy to tell him.

Post: #55

Sorry to hear about that AT.
If the guy is one of your true friends, one that dates back from childhood and who will be a lifelong real true friend like a brother, then sit him down ASAP. If it's just a good friend but not enough that you would want to risk anything, then hire a private detective and have him deliver him some real hard core proofs anonymously.

Good luck to your friend!

Post: #56

Find out how many people this woman has spoken to about this. If it is only you then your chances of some anonymous tip-off goes down the drain.

Your only real option is have some gossip monger do it for you. Some woman who cannot keep her gob shut.

Post: #57

OP if you choose to tell him, make sure your info is FUCKING SOLID. Nothing worse than putting a friendship at risk due to poor intel.

Post: #58

If another man was plowing your wife on a weekly basis, wouldn't you want to know? I know I would. Sure, at the moment he may not forgive you for telling him but sooner or later he's going to realize it was irrational of him to get mad at you. Why would he hold a grudge against you for telling him the truth?

Make sure you do have evidence of her cheating, though. Women can skew things and being the faithful, loving husband that he is, he will surely believe her instead of you. I would give her an ultimatum, too. Tell her you know that she's cheating(provided you have 100% evidence) and she'll either have to come clean with your friend herself or you will. If she does the former, you'll save your friendship; if the latter, you'll risk losing it but at least he'll know. Speaking from experience.

Post: #59

I'll say again to antitrace that I've been there and I told my friend what happened. He was certainly angry at the moment but he got over it and we are still friends.

You don't have to tell him now at this moment... but be sure to do so at some point

Post: #60

A lot of very good pro and con arguments as to what to do.

I'd tell him, because it's simply the right thing to do. I know this isn't the same level, but I once saw a friend's fiancé getting too friendly at a bar with another dude. I immediately told him. Funny thing was, I was the second person to do so, since another friend of ours happen to also be at the bar and saw what happened. Their engagement eventually ended.

Another instance, a friend came to me and said his girlfriend hadn't come home the previous night. Of course other friends in our social circle, especially the women, thought it was no 'big deal'. I said that it was a bunch of crap and he should bail on her, which he eventually did. She was cheating on him.

Point being that it isn't an easy issue, and I realize those two above anecdotes aren't exactly equivalent and yes, he might resent you, and it could ruin the friendship. But if you have solid evidence and are 100% certain, then as a man I think you should tell him.

The only reason not to would be self preservation, as stated in the following

Quote:Unfortunately the guy shes fucking has some real bad dirt on me and would undoubtedly try to bring me down with him.

If that's the case, then as has been suggested, try to let him know without it getting back to you.

Post: #61

For you guys telling Antitrace not to tell his friend, here's a thread from me where my girl slept with a friend of mine and pegged the pregnancy on me.

/thread-28701.html

All of my friends who were involved are not really my friends anymore. Stuff like this destroys social groups and friend networks. It's just the nature of the beast. OP, expect a shitstorm to occur either now or later when he finds out and you didn't tell him.

Post: #62

(08-17-2014 12:02 PM)KorbenDallas Wrote:  I lost a good friend telling him he was being cheated on.

I wouldn't do it.

If you are going to do it, be extremely sneaky, think out a fool proof way that demonstrates his wife's unfaithfulness, and which in no way implicates you as being the guy to tell him.

Just wondering, is he still dating that girl?

Post: #63

I don't know enough to give good advice in this situation. But if any of you ever get married, it may behoove you to sit your best friends down and tell them what you'd like them to do should they find themselves in this exact situation.

Personally, I'd want my best friend to tell me, ASAP. If she really is cheating on me, my marriage'd be over soon anyway, and I'd like time to prepare for it.

Judging by a lot of your responses to the OP, it seems like that's what most of you guys would want.

Wald

Post: #64

another angle, I have never tried this personal but doesn't anti trace also know the guy that the wife is banging? What would be the pros and con's of going to the guy she's cheating with and saying "people know you are cheating, you'd best shut it down" especially if that guy has dirt on you (anti) as you've suggested. You now have black mail on him...its like a personal information cold war.

