Post: #1

Thought this might be an interesting topic to discuss. Do you have friends or do you have acquantances? Do you just have some buddies you'll grab a beer with on occasion or be wingmen for or do you actually have friends who are there for you and down for you no matter what?

When I was in my late teens and early 20's and college had tons of friends. As you get older, people move away, get jobs, etc your circle for friends starts to get a little smaller. A couple years ago I kinda realized most of my "friends" weren't friends so much as acquantances. I always felt like I put more into a friendship than others. I remember one instance had gotten a DUI, was just in a shitty situation had to get my car out to get to work. I called up a buddy asking him if he could pick me up and take me tothe tow yard to get it. He couldn't, he was too busy...with what you ask? Playing a game of call of duty.

I kinda got to the point where I was like if someone isn't a real friend I don't really need tehm in my life and kinda dropped all my friends. In hindsight maybe a bad move. Better move would have probably been basically taking people for what they are. Yeah so and so is a fun dude to hangout with but not a real friend and not someone you can rely on but I'll have a beer with him and hangout and basically accept the friendhsip for what it is and know I can't count on that person. That said if that's all I'm after I could just as easily meet another solo dude at a bar and go score chicks and never talk to him again and don't really need to keep up a friendship.

I was eating dinner at my grandparents house the other day and my grandpa said something interesting. He said something along the lines of if you meet one good lifelong friend who's there for you through anything you're a lucky dude.

I thoguht that was interesting. One other thing I noticed. It seemed like previous generations had more genuine friendships. I notice my dad is still friends with a couple guys he grew up with. We consider them family friends, their kids are like my cousins, heck closer than some of my cousins. THey are part of the family as well.

Anyhow, didn't mean to get off on a rant but was just curious for some of you guys in your later 20's, do you have less friends than you did in your early 20's and college? Also do you think friendship has changed these days with peole more interested in being friends through social media than in real life? Do you have a friend or many friends who you would really consider to be true freinds?

Just curious what your guys experiences are.

Post: #2

When I lived in a moderate sized city (> 2 million) I had several friends who would bend over backwards to help me out or trust me with their money/valuables even after a short time of meeting them. When I resided in a giant city (13 million) I almost exclusively just had acquaintances. The larger the city I lived in, the more people gathered acquaintances to simply reap the benefits of social networking as a means to find greater opportunities for themselves (career or otherwise).

This isn't the only explanation for having friends vs. acquaintances, but it was an interesting observation I noticed upon returning from abroad. If I were to go back to the city of 13 million I don't think I have any contacts that would reach out and offer me a place to stay.

Post: #3

I have lost several good (let's lend a hand and stand shoulder to shoulder against all odds good) friends after they married and completely disappeared. Only because of social network updates do I know they are still alive. Or are they?

Post: #4

I have five friends for whom i´d give my life. If one of them calls me in the middle of the night saying they have to dispose a body i´d say "ok ill grab some rope and ill meet you there". I would not even hesitate.

And then, there´s the bunch of other people i know. I don´t lend them money, nor pick them up anywhere, nor wait for them an extra 5 minutes, they don´t know where i live, i don´t give a fuck if they die, etcetera etcetera

Post: #5

All relationships are transactional. It all depends on what you are transacting.

There is no such thing as unconditional love. Anything without condition is without value i.e. worthless.

Know what you bring to the table... what the other person brings to the table... even more important, what the other person thinks you both bring to the table. The former and the latter can be completely different things.

Most people are not as important to our lives as we initially thought. Time have a way of unmasking this.

There is an easy familiarity that comes from interacting with a person you are congruent with. That does not make them your friend. Do not mistake proximity for friendship... or you will soon realize a simple truth about people: out of sight, out of mind.

The average lifespan of friendship is roughly 5 years, give or take. Acquaintances, even less. Rare friendships last decades. Why? We change as human beings... or more likely, we havent changed at all, we simply learn more and more about ourselves... only to realize that we are incongruent with the other person(contrary to our previous assessment.)

Or they realize this first -- before we do....and as such, they move on... thereby, leaving us.

True friendship WILL ALWAYS take time and effort. I have had good friends in small towns, and i have had good friends in big cities.

Be wary of a man too willing to help you... do not easily confuse their generosity with friendship... he may grow tyrannical and try to sabotage your success.

A man that easily gives his friendship, will likely just as easily take it away. Friendship has to be earned.

If your friendship has not undergone a battery of stress tests and survive these tests; it is not a friendship...you are simply acquaintances, regardless of your feelings to the contrary.

Some people are dependable as a rock during bad times... but will betray you during good times. They resent their perceived obsolescence as you become less dependent on them during good times. As such, they gradually feel less important. So, instead of being happy for you, they become poisonously jealous of your good fortune. Rare is the man that is both consistent during good and bad times. That is a friend.

You dont know your friends as much as you think you do. This is more true that not. Again, time and events are great revelations of character.

The test of a friend's character is not limited to how they treat you... but also, how they act in different situations and treat other human beings, and their rationale for doing so.

Hence, do not place too much trusts in friends.

