Post: #1

I have a close friend that I have been knowing for 16 years that has problems picking up women. He has received more nos, rejection, and friendzoned more than anyone I know. I'm sure his problem is far deeper than most people that aren't psychiatrist can assess. He told me today via Facebook that he HATES women. I tried for years to get this guy in game but he has never looked in the mirror to make the corrections in his own life. With his last comment about hating women, I don't know if I want to drop him as a friend or tell that he needs to speak to a professional. What do you all think?

Post: #2

Like you said, sounds like a deeper issue whether its some deep psychological shit like he hates his mother or he's just venting his frurstrations with himself and putting that on the women. Sounds like he's pissed off 10's aren't just running up to him ripping his pants off.

I would venture to guess he's frustrated with his lack of success and maye not happy with himself, his self image, his level of fitness, level of game, where he's at in his life career wise.

Depending on how close you are to him and how well he trakes criticism I'd try to point that out to him if he has a weakness you see which he has failed to change. be like dude stop saying you hate women, I told you a year ago to hit the gym or get a haircut or whatever he's neglected doing. say its not the women its your game or its your gut or whatever else

Post: #3

He needs to be inspired to want to get in the game. You could try telling him that the girls aren't rejecting him, they are rejecting his bad game.

He should know that there are an almost unlimited supply of girls out there, and he can improve his game and that he's not stuck with bad game.

Then the only person that he can blame will be himself for not taking the initiative.

Post: #4

Tell your friend to buy and read Albert Ellis' "A Guide to Rational Living", reviewed in this great thread.

An attitude such as the one you describe your friend having almost always results from someone having irrational ideas or expectations about how the world must be. For example:

-- Women must love me for what I am. No matter how I look or act they must see through to my inner value!

-- Women have no right to be as stupid and superficial as they are. They must be better!

-- I must get the love from a woman that I never got from my mother. If I don't it's a catastrophe!

And so on.

The key is to identify what irrational "must" idea you have in your mind that in turn is causing the harmful/irrational emotion and resulting counterproductive behavior. Emotions don't just arise out of nowhere; they come from irrational beliefs and ideas about the world. If your friend can identify the irrational ideas he has, and then vigorously dispute these ideas and see that they have no place in reality (because whatever it is that we like to be the case, the world is not obliged to comply), that in turn will, over time, change the emotions that he feels and the counterproductive behaviors that result from them.

These techniques (REBT/CBT) have been tested time and again and found to be extremely effective in all sorts of controlled studies. They work, and are ideal for addressing exactly the type of situation you describe.

If your friend is not the type to just read a book and think this through for himself, tell him to find a good REBT/CBT therapist.

Post: #5

He has to want to change. All you can do is show him materials...show him success.

WIA

Post: #6

He should probably just forget about women for a while and concentrate on living/improving his life in all other ways. Sounds like he is a death spiral he needs to pull out of.

Post: #7

(03-10-2014 11:42 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  He has to want to change. All you can do is show him materials...show him success.

WIA

He knows success because he saw where I came from. Not with women but we have similar backgrounds. He sees where I am in life compared to four years ago.

When it comes to game, I don't think he wants to change.

As the old saying goes:
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

Post: #8

(03-10-2014 11:34 AM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:  Tell your friend to buy and read Albert Ellis' "A Guide to Rational Living", reviewed in this great thread.

An attitude such as the one you describe your friend having almost always results from someone having irrational ideas or expectations about how the world must be. For example:

-- Women must love me for what I am. No matter how I look or act they must see through to my inner value!

-- Women have no right to be as stupid and superficial as they are. They must be better!

-- I must get the love from a woman that I never got from my mother. If I don't it's a catastrophe!

And so on.

The key is to identify what irrational "must" idea you have in your mind that in turn is causing the harmful/irrational emotion and resulting counterproductive behavior. Emotions don't just arise out of nowhere; they come from irrational beliefs and ideas about the world. If your friend can identify the irrational ideas he has, and then vigorously dispute these ideas and see that they have no place in reality (because whatever it is that we like to be the case, the world is not obliged to comply), that in turn will, over time, change the emotions that he feels and the counterproductive behaviors that result from them.

These techniques (REBT/CBT) have been tested time and again and found to be extremely effective in all sorts of controlled studies. They work, and are ideal for addressing exactly the type of situation you describe.

If your friend is not the type to just read a book and think this through for himself, tell him to find a good REBT/CBT therapist.

Thanks for this. He is an avid reader now so I'll buy the book and send it to him.

Post: #9

Hating women is like hating the opposing football team for playing against you. They bring the fun and the opportunity to win. Without them it's just boring.

Post: #10

I can fully understand disliking women in general if he's been constantly rejected and the women make him feel awful. It wouldn't be a nice feeling and would cut very deep. I really dislike men and women who reject people in such an awful way.

