Post: #1

19 year old college student who is largely still a noob to the game--been at it for about 4 or 5 weeks--but wow, my life has been improving in great strides. I have finally began approaching and have had great progress so far, however, I've noticed one sticking point I've encountered over and over.

I continually measure up my own physical attractiveness to women I'm talking too, and my game will begin to slide if I don't see myself as better looking. Do I just need a paradigm shift with respect to my attitude to overcome this barrier?

I've been told I'm attractive by girls I like, and I don't think I'm an ugly dude by any means, but I seem to be focusing on this far too much.

Post: #2

Looks only matter as far as looking clean, healthy and having a good style. If you got that down you shouldn't be concerned.

Post: #3

My mindset changed when I realised that most other guys are losers.

I know that I don't have 10/10 facial aesthetics, so instead of whining about that I decided to improve other aspects.
I'm in better shape than most people.
I walk with my head high and my shoulders back.
I look girls (and people in general) in their eyes.
I "dress to impress". I'm always the best dressed and best groomed guy.
The list goes on...

Self improvement is the key. You will soon feel like you deserve the hottest girls.

Post: #4

(08-03-2014 03:10 PM)Bad-Habit Wrote:  Looks only matter as far as looking clean, healthy and having a good style. If you got that down you shouldn't be concerned.

Aside from any major deformity, there is no reason a man cannot be at least average looking: consistent gym routine, style conscious, clean appearance (grooming, haircut). Take some time to maximize your look and you should be fine.

Post: #5

(08-03-2014 03:14 PM)Dantes Wrote:  

(08-03-2014 03:10 PM)Bad-Habit Wrote:  Looks only matter as far as looking clean, healthy and having a good style. If you got that down you shouldn't be concerned.

Aside from any major deformity, there is no reason a man cannot be at least average looking: consistent gym routine, style conscious, clean appearance (grooming, haircut). Take some time to maximize your look and you should be fine.

This. Remember, all you need to do is look good enough that most girls won't reject you just for your looks. Like Chris says at Good Looking Loser - above average. That's all.

With the proper fitness, fashion, and grooming routines, almost anybody can get there, and when you look at all the people around you, it's quite easy to excel them. Like Summer said, most other guys are losers.

Also remember that if you're talking to a girl and she's showing some compliance to your advances. You are good-looking enough for her. She might reject or flake on you later but it's probably not because you weren't good-looking enough.

Post: #6

Wow, very insightful posts, thank you so much.

Regarding improving my appearance, I have begun working out, grooming, dressing well, etc. I believe the barrier has predominately been a mental block at this point, so I appreciate what you guys have pointed out.

It never really occurred to me that must other guys are losers and aren't trying, and it's merely about surpassing the average. Moreover, regardless of receiving positive feedback when advancing, I have occasionally backed down in the end from not feeling "good enough," so I suppose this has all just been in my head as well

Post: #7

yeah, i was just at my cousins house, and this ridiculously hot friend walks in the door. probably 19 years old, a solid 9.

my uncle was giving me a ride later and he asks me what i think about her, then tells me the guy who impregnated her is super ugly and a complete asshole.

in my head, i wasn't too surprised. especially at younger ages, women just want a dominant dude. in that case, looks were 0% of her decision to sleep with him, and attitude was 100%.

this doesn't mean be an asshole. but it does mean stop worrying about your looks. they aren't a hinderance to overcome like you think they are. your looks are only a hindarance because they get in the way of self confidence

Post: #8

(08-03-2014 07:02 PM)godofwar Wrote:  yeah, i was just at my cousins house, and this ridiculously hot friend walks in the door. probably 19 years old, a solid 9.

my uncle was giving me a ride later and he asks me what i think about her, then tells me the guy who impregnated her is super ugly and a complete asshole.

in my head, i wasn't too surprised. especially at younger ages, women just want a dominant dude. in that case, looks were 0% of her decision to sleep with him, and attitude was 100%.

this doesn't mean be an asshole. but it does mean stop worrying about your looks. they aren't a hinderance to overcome like you think they are. your looks are only a hindarance because they get in the way of self confidence

For most men accepting that asshole game works is counterintuitive. Beta mode is default for many with the reasoning that the way to get a beautiful woman is by pleasing her and treating her like gold. Well, perhaps in another era, but we eventually realize that this is not the best approach.

