Post: #1

How bad is it to go out to bars/clubs by yourself? I don't really have too many friends who I go to clubs with (maybe 2-3.) If they are busy, or don't feel like going out I'm basically out of luck. I tried it this weekend, and I felt a little out of place at times. what does everyone think?

Post: #2

Yeah, I hear you. I'm 32. Many of my friends are now either in relationships or married and I don't have any wings whatsoever to roll out with. So I'm having this dilemma too. Do I go out to bars and clubs by myself? There is something to be said about social proof. If you are in a mixed set of friends including girls and guys, that's about the best social proof you can have. Maybe you'd be best if you had a couple hot girls to walk into the bar with, but then you might put off that player vibe that might turn some girls off who may just be looking for a nice dude.

Post: #3

Nothing wrong with going out solo. You shouldn't be punished because fate decided to leave you alone. Without anyone else around you can walk around the establishment as you please and go after whatever chick you happen to see.

Post: #4

I did this last week. I'm in a new city and don't have many friends here yet; of the friends I do have, none of them would be interested in going out to bars to try to meet women.

Anyway, I have mixed feelings about my experience. I think your immediate goal when entering a bar alone is to build social proof. It'll be really hard to talk to girls (because no girl is going to be by herself) if they think you're there alone.

So I think the next time I go out to a bar, I'll try to find a big, mixed group and introduce myself to a guy in it. Make some smalltalk, get him to introduce me to everyone else. If anyone asks who I'm there with, I'll say I'm waiting on friends to show up and not mention it again. When I went, I basically didn't approach a single girl because I had psyched myself out.

I think it can work, but not without some sort of approach that makes sense. Honestly, the hardest part was not having a wingman. I'm not a master at picking up women by any means and it seems really daunting to go up to a group of girls alone.

Post: #5

(11-24-2008 04:25 PM)Prodigy Wrote:  How bad is it to go out to bars/clubs by yourself? I don't really have too many friends who I go to clubs with (maybe 2-3.) If they are busy, or don't feel like going out I'm basically out of luck. I tried it this weekend, and I felt a little out of place at times. what does everyone think?

In my humble opinion, it's the only way you're going to get good.
My friends have always had live in GF's or wives, so I was always out on my own.

If you depend on a wingman/friends/the local lair, you're stuck with out them.

Tips
- find clubs/bars/venues you actually like. Maybe it's a good dj, good drinks, or a good game on. You want to feel at home
- develop a circuit - Monday I go to, Tuesday I go to, Friday is date night, Saturday I go to...
- go to that circuit religiously
- meet the staff
- take note of the regulars (there always are, no matter how big the city is)

Eventually you'll meet the regulars and become part of the "scene".

Soon you'll understand the venue, how it works, the lay out, and the logistics.

You're setting yourself up to take advantage of a base that you're building on.

What if?
- she asks who you are with, "i'm by myself" - don't flinch, don't dwell, but don't chang the subject
- I get into a fight - learn some MMA or in my case, verbal disarming and sprinting techniques

You'll be fine.

Post: #6

(11-25-2008 02:45 PM)broken Wrote:  

(11-24-2008 04:25 PM)Prodigy Wrote:  How bad is it to go out to bars/clubs by yourself? I don't really have too many friends who I go to clubs with (maybe 2-3.) If they are busy, or don't feel like going out I'm basically out of luck. I tried it this weekend, and I felt a little out of place at times. what does everyone think?

In my humble opinion, it's the only way you're going to get good.
My friends have always had live in GF's or wives, so I was always out on my own.

If you depend on a wingman/friends/the local lair, you're stuck with out them.

Tips
- find clubs/bars/venues you actually like. Maybe it's a good dj, good drinks, or a good game on. You want to feel at home
- develop a circuit - Monday I go to, Tuesday I go to, Friday is date night, Saturday I go to...
- go to that circuit religiously
- meet the staff
- take note of the regulars (there always are, no matter how big the city is)

Eventually you'll meet the regulars and become part of the "scene".

