Post: #1

I'm a quite social person who has no problem at all to cold approach and make conversation. The problem is that I sometimes get insecure if the girl shows interest..

For example, I speak with a group of girls and after a while I compliment the girl I fancy and she blushes and says thanks or just another situation when the girl suddenly seems to be receptive for a move. Now I suppose that a try for a kiss would be appropriate, if it doesn't work out at least you showed that you tried.

What I sometimes do is that I get insecure, think what to do, maybe continue to talk a little and maybe move a little closer to her and by the time I am about to do something she has shut down having seen how long I wait and my insecurity.

The funny thing is that I have no problem to try to make a move if it's a long shot while if I think that I might have a reasonable chance I might get insecure..at least in some situations. It's easier if our heads are already close, then it doesn't feel like such a move..

Anyone knows any strategy that might help in reducing the insecurity or fear?

Post: #2

Stop being scared to win. The thing about learning game is to make a better you. Start becoming the guy you want to be. Fake it until you make it. But everything that you do is about becoming that guy. A better man.

Don't be afraid to be confident. Other than money it's a man's greatest trait. Sometimes silence is golden. While women are blabbing away formulate your next few steps.

Post: #3

Experience is key. If she has lost interest early, just means you didn't escalate quick enough. With the experience you gain, the better you will get at reading the little signals that she will show.

Post: #4

I would say you are over thinking it. If you're confident in your looks and your social ability, which you seem to be, you should have it in the bag. It might help to try and go after girls that seem a little more aggressive. If you are good looking, they may be likely to overlook the fact that you get nervous. They'll hold your and a walk you through it in a sense. This is just a guess, but the girls you are after are probably just as nervous as you. Don't invest too much emotion, or at least hold yours in check. You might be worrying too much about being rejected by the girls you feel have interest in you. I also think visualizing your self making a move without hesitation would be helpful. Good luck my brotha, be bold.

Post: #5

Thank you all for the encouragement. I've never thought before that she actually might be nervous as well.

Post: #6

What you're lacking here is the killer instinct. Eventually, you will just know how to close out. Until then, roll the dice. You learn a lot more from the girls who you blow it with/scare off than you do from the ones you weren't aggressive enough with and let run off into the night. Especially for beginners, always try to air on the side of being more aggressive than not.

Post: #7

- Stay in the moment , this is a key aspect. You can't be nervous or anxious if you're truly in the moment, enjoying the moment.
Read this article about enjoying the process from Christian Mcqueen http://www.returnofkings.com/33140/learn...on-process and maybe give this a try /thread-27649.html
- Also, The best teachers are experience and insight, so just keep doing it your thing, and reap the results.


Simon

Post: #8

My man, I know exactly how you feel. I remember this exact same feeling because this was me only a few short years ago. Please don't take anything I'm about to say as insulting, because I was in your exact shoes.

You've overthinking everything because although you've internalized that there are no consequences for approaching (good on you man, that puts you in the top 10% already), after you've approached, you suddenly live in the land of consequences. The girl has been hooked and if you fuck up then you lose the bang. This is also why you don't mind throwing Hail Mary's, because you don't sense a consequence.

What you need to realize, mentally, is that by escalating you've lost nothing as well. If the escalation fails, then the chick was either not interested and just wanted attention, or not ready for you to escalate. In the first case, she'll blow you out and make it obvious that she isn't interested, andwhat you've managed to do by escalating is eliminate a time-waster from your presence. This is a win.

In the second case, she's unready for you to escalate but will brush it off as just a funny mistake. In this case, you've confirmed that she's interested and can proceed with more touching and talking to increase intimacy before you attempt to escalate again. It's been said a million times in game blogs, but a girl will always forgive you for escalating too fast (once), but will never accept you moving too slow. I hope you realize that this is also a win.

The third case, that she accepts your escalation...I don't think I need to tell you, but that's also a win

Escalation is the winning move in all cases. You've got nothing to lose and will gain no matter what. Remind yourself of this and give yourself exactly 3 seconds to escalate once you think it "might" be the right move. This shuts down your ability to psych yourself out and forces you into this uncomfortable situation, where you'll quickly find success. It won't be long until escalating is as pain-free as approaching, since you've already jumped that hurdle.

