Post: #51

(05-13-2014 02:37 PM)Moma Wrote:  

(05-13-2014 08:56 AM)Ice Wrote:  But in normal life / business / strategizing anger doesn't get you anywhere.

You sure?

Yes

Post: #52

I think there's nothing wrong in being angry.

It's just that like anything else, it should be done when the moment brings it out naturally.

Forcing yourself to always remain calm is pretentious and is another extreme, just like always getting angry is.

I think the key is being aware so you can see how you benefited or lost when you were angry in a particular situation. This would naturally reduce the anger the next time if the situation got worse. So if you got angry 8 times out of 10 before, now it may happen just 3-4 times.

But expecting yourself to never get angry is putting unnatural and unnecessary pressure on yourself. I prefer letting it be natural and learning from it. The change itself has to be natural otherwise it won't be sustainable.

Post: #53

Most of the time I really don't take life seriously, and I'm always relaxed as hell around friends. But in all truth, I'm a complete hothead at heart. I cannot control my anger when someone has blatantly fucked me over. I can completely lose it. Some examples:

1) I had a decent teaching gig at an all-girls school. I got them up considerably on the salary so was pretty happy with the gig. Then on my third day I was bantering with my colleague "This is the easiest fucking job in the world." "Yeah man.................... but they get double next door!". "....Sorry, what?" "Dude, they get double next door. And longer holidays. And two language assistants. Plus the students pay way less to go to that one."

I immediately grabbed my bag. "What?! Where are you going?!". The recruiter had obviously fucked me over. I got so pissed off that I grabbed my bag and fucked off out of there ten minutes before my next class. I jumped on a motorbike and whizzed off to the BTS station. I then rang my recruiter while I was stood on the platform.

"What's your cut?!!! What's your cut?!!!!!" He hung up after a minute of me practically shouting the word 'cunt' over-and-over again. (Luckily I had postponed an interview at another school in case something like this happened. Coincidentally I went to that interview three hours later and got a job with more money. I hadn't had any sleep the night before, and then all that happened in one day. Another fun day in the world of TEFL).

2) I was in a small Co-op Express store in Britain. I wanted to exit. I gently walked past a woman who was stacking the shelves next to me and politely excused myself "Sorry". I completed the walk past her. Then suddenly I heard:

Her: "Ain't you got no manners?"
Me: "...."
Her: "You think you can just push past me without saying excuse me?!"
Me: "..."
Me "....OH GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU PIKEY CUNT! FUCK YOU. I SAID SORRY YOU FUCKING CUNT!"

The store fell silent. I don't know what came over me. Her face was a picture, as was the face of two big guys nearby who I thought were going to intervene. I just walked out the store. 30 seconds later I had a fit of laughter for some reason.

3) My old gig in Taiwan was great. But the boss was a serial micro-manager, to the point where it was inexcusable. "Leighton, you told the students 'don't take the pen off the page when writing the letter S', it's just not necessary". The dude would sit on my classes every day and write shit down with his fucking biro as I was teaching. It's hard to convey how annoying it was, but after six months of this shit I'd REALLY had enough of it (there was other stuff too. His Taiwanese wife was incredibly rude and racist).

I was ready to blow up at him one day when I was teaching a group of six-year-olds and I saw him write something down while I was speaking. I held it together by grabbing on tight to the easel to the point where my knuckles were white. I wanted to grab that biro and shove it up his dick hole.

Instead though, I waited. I waited for a whole month. On a Saturday morning where I was meant to be in class at 10:30am I was instead somewhere else. At 10:00am I texted him "I'm on a plane to Thailand. Go fuck yourself."

Many many more to list. But those are some. Day-by-day things that make me angry include children and people walking slowly. Most of the time I'm pretty happy-go-lucky though.

As a disclaimer, I know it's best not to get angry 99% of the time, but I really do have problems controlling my emotions. I don't do it as some sort of 'macho' thing or anything.

Post: #54

Are you sure you don't get angry cardguy?

Is it even possible not to get angry?
Being angry is energy to get back at people who did you wrong, it might be in the dna of every human being.

