Post: #1

tl;dr - strong urge lately to want to buy things that don't make much sense. Any advice?

Lately, I have been struggling with wanting material things. Usually, I don’t have a lot of material wants. I have always tried to focus on the long term. I look at each dollar set aside as a long term employee (ala Richest Man of Babylon great easy to read book).

Don’t get me wrong, I have nice things acquired over the years out of either necessity (work) or pure value play (couldn’t pass on the deal).

I am going to share some info for context, please don’t read it as anything more than that.

For years I have sucked it up to fund my investments/businesses. I lived in a shoebox for years.

Lately, I have been searching for material items. Things I don’t really need. I sort of feel like a Vulcan who is having a temporary control problem. LOL.

I want a $1,000 pair of business shoes – makes no sense since I don’t have to dress business except rarely and I have like 12 pairs of very good business shoes.

I want a Rolex – but I rarely wear a watch, and I already have a nice respectable Swiss watch plus a cheap antique which I like better.

I want a new car – but my car works fine and my business partner will give me a BMW 6 series convertible free.

I enjoy simple things, I don’t usually get excited about stuff. As I child, I grew up with perspective and my family did well but kept that information hidden. Heck, my parents have offered to buy me a new car, I also know that if I told them I wanted to go on a 2 year long search for a bride they would be stroking checks right now.

But it is important to me to do it on my terms. Lately, it just seems like I have this buying bug.

Anyone ever go through this? Any advice? It isn’t a money thing, I just don’t like the idea that I am wanting unnecessary stuff. Maybe I denied myself too long? Lately, I’ll hop on CL and ebay for hours and just look at shit I could buy, and then I keep asking myself, “why, why, why?”

Any insight would be appreciated. Thank you very much.

Post: #2

I feel like one must find a healthy balance between the two extremes.

Imo western culture is pretty obsessed with materialism and keeping up with the jones. You need to look no further than our analysis of anglo females to know how true this is, with everyone angling for another smartphone, another expensive handbag, another pair of rhinestone studded heels, another car loan, it goes on. Keeping up with the Jones and eying what's on your neighbors driveway or feet or wrist doesn't lead to lasting happiness in the long run.

At the same time, I don't advocate for a complete total eschewing of material goods. I will readily admit I like nice things. I like nice cars that look stylish and breath fire. I like handsome sharp shoes and Omegas and IWCs and tailored Oxxfords, etc. But just because I like those things, does not mean I let their acquisition or lack thereof dominate my waking thoughts.

Post: #3

If you have the money, buy it. I don't see anything wrong in wanting to buy expensive things if you can afford it. I personally wouldn't do it. Then again, I am not one of these guys making 10k per month.

If you are making average money then don't.

Read this post by Roosh..it had a great impact on me, specially point number 3.

http://www.rooshv.com/3-things-i-learned-last-year

Post: #4

It's simple:

If you have the money to buy some shit you want, do it.

As long as it doesn't affect your personal life and standard of living now (which I assume it doesn't).

When you have stacks put back and you go spend some money, it's fun and a part of having money. What is the point of having tons of money if you can't enjoy it?

Worse case scenario OP, if you're feeling guilty spending, just write me a check and I'll spend it for you.

Post: #5

I think you need to find a good middle ground. If you can easily afford your wants, you might as well go for it. Some people live their whole lives stingy, "saving for later." Many of those people die that way, it's important to have an end goal to your savings (eg. $12k exactly in my checking account.") If you've met your goals, it may be time to splurge a bit on the finer things in life.

Example of good balance:
1. Take the free BMW
2. Buy a pre-owned Rolex
3. Get a nice pair of shoes, but not $1,000- $500 is an excellent price.

Human nature is to always want more. Once you get that Rolex and a new car, then what? You'll always want to get better and better things, you'll hit the limit one day. Aspire to set goals that are reasonable and you're golden.

Post: #6

(01-22-2014 07:48 PM)pitt Wrote:  Read this post by Roosh..it had a great impact on me, specially point number 3.

http://www.rooshv.com/3-things-i-learned-last-year

Roosh Wrote:3. You don’t need much income if you’re not a consumer.

