Post: #126

Just got this email:

Many scenarios have played through my head as to what to do or say, or how to confront you somehow...but all in all I've let the burden of trying to hold the pieces of my life together keep me sufficiently distanced from my emotional state. Once in a while in a lull of the physical turmoil my emotions have surfaced, only to be quickly re submerged. To have you show up and remind me of everything I have lost, of all the feelings I can't ignore...I simultaneously realized that you are the only person in the world I don't put a facade on for and that it's gone, everything is gone. Turns out it was all conditional. And you just stood there & lied to my face, acting like you are sorry, saying you are sorry -for what? You aren't sorry, you're mad- I can see it written all over your face & gestures. Maybe ur sorry that my everything is fucked, but ur not sorry you weren't there. Why don't you just tell me you are mad instead of asking questions & pretending to care about whatever answers I give you. There's nothing left to loose here, the least you could do is be honest.

--

Wow

Post: #127

(11-07-2014 07:06 AM)EpicBeta Wrote:  Just got this email:

Many scenarios have played through my head as to what to do or say, or how to confront you somehow...but all in all I've let the burden of trying to hold the pieces of my life together keep me sufficiently distanced from my emotional state. Once in a while in a lull of the physical turmoil my emotions have surfaced, only to be quickly re submerged. To have you show up and remind me of everything I have lost, of all the feelings I can't ignore...I simultaneously realized that you are the only person in the world I don't put a facade on for and that it's gone, everything is gone. Turns out it was all conditional. And you just stood there & lied to my face, acting like you are sorry, saying you are sorry -for what? You aren't sorry, you're mad- I can see it written all over your face & gestures. Maybe ur sorry that my everything is fucked, but ur not sorry you weren't there. Why don't you just tell me you are mad instead of asking questions & pretending to care about whatever answers I give you. There's nothing left to loose here, the least you could do is be honest.

--

Wow

Emotions, feelings yada yada whatever. It's a woman's job to waddle and wane in emotions. IF you're going to reply, just reply with: "Ok". or "Oh."

The best move as everyone else said was to ignore. The reason being is conflict of interest. As a friend of 17 years, she only wants you as a friend to cuddle emotions with. You want the pussy, which you won't get. So basically, you HAVE to cut ties. Consider that she would have no problem cutting ties with you if her imperative requires her to do so. No matter how long you've been friends for. It's just how they are built. Even if she felt anything for you beyond friendship, it would still be conditional. We are built differently. Our job is not to waddle in emotions but to seek power, become leaders, fulfill our mission and slay countless mountains of pussy. After we are finished slaying, maybe in our late 50s or 60s, when we are tired of seeing so many varying shades of pussy, then we choose one pussy amongst the thousands we have slain to bring forth our offspring. Nothing emotionally driven. Just a calculating vision. This is our job. Go forth and slay pussy my friend.

ps. I work in production too. VFX.

Post: #128

Very cool man always looking for good vfx people to connect with. Feel free to shoot me PM. Thanks for the thoughts.

Post: #129

^^ You two guys are going to me make my dream short where I save the world. I be ripped and have more muscle than Hercules. VFX can do that right?

AP is right, she is just very emotional and women are just looking for a reaction. If you wanted to be a dick to her you could manipulate her in her current state. I am not saying you should, just that she seems this fragile at the moment. Continue to ignore her. I think she is partly right that you are mad, but since she is so brilliant, she has already figured that out. So no need to confirm it. Hopefully, I am not taking too cheap of a shot. I respect the fact that she helped you out and there is no need to be unnecessarily mean to her on my part.

However, it does seem like her world is falling apart, even without factoring you into the matter.

Remember you are Ulysses and she is a siren.

Edit: So here is what happened that night you saw her. What I imagine happened. She saw you, you had your shit together. She saw life was going well for you. You looked more muscular, happy, etc. Her life is in the dumper. She took one last shot with the email to pull you back in Godfather style. She is jealous and mad. Maybe even regrets not her choice not to date you and her bf and her are not doing well. Which just confirms how women are always looking for the next best thing. Stay the course, you are almost past the siren.

Post: #130

(11-07-2014 11:40 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  ^^ You two guys are going to me make my dream short where I save the world. I be ripped and have more muscle than Hercules. VFX can do that right?