The friend zone is just another kick in the balls too

Really the only way up is to change himself drastically if he really wants to meet quality women and it'll be a tough road. He could also be depressed which would explain the lack in trying to change.

Post: #11

Your friend's attitude is not only unhealthy, but toxic to you as well.

Keep your distance.

Don't get bogged down by 'friends' who have unhealthy attitudes.

Post: #12

I also hate women because "Sounds like he's pissed off 10's aren't just running up to him ripping his pants off. "

Post: #13

If there's one thing I've learned in my short, short life so far, it's that you can't help others do something they aren't willing to do themselves - and you'll only damage yourself in the process.

If your friend truly, truly wants to get laid don't try to teach him game. Get him into the gym or some other positive life changing activity where he learns and builds confidence for himself. This just sounds like a guy who prefers to whine about no girl liking him for him, but what girl wants to date a whiner who won't even make the tiniest effort to improve his life?

Post: #14

He sounds toxic. Leave him.

Post: #15

He lacks discipline, motivation and confidence. In short, he's weak. Motivate him, show him examples of results of discipline (before-after pictures), make a plan for him to i.e. quit porn, sweets, unhealthy food, to get a hobby like playing an instrument, some sport, weightlifting, and most importantly show him the results of game. If he refuses to get better, drop him, he'll be flushed via natural selection or will become a psycho and try to drag you with him in hell.

Post: #16

(03-11-2014 06:24 PM)Christian McQueen Wrote:  Your friend's attitude is not only unhealthy, but toxic to you as well.

Keep your distance.

Don't get bogged down by 'friends' who have unhealthy attitudes.

I live in Europe and he lives in California. His toxicity will not reach me. I'm far beyond that in my game. I just want to see him succeed but if doesn't want to, that's his loss. I'll continue enjoying my life and the women that I slay.

Post: #17

(03-12-2014 12:34 AM)Billy Chubbs Wrote:  If there's one thing I've learned in my short, short life so far, it's that you can't help others do something they aren't willing to do themselves - and you'll only damage yourself in the process.

If your friend truly, truly wants to get laid don't try to teach him game. Get him into the gym or some other positive life changing activity where he learns and builds confidence for himself. This just sounds like a guy who prefers to whine about no girl liking him for him, but what girl wants to date a whiner who won't even make the tiniest effort to improve his life?

What's funny is that he goes to the gym. He was 215lbs. Now is 179 lbs and very fit. His energy is severely FUCKED UP though. I'm gonna have a heart to heart talk with him today. If he isn't willing to open up and listen, then I will not to him regarding anything that has to do with women.

Post: #18

He might be a closet gay if he hates women. If he hates women he'll never get one. He ought to take a trip to the Philippines or Thailand

Post: #19

(03-12-2014 04:42 AM)travolta Wrote:  He might be a closet gay if he hates women. If he hates women he'll never get one. He ought to take a trip to the Philippines or Thailand

Closet gay, no. He has a kid and was in a relationship for four years. I know him well and his family also. I'll suggest getting therapy. I'm making notes for my convo with him so we don't go off topic.

Post: #20

Give him one chance to grab that branch you're dangling down from the tree for him to grab. He can see the fruit you're surrounded by on the tree but if he doesnt take his feet off the ground and jump? Leave him on the ground and enjoy the fruit around, don't let him pull you down with him to the ground along with all the fruit, the fruit will start to rot.

Post: #21

I had the talk with my friend and it is time for me to distance myself from him. I can't have anyone like that on my team. He is damaged beyond repair. There is no need trying to salvage him. I have more women to conquer and no time to waste. He can fuck his hands forever.

Post: #22

(03-12-2014 01:42 PM)TheDealCloser Wrote:  He is damaged beyond repair. There is no need trying to salvage him.

Send him Mark Ames's article: Meditations on Misogyny (2003).

Post: #23

Better idea, don't do shit and let him choose his own existence.

You won't reach greatness if you invest time and energy on trying to bring someone up who is mediocre and has no desire to get on your level.

Post: #24

(03-10-2014 11:34 AM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:  Tell your friend to buy and read Albert Ellis' "A Guide to Rational Living", reviewed in this great thread.

An attitude such as the one you describe your friend having almost always results from someone having irrational ideas or expectations about how the world must be.

Very insightful.

Nietzsche called this Nihilism when applied metaphysically, but likewise here, it's the same thing.

These people deny the world as it is in favour of some mental concoction of how it 'ought to be'.

Post: #25

I'd like to know more about this person you're describing.

You mention that he's received "more no, rejection, and friendzoning than anyone you know." Is it obvious why? Is he socially inept? Severely ugly?

I agree with the other posters here that it isn't your job to be someone else's mother, but at the same time, you seem to care about this guy enough to ask the question. We need to know more about WHY he's constantly failing.

Maybe it's not a bad idea to make a couple friendly suggestions, and then if he doesn't appreciate it, move on.