Post: #1

Prior to sleeping with a girl, do you usually split the cost or pay for everything?

I'm sure a lot of guys here think paying for stuff before you tap it is the wrong idea and I'm sure it is in certain circumstances, but I'm not an absolutist about everything and take it on a case-by-case basis. Obviously I wouldn't be taking a girl to dinner on my first meeting with her, but say you've met up with her a couple times already but haven't yet slept with her.

Paying for a meal has a couple advantages:
1) You don't look poor(indicator of status).

2) Avoids the awkwardness of looking at the bill and figuring out who ordered what and how much each owes. That could be a buzz kill if you've got a vibe going.

3) Makes you look in control of the situation.

4) Makes it clear that it's a date, and not just 2 people hanging out and grabbing a bite.

The disadvantage:
1) She could just be using you for free entertainment with no intention of giving up the 'tang.

2) Might set up the entitlement mindset and she could come to take it for granted that you'll be paying for her all the time. Unless she offers to pay sometimes like any good girl would do.

Post: #2

"Prior to sleeping with a girl, do you usually split the cost or pay for everything?"

Never split, I always pay, but you probably knew that from me already.

There are a couple important caveats here though:

I screen girls super hard. I would never take a girl to eat, and more importantly drink, if I didn't like her or think we would get along. She has to be super fly too. No shots in the dark here.

I never go for traditional "dinners" at a table. Always apps (and I don't mean Iphone apps either) and vino or cocktails at the bar.

Good list of advantages, they are all true.

The above makes "She could just be using you for free entertainment with no intention of giving up the 'tang. " never an issue.

This disadvantage: "Might set up the entitlement mindset and she could come to take it for granted that you'll be paying for her all the time. Unless she offers to pay sometimes like any good girl would do."

Is not a problem for me either. I usually swoop a girl a few times then I "cool them out".

It is a great qualifier also, if a girl does offer to pay, her stock goes up. (This rarely happens, by the way with American girls).

Another thing is I never position this as a "dinnner date", its just me rolling to a dope spot for a drink and some grinds and they can roll along too. Real butter smooth and casual.

A G has got to eat.

Post: #3

I would personally avoid dinner dates until you've banged a girl. Especially when dealing with American girls. Unless, of course, you really want to take her out to dinner because it's something you like, not because you think it will help you get in her pants.

Something better than a dinner date would be a dessert date. Take her out someplace where they have sweets, chocolates, ice cream, whatever. This, to me, is a better idea, because treating her to sweets is getting her to think hedonistically, and one part of hedonism is sex.

Bow
chigga
wow
ow

Post: #4

(09-16-2010 01:16 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  Prior to sleeping with a girl, do you usually split the cost or pay for everything?

I'll second what thegmanifesto said.

Generally I always pay for everything, even if she offers to pay her share. In my culture men are expected to pay, unless it is friends meeting. I also make it clear that the reason I'm paying is because of my cultural background I am not used to girls paying for anything, and not because she is special or so. In EE countries the expectations are the same, and usually you don't even have to explain anything.

Here in Bay Area it is also very hard to spend over $200 for a night, unless you go crazy, and such amounts are not worth splitting unless you're really poor (in which case you should be making money, and not dating).

Post: #5

Hunnn. Interesting.
As a girl, I see two types of man who pay:

1. Hey, I pay because I can - showing off (or trying to hard to impress doing so)
2. Oh, the bill... puts the credit card in there and keeps the conversation going (= let me do something kind for you)

The guy who makes the girl pay without her suggestion is as bad as the girl who supposes the man has to afford all the time her "needs". Careful with that. Always make the first move to pay or split (up to you). Never let her pay for all without her suggestion to do so, specially a Latin American. Otherwise you won't get the "pants"

Post: #6

Some good thoughts insight here, I tend to agree with the G, and his old school wisdom. I know Roosh and other PUA's seem to hold not buying a girl dinner until after sex as some kind of golden rule or principal, and I think generally it's on point, but not something that can't be bent a bit. Like you said yourself, you're not going to take a girl out to dinner on your first "meet-up" or date, that would just be a beta AFC move IMO, and unless you got a real old-fashioned/small town girl, chances are the girl will think the same. So save those dinner dates for at least the second, but more importantly third or forth date, and it should be the last date before sex occurs (ideally the night of the date). I would want to have made-out heavy, with some other foreplay as well, before a dinner date.