AP is right, she is just very emotional and women are just looking for a reaction. If you wanted to be a dick to her you could manipulate her in her current state. I am not saying you should, just that she seems this fragile at the moment. Continue to ignore her. I think she is partly right that you are mad, but since she is so brilliant, she has already figured that out. So no need to confirm it. Hopefully, I am not taking too cheap of a shot. I respect the fact that she helped you out and there is no need to be unnecessarily mean to her on my part.

However, it does seem like her world is falling apart, even without factoring you into the matter.

Remember you are Ulysses and she is a siren.

Edit: So here is what happened that night you saw her. What I imagine happened. She saw you, you had your shit together. She saw life was going well for you. You looked more muscular, happy, etc. Her life is in the dumper. She took one last shot with the email to pull you back in Godfather style. She is jealous and mad. Maybe even regrets not her choice not to date you and her bf and her are not doing well. Which just confirms how women are always looking for the next best thing. Stay the course, you are almost past the siren.

Hahaha Ya when she called me out on being mad I was thinking - "wow, what gave me away?" lol I like what you guys are saying.

I actually opted to send her a response without acknowledging any of her attacks:

"I am sorry about your troubles. Let me know if I can help in any way"

That's seriously all I wrote. I'm sure some of you would have said to send no response, but I was thinking of Samsams important input about remembering who was there for you.

Samsam, I thought about your suggestion to find out from others if she's in crisis, but there are two issues with that: 1) She has way to much pride to let anyone know if she reaches an extreme level of crisis and 2) we don't actually have any close or regular mutual friends. So there's no way for me to dig without creating drama.

I opted to go this route because it accomplishes me letting her know that I'm still here for emergencies, and I haven't forgotten what she's done for me, but I'm not really acknowledging her attacks and shit tests.

Guessing this will anger her mroe and I won't hear from her for a bit. We'll see what happens. Just rolling with the punches at this point.

Thanks!

Post: #131

(11-08-2014 07:36 AM)EpicBeta Wrote:  I actually opted to send her a response without acknowledging any of her attacks:

"I am sorry about your troubles. Let me know if I can help in any way"

A short, emotionless response to a deliberate act of provocation. EB, I'm impressed

Post: #132

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

Post: #133

Lol thanks

EDIT: Sorry for the redundant post. The site isn't allowing me to delete this for some reason.

Post: #134

(11-08-2014 04:40 PM)Seamus Wrote:  A short, emotionless response to a deliberate act of provocation. EB, I'm impressed

Lol thanks. glad you guys liked that.

she didn't like it one bit. i got two responses this morning:

"That was not AT ALL the point of that email."

Then about a half hour later:

"I was talking about you"

Like I didn't get it… Anywho, time to put this aside so I can get in a good workout and tend to my chores. Haha cheers

Post: #135

Dude you have sucked us all into what people thought was originally a troll. You're certainly an inspiration for myself and for those of us who struggle with beta ways when trying to move in the red pill way.

I'm honestly addicted to this thread and it's awesome to see that you have gone from the played to the player in your dealing with this girl.
Fucking swag man

I think it's time to change that name from "epicbeta" to something else! Lol
Stay up homie

Post: #136

(11-08-2014 04:49 PM)EpicBeta Wrote:  

(11-08-2014 04:40 PM)Seamus Wrote:  A short, emotionless response to a deliberate act of provocation. EB, I'm impressed

Lol thanks. glad you guys liked that.

she didn't like it one bit. i got two responses this morning:

"That was not AT ALL the point of that email."

Then about a half hour later:

"I was talking about you"

Like I didn't get it… Anywho, time to put this aside so I can get in a good workout and tend to my chores. Haha cheers

I was gonna ask if you had an update, thanks!

Stay the course champ!

Post: #137

Hi EpicBeta. I have read this whole thread and all of your first post. No I don't want a medal. I read it because you sound so similar to the way I was with my long term friend, apart from were FWB's within the first 2 months of knowing each other. I have been through the same processes as you in breaking it off for a while, then her contacting me again after a few months or somehow always getting back in touch. I have been in a bad place but at least I was banging her even if she wouldn't have a normal exclusive relationship with me at one stage.

She sounds like she is now waking up to how good you are for her. Pounce and bang her. Or move on and continue to ignore for now.

Trust me I know how hard it is to do this if you have years of history but you have to for your own health.

Post: #138

This is awesome! I'm so glad people are interested in the story and even finding it helpful or inspiring in ways (how to avoid becoming a beta train wreck). That's an added bonus for me to go with all the great feedback. I honestly wish I could take you guys all out for a round of shots hahaha.