I have never demonstrated being angry by shouting at people or beating somebody up. The emotion would manifestate itself in other ways like sarcasm and self sabotage, though. Maybe that's the case with you, too?

Like you I am just discovering this side of myself and I don't think it has done me a lot of good. My thought patterns must have been something like this:

"How dare you do me wrong? Now I will punish you by destroying all the beauty and potential I have in me. You will never see any of this"

I would try to punish them by falling short of their expectations about me. Maybe I incorporated this behaviour as a child because I could not overpower the people who did me wrong.

Like in school. I was the smartest kid in class and had As and Bs without learning much. Once I felt a teacher did me wrong my marks would drop down to Cs and Ds.

Post: #55

No offense to anyone, but some of the responses in this thread are absolutely bullshit. Everyone gets angry—some people just learn how to control their anger better than others. I do, however, agree that getting angry over minuscule problems is stupid.

Yesterday I received a book I ordered from Amazon. The book was in terrible condition—stains on the cover, ripped/missing pages, etc. I could've expressed my anger by filing a complaint and telling them how shitty their service is, using every offensive word as possible to describe my experience. Instead, I recognized my anger and didn't let it get to a verbal(i.e., cussing, shouting) and ridicule(e.g., go fuck yourself, amazon!) level. I emailed them this: "Hello. I received my book today and I was disappointed by the condition of it. I sincerely hope you'll replace it with a brand new—as was initially promised—book. I'll prepare to resend it. Thanks."

Post: #56

lol - nope I don't get angry.

I have had shitty service before - but I just chalk it up to statistics. If you do something enough times - every so often it will go wrong.

It is nothing personal. Just the law of numbers.

Why would that make you angry? That is like getting angry at a cloud for raining on you.

Post: #57

I don't get angry either. Even if you were to argue that I do get angry, I don't ever express it.

Post: #58

I get angry quite a bit, but it's something that I'm working on. Most of the stuff I get angry about is the small stuff, and it does me more harm than the object of my anger.

I can't believe no one has already posted a relevant quote by Yoda: "fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger lead to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

Post: #59

Quote:Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

- Buddha

I have two things in common with Buddha.

An inability to get angry.

And a fat ass...

Post: #60

If I had to pick one emotion that I feel more than any other it would definitely have to be anger.

I don't know if that's good or bad and I don't care. All I know is that it's a strong emotion that can take you places when you channel it.

5 years ago I was banging mediocre broads and putting up with shitty attitudes and that pissed me off. So I learned game and went out 5 nights a week. Now I pull hotties everywhere I go. Thank you anger.

I got laid off from my job and didn't have enough money to do all the cool shit I wanted, and that made me angry as fuck so I started my own business. Thank you anger.

I used to work as a busboy at Carrabbas Italian grille and one night I got into an argument with a mean, 220 pound black cook. I was so pissed I was ready to step to him. Thank god he had food to cook. He would have creamed me. That night I went home, grabbed my dad's free weights and got it out of my system. If it weren't for that, I never would have started working out.

We're told we shouldn't be angry and it's a faux pas emotion and shit. Fuck that shit. Anger is raw, anger is beautiful and anger is like rocket fuel for achieving shit in live. As long as you don't let it consume you and turn you into a Scrooge, I think it's a great emotion.

Post: #61

There is only one person on this earth who can make me intensely angry--my mother. She can get under my skin in record time. No one else has that ability, not even my cousin who pisses me off regularly.

Post: #62

I always give people an "out" before any angry episode I have. Calm, silent, intense attention tends to let people know they are pushing the wrong button with me.

Your mileage may vary.

Post: #63

I experience this op

But I think you shouldn't tell woman this.

Believe it or not being angry turns them on

Post: #64

@Valhalla: AFAIK Cardguy DGAF about women

Post: #65

I got no problem with anger. It's a message to me that something is wrong in my life, it makes me reflect on and I act to fix the problem. I don't carry around anger, resentment, bitterness or pessimism though which is why when anger comes up I notice it as something that is saying something relevant to me.