If you don’t want a luxury car, a penthouse, the latest electronic gadgets, or a dozen custom suits, you don’t need a lot of money. If you don’t feel the need to make it rain in clubs, and you use day approaches as your main game strategy, you won’t need more than $100 per notch. If you realize that things can’t possibly make you happy, you won’t find yourself buying much besides good liquor and food. The less money you need to spend, the less money you need to make. The less money you need to make, the less work you need to do. Instead of chasing dollars and objects you’ve been programmed to buy, you enjoy your own leisure time, hobbies, or reading.

It doesn’t hurt to be rich, and I won’t bash those men who go for it, but a huge percentage of the world’s pretty women are content with dating a middle class man who is fit, intelligent, stable, and confident. I’ve had great months where my income was much higher than normal because of a new book release, but there was nothing to spend the extra money on that would increase the things I value in life (good people, women, work, health, and books). After a very modest amount, additional money becomes an abstract construct that exists only on a computer screen. Design a life free of superfluous consumer desires and figure out how much money you need a year to live that life. There will be no need to bother with more.

I find this to be true, particularly his last point about how one's tight game and sense of inner worth is much more valuable than props bought with extra money.

Post: #7

We buy pleasure things to fill a void, to satisfy a longing, to get rid of our suffering really. Sometimes what we are suffering is boredom. Shopping satisfies it temporarily, but the lack soon comes back and then we are looking for yet another thing to fill the void, or another woman.

The specific things you are looking to buy have symbolic meaning.

Shoes - They are what we use to be "grounded" in life. You have 12 pairs, anymore than that and the Pinays will get very angry. Having a lot of shoes, represents a longing to be infinite, to not be finite. Finitude can have the negative feelings of being stuck, fixed, and un-free. I'm guessing you are looking for a way to be grounded (finite) yet at the same time be free (infinite). Hence the many pairs of shoes. Perhaps you work is very heavy on you and your time, and you feel a really great, well-made pair of shoes will give you the footing you need to carry the burden. I really don't know you well enough to say either way, but those are the ideas that come to mind.

Watch - I've often desired a nice watch myself, though I haven't bought one. If you don't already own one, buying a watch is symbolic of the desire to enter time and space. Since you already have 2 I would say it's a desire for what a Rolex represents. A Swiss watch would represent preciseness, an antique watch would represent a longing for/identifying with a previous (older, better time).

Car - A car is the vehicle with which you use to move forward in life. You want a new way of moving forward, and the kind of car you want would shed light on what that new way is.

In general it seems like you are practical person who, like most people, has a self-indulgent side to them that you are aware of and may at times feel a sense of fault for.

Since I don't know you, I'm analyzing this all at a distance so please take it with a grain of salt.

Post: #8

Gentlemen,

Many thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. I appreciate the support and lack of judgement.

I do feel maybe I have a little too much free time lately and this itchiness could represent another phase of growth that is coming. Maybe it is subconsciously, acknowledging that the investments/businesses are paying off and I can stop worrying about capital calls required to keep the businesses going. I have lived in "concern" over the last few years making sure that I could keep things going.

Onto, interesting perspective - very zen/spiritual way of looking at it.

I hope this phase passes. My issue with buying those things is - the infrequent use or the extra expense (car).

It isn't that I am a cheapskate. I have been known to be generous.

Maybe, deep inside, I view those things as shallow and I don't want to consider myself shallow? As someone who processes data all day long, I make judgements. Maybe I am judging myself.

Post: #9

Are you also feeling more horny than usual lately?

I feel like a lot of your recent posts on the forum tend to the subject of pussy even when it's not what the thread is obviously about -- which makes me think that it's on your mind a lot.

Sometimes men who are experiencing a surge in libido also get unusually acquisitive. I know it's happened to me. Being very horny will sharpen your interest in and appreciation for all sorts of things and makes you feel like you need to have them. Especially if the horniness has no immediate outlet.

Post: #10

(01-22-2014 08:12 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  Maybe I am judging myself.

Yes, you are, but that's natural.

Self-reflection involves wanting to "see" yourself and what it's all about. Thing is, often when we do see something, either in ourselves, or in the the world/others we instinctively move towards judging it which aborts the further examination and "seeing" of it.

Personally, when I do well in business or luck into some kind of fortune I eventually feel a sense of fault for it, because I feel like an ego separated from the less fortunate, so I unconciously to do things to get rid of the extra.

Not everyone is like this, mind you, and I'm certainly not saying that you are. However, there are many like myself (fault types) who are.

Money is powerfully symbolic. Power, Freedom and Egotism are few terms that come to mind.