I got out a few times last week and did some approaches; some chicks at a concert in Hollywood. They weren't very responsive (10s lol), but I was glad that I started making a slight effort. Had fun. Some nice talks with hot women. It'll take some work to get back in the game, so I better just start trying and going through the motions.

I use to be very social, energetic and entertaining. I can feel that I'm a bit rusty now. It's harder getting in the mood to be fun and highly engaging, and being able to maintain that. Part of it's about getting older, but it's mainly the fact that I kept myself out of the game for way too long. That was a big mistake, and I'd warn others to avoid that. Messes you up.

Anyway, I was wondering about a couple of the recent comments regarding my next move. Samsam mentioned that I could manipulate her in her currently fragile state if I so choose, by being sort of a dick?

Fmman also mentioned the option of "pouncing" now for a possible bang, if not just continuing to ignore. Suppose I do manipulate or attempt a pounce… If I went that direction, would I want to wait until she sends another email. Or should I engage?

We've acknowledged that it's a mild possibility and that I shouldn't hold out for it. I'm in favor of "staying the course", but is this a window that I need to consider catching, before it closes?

I thought about sending her a reply (it's been a couple days) saying something like: I get it. Just not sure what I can say at this point to make it better. Do u want me to apologize? Would that make it better :/ (like I'm confused about what she wants).

Then she might say, -I just want my friend back! or something lame like that, and then maybe I could agree to see her if she wants to "talk". let her lash out and just see where it goes if I hold my new frame the entire time.

I'm guessing it's probably better that I don't respond. That helps me stay in my position of power, which is a new thing for us. But I feel like her emails might have been a final effort to appeal to my emotions and our friendship history. She said "there's nothing left to lose". I was the only person she doesn't put on a facade for and now "everything is gone."

If I totally ignore THAT, it might be kind of a last straw for her. It might seem fairly cruel, which doesn't make me feel bad. Just wondering if I try to rope her in for a sit down, where I experiment with my new frame now, or do I blow it off again, wait and see if she follows up one more time?

When I saw her I told her we'd talk, blew if off and git her angry email a week later. I feel like there's a 50/50 chance she'll follow up again after my last reply; she'll either say something like "Well I guess you have nothing to say, so you never really cared about me and blah, blah, blah." Something like that. Or maybe she'll give up and even refuse to talk to me once the option is finally presented for real.

I dunno. I don't want to dwell on it, but it sounds like there are two scenarios I need to consider as I move forward. Just wondering if you guys had any other thoughts about that.

Thanks a lot! Love the positive comments! cheers

Epic

Post: #139

(11-09-2014 05:43 PM)fmman Wrote:  Hi EpicBeta. I have read this whole thread and all of your first post. No I don't want a medal.

Well you damn well deserve one lol. Thank you for reading it and sharing your reaction. Means a lot.

Post: #140

Quick comment on latest. When a person compromises it is fine if you have to. But in this situation you don't have to. By compromising and giving up the progress you have made for nothing specific in return seems like a bad move. As soon as she knows that she can control you, you've lost.

Post: #141

(11-10-2014 10:28 AM)samsamsam Wrote:  Quick comment on latest. When a person compromises it is fine if you have to. But in this situation you don't have to. By compromising and giving up the progress you have made for nothing specific in return seems like a bad move. As soon as she knows that she can control you, you've lost.

That's what I thought. All I needed to hear Thanks Samsam!

Post: #142

Got another email just now:


Forget it, my fault.
I was taken by surprise & my gaurd was down. I shouldn't have opened up, as u certainly didn't say a damn word about whatever you are doing or thinking. I should have followed suit. Now I just feel stupid for being transparent, won't happen again. I guess at the end of it I just don't know why you were there. Guess it doesn't matter. If you could avoid showing up places that I work I'd appreciate it.

--

Wow again. Does she think I went there to see her? I hang out there all the time for business and socializing. She's the one invading my world. I've done nothing but try to move on. I didn't force her to date someone in my close circle (after I told I said her I was in love and couldn't handle seeing her w other dudes). This might warrant some kind of a response later.

Post: #143

Suggestion. Write an angry/venting email in a word doc, not email. Spew out everything. Read it later, but don't send it.

As I read her email, the first thing was - he was there for work/socializing. But she made it about her? WTF?

You have a couple options though. Keep going to the bar and ignoring her, which would just continue to fuck with her head. Or go to other bars. In some ways it seems like giving in, but do you really need the drama? Secondly, how many places does she work?