Just for the record when I say "fixing the problem" no I don't mean going out getting guns and killing people but looking at myself and seeing what I can do for myself to make my life better. ie. adjusting my mental/emotional attitude, working out differently, expressing myself different, working differently etc.

Post: #66

@Bad-Habit - actually a fuck is exactly what I do give about women. A single solitary fuck - and then they can fuck off out of my life as I look for new pussy.

My interest in women is purely down to sex and nothing else. I don't give a shit about their opinions, their personality or how kind and loving they are.

Indeed - realising that was the key step towards my MGTOW philosophy.

Post: #67

I am like some of the other posters. It takes me a lot to get angry....but once I go past that point, I can have all on rage....knowing that I can properly lose it probably helps me to stay calm....as it is not nice to be in an almost uncontrolled rage.

Post: #68

I'm still really young but I'm noticing that it takes more and more to make me angry. I'm at a point where I just sort of laugh when all of the bullshit happens in my life. But when I get mad.. holy shit everybody better watch out because I've got enough adrenaline running through my body to power a thousand suns. When I get mad I feel like nothing can stop me. Not even a 7-foot 500 pound wrestler. I punch shit, kick,scream, throw things, break things, tear things, shove things, hit things, and just cause general destruction. Then I go for a drive, park somewhere and take a nap. An hour later I'm back to my normal happy-go-lucky self. I've never had a meltdown in public, thank goodness. Only in private. These episodes of rage are getting fewer and further in between. It used to be a monthly event, and now it's probably down to once every 6 or 7 months. I've also never hurt a person when angry, except when I was like in the second grade or something. But objects beware..

For me there isn't really a difference in how I feel when I'm upset, frustrated, flustered, overwhelmed, angry, stressed, or mad. My mind feels the same and the physical reaction is the same. So I guess no it isn't impossible to make me angry, it's just getting progressively harder.

Post: #69

I find I'm slow to anger in almost all situations. The exception is sports, and specifically if I know I'm right, and even more specifically if I know I'm better than the person pissing me off. Having played sports all my life, I'm pretty good at most of the team-based ball sports. When it comes to golf, tennis, ultimate Frisbee etc. I could care less, until I get to the point that I'm better than average or know the skills enough to comment on them.
That said, it's the other side of life that doesn't get me upset like many people I know. My best friend and roommate for example gets upset at quite a bit. He likes what he likes and isn't afraid to let me or anyone else know (btw, he'd be considered a natural on RVF many rocking douchebag game; it's taken me a lot longer to get going and I still don't have a douchebag bone in my body). Most of what bothers him wouldn't earn a glance from me (cup left in a specific place, mail on the counter, dishes in the sink), much less cause me enough ire to ask someone to change it. I'm more of a person who, if I find something that upsets me I fix it. The part I can't figure out is that he knows he has a double standard when he does the same thing that annoys him when I or our other roommate does it, he lets it go for awhile. I obviously have bigger fish to fry than get bent out of shape over something as trivial as the things that rustle his feathers. Is his behavior just a sign of selective ocd, or does it demonstrate more of an alpha in modifying his surroundings, even though I'm fully aware of what's going on, I just choose to ignore it?

Post: #70

Without outing personal details about myself, let me tell you...

I used to get extremely angry. I remember having anger issues as a teenager, and I forced myself to stop. I have no idea how, I think it basically started with re-channeling into productive habits, but I managed to either internalize my anger or refocus it.

To be honest, however, I think I lost a bit of passion for life, a bit of fire, because it came to a point where I just wasn't motivated to really move forward. I used to want to grab life by the balls, but a lot of that disappeared.

In the past year or so, things have changed. I was screwed over by a mentally disturbed boss, and now I'm on my own. I've tried to make some in-roads, and I have to some extent, but things are going slowly in many respects. A bunch of networking with out much to show for it, but the hope is still alive. Well, I had the opportunity present itself for a large contract and I ended up getting screwed out of it. It would have added around $200k or more to my bottom line, which is a huge deal to me. Now I'm fucking pissed. There's nothing I can do about it, and I'm at "peace" with it, but now I'm extra motivated to push things along. Success is the best revenge, and I want some fucking revenge. I think I'm going to unleash a bit of anger, hopefully controlled, and take the reins.

