Post: #1

Met a girl off OKCupid recently. Had a good time on the first meetup. Today she invites me out to this bar that has an outdoor pool. We're sitting there and she says to me "You're okay with us just being friends, right? I just have a lot going on right now, I gotta figure some stuff out."

Of course if Clooney or Pitt comes along, all of the sudden she has nothing going on and nothing to "figure out." And she's not looking for a boyfriend even though she's active on dating sites. /dismissive wanking motion

Obviously I have no interest in being her beta orbiter and will pursue other plates and stop contacting her, but usually when they're not interested they just blow you off when you follow up after a date, or they'll say something like "I enjoyed meeting you but I don't think we're a good fit. I wish you well."

Still, in the moment I was a bit taken aback by how brazen she was in just explicitly friendzoning me. I didn't want to say anything that came across as butthurt, so I said something like "Yeah, sure, no problem," even though in my mind I'm thinking "Okay, so you don't want to do anything romantic or sexual with me even though we met on a dating site, but you do want me to stick around and give you emotional support without fulfilling any of my needs."

What should I have said? What do you say when a girl just straight out friendzones you like this? Most of the time women are covert communicators and you have to read between the lines.

Post: #2

Did you acted as a "friend" on the first date or did you act as a guy who wants to fuck her? What do girls think of you when they first see you? Do you look, act and dress like a guy who women will immediately think yeah he must be banging lots of women... She was disrespectful to you, you should have said exactly what was on your mind and walk out. The fact that she thought she could get away with it sounds like a bigger problem

Post: #3

(07-20-2013 08:37 PM)dog24 Wrote:  Did you acted as a "friend" on the first date or did you act as a guy who wants to fuck her? What do girls think of you when they first see you? Do you look, act and dress like a guy who women will immediately think yeah he must be banging lots of women... She was disrespectful to you, you should have said exactly what was on your mind and walk out. The fact that she thought she could get away with it sounds like a bigger problem

On the first date I did kino and escalated physically. Kissed her a couple times.

Post: #4

There's probably nothing you could have said to change her mind.

But since she's basically dead to you, you had the opportunity to have some fun.

1. you could have made a scene
2. you could have cursed her out
3. you could have started hitting on chicks right in front of her
4. you could have left her right where she was sitting, (extra points if you drove the both of you)

The better question is how did you get into the friendzone in the 1st place?

At what point did she think that the 2 of you could be friends?
Were you not getting physical with her?
Not pushing the envelope sexually?

You're gonna have to go through what you did on date #1 and see how that diverged from the manual.

Honestly, I've never tried online dating, so I can't really tell you how to convert in that scenario and whether or not it affects it.

WIA

Post: #5

"No thanks I have enough friends"

Or if you suspect she's just playing games:

"Good I was wondering if you could introduce me to your (hot) friend over there"

Post: #6

it's hard to think of a good reply when something like this happens. it's weird that she invited you out again. I think responses like "I don't go on dating sites looking for friends" or "I have too many friends" would have been alright.

I think her behavior warranted punishment, whether that means ignoring her for awhile or just walking out depends on how you're feeling. she might have an ex who came back, or other typical drama, so it's your call as to whether she has something to offer other than sex.

Post: #7

"As long as you're ok with me fucking your friends"

Post: #8

Sometimes a smile goes a long way.

Post: #9

I had this happen before. She was an over-educated speech therapist from the Upper East Side. She fired this line at me at a cheesy bar. Frankly, I was kind of hurt. And when you're already drunk, it's hard to wear a poker face. But I smiled and brushed it off. Banged her the next time I saw her.

Don't sweat it. She barely knows you and yet is asking you to be her friend. She's implying a willingness to close the deal with you. Shrug it off and press ahead.

Post: #10

This happened to me once. Except I had been banging her and she wanted to be boyfriend girlfriend because her family was asking questions about me after I went to a wedding reception with her.

It was went something like this.

"Soooo my family is starting to ask questions about you and I don't want to tell them that were just fucking. Would you like to be my boyfriend? "

" Hmmm. I don't really want a girlfriend right now. "

" Ok then we can just be friends. " Extends hand, looking for a handshake.

