Post: #1

This thread on Metafilter, which is feminist central, caught my eye:

http://ask.metafilter.com/257521/how-to-...after-rape

Girl gets raped. She contacts a guy friend by email and tells him about it. He says its "too sensitive" a topic for him, and he freezes her out.

I thought about this ... And I think this guy's reaction is pretty understandable. He was refusing to be this girl's emotional tampon. I think guys understand on a primal level that it is somehow emasculating to be a sounding board when a woman wants to talk about a rape. There's something diminishing and humiliating for a guy to have to console a woman in the wake of another guy's sexual predations. It's basically functioning as a girlfriend.

Notice, in that thread, that some people are speculating that he must have raped someone in the past for him to be so cold to her.

Post: #2

Run!

Post: #3

If the girl is a friend then fucking console her. Also for some reason this question makes me think of bridges. And fat smelly femi-human-ist trolls

Post: #4

I would tell her to lay off the booze so she wouldn't have so much morning after guilt.

Post: #5

Here's what likely happened:

She emailed her friend zoned beta orbiter to tell her how she was "date raped" by some asshole in their social circle. The beta orbiter was resentful that she even went out with the guy in the first place and doesn't believe her.

I don't have many female friends...mostly just acquaintances. If one was legit raped (none of this "I drank too much" or "things go out of control and I didn't realize what was happening" bullshit), then I'd be there for her. I don't turn away people who are suffering.

If there are no bruises, ripped clothing, or signs of struggle...then I just don't want to hear about it.

Post: #6

MikeCF ... That's pretty much my take as well. And I suspect the rape was one of those ambiguous date-rape allegations ... Because, you know, if she was pulled off a jogging path by a dude with a knife, well yeah, it would be super cold to freeze her out. My read of it from the get go was that this was something a lot more ambiguous.

Post: #7

If a girl was legitimately raped I seriously doubt she would want to tell one of her random orbiters about it. She should be talking to the police, a counselor, family and closest friends.

That story sounds like she was just looking for attention from the guy. In fact, she seems way more upset that the guy didn't give her attention than about the fact that she got raped!

This leads me to believe it was, in fact, more of a regretted drunken hookup than an actual rape, and that she was subconsciously trying to signal her desirability and vulnerability to the guy by telling him she was raped, either hoping to fuck him (if she was attracted to him) or as a way of essentially bragging and rubbing her SMV in his face if she wasn't ("I'm so desirable that a guy actually risked going to jail by having sex with me against my will! You are so lucky to be my beta orbiter!")

Post: #8

Invite her over and rape her worse than the last guy so she doesn't feel so bad about it.

Post: #9

"I am not a mental health professional, but I know people who are. While I'd like to support you, this is beyond my capacity, so let me put you in touch with someone who can help."

Post: #10

I would tell her to go to the police immediately and get a rape kit. I would even offer to go with her if necessary. but no, i would not be her emotional tampon after getting pumped and dumped and then wants to cry rape after the other guy dumps her.

Post: #11

Also, if she tells the guy about her rape but doesn't report it, doesn't he become an accessory after the fact to the crime? So if she's assaulted again by the same guy, it's on his shoulders, since he didn't contact authorities.

Post: #12

I've had girls claim sexual assault/rape, although never immediately after the event.

I always respond with a series of pivotal questions:

1) Were you unconscious?

2) Did he physically restrain you?

3) Did you verbally say no and try to leave?

4) Did you take your clothes off?

Post: #13

Yeah I don't have any female friends, just acquaintances. Regardless, if any of them called me up needing a shoulder to cry on, I would feel things out with some indirect questions,

"Oh shit, are you okay? Are you back from the hospital?"

If she says she didn't go to the hospital then I know it's bullshit. In which case I would end the interaction ASAP and cut her off.

Post: #14

(02-21-2014 02:10 PM)runsonmagic Wrote:  "I am not a mental health professional, but I know people who are. While I'd like to support you, this is beyond my capacity, so let me put you in touch with someone who can help."

Perfect.

Post: #15

I have dealt with women that have claimed to just been physically assaulted by a boyfriend. Usually, they'll be showing off a scratch on their ankle or some other injury that doesn't make sense (like sore knuckles).

I immediately offer to call the police, but give them no sympathy otherwise.

They always decline the offer.

Post: #16

(02-21-2014 02:01 PM)scorpion Wrote:  That story sounds like she was just looking for attention from the guy. In fact, she seems way more upset that the guy didn't give her attention than about the fact that she got raped!

Great observation. "It's not that I got raped that hurts. It's that he won't be there for me."

Crazy girl is crazy.

Post: #17

Don't be friends with girls.

Post: #18

If the girl is a friend and I have time, I'll listen. It will probably cost me very little.

If I believe her, I may offer practical advice or assistance if necessary. If I am skeptical, I'll let her tell her story and remain aloof. I won't challenge her story but I also won't take sides.

Either way: treat it as no big deal. You're not an emotional tampon you're an emotional rock. Under no circumstances white knight or play "let's you and him fight."

Post: #19

If she didn't immediately tell the cops, I immediately don't believe her.

Post: #20

(02-21-2014 02:01 PM)scorpion Wrote:  That story sounds like she was just looking for attention from the guy. In fact, she seems way more upset that the guy didn't give her attention than about the fact that she got raped!

What if women are becoming so desensitized to sex they cry rape to fill that empty void? It reminds me of chicks I've met that were perma-burned from X. They laughed cause it was by then a conditioned or learned response, but that light in your eyes that's supposed to flicker at point is gone.

As our society fades, so may the traditional values, including what the relationship between sex/emotions means. Everything becomes transactional at best. I'm beginning to think the zombie apocalypse is going to be a lot more boring than what the movies let on.

Post: #21

I had a really close female relative call me while she was in college to inform me she'd been raped. She did go to the police.

My brother and I typically would have driven across the state and paid a little visit over something as extreme as assault or rape, but we sat down and discussed what we both knew about the incident and agreed it sounded like she was full of shit. Naked in bed with the guy, etc. So we left it to the legal process.

Pretty sure the guy either got off or she dropped the charges. She still brings up her "traumatization" sometimes and I go aloof and change the subject.

Pretty sure we did the right thing. To this day, she bitches about how it has become the "in" thing for feminists to cry rape, and that's it's a threat to due process for valid rape claims. But she somehow fails to make the connection with her own experience.

And the hamster presses forward...

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #22

Post: #23

I'd offer to call the police. If she declines or offers any resistence, try and get her to show the hamster in its full glory, then next her.

I had an ex cut herself as some emotional manipulation tactic (not down the wrist but across). I ended up calling the police and they hauled her away for a psych eval. She managed to get herself taken out from the 72 hour hold overnight.

When it comes to shit like this, my patience is zero unless it was clearly a Law and Order SVU style assault. None of this drunken hook up regret.

Post: #24

If it's obviously an attempt at attention garnering

"..."

Post: #25

If she's not related to me or if I'm not fucking her, it's not my problem.