Keep your frame, be in control. Don't reply in an emotional state.

Edit: She didn't see you with all these people? Wasn't her BF there? Couldn't she have asked him what this was about (oh we were doing some work socializing). Sorry, I just have a hard time with people who cannot see other possibilities.

Post: #144

Thanks Samsam I won't. Ya I had the same reaction. Making it about her? Laughable. And ya, I don't know what the deal is with her and her BF. Why does she seem so confused/out of the loop in that regard?

Anyway, she said she's about to leave that bar (when I saw her) so it should be a non-issue. I'll have to figure out what to do a little later but thanks for the fast input!

Cheers

Post: #145

Update-

I decided to send the following just a minute ago:

I wasn't there to see u or cause a reaction. I happen to go there a lot for business and socializing. Your BF is close to some of my friends and colleagues and now we're involved in the same project.

I'm sorry that seeing me brought up so many negative feelings. It wasn't my intention to upset you.

She responded almost immediately with:

That's fine & I don't work there anymore anyway. Don't show up at the new spot

--

Tempeted to respond with "K" or "as u wish". But thinking it's best if I say nothing at all; refuse to engage in the "fight" she's trying to pick.

Still not sure what she wanted me to say. I guess she wants me to explain why I quit talking to her all together but I'm just not willing to engage over that, especially on her terms.

Was thinking about ending my last reply by saying- I don't write about my feelings anymore. If want to talk just say so. If not I respect your wishes.

But then I decided that's giving too much. Ugh... whatever lol. Just wanted to give u guys the latest

Post: #146

another follow up from her:

I'm glad you did show up because it made me realize a lot of things, and now I'm not mad, I'm just done.
You showed me there's no longer any reason for me to give a shit. Better to know than to wonder.
See you around.

Post: #147

^^sounds like the breaking point where she next proceeds to go on a rant about how much she loves you and was scared to commit to you lmao

Post: #148

^^ haha ya maybe. Guess we'll see. I think she probably has too much pride to go back on that promise. Guessing it's the last I'll hear from her.

Oh well, bottom line she has her BF and that should make her pleanty happy. No reason she can't make new friends and it sure as fuck isn't my fault if she doesn't.

Post: #149

(11-10-2014 10:46 PM)EpicBeta Wrote:  another follow up from her:

I'm glad you did show up because it made me realize a lot of things, and now I'm not mad, I'm just done.
You showed me there's no longer any reason for me to give a shit. Better to know than to wonder.
See you around.

GOOD, let her deal with what she sowed.

I read the entire thing and the follow ups, FUCK yes dude, you're doing great and being able to detach.

Yes it's rough, it will be for awhile, but you're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and she's realizing what her actions have caused.

It was painful to read, I literally had PTSD kick in when I remembered all the BFF's girls I was deep down inside in love with when I was a teenager.

Keep us updated, like the gents said, she's reaching her breaking point,

She's throwing everything she's got at you, to get an emotional response, don't give in.

Post: #150

(11-11-2014 12:55 AM)kaotic Wrote:  

(11-10-2014 10:46 PM)EpicBeta Wrote:  another follow up from her:

I'm glad you did show up because it made me realize a lot of things, and now I'm not mad, I'm just done.
You showed me there's no longer any reason for me to give a shit. Better to know than to wonder.
See you around.

GOOD, let her deal with what she sowed.

I read the entire thing and the follow ups, FUCK yes dude, you're doing great and being able to detach.

Yes it's rough, it will be for awhile, but you're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and she's realizing what her actions have caused.

It was painful to read, I literally had PTSD kick in when I remembered all the BFF's girls I was deep down inside in love with when I was a teenager.

Keep us updated, like the gents said, she's reaching her breaking point,

She's throwing everything she's got at you, to get an emotional response, don't give in.

Thanks dude, it really helps to get the encouragement. Love the pic too lol. Part of me wants to reply some more - "what reason did you think you had before to give a shit?" But nah. better if I don't participate at all on that level. So far she's the only one who has lashed out with anger and I'm keeping it that way.

You're right, it's tough. But I just saw a couple of pics pop up on Facebook of her with her BF and MY friends, who I'd be even closer to if she hadn't invaded them (she didn't post the pics btw).

"Don't have any friends" boo fucking hoo. Seeing those makes it a lot easier for me to blow this off with zero fucks given hahaha.

Cheers