With regards to looks it has been proven over and over again that you don't need superb looks to get a beautiful woman. However, you had better excel in other areas.

Post: #9

Sorry to confirm your insecurities but looks matter a lot. Beyond approaching and being normal they are the most important thing determining your value in the casual sex game. And no, being "well-groomed and toned" is not enough; the foundations of visual attractiveness - face and height - are fixed in stone. And while adding 30 lbs of lean muscle to your frame can up your attractiveness by a solid 2 or so points, it takes a timeline of many years to achieve that, so you have to accept that on a "day to day" basis you're stuck with what you have.

That said however, should you still worry about your looks? No. You should just pretend it doesn't matter and keep going. Why? First, because at this early stage you need to focus on building the ability to approach girls in general. Second, by obsessing too much, you will end up undervaluing yourself and psyching yourself out of girls who are actually in your league, as well the occasional girl who's outside of your league but has low looks standards. In the end with enough strong, focused approaches across the board, you can get the most accurate sense of what your league is.

Post: #10

(08-03-2014 12:35 PM)Spoony Wrote:  Do I just need a paradigm shift with respect to my attitude to overcome this barrier?

I've been told I'm attractive by girls I like, and I don't think I'm an ugly dude by any means, but I seem to be focusing on this far too much.

It's great that girls think you're attractive to begin with. You are starting from a good point.

On one hand, likely you could improve your looks. Most anyone could. Fashion, grooming, and fitness all influence your looks in tangible ways.

Beyond that, don't sweat the stuff that is beyond your control, ie your facial features, height, etc.

I used to be very skinny and considered myself ugly. My face truly did look bad gaunt. Gaining weight, getting fitter, getting a better sense of fashion and haircuts really did make me better looking. I am not a model or anything like that, but I have certainly improved my look a lot.

Make realistic improvements where you can, and don't sweat shit beyond your control. Be confident in yourself, while trying to improve yourself to be the best you can be.

At your age, how many guys wear sweatpants and hoodies? Or ratty, dirty, ill-fitting clothes? Just wearing a good pair of jeans, clean casual sneakers, and a well-fitting button-up puts you light years ahead of the competition.

Post: #11

(08-03-2014 09:04 PM)civpro Wrote:  Sorry to confirm your insecurities but looks matter a lot. Beyond approaching and being normal they are the most important thing determining your value in the casual sex game. And no, being "well-groomed and toned" is not enough; the foundations of visual attractiveness - face and height - are fixed in stone. And while adding 30 lbs of lean muscle to your frame can up your attractiveness by a solid 2 or so points, it takes a timeline of many years to achieve that, so you have to accept that on a "day to day" basis you're stuck with what you have.

That said however, should you still worry about your looks? No. You should just pretend it doesn't matter and keep going. Why? First, because at this early stage you need to focus on building the ability to approach girls in general. Second, by obsessing too much, you will end up undervaluing yourself and psyching yourself out of girls who are actually in your league, as well the occasional girl who's outside of your league but has low looks standards. In the end with enough strong, focused approaches across the board, you can get the most accurate sense of what your league is.

Civpro makes some excellent points but I would like to add the point that excellent style and interesting hobbies will not only raise your attractiveness much more than working out will but will also help your inner game by making you realize that you are a great man and you deserve nothing but the best. This basically gives you an abundance mindset that makes you less caring and in turn more daring.

To make this easy to understand, who would be more attractive to women? The ripped or jacked jock or the older guys with imperfect facial features in the videos in this post? /thread-18293-...#pid319076

Disclaimer - I'm a skinny guy who works out in order to improve myself and get better quality women. But I have no doubt that my game, my style and the interesting things I do are more attractive to girls than my newfound muscles are. Muscles raise your general attractiveness by 1-2 points but style, lifestyle and personality are what really count.

Post: #12

delete

Post: #13

delete

A double repeat? This is absolutely crazy.

Post: #14

Interesting points. This really cleared it up for me, thanks everyone for the replies.

I suppose it is merely maxing out what you can, and then forgetting about it, while working on yourself in other areas.

Post: #15

When you're staring down a hottie and feeling insecure about your look for whatever reason compared to her just think, deep in your soul, because know that it's true: "She has absolutely fucked a guy who is uglier than me already, probably recently.". And unless you are deformed or quazimodo or something, it is almost certainly true !