I like G's idea of doing apps, as it keeps things more light and casual and allows you to share bites of each others food, to keep things more interactive between the two of you. But, I think there are more ideal places to get dinner with a girl that will get her panties dropping, and I think we all know the magical answer (alcohol!) Go to places where the alcohol is flowing, girls get wet for nice sushi restaurants, take her to a spot, keep those saki boxes full and flowing, and trade off sampling bites of each others rolls, nigiri, and apps. Other places that can work with the alcohol are restaurants with bars inside of them that have liquor liscences and make tasty cocktails (for example in SF, there is a classy, trendy, funky restaurant that serves org. soul food, but also has a great bar with tasty cocktails, as well as DJ's spinning tunes), when you go to a place like this hit the bar before dinner, getting your girl tipsy, and est. a chill/fun vibe for the night. Other good bets are Italian/Spanish restaurants that focus heavy on wine and tapas, and even though it's not great date food, everyone loves Mexican food and margaritas.

Post: #7

(09-16-2010 01:16 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  Prior to sleeping with a girl, do you usually split the cost or pay for everything?

I'm sure a lot of guys here think paying for stuff before you tap it is the wrong idea and I'm sure it is in certain circumstances, but I'm not an absolutist about everything and take it on a case-by-case basis. Obviously I wouldn't be taking a girl to dinner on my first meeting with her, but say you've met up with her a couple times already but haven't yet slept with her.

Paying for a meal has a couple advantages:
1) You don't look poor(indicator of status).

2) Avoids the awkwardness of looking at the bill and figuring out who ordered what and how much each owes. That could be a buzz kill if you've got a vibe going.

3) Makes you look in control of the situation.

4) Makes it clear that it's a date, and not just 2 people hanging out and grabbing a bite.

The disadvantage:
1) She could just be using you for free entertainment with no intention of giving up the 'tang.

2) Might set up the entitlement mindset and she could come to take it for granted that you'll be paying for her all the time. Unless she offers to pay sometimes like any good girl would do.

I think it depends on the context and the girl.

Context: If you've asked her out, you should pay. If it's her birthday, you should pay. However, if it was randomly brought up and you both wanted to check out a place, splitting the check is not out of the question.

The Girl: If you're outside the USA, always pay. However, there are many American chicks that will feel marginalized if they don't cover their share. Calibrate.

Post: #8

(09-16-2010 01:41 PM)kerouac Wrote:  Something better than a dinner date would be a dessert date. Take her out someplace where they have sweets, chocolates, ice cream, whatever. This, to me, is a better idea, because treating her to sweets is getting her to think hedonistically, and one part of hedonism is sex.

That's clever. I'll have to incorporate that into the mix. I was walking through the Mission District in SF earlier this year and there was a tiny little spot that sold nothing but bite-sized delicious cupcakes for $1 each. I wish we had spots like that where I live.

Post: #9

To each it's own, I have never banged a girl on the first date who I took the dinner first. Unless I am overseas I don't under any circumstances take girls to dinner before I fucked them.

Post: #10

(09-16-2010 07:55 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  I wish we had spots like that where I live.

In San Diego there's a place called Extraordinary Desserts. The place was basically set up as the ultimate date spot; delicious desserts and a romantic ambience. I haven't been able to find anything like it anywhere else...

In LA, Urth Caffe is a decent spot. The "Spanish Lattes" are damn good, as well as the desserts, but it's not as ideal of a date spot as ED in SD. This is more of a people watching spot, but I'm sure it could be used as a good date spot as well.

I'm sure I'll be able to make some good LA recommendations later on as I make my way around the city...

Post: #11

(09-16-2010 04:15 PM)Mrs. Chocolate Wrote:  Never let her pay for all without her suggestion to do so, specially a Latin American. Otherwise you won't get the "pants"

Do they offer to pay? I'm asking 'cause I do not find Latin girls attractive and generally not interested in getting into their pants, so a free dinner sounds like a nice compromise

Post: #12

(09-16-2010 07:17 PM)gringoed Wrote:  Context: If you've asked her out, you should pay. If it's her birthday, you should pay.

Interesting. In my culture if it is her birthday, she must pay, and I wouldn't even try to pick up a check in this situation.

Post: #13

(09-17-2010 05:26 PM)oldnemesis Wrote:  I do not find Latin girls attractive and generally not interested in getting into their pants

Wow, can't say I hear that too often.

Post: #14

(09-17-2010 05:26 PM)oldnemesis Wrote:  

(09-16-2010 04:15 PM)Mrs. Chocolate Wrote:  Never let her pay for all without her suggestion to do so, specially a Latin American. Otherwise you won't get the "pants"

Do they offer to pay? I'm asking 'cause I do not find Latin girls attractive and generally not interested in getting into their pants, so a free dinner sounds like a nice compromise

Have you ever come to BR? there are all kinds of girl around here. Not only the typical Latin. They don't offer to pay often, but it can happen. And like I said before, a man who supposes that the girl will pay is as bad as the girl that thinks man are born to pamper her.

Post: #15

(09-17-2010 06:44 PM)Mrs. Chocolate Wrote:  Have you ever come to BR? there are all kinds of girl around here.