Post: #65

No clue how you can consider guys that would turn on you if you let them know what was up as friends.

These are disloyal men to men. Get a new friend.

These hoes ain't loyal.

Post: #66

Any person who tells me a broad is cheating on me is a team player... Any busta who doesn't is an enemy combative.

Also, my ignore list just got longer. Gotta separate the men from the boys and the betas from the players.

Post: #67

(08-17-2014 02:50 PM)Cattle Rustler Wrote:  Any person who tells me a broad is cheating on me is a team player... Any busta who doesn't is an enemy combative.

Self preservation is the core animal instinct.

Creating a shit storm over this would bring a bunch of people down in the following investigations. This isn't as simple as your friend bill from accounting from a company on the other side of town in an industry completely separate from yours. We are all closely connected professionally and socially.

Combine that with the overwhelming debt they have and knowing what we all know about divorces in this country, I am not going tell him. He's a good friend, but It's not worth severally damaging his life and possibly mine in the process.

I will however start schooling him on red pill subjects. I rarely discuss red pill subjects with blue pill people because they just simply refuse to believe it. And if it does come out, my spare bedroom has his name on it.

Some people on here may think that violates the good ole "Bros before Hoes" mantra. Some like to think that it makes me less of a man not say something. Some may say it's beta not to get involved. Some agree that I'm doing the right thing.

Quote:Also, my ignore list just got longer. Gotta separate the men from the boys and the betas from the players.

I tip my hat to your long and illustrious ignore list.

Post: #68

'Giving him the red pill"? That would be like being stranded on an island, watching a ship that can save you sail past, and getting a pack of Twizzlers instead. You might as well do nothing at all. It's so... laughably cheap.

The fuck does he care about the red pill and the real nature of women.
From his perspective, he's a middle-aged man with a promising career who has a faithful wife. The only thing that would invalidate his bluepill worldview is precisely what you're not telling him.

The larger lesson I'll take from this, personally, is to not intermarry my social and professional lives. I'd hate to be handcuffed like this if I ever found out something like this. The whole thread leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

Post: #69

(08-17-2014 04:14 PM)CactusCat589 Wrote:  'Giving him the red pill"? That would be like being stranded on an island, watching a ship that can save you sail past, and getting a pack of Twizzlers instead. You might as well do nothing at all. It's so... laughably cheap.

The fuck does he care about the red pill and the real nature of women.
From his perspective, he's a middle-aged man with a promising career who has a faithful wife. The only thing that would invalidate his bluepill worldview is precisely what you're not telling him.

The larger lesson I'll take from this, personally, is to not intermarry my social and professional lives. I'd hate to be handcuffed like this if I ever found out something like this. The whole thread leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

Exactly. It does live a bad taste in the mouth. Why? Because it's a nearly impossible situation to be in. Neither option (to tell or not to tell) is a good option.

I think a lot of guys who see this as a simplistic issue are guys who have never had to deal with couples. I have. I have worked with husbands/wife, boyfriends/girlfriends, in different situations over many years. I've seen them at their worst. And believe me, it can get very bad. They lie and behave irrationally.

Couples going through infidelity or other difficult things are in denial, rage, anger, and the whole works. You step into this minefield at your own peril.

Besides the professional angle, I made the mistake of trying to give husband/wife advice to guy I thought was my friend. He specifically asked me my opinion on his wife's manipulations and cheating. What he then did was repeat what I said to his wife, using my own words as weapons. He even forwarded my emails to her, emails that were intended for him only. A total chickenshit move, but that's how most guys in America are. I got painted as the bad guy, and they got back together. He's no longer a friend, of course.

Never underestimate the manginas here in the US, guys. They will sell you out. As Wutang says, "Protect ya neck." I got really burned, trying to do this guy a favor, and it came right back to bite me in the ass.