As a quick aside, I'm not sure if I read your post correctly, but are you suggesting that you might kiss a girl you've flirted with...in front of her female friend group? If so, don't do this. You HAVE to isolate her first, or her hamster will go into overdrive about looking like a slut in front of the people she knows and she'll blow you out for sure. I suggest turning away from her and asking her friends, "Hey girls, would you mind if I took your friend over there (point) for a minute to talk to her? I want to get to know her a little better." This disarms the 'mother hen' type actions and gets them on your side, as you've shown them respect and an understanding that they have cockblocking power. It's unfortunate that you have to deal with this shit, but that's the world we live in.

Good luck out there.

(05-03-2014 06:08 PM)Cheetah Wrote:  I'm a quite social person who has no problem at all to cold approach and make conversation. The problem is that I sometimes get insecure if the girl shows interest..

For example, I speak with a group of girls and after a while I compliment the girl I fancy and she blushes and says thanks or just another situation when the girl suddenly seems to be receptive for a move. Now I suppose that a try for a kiss would be appropriate, if it doesn't work out at least you showed that you tried.

What I sometimes do is that I get insecure, think what to do, maybe continue to talk a little and maybe move a little closer to her and by the time I am about to do something she has shut down having seen how long I wait and my insecurity.

The funny thing is that I have no problem to try to make a move if it's a long shot while if I think that I might have a reasonable chance I might get insecure..at least in some situations. It's easier if our heads are already close, then it doesn't feel like such a move..

Anyone knows any strategy that might help in reducing the insecurity or fear?

Post: #9

Interesting and thanks Texas_Tryhard (and the rest too). I didn't expect anyone to have gone through the same. Did the '3 seconds' trick work fine for you?

Yes, you understood me correct about the kiss. I think that you are right, don't go for a kiss in front of her friends. What I do though is that I might kiss her on the cheek. If she's incredibly slutty in front of her friends she would indicate me to kiss on the mouth, otherwise I suppose that it would count as an escalation!?

Can the isolated girl still be able to be watched by her friends when you try to kiss her properly if it's not just immediately close to her friends?

Post: #10

Thanks texas..needed to hear that as well

Post: #11

(05-03-2014 06:08 PM)Cheetah Wrote:  I'm a quite social person who has no problem at all to cold approach and make conversation. The problem is that I sometimes get insecure if the girl shows interest..

For example, I speak with a group of girls and after a while I compliment the girl I fancy and she blushes and says thanks or just another situation when the girl suddenly seems to be receptive for a move. Now I suppose that a try for a kiss would be appropriate, if it doesn't work out at least you showed that you tried.

What I sometimes do is that I get insecure, think what to do, maybe continue to talk a little and maybe move a little closer to her and by the time I am about to do something she has shut down having seen how long I wait and my insecurity.

The funny thing is that I have no problem to try to make a move if it's a long shot while if I think that I might have a reasonable chance I might get insecure..at least in some situations. It's easier if our heads are already close, then it doesn't feel like such a move..

Anyone knows any strategy that might help in reducing the insecurity or fear?

Insecurity - Stop thinking. Keep moving. Follow your intentions. She'll sense this as confidence. Give yourself time to think and she'll sense your insecurities.

As far as ..." It's easier if our heads are already close, then it doesn't feel like such a move.."

Find a loud spot so you can talk directly in her ear.
--or--
Accept that all the worlds indeed a stage and we are merely players. Performers and portrayers. Each another's audience. Outside the gilded cage. (Yes, those are lyrics)
With that being said... Just do it.


Fear - Unless she ,literally, stabs you to death, you're gonna live. Stop beating yourself up for being afraid and face it head on.

By giving Fear and Insecurity attention, you're feeding them. Growing them. You're aware and that's the first step to getting over them, or reverting to denialism and doing yourself a disservice.

"Do or do not. There is no try." -Master Yoda

Post: #12

a) You don't trust yourself
b) You feel like you don't deserve her
c) You are scared of the dealing with the consequences which are only magnified in your mind

Only you know the answer. Discover it.

a) Overcoming it means throwing yourself in the deep end to see for yourself. Repetition is the father of success.
b) You have confidence issues. Build it up through joining team sports, NLP (Paul McKenna's Extreme Confidence changed me within 2 weeks) or just faking it till you make it. I employed all of these when I had this feeling of not being worthy and overcame it within 6 months.
c) This is just in your mind. Control your mind, don't let it control you. Eckhart Tolle's writing is good for this- teaches you to enjoy the moment and what is going on real-time instead of focusing on negatives and plausible scenarios.