" with benefits " shook her hand and smiled.

We banged a few more times after that. Then she brought two dick heads over to my apartment and I stopped talking to her.

Post: #11

(07-20-2013 11:36 PM)Therapsid Wrote:  Don't sweat it. She barely knows you and yet is asking you to be her friend. She's implying a willingness to close the deal with you. Shrug it off and press ahead.

I'm sure there's been 100 other threads about this in the history of this forum, but I'd like to hear other people's opinions on this. Explicit friendzoning as just another shit-test to be agreed and amplified away? Where do you draw the line?

Is it worth putting in the effort to plow through that kind of nuclear hamster for some neurotic 6 you met off OkCupid?

Post: #12

reframe it

"sure we can be friends.. i love it, girls get so comfortable with me then that they allow me to do anything.. for the friendship of course.. sharing is caring"

or

"friendzone.. haha.. you don't want to be in my friendzone ever.. last girl i was friends with ended up being heartbroken and miserable for a year.. she shared too many secrets with me and felt soooo comfortable in my arms.. she had a BF then but there was all this chemistry between us.. and she couldn't stop thinking about me while being with her BF.. so we realized we had to have sex this one last time so that i could be normal and she could forget about our chemistry and continue her relationship.. but then she wanted to be with me and dumped her BF while I found myself a GF.. after that she was devastated.. i'd love to be friends with you"

Post: #13

Always agree with what girls say.It is just the emotional brain looking for excuse for the next fuck.'We fucked but it was not my fault because we were friends.'So she is relieved from guilt.

Post: #14

Quote:"You're okay with us just being friends, right? I just have a lot going on right now, I gotta figure some stuff out."

A lot going on right now usually means there's another guy she's fucking and she feels like a slut being physical with two guys at once. If you care about there being another guy just next her. If you don't then brush it off, or agree and amplify. A go to favorite of mine is, "Yeah, I'm not sure how I feel about us yet either".

Post: #15

Honestly as an ltr guy I would just move on. I told a girl, " girls willing to fuck are a dime a dozen" then I said goodnight.

Post: #16

I can only imagine how it would have gone over if I had said "Hey, I'd never date you, you're not girlfriend material, but we should still meet up to have sex." Pretty much the guy equivalent of what she said.

Post: #17

As your game tightens up this simply won't happen anymore.

One girl once told me the opposite.

We went out on a first date after meeting and texting for a little while

She told me on our first date that before we actually met up, she was thinking she didn't want to date me, but that I seemed nice, and she wanted to be friends. She assumed this based basically on how I was texting, since I would kinda just text her random shit to keep the interaction alive "Out getting Turkish food, whatchu up to?" etc. Guess this seemed too "friendly" to her. I wasn't being sexual in my texts. I was like "what did you want me to send you dick pics?" and she laughed and said no.

Anyway on the date I obviously did sexualise it and her desire to friendzone me magically dissapeared, and she was jerking me in the car later and we boned the next time.

So basically, it's the way you act that makes her say that. You didn't turn her on, so she doesn't want to date you. Tighten up your game and it won't happen.

Post: #18

(07-20-2013 09:55 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  Sometimes a smile goes a long way.

This. If you hadn't banged her by the second date (you should really only try on the second date) then you shouldn't be talking to her anyway. Dont waste your time with women you aren't fucking. YOur time is precious. worth a lot more than money. Don't waste it on girls who dont deserve it (i.e. coming over to suck you cock and ride it when you give them a call once a week)

I wouldn't have gone to the lounge thing in the first place. You are the man, YOU make the plans, not her.

next time a girl invites you out with her friends, tell her your busy. The only dates you should be doing: Coffee/bar dates your place w/movie--->sex

Next, if youre in college, look out for girls that like you. You probably don't notice them, but they are there.

say hello to them.

Start a conversation.

get the digits.

Invite them out to coffee/bar

sit next to them, have basic conversation with kino that ramps up as you go.

