Post: #1

Noticed this really hasn't been addressed on the forum.

It's very possible to be on a date, or even out with a woman you've been seeing and she gets a text from an ex, and you can tell it has an effect on her. It can range from either feigned or true annoyance, to actually making her want to call him at that very moment. Either way, it's powerful to her, and she's not indifferent to it the way she would be to a true orbiter. Usually they'll text something along the lines of missing her and it won't be alpha in the slightest. Reason being, after enough time has passed, an overtly alpha text is more likely to be ignored since frame has been lost.

I typically will smile, use some "jerkboy charisma" (as coined by Roissy) and say "you must be that irresistible/that smile has broken a million hearts" and possibly a quick wink.

Do you have a preferred way of addressing this?

Post: #2

i next her if she doesn't redeem herself throughout the night.

Post: #3

These are contingencies in game. I guess there's no way to avoid it. You just need to reframe, ignore it and keep going. Else next her. Just don't get into the trap of talking about her ex.

My wing/mentor has a favorite thing to do: when he sees a girl pulling out her phone he confiscates it and says something "I'm keeping your sex toy hostage. If you wanna rescue him, please me"

One time he went out with a girl and she kept talking on the phone. He left and left that bitch to pay his tab.

Post: #4

The stronger your Game and Alpha charisma, the less the pull from those Beta-males. I have been in bed with some chick once (19-years and hot - me 36 at the time) and she gets a text. I ask her. She tells me that it is her dad (at 0200 at night on Saturday). I do not believe it, but I do not care. She is in my bed.

Post: #5

Just keep in mind that girls get a lot of texts during the day from guys...a lot.
The fact you're with her doing stuff should say enough about what shes thinks/feels about you.

If she's not your gf and you're not exclusive then why does it matter who sends her texts?

Is she gonna stop sucking your dick mid-way because she got a text from her ex or some beta? Highly unlikely.

Post: #6

Break it off immediately with any women you are seeing seriously, who texts or takes calls from guys she was with before you. The calls and contact she has that you know about is only the tip of the iceberg. If you don't, you are creating a miserable life for yourself. Especially if you have feelings for this girl. If shes just a fuck buddy, who cares.

Consider it a loss. You could be the ultimate alpha dog with the best body language, or just a regular guy trying to keep a girlfriend, and there is nothing you can do about it. Go find another one. She thought it was ok to carry on like this in front of you, and may have even told you about it. To me this is the worst red flag, other than disease or a criminal record.

My exwife picked up a phone call from her ex-boyfriend when we were in bed when we dated. My last LTR texted with a guy while sitting with me at my place, I saw it all, and kicked her out in the middle of the night. I wasnt going to let that happen again.

Wifing up or keeping a girlfriend like this is only inviting pain and suffering into your life. These women are fuck buddies. They view you as a fool, or are just turned on by it. If you're ok with it, just be cocky and funny. If you think you are better than this, drop her quick.

Post: #7

I make it clear very early on that if we're together, her phone isn't on her and in her purse. I specifically tell them that. If I ever see it out I give them shit for it and they don't do it again.

If we've already banged and her ex texts her, I don't care. I already got the bang, if she leaves I could care less.

Also as it has been pointed out any LTR (bang, seeing someone) that is texting her ex is a red flag and great reason to eject from the relationship.

Post: #8

(06-25-2014 12:30 PM)kaotic Wrote:  I make it clear very early on that if we're together, her phone isn't on her and in her purse. I specifically tell them that. If I ever see it out I give them shit for it and they don't do it again.

If we've already banged and her ex texts her, I don't care. I already got the bang, if she leaves I could care less.

Also as it has been pointed out any LTR (bang, seeing someone) that is texting her ex is a red flag and great reason to eject from the relationship.

kaotic covered it well. If I'm dating a girl and doing something WITH her, then absolutely she is all attention to us and what we're doing. I really don't even have to tell them but maybe that's more the women I choose. The only reason she's taking the phone out is to look up something she wants to show me, taking a picture of us, etc...