Ever hear the phrase "he took a bath", often said on Wall Street. The person who took a bath cleansed himself of the filthy lucre.

Even though I know this to be true of myself, it's still very hard to keep in check, but "seeing" it does help me to hold on to my extra the best I can.

Post: #11

Lizard,

Ya, I think I am. I have had a dry spell as I have focused on so many other things.

I have been lifting like a mad man and growing a Christian McQueen inspired beard.

I have been looking into boxing and definitely feel more aggressive.

Last time I felt like this, I grew hair down to my shoulders and had a bunch of crazy girls enter my life but had great sex. Maybe those items I want are to add to my "peacocking"?

Great insight.

Post: #12

This happens to me from time to time. Same as you, I have everything I need and I like what I've built up. The unessential items that you're talking about are probably desired because you are bored or not focused, as you seemed to acknowledge.

When this happens to me, I either go camp for a few days or spend some time surfing. Point being, natural, simple activities that remind me how special life really is. The rat race is fun, but unnecessary in the grand scheme.

One of my goals for 2014 is no large purchases, over $500.

Post: #13

^^^I try to keep my purchase under 100 dollars for material items (sans suits). I have a soft spot for suits and pocket squares. Fn love pocket squares.

I cheaped out on a 65 dollars dope ass pocket square at bloomingdales. I just can't bring myself to pay the 5000x markup on a piece of silk. Silly logic, but still. Ended up getting 2 16 dollar square (red and multi-colored one from Jose Banks)

Retarded considering this will not impact my lifestyle AT ALL. Oh well...

Post: #14

I think this is just a journey that you are going through that most people that accumulate wealth go through.

As you have more money, your choices increase. This change your preconception need/want/pleasure. When you don't have lots of money, the need out weight the want/pleasure. The money is needed to help your business/life. As you have more money, the needs are no longer have such a high demand on your money. The wants is starting to take a higher priority.

Personally example: When I got my first car, I had 2k to spend. The amount limit my choices and I need to have a car. On the second to last car I purchased, I could walk into almost any dealership and buy any car I want. Instead of a few choices, I had hundreds. I will see this car and think "ohh, how nice. I like that." See another, "wow. that's nice to have". If I didn't have the disposable money, I wouldn't had that problem.

Most of us stay in the Want phase for a long time. I think you are just hitting this phase. You look at something and say to yourself, oh that's nice. I can get that and it wouldn't hurt me financially. In your mind, needs no longer have a veto on how you spend your money. That's why you have these internal battle. I must congratulate you. Most people don't have such a long/strong need phase. You actually thought about your future and took the long term choice. Now, some people will tell themselves that it is ok to buy all those things.

So this become the age old "need vs want". Instead of debating of going out and buying that shoe/watch/car to splurge. I would like to introduce Pleasure. You already know this. You said it yourself, "It isn't that I am a cheapskate. I have been known to be generous." When you spend money to be generous, you are getting pleasure out of it. It wasn't for your needs. You may had want to get something out of that person you are being generous to but you were getting pleasure out of it too.

As I said, most of us stay in the want phase. Other forum member said to buy a used rolex instead of new. Lower price item of the same thing, ie bargain hunting. Those are very smart thing to do to find a want. But honestly, long term, it make no different. Does it make a different to you now if you go to have a $100 dollar dinner vs $200 dollar dinner? It is not going to make a different if an item cost $1000 instead of $500. Just like it make no different in buying a 100K car vs a $130K car. When you buy something for wants, it make no different in price. Trust me on this, when I got my first tablet computer, I don't need it. I just thought oh cool, I want that. When I took it out on the plane, people would stare at it. People would ask me question how I write on it and how it works. Yap, it run windows XP.

So, lets get back to pleasure. I think most of us know this phase, we just thought of it as wants but for none things. We spend money on travel and experience. For a long time, I had believe that pleasure is want. I want to go see this, want to go do this. Things/Items really don't have that much meaning for me anymore. My Ex/GFs used to say I am the worst person to buy gift for, anything that I want, I already got. Only reason I don't have something is because it is not out yet. I got more of a kick out of buying things for people and seeing their reactions. I got to a point where I just stop buying things.