Talk about sex in the convo.

keep the date to 45 minutes because you are busy.

give her a hug as you leave (no handshakes wtf)

in the next few days invite her to your place, put on a movie, fuck her.

call her again next week to your place, fuck her again.

Repeat once a week while repeating the dates.

if a girl doesn't fuck or come to your place on the movie date, find another one that's into you.

Do this untill you have 3-4 girls you rotate once a week. if one blows out let her go, add her to your facebook, and contact her again after she breaks up with her new bf(not before. . .do not talk to her before that) same routine(to your place and sex)

Also if one blows out, replace her ass immediately. Women want to fuck more than you do. And they do. Its a lot easier than you think.

Also

DO NOT REACT to getting friendzoned. Just smile, say good bye and do the stuff you were going to do anyway.

Don't talk to her or waste your time with her, don't answer her calls (unless shes calling to come over to your place, in which case tell her to bring some alcohol/food...then have sex with her.)

Also, dont say "yeah sure" a simple quiet smile and walking away, or just saying nope,. and walking away not mad, will make her respect you more, since you're pretty much done with her. Make sure you are the one leaving with your head held high like a man. Not a bitch. (no offense)

Post: #19

"I'm not interested".

Post: #20

This is very rarely a shit test. If you want to try to salvage the interaction you can say "not interested" or "I have enough friends," but more than likely she's not attracted to you and it's over. Say whatever you feel like saying because you're not getting laid either way.

Post: #21

(07-22-2013 10:44 AM)gringochileno Wrote:  This is very rarely a shit test. If you want to try to salvage the interaction you can say "not interested" or "I have enough friends," but more than likely she's not attracted to you and it's over. Say whatever you feel like saying because you're not getting laid either way.

I figured as much. The only thing that is confusing is that I've done enough online dating - you win some, you lose some. When girls meet up for the first time with you and aren't feeling it, they blow you off or will tell you they're not interested in meeting up again. I don't get why she led me on and invited me out again. It's not like I was blowing up her phone and all over her like gum on the heel of a shoe. I guess she's just an insecure attention whore?

Post: #22

(07-22-2013 10:51 AM)DetlefMourning Wrote:  

(07-22-2013 10:44 AM)gringochileno Wrote:  This is very rarely a shit test. If you want to try to salvage the interaction you can say "not interested" or "I have enough friends," but more than likely she's not attracted to you and it's over. Say whatever you feel like saying because you're not getting laid either way.

I figured as much. The only thing that is confusing is that I've done enough online dating - you win some, you lose some. When girls meet up for the first time with you and aren't feeling it, they blow you off or will tell you they're not interested in meeting up again. I don't get why she led me on and invited me out again. It's not like I was blowing up her phone and all over her like gum on the heel of a shoe. I guess she's just an insecure attention whore?

Maybe she wants attention, maybe she thinks you'll buy her food and drinks, maybe she genuinely wants you to be her friend, maybe one of a million other reasons or no discernible reason at all. Trying to understand the hamster is a waste of time, girls' actions are irrational anyway. Being able to anticipate their reactions is all you need.

Post: #23

I would nod my head and agree with her, and then continue escalating and pursuing the bang.

Girls have said this to me before

...it's because they are thinking of fucking me but I haven't been aggressive or physical enough.

If she is saying that and still wants to see you, that's code for you to try harder.

Post: #24

bachelor tax, The best way to capitalize on a situation like this would be to invite her and her friends to join you and some bros for a situation where you're all getting drunk. Especially if it was a house party you were throwing. Even if she rejects you then, you have her friends, and the other girls at the venue.

Post: #25

(07-23-2013 10:22 AM)basilransom Wrote:  bachelor tax, The best way to capitalize on a situation like this would be to invite her and her friends to join you and some bros for a situation where you're all getting drunk. Especially if it was a house party you were throwing. Even if she rejects you then, you have her friends, and the other girls at the venue.

I was speaking in generalities. This hasn't come up for me personally in a few years.

I try to escalate very quickly with online girls. Many are into it, some aren't. Even had one tell me flat out "you were way too handsy" when I tried to set up a second date. Possibly not an optimal strategy, but it screens girls quickly and you never have to deal with LJBF.