I thought about it (and I don't even need visa to go there), but it is definitely not in my intermediate travel plans. My wife wants to go to Mexico, and she may actually go there next year, but I'll probably stick with Europe and Asia for a while. I understand Brazil is a large country, but it is kinda silly to go there to meet European and Asian chicks (except probably during Carnaval).

Post: #16

(09-16-2010 07:17 PM)gringoed Wrote:  If you're outside the USA, always pay. However, there are many American chicks that will feel marginalized if they don't cover their share. Calibrate.

Don't pay a damn dime if you take an American out to dinner. And go to the fanciest spot in town. They'll act like they don't have money, but put them on the spot and eventually they'll pull out a debit card or something. Just watch, you'll still get laid.

I opened a white America girl with "What the fu*k are you looking at" the other night and wound up swooping her.

Aloha!

Post: #17

(09-18-2010 07:13 AM)Kona Wrote:  I opened a white America girl with "What the fu*k are you looking at" the other night and wound up swooping her.

One of my favourite openers if a chick is staring at me is "Why are you looking at me like that? It's like you are groping me with your eyes." and then act all creeped out.

Post: #18

I think the the feminists movement has created this situation where women would split the bill or even pay for the dinner. Could you really imagine a man taking a quality woman out before the feminist movement bullshit and you think the woman would pay for the dinner or her portion? Mrs. Chocolate is right how you shouldn't pamper girls like a chump but if you take out a girl out to dinner especially non masculinized American woman it would be foolish to ask her to pay for her portion. Also I agree with the above information that says you shouldn't take a girl out to dinner for the first date that is a chump move. Also if you take her out to dinner you must view her as date worthy(not a whack bitch you just want to fuck once) so it would probably be smart to pay.

Post: #19

I always pay. In china, there is a bit of culture around fighting over the bill, at least with the more traditional types in that area, which there are a lot of. And i always say, ill get it this time, if you want you can get it next time. Removes all the grounds for psycho feminism.

The secret is to always carry cash, and keep it quick and ready. It shouldnt take you more than like 10 seconds to get it out and stick it in the check. I keep cash outside my wallet for this purpose alone.

Post: #20

(09-18-2010 07:13 AM)Kona Wrote:  Don't pay a damn dime if you take an American out to dinner. And go to the fanciest spot in town. They'll act like they don't have money, but put them on the spot and eventually they'll pull out a debit card or something. Just watch, you'll still get laid.

How do you pull that off without looking cheap or broke?

Post: #21

(09-17-2010 06:33 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  

(09-17-2010 05:26 PM)oldnemesis Wrote:  I do not find Latin girls attractive and generally not interested in getting into their pants

Wow, can't say I hear that too often.

America...

Post: #22

(09-18-2010 09:58 PM)gringoed Wrote:  

(09-18-2010 07:13 AM)Kona Wrote:  Don't pay a damn dime if you take an American out to dinner. And go to the fanciest spot in town. They'll act like they don't have money, but put them on the spot and eventually they'll pull out a debit card or something. Just watch, you'll still get laid.

How do you pull that off without looking cheap or broke?

It doesn't matter. Looking like a dick is what you're going for. We're talking about American girls.

Aloha!

Post: #23

I pay if:
- She is a student, unemployed, broke, or working some minimal wage gig; or
- During dinner she was nice, feminine, wanted to show me a good time, or otherwise deserved it.

Otherwise, if I know the girl is gainfully employed, or she was acting like a bitch, I just say lets split it. But I don't go on many dinner dates these days anyways.

Post: #24

(09-21-2010 10:34 AM)K-man Wrote:  I pay if:
- She is a student, unemployed, broke, or working some minimal wage gig; or
- During dinner she was nice, feminine, wanted to show me a good time, or otherwise deserved it.

Otherwise, if I know the girl is gainfully employed, or she was acting like a bitch, I just say lets split it. But I don't go on many dinner dates these days anyways.

totally agree...you should pay based on the experience...if she was a bitch or doing the whole helen keller than make her pay half... If you had a great time, pay up and act like you just invested in some google stock...

Post: #25

I had a foreign chick (in the USA for three years) ask ME out on a date, and didn't even flinch or anything when cabbing to and from the movie or the movie itself. She suggested a further away theater and everything.

I know that theater movie dates are the worst (IMO) but the way I saw it, she was taking me out and we'd get drinks afterward.

When we were out at the bar, we had some mutual friends there so I basically ignored her the rest of the night. She kept coming around to me, but I was making damn sure I didn't buy her a drop.

I probably make 2x or more as most girls and don't have a problem paying if I ask them out somewhere (and extra brownie points if they offer to split just for the gesture), but WTF. I wish I had some bigger balls like some guys on this forum and called her out on it. I just wasn't in the mood to make a scene about it.