Every man has his price. What is yours? If you say you dont have one... then either you dont know yourself or you are a liar... in either case, you are not to be trusted.

In general, women are incapable of long, lasting friendship. If you think they do, then, you dont know what true friendship is.

A dog is not a friend.

_________________

Anyways, that is my quick and humble take on friendship....

regards,

Nemencine

Post: #6

(03-12-2014 11:31 AM)Nemencine Wrote:  All relationships are transactional. It all depends on what you are transacting.

There is no such thing as unconditional love. Anything without condition is without value i.e. worthless.

Know what you bring to the table... what the other person brings to the table... even more important, what the other person thinks you both bring to the table. The former and the latter can be completely different things.

Most people are not as important to our lives as we initially thought. Time have a way of unmasking this.

There is an easy familiarity that comes from interacting with a person you are congruent with. That does not make them your friend. Do not mistake proximity for friendship... or you will soon realize a simple truth about people: out of sight, out of mind.

The average lifespan of friendship is roughly 5 years, give or take. Acquaintances, even less. Rare friendships last decades. Why? We change as human beings... or more likely, we havent changed at all, we simply learn more and more about ourselves... only to realize that we are incongruent with the other person(contrary to our previous assessment.)

Or they realize this first -- before we do....and as such, they move on... thereby, leaving us.

True friendship WILL ALWAYS take time and effort. I have had good friends in small towns, and i have had good friends in big cities.

Be wary of a man too willing to help you... do not easily confuse their generosity with friendship... he may grow tyrannical and try to sabotage your success.

A man that easily gives his friendship, will likely just as easily take it away. Friendship has to be earned.

If your friendship has not undergone a battery of stress tests and survive these tests; it is not a friendship...you are simply acquaintances, regardless of your feelings to the contrary.

Some people are dependable as a rock during bad times... but will betray you during good times. They resent their perceived obsolescence as you become less dependent on them during good times. As such, they gradually feel less important. So, instead of being happy for you, they become poisonously jealous of your good fortune. Rare is the man that is both consistent during good and bad times. That is a friend.

You dont know your friends as much as you think you do. This is more true that not. Again, time and events are great revelations of character.

The test of a friend's character is not limited to how they treat you... but also, how they act in different situations and treat other human beings, and their rationale for doing so.

Hence, do not place too much trusts in friends.

Every man has his price. What is yours? If you say you dont have one... then either you dont know yourself or you are a liar... in either case, you are not to be trusted.

In general, women are incapable of long, lasting friendship. If you think they do, then, you dont know what true friendship is.

A dog is not a friend.

_________________

Anyways, that is my quick and humble take on friendship....

regards,

Nemencine

The whole transactional thing is very interesting. I was going to try to argue against your point that there is no thing as unconditional love, even what we think of as unconditional love is transactional.

Now one could say parent/child is unconditional love but I guess even there you could make the argument it's not unconditional love they would feel like lowlifes for abandoning their child or the social repurcussions of doing so would make them look bad in others eyes so even that love is conditional on maintaining their own view of themselves or family or whatever else. Kinda way off topic but interesting none the less.

I was just curious what your thoughts were about friendship in previous gneeratiosn vs today. Do you think today its harder to find a genuine friend than in our parents or grandparents generation?

Post: #7

"Who gives a fuck about friends? / If you mix the baking soda wit it you can get a Benz"

Air Forces by Jeezy

Post: #8

Even Jeezy has heard of baking soda. We can add another use to the list.

Post: #9

I am 32. I am good friends with my two brothers (who I often see). And I have a best friend I only see about 4 times a year.

To me that is perfect. I have other good friends - but I no longer care if I see them again. I have moved on - I am just too busy trying to get shit done. It is great when I see them - but I don't really care either way.

I just find that after shooting the breeze with my brothers, parents, my best friend and the ton of people I know at work - I would rather concentrate on other stuff. I have alot of different stuff to do - day by day.

Still - if Teedub ever wants to be my new best friend I will certainly reconsider the above! :-)

Post: #10

Quote:The whole transactional thing is very interesting. I was going to try to argue against your point that there is no thing as unconditional love, even what we think of as unconditional love is transactional.

Now one could say parent/child is unconditional love but I guess even there you could make the argument it's not unconditional love they would feel like lowlifes for abandoning their child or the social repurcussions of doing so would make them look bad in others eyes so even that love is conditional on maintaining their own view of themselves or family or whatever else. Kinda way off topic but interesting none the less.

I was just curious what your thoughts were about friendship in previous gneeratiosn vs today. Do you think today its harder to find a genuine friend than in our parents or grandparents generation?

Not all parents love their kids unconditionally. But some/many do, and the mother/child relationship (possibly the father/child one as well) may be the only non-transactional relationship in existence.

I agree with everything else Nemencine wrote. Always make sure you have something to bring to the table. Doesn't have to be a skill or assets. If you're 100% trustworthy/dependable and people know this, you are one valuable motherfucker to anyone who you let count on you.

Post: #11

(03-12-2014 02:15 PM)Teedub Wrote:  Even Jeezy has heard of baking soda. We can add another use to the list.