Absolutely goddamn right.

The two of them used the drama they created to get back together, and made me the scapegoat. I lost both of them as friends. So there you have it. There is a limit to everything.

So, you need to tread very, very cautiously when dealing with this stuff. There are ways of subtly, indirectly suggesting that she is doing improper shit, but it is very difficult to pull it off successfully.

Post: #70

Anti, what do you care about the debt? She ain't paying anyway more than likely and will run it up more if she has the chance.

Can you tell us or me what exactly transpired through those texts? I'm good ad reading into the future.

Quote:it does come out, my spare bedroom has his name on it.

Why him? You don't have the right mindset for this. In my world some-one would be getting jacked up and be more worried about where to sleep than me. Meaning the cunt.

Run for the hills motherfucker all hell is breaking loose!

Post: #71

(08-17-2014 05:02 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  Anti, what do you care about the debt? She ain't paying anyway more than likely and will run it up more if she has the chance.

Can you tell us or me what exactly transpired through those texts? I'm good ad reading into the future.

I care about the debt because the career positions he may be stepping into in the next few months would be a huge help in paying off the debt, which he is already planning on doing.

As far as the texts go, it was basically along the lines of his wife talking about how attracted she was to the other guy, but ultimately made a mistake and cut it off.

Post: #72

Ive thought it about it a lot in the past 24 hours.

And it boils down to this: Am I more loyal to myself to him?

The answer is myself. I gotta watch my back before I can watch the backs of others.

Post: #73

(08-17-2014 05:20 PM)AntiTrace Wrote:  

(08-17-2014 05:02 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  Anti, what do you care about the debt? She ain't paying anyway more than likely and will run it up more if she has the chance.

Can you tell us or me what exactly transpired through those texts? I'm good ad reading into the future.

I care about the debt because the career positions he may be stepping into in the next few months would be a huge help in paying off the debt, which he is already planning on doing.

As far as the texts go, it was basically along the lines of his wife talking about how attracted she was to the other guy, but ultimately made a mistake and cut it off.

Thinking...

Post: #74

Quote:Besides the professional angle, I made the mistake of trying to give husband/wife advice to guy I thought was my friend. He specifically asked me my opinion on his wife's manipulations and cheating. What he then did was repeat what I said to his wife, using my own words as weapons. He even forwarded my emails to her, emails that were intended for him only. A total chickenshit move, but that's how most guys in America are. I got painted as the bad guy, and they got back together. He's no longer a friend, of course.

Never underestimate the manginas here in the US, guys. They will sell you out. As Wutang says, "Protect ya neck." I got really burned, trying to do this guy a favor, and it came right back to bite me in the ass.

Absolutely goddamn right.

Did he already know? He's a piece of shit in either case. But he decided he was alright with being a cuckold, which is within his rights. The man in AntiTrace's may not even have a choice, and in AntiTrace's estimation is a good person.

But I get that it's a horrible situation to be in for all involved, I don't criticize or judge AntiTrace. It's easier to treat it like a black and white issue when your professional life is separate from your social one. I still say trying to anonymously inform him is something he deserves. It's the husband's choice to go into denial, or accept it, reconcile with his wife, or preemptively stack things in his favor in the case of divorce. You can't control how others react, but you can still fulfill your role as a trusted friend.

Quote:Can you tell us or me what exactly transpired through those texts? I'm good ad reading into the future.

It's probably going to end up in the husband raising the other guy's baby with him none the wiser. If not the other guy specifically, she'll cheat with someone else. The point is he married the wrong person, and that mistake is going to cost him in the long run.

Post: #75

So, their female "friend" told you about it but didn't tell the husband. Perhaps she is hoping that you'll do dirty work for her, ruin your friendship and possibly even lose access to the entire social circle. I would watch my back with her and also think twice whether or not I want to keep her in my social circle.

It's a difficult situation to be in. Honestly, I don't know what I would do. I just keep it simple and don't have any female friends.