Soon you'll understand the venue, how it works, the lay out, and the logistics.

You're setting yourself up to take advantage of a base that you're building on.

What if?
- she asks who you are with, "i'm by myself" - don't flinch, don't dwell, but don't chang the subject
- I get into a fight - learn some MMA or in my case, verbal disarming and sprinting techniques

You'll be fine.

Really good points. You do get better at sarging when you go out by yourself. I definitely think I got way more practice approaching all sets of people both men and women when I was by myself. I think I did this b/c when you are with friends you tend to go back to talk to them a lot. When you are by yourself and not talking to anyone, you kind of just feel like a dousche just sitting by the bar. The hardest part for me is just initially going to the out by myself.

Post: #7

Quote:If you depend on a wingman/friends/the local lair, you're stuck with out them.

Bingo, your wingman gets a girl and then you feel like you have no options.

Try going out solo to chill lounges first, then bars, then clubs. Clubs are the toughest to work alone.

If you make friends with staff then it won't feel like you're alone. Tip well if you go to the same spots. The bartenders will be extra nice to you.

Quote:When you are by yourself and not talking to anyone, you kind of just feel like a dousche just sitting by the bar.

I don't. I'm a man having a drink at a bar. What's wrong with that? Who cares what other people think?

Post: #8

(11-25-2008 03:32 PM)Prodigy Wrote:  you kind of just feel like a dousche just sitting by the bar.

When I go solo I would make sure that I hit up bars where they had an actual bar where I could sit down since it's the easiest vantage point to strike up conversations without approaching. You pick a good spot at the bar to sit down and people will come to you.

Post: #9

I just worry about the loner stigma. I guess some times of bars are better for going by yourself than others. If it's a sports type bar and there's a game on, you could be sitting at the bar looking at the game and not look like a creepy loner. If it's more of a poshy lounge type place, then it looks weird to go in by yourself.

Post: #10

I actually think going out alone is awesome, you don't have to try and deal with a big group who are impossible to get in agreement. You want to leave, you leave. You want to stay, you stay. If a chick asks then just say your friends just took off but you weren't ready to end the night or something

Post: #11

I'd say I was waiting for a friend who never showed up or som3thing like that. Like you're alone and you're comfortable to be there, but you're lea ving soon after you finish your drink. I mean, you're not one of these guys who just goes out alone. In this city, a guy alone at a bar, signals alcoholic or weirdo, unless you're waiting for friends. I know its not 100% honest, but I recommend a simple cover story.

Much better than the USUAL dynamic I see : drunk guys you see in large groups all dressed the same, being loud and leering at the girls. the vibe of 2 (or more) guys sharking for pussy is really creepy and off putting for everyone.

So I put a big thumbs up for solo.

people are actually kind to people who are there alone. Its nice to show some vulnerability.

Post: #12

Last night, my roommate was celebrating his birthday at a bar. He was there with his girlfriend and a bunch of friends of his. I really don't know his friends and quite honestly, they're not my crowd and I don't vibe with them on any level. They are the rowdy, get piss drunk, act loud and get wild type people. I'm the brainy, laid back type that would rather have an intelligent conversation at a coffee shop or art gallery or just go for a walk through an interesting area. Nothing against them, but just not my crowd. Anyway, he's my roommate and I was invited so I showed up. By the time I got there, he'd had so many shots of tequila he couldn't even sit up straight. So I couldn't socialize with him. His girlfriend who is really cool was too busy holding him up from falling over. Most his friends, I was just introduced to, had a bit of superficial conversation that couldn't last more than 5 minutes since I don't know them and most their conversations weren't things I was able to talk about unless I'd known them. I was pretty much an outsider.

I only mention this because that is sort of what it's like to be at bar by yourself. I was just kind of lingering around, there was little to talk about with the people there. After a few minutes of this, trying act like I was having a good time when I wasn't, I was feeling ready to bounce. You're probably not going to be successful going to a bar by yourself unless you at least look fun to talk to. If you look lonely, you'll put out the creepy loner vibe and that ain't going to cut it.