How did I find the pleasure phase? By accident. I had decided to relocate to another country. I am moving from 110v to 220v. I had to pack up everything I own. As I was going through all my stuff, I keep asking myself why did I buy that? How many time did I used it? As most of stuff was going to storage before I moved into a new place (just renting, looking for a place to buy). I pack and repack, and came to the realization that most of the stuff I am keeping have a meaning behind it. Almost everything was either a gift or something I had purchased in travel. The rest are just cloths and stuffs. Now if you come to my house and pick up almost anything, I can tell you a story behind it. For my clothing and jewellery, it is slowly becoming the same. Oh, if I show you my car now, there is a nice story behind that.

I believe that is why lots of people when they start to get great wealth, they start to give it away. They are getting pleasure out of it. I also believe that lots of people don't get pass the Want phase. They get more money, they want more fame/power that it bring. I think those people are never truly fulfill.

So, after all that what do I think? Why don't you change your Want to Pleasure now? Go buy that Rolex, just go find one that is unique and have a story. Goto an auction to buy the watch, you can go to Christie or a police auction. Now when you wear the watch, you will remember the fun/excitement you had when you got it. Did some drug dealer or gangster own that Rolex before you? Instead of buying that $1000 shoe, have a bespoke pair made. You can decide on the style, color, leather, heel height. It will be your first pair of bespoke shoe, it will last you a lifetime. Don't spend your money wisely, spend it memorably. Pleasure will win over want anytime.

I now buy things for function and pleasure. Will this item/purchase make my life easier, if it does, I get it. Will this item/purchase give me lasting pleasure (except for food ), if it does, I get it. I find that I no longer care about what people think about what I own. It had change my value of things.

Post: #15

Once again thank you gentlemen for the insights.

Maybe I just need to allow myself to enjoy certain things. I have always had to "game" in my mind certain unnecessary items to do certain things. As a random, I wanted to mess with litecoins, but I knew it would end up being a hobby so I went an opened a checking account to just get the opening account bonus so I could do this hobby and not feel like I blew money. It ended up not working out and I'll be giving those parts to a friend (I don't get linux). But it didn't feel like I spent anything - yes it cost time and mental energy - but I learned along the way.

TD, I enjoy the mental aspects of buying stuff more than sometimes buying the stuff, knowing I got a bargain (even though I spend a lot of hours finding the bargain - I could have worked a min wage job and more than paid for the item sometimes). I have always been a win with less guy. It just seems more fun. If you make a million dollars by investing 10 million, it isn't the same as making a million with nothing.

Lately, I have been living on slickdeals just buying stuff that strikes me, but oftentimes (back to DVY's point) I realized I should spend a bit more and get quality and I send it back.

I wish I were truly loaded then maybe this battle wouldn't waging now in my mind.

I deeply appreciate the time people have taken to answer. Truly, thank you.

Post: #16

I blow alot of cash (relative to my budget). But on things like restaurants and books.

The good thing with that is you can do that shit for years - and it will cost no more than buying an expensive watch/shoes/car. And to me it is much better value for money than just paying for an expensive brand. It also means I can continually 'treat' myself - without bankrupting myself. I am constantly ordering books on amazon with just a couple of clicks.

If you are looking for retail therapy it suggests you are seeking a hobby or challenge to take up your time. I'm sure I would be out looking for stuff to buy if I wasn't lucky enough to have other interests to keep me distracted. So that might be something to consider. But it tends to be that interests and passions find you as opposed to the other way round.

Also - if you were looking to blow money on an expensive watch or whatever. I think it would be more fun to use the money for bets or risky investments. It may even make you money - but it would also provide an interesting use for your time. Much better than paying extra for a fancy logo.

Post: #17

When I want to buy things frivolously I end up buying stocks that I hold onto for a long time.

Invest the money?

Post: #18

frenchie, that is my problem. I always want to invest and make deals and develop businesses.

A friend and I were talking about what I would do if I was given 10k to spend. A gift. My first thought, save it/invest it.

All of you gentlemen have been very kind with your time. And I feel a bit selfish taking up your time.

I just think I need to do something new to eat up this restless energy. I won't blow money on anything unless it was a total deal and my ego will feel victorious because I scored a deal. LOL.

Many thanks.

Post: #19

(01-22-2014 08:03 PM)Onto Wrote:  Shoes - They are what we use to be "grounded" in life. You have 12 pairs, anymore than that and the Pinays will get very angry.

Unless it's Imelda Marcos!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-...glect.html