There are exceptions. For example, if we're hanging out together but we're watching TV or something where we're not really focused on each other, just chilling that's a different story. I could care less if she's texting her friend or whoever. Now, an ex-bf? No go. There are extremely few exceptions to this rule (such as the ex-bf is actually a long time family friend and it's not a situation where he wants her back or she wants him back) but that's like a unicorn.

Post: #9

This is a super gray zone and I think it really depends on a lot of other factors. How and when they broke up, their relationship (or lack there of) to one another, how she handles it and how it makes her act, and ultimately - your tolerance for such a scenario vs. her overall value to you.

A girl could be 100% legit just friends with an ex - but if you want zero part of any kind of ex-bf in your love life then you should certainly give her the boot. literally billions of other girls out there.

For example - I have a female friend whom I have dated for a couple years. We broke up mutually because we sort of grew apart from eachother romantically and decided we make better friends. Because we have already banged plenty of times and been in and out of love with one another, we are able to have a perfectly normal sexless friendship - and she is cool shit and we have a lot in common. I consider her a friend and would not cut her out of my life because some broad I'm seeing has a problem with it. There are no lingering feelings and she is a great person, we just don't work as a couple.

Flip the script - I am currently seeing this girl who is still in contact with one of her exes. This was the last guy she ever dated seriously, and they broke up over a year and a half ago. She broke up with him because she gradually fell out of love with him and got bored (her story - sounds believable). He still has feelings for her and likely hasn't dated much since. From what I hear of him he sounds like the ultimate beta provider. She tells me he is a great guy, very nice, was very understanding of the breakup, and she can't fault him or see cutting him out of her life because he is just genuinely a great guy, just was not doing it for her romantically anymore. She considers him a friend even though he still has feelings for her.

It would be rather hypocritical of me to not be comfortable with her being in contact with this guy (who also lives across the country) while I also have a friend who is a former lover. I can relate because I know what it's like to have an ex that is better to keep in your life as a friend than a lover.

Post: #10

(06-25-2014 01:54 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  It would be rather hypocritical of me to not be comfortable with her being in contact with this guy (who also lives across the country) while I also have a friend who is a former lover. I can relate because I know what it's like to have an ex that is better to keep in your life as a friend than a lover.

If both parties are up front and honest about the type of contact they're having with an ex, then what is the problem?

Problems will arise (in a monogamous relationship) is there is contact with an ex, but no honesty about it.

It sounds like your situation is one where there is the required amount of honesty, so much less likely to be the cause of any problems. Everyone knows where they stand.

My situation is not like yours. My current girlfriend used to refer to an ex she is in contact with, as a friend. Unknown to her, until recently, I was fully aware of this 'friend' being an ex; since a female friend of mine, had told me about this guy. It was handy to know about this, and a surprise for my current girlfriend when she found out. When she did find out she stopped mentioning the ex as a friend, and instead used his first name.

I'm satisfied there has been no more than some messages exchanged via facebook, and an occasional phone call, but the idea that a woman contacts an ex because she still has some feelings is very solid. So I continue to tread carefully and not invest too much. I don't see the point in calling her out on the matter, and if it comes to time to eject, I intend to be the first to do so. If I call her out on it, wouldn't that make me seem needy and controlling?

Post: #11

To me I would view that as a catch 22. If can make you look weak and insecure if you call her out in it. BUT if you frame it right and tell her to knock that shit off and comply it looks stronger.

OR if you haven't invested much in this LTR and are banging girls on the side...well..who cares ?

Post: #12

It's only ok if they don't answer, don't respond and tell you about it as they laugh, not in a "Hey look at what a catch I am, you should be jealous sort of way" damn I hate when they try to make you jealous.

Anyway, if they are communicating with an ex, especially a recent ex, confront, get an apology BJ, and then dump. Or, this might be a good time to ask if it'd be alright to bring another girl into the bedroom... I mean if you're going to get rid of her anyway, why not try asking for something fun first?

Post: #13

(06-25-2014 06:11 PM)kaotic Wrote:  To me I would view that as a catch 22.

I had nothing to do with this one!