Post: #13

I rarely have enough energy to go out with friends to bars, and it takes even more "happy"type energy to go out alone. i rarely do it, in reality. i like bookstores and buses. more suited to solo game.

Post: #14

(12-01-2008 01:15 AM)speakeasy Wrote:  Last night, my roommate was celebrating his birthday at a bar. He was there with his girlfriend and a bunch of friends of his. I really don't know his friends and quite honestly, they're not my crowd and I don't vibe with them on any level. They are the rowdy, get piss drunk, act loud and get wild type people. I'm the brainy, laid back type that would rather have an intelligent conversation at a coffee shop or art gallery or just go for a walk through an interesting area. Nothing against them, but just not my crowd. Anyway, he's my roommate and I was invited so I showed up. By the time I got there, he'd had so many shots of tequila he couldn't even sit up straight. So I couldn't socialize with him. His girlfriend who is really cool was too busy holding him up from falling over. Most his friends, I was just introduced to, had a bit of superficial conversation that couldn't last more than 5 minutes since I don't know them and most their conversations weren't things I was able to talk about unless I'd known them. I was pretty much an outsider.

This is what pick up is about!

Turning superficial conversations (and people) into something great.

Post: #15

Let's not forget going out to a bar isn't the only place where you can meet women. Bookstores, restaraunts, museums, and anywhere that's not a bar is good place to meet women. Flying solo in those environments may lessen the stigma of being a loner.

That being said I believe the bulk of my success has been done going the solo route. I've never had a solid wingman so I've always been left to my own resources. I frequented bars and didn't have much issue with pickups. If anything I think it's important to communicate that you're very comfortable with yourself when solo at a bar. If it's at a more friendly bar environment I make friends quickly with other patrons and staff. If there's a game on TV I'll get involved in an already going sports discussion or start one. If it's just me and the staff I'll make myself familiar with the staff and if it's really a slow night you'll find that engaging the bartender is especially easy if you're interesting enough. I never make it a practice to try to pickup the staff (though I've done it a few times) for varying reasons.

Once I was at a bar--by myself--and I was chatting up the bartender. There was this really cute girl having lunch and texting someone in between bites. Some random guy walks up to the bar and orders a 'Sex on the Beach'. The bartender (female) stares at him blankly and was like "This isn't for you right?". The guy was embarassed and told the bartender that he was ordering for a friend that was going to be joining in a few seconds and the bartender was like "Oh, phew! Okay."

Well here was my chance to engage the cute girl eating her lunch. I barked at the bartender that she was being rude and if the guy wanted to order a 'foo-foo' drink for himself she shouldn't judge. Of course, I was doing this in a very teasing way. She turned slightly red after I said that and everybody was laughing about it. I leaned over to the cute girl and was basically like "Can you believe that. What do you think about a guy that wants a foo-foo drink." and that opened up a good dialogue between she and I. Long story short I got the digits and thus began the inside joke of the 'Melanopolis' (drink) between me, the bartender, and the cute chick.

Flying solo is perfectly fine and you should find that most times when you meet women it'll be solo whether your at the laundry or buying a hotdog from a stand in DC. You just have to learn how to be engaging and interesting.

Post: #16

(12-01-2008 06:56 AM)twigman Wrote:  i like bookstores and buses.

Be curious to hear your bus game.

Post: #17

The last encoutner. Before we board.

My last opening was. Where does this bus go? I've never caught it before. I point at my arm.

[ She's reading a book. But she gives me a run down. (I have a bandage on my arm).]

"I can't drive because of insurance. Crazy legal stuff. My car is just sitting at home". DHV

"Whats that book you're reading? [blah blah] [Its a book about relationships. Oh warning sign??]

She then asks - "how did you hurt yourself?"

I have an interesting story for this that involves travel DHV DHV etc. - and we're away. Lots of conversation entries for her because everyone has been injured or travelled.

(http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-chat...us-or-tube)