Post: #71

Ha, I get angry every day. I don't act on it by shouting or yelling or threatening anyone, but I feel it inside. How do people not get angry, this day in age with all the self-absorbed, inconsiderate people all over? It's interesting, as the serious stuff doesn't make me angry. If it's a serious situation, anger distracts from coming up with a solution. But small things? Hell yes I get mad. But, I usually say something when it happens.

A few examples:

If I'm in line somewhere, a bank, getting food, whatever, and some self-absorbed woman decides a perfect time to start talking on her cell phone in a loud manner is when she's standing two feet behind me in line, I say something. I don't express anger, just something along the lines of "wow, you've got to be pretty socially clueless to think everyone standing here wants to hear your conversation".

If I'm in the gym and some tool is sitting there texting on a machine I want to use, I walk up and say "you really expect me to just stand here and wait for you to finish texting your BF(yeah, I say this to guys) so I can continue my workout?". They usually get the message.

If I'm grocery shopping and some aloof lady has her shopping cart sideways, blocking an aisle, which happens all the time for some reason, I politely tell her how inconsiderate she is and it wouldn't hurt her to be more aware of her surroundings.

If someone is chewing like they grew up in a barn and it's loud and disgusting enough you can hear it 25ft away, I say something.

If some idiot is holding up traffic as he/she is talking/texting with their phone, I honk and flip them off.

No wonder some label me an asshole. I have no problem being an asshole though. Yeah I get into arguments every now and then, but really not all that often, surprisingly. I think it's because nowadays people are so used to people not being willing to call them out on their shit and say something, they're almost shocked when I do call them out on it. And I do. All the time. What bothers me are inconsiderate people. And there's more of them now than ever, while there's also fewer men than ever willing to stand up and call these self-absorbed idiots out on it.

Probably goes back to my childhood, my never give an inch attitude. I was the small kid, always got picked on, beaten up, embarrassed, that type of thing but then I grew, and then I took up sports and hit the weights. I quickly learned as a teen to not give and inch as if you do, people will take a mile. It's stuck with me. Sometimes to a fault but people always know how I feel and where I stand. I prefer that than being taken advantage of. And, I consider some self-absorbed woman yelling into her phone in the middle of a bank line to be taking advantage of both myself and other customers, so I say something.

I hate how oblivious to our surroundings technology has made many people. You want to text? Great. But do that shit while walking slowly in front of me on the sidewalk and I'm going to walk right through you like you don't exist. I hope you drop your phone and your screen cracks.

Maybe it's the curse of being a Leo. I don't take crap from anyone. But, most who know me consider me to be extremely nice and always willing to help.

Post: #72

Yep!

• shithead taxi drivers
• babysitting of any sort including: infants, toddlers, children, drunk women, blue pill friends on nights out
• paperwork
• bureaucrats. "I understand sir, and I'm sorry, but there's nothing i can..." Yeah fuckhead thats why youre a paperpusher cos you cant do jack shit!
  

(06-02-2014 11:00 PM)rainy Wrote:  I think it's because nowadays people are so used to people not being willing to call them out on their shit and say something, they're almost shocked when I do call them out on it. And I do. All the time. What bothers me are inconsiderate people. And there's more of them now than ever, while there's also fewer men than ever willing to stand up and call these self-absorbed idiots out on it.

Kudos on setting strong boundaries. People get shocked cos everyone gets to live in make believe land. They need a reintroduction to reality.


Post-coital w/ ONS: Would you ever hit a woman?
SK: Yup. Only need to do it once, so she knows there's a boundary.
ONS: Ah! Oh, I see...

***

Old female friend nearing 30: How's your sister?
SK: Good, she got married.
~30: So do they have kids?
SK: No, but she better hurry it up already. I don't want her to be on the wrong side of 30 and I end up with retarded nephews.
~30: That's so messed up!
SK: I know. Why would a woman do that to her children?
~30: Oh...

Mindfulness never hurt