Post: #1

The last major issue holding me back from receiving much more consistent quality pussy dividends is this problem I deal with. I would like to call it imaginary audience. It's this feeling that someone is always watching my every move and judging it, regardless of any proof . It tends to overpower my decision making. Should I approach this girl? What to say? I care too much about what I think people are thinking of me, especially when I am solo dolo. It really sucks going through this, every day. I've tried faking it until I make it, which can be a temporary fix. Just not caring is easier said than done. I've been sober for a few weeks and cannot get the same results as when I was drinking where nothing mattered but my mission at hand. While drinking, I get into this zone of being unstoppable and my game/confidence improves tenfold. I've since given up drinking and have yet to get back into this zone of unstoppability unless I am with a high energy person.

How can I break this incapacitating habit without drinking? Can anyone else relate to this? Has anyone overcome these barriers and how? Thanks for listening.

Post: #2

You created an imaginary world in your mind. You just need to challenge that world with facts and evidence until you find it ridiculous and it goes away.

This false reality is causing you to feel shame.That's not a healthy or helpful emotion, and can only sustain itself with superstitious beliefs.

See this thread on how to challenge thoughts and beliefs that undermine your goals with facts and evidence.

/thread-28873....light=rebt

Post: #3

I took a communications class in college that involved a lot of public speaking, and on the first day of class the professor had us do something called an "elevator pitch". The idea was, if you were to meet someone in an elevator and only had ~60 seconds to tell them your story, how would you do it? "Hi, I'm so-and-so from X city, my major is Y, I'm passionate about Z." That sort of thing.

Most people had no problem with this, other than perhaps a few too many "ums" or "likes" in between sentences. One girl, though, absolutely crashed and burned. She stood up, stuttered, started over, lost her train of thought, started over again, bumbled something, started to cry, and finally just ran out of the room. (She ending up dropping the class after that, never saw her again.)

The professor said something afterwards that really stuck with me: when it comes to public speaking, people want you to succeed. No one's sitting in the audience hoping you'll fail; everyone hates that awkward feeling in their stomach when they're watching someone perform poorly. People want to swept away by a great speech, they want to be emotionally engaged, they want to be seduced. They want you to succeed.

In addition to that bit of mental clarity, over the years I've realized that most people are way too into themselves to give much of a shit about random people. No one cares nearly as much as you think they do; it really is all in your head.

I know you said fake it until you make it is easier said than done, but it really is the best way to do it. Force yourself to make small talk to everyone you come across during the day. Headbang at the gym while you're listening to music. Hold eye contact with girls on the street and make them look away first. In any given situation, think to yourself, "what would someone who doesn't give a shit do right now?" and then do that thing. Eventually, it'll become a habit, and then that habit will become part of your personality.

Post: #4

Aside from various psychological therapies, or maybe even simple practice (e.g. Taostasters), there are different drugs other than alcohol that help people with social inhibition. Some legal, some not. Ecstacy in moderation would work quite well for what you are talking about, but it is obviously illegal, and if you have an "addictive personality" may be a problem. There was another thread about a legal supplement that the OP mentioned worked very well for social inhibition problems. Sorry, cant remember what it was, but I'm sure other members will chime in.

Post: #5

(03-30-2014 12:44 PM)Isaac Jordan Wrote:  The professor said something afterwards that really stuck with me: when it comes to public speaking, people want you to succeed. No one's sitting in the audience hoping you'll fail; everyone hates that awkward feeling in their stomach when they're watching someone perform poorly. People want to swept away by a great speech, they want to be emotionally engaged, they want to be seduced. They want you to succeed.

Ha, I use that same line on a few friends who are afraid of public speaking.

Standing in front of a crowd and giving a speech is one of the easiest things in the world. Cold approaching a chick at a bar hilariously is stupid difficult for me.