+1 to whoever busts out a crack cooking data sheet.

Post: #12

yes

Post: #13

I have only a handful of good friends, thankfully they are full red pill.

I can not stand speaking with "normal" (blue pill) people.
They remind me too much of my pathetic old self.

Post: #14

Friends make it almost impossible to think freely and to find yourself. Otherwise one loses ones identity and becomes a part of a group.

Post: #15

Handful of brothers.

A bit of friends.

Lots of acquaintances.

Post: #16

I have 4 good friends, but no acquaintances at all. People who aren't my friends are just people who pass through my field of view now and then.

Post: #17

I don't really do acquaintances. Most of the guys I hang with I've known for 10+ years.

Post: #18

(03-12-2014 02:31 PM)cardguy Wrote:  I am 32. I am good friends with my two brothers (who I often see). And I have a best friend I only see about 4 times a year.

To me that is perfect. I have other good friends - but I no longer care if I see them again. I have moved on - I am just too busy trying to get shit done. It is great when I see them - but I don't really care either way.

I just find that after shooting the breeze with my brothers, parents, my best friend and the ton of people I know at work - I would rather concentrate on other stuff. I have alot of different stuff to do - day by day.

Still - if Teedub ever wants to be my new best friend I will certainly reconsider the above! :-)

This is an interesting thread, I have a few 'friends' and alot of other people I know/acquaintances. I confused what a friend was until I started working for myself. I have some really cool clients that I like talking to and we shoot the shit, but do I think I can rely on them or ask them to help me move? no. They are just people I get along with, I formerly classified people like this outside of my work environment as friends.

Those people that are my friends, i can call them up after not talking for two or three years and its like no time has passed. One of the two greatest tests/friend filters is moving away from your home town/region/country and turning off social media. How many people think "Man, Dr. Howard, I wonder how he's doing?" and drop and email or phone call. Not many, but the ones that do, you know you are in their conscious, they don't need reminders to remember who you are.

That being said, I love having a few close friends and family. Situational friendships like Nemencine wrote about suit me much better, especially when they are beneficial and well intentioned for both parties but with no long term expectations/hurt feelings if you drift apart.

Post: #19

I will try and address a couple of things that has been written on this thread.

Let me start this way:

It is quite possible that a person will die for you, willingly and literally take a bullet for you(e.g. a fellow soldier,)... but it is also quite possible that, you cannot trust that same fellow soldier with your money.. or that the same fellow soldier is badly itching to fuck your wife behind your back. Is he still your friend?

Just because he is dependable as a rock in one arena, doesnt mean he is trustworthy in another arena.

A person may not fuck your seriously hot and horny and naked wife behind your back... but that same person will not take a bullet for you or something else. Is he still your friend?

Like i said in point #16 in this post: Everybody has their price. What is yours?

We tends to erroneously extrapolate courage and great character in one arena to other arenas. Human beings are not that black and white. Our strengths and weaknesses exist on a continuum. All of us.

Hence, do not call somebody your friend until you've definitely know their price, and that your values and priorities are at peace with that price. You simply cannot place too much trust in friends.

Which is why i don't believe in unconditional love. Even if it is between mother/child or father/child. Unconditional love by its definition has no price. A human being without a price doesnt exist.

This dovetail into point #3 of this list: it is important to know what you bring to the table, and also, know what the other person brings to the table.

This is also why it is critical, that in determining if a person is worthy of your friendship, to employ your greatest weapon and ally: TIME
The passage of time will provide ample opportunities to stress test your relationship in ways you couldnt have imagined.... thereby revealing people's true colours. Time unmask us all. Be patient and give time, some time. True friendship cannot and should not be rushed. If it is meant to last... it will still be there....

again, this is my take on friendship...

With humble regards,

Nemencine

Post: #20

(03-13-2014 06:03 AM)Bill Wrote:  Friends make it almost impossible to think freely and to find yourself. Otherwise one loses ones identity and becomes a part of a group.

That's the thing, most people don't bring much to the table. As an intelligent young man, I can afford to hang out with pretty much anyone.

But when I didn't know anything, spending time with someone from Podunk, USA was a waste of time in many highly significant ways. Someone who didn't know anything, who dislikes black people. Those are the kinds of people with whom I grew up. And probably a lot of guys here. So can you blame us for leaving home and, thus, leaving our 'friends' behind? I wouldn't want to spend time with the average American. I'm not an average American, and my friends aren't either.

The problem is that it's tough to find friends if you are exceptional. Real friends.

I agree that it's better to have one rock solid friend than twenty ho-hum acquaintances.

Post: #21

I find this as well.

When I was blue-pill and younger, I felt like I was always looking for cool friends or maybe even a mentor to help me 'find myself', show me shit, make me laugh and generally help me have a good time.

Pretty selfish way of thinking. But it was a need that I used to have.

But as I have gotten older - I feel my character has settled into a rock solid frame. In which I no longer let myself be buffeted by people and events. But instead I can bring my own singular perspective to shit that happens.

As such - my 'need' for friends has dropped off. Since I have finally found what I'm looking for.

I can no longer relate to Bono. lol