Post: #1

I have this horrible problem where I tend to dwell on the negative of things. As in, I'll dwell on how a situation I've been in could've gone very bad. To a degree I also dwell on future bad shit happening. Does anyone else have this? How do you deal with it?

Post: #2

Meditate. Or some sort of breathing exercise. You're not living in the moment. You're worried about the future which doesn't exist and causes anxiety. And you're also worried about the past which doesn't exist and that causes depression.

The only thing that exists is this very moment.

Read the book "a new earth." It might help you a lot.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0452289963

Post: #3

Chronic negative thinking can be a symptom of depression, a chemical imbalance in your neurological functioning that manifests in pessimism, guilt, and worrying. Often worrying can also be a sign of anxiety-- in particular your description of thinking about how things could have gone bad. Depression usually has some type of sleep disturbance associated with it; often waking up early and not being able to go back to sleep.

If you have all these, and you feel it's significantly interfering with your life, you might want to discuss a referral to mental health care with your regular doctor.

Post: #4

The Mind-Made Prison

I like his discussion on beliefs and meta-beliefs. The theory goes that your thoughts and actions are based on beliefs you have that are operating in the background. Change your beliefs, and you will change your actions.

Plus it's only $5. This book has helped me immensely. My summary doesn't do it justice.

Post: #5

(07-10-2013 11:51 PM)nek Wrote:  I have this horrible problem where I tend to dwell on the negative of things. As in, I'll dwell on how a situation I've been in could've gone very bad. To a degree I also dwell on future bad shit happening. Does anyone else have this? How do you deal with it?

I was similar at one point and still have attacks of gloom.
But from personal experience:
- Stop watching television
- Stop reading/watching the news
- Stop eating sugar
- Stop eating salt
- In general, avoid advertising and mass media

The first step is take back control of your mind and body.

I found that I became much happier just by not consuming mind-junk and body-junk.

Start of rant:
Much of society is now subtly designed to make you feel bad, and in response to those bad feeling various products and pills are provided to make you feel better. The current culture of consumption relies on brainwashing you to be uncontent. And the foods we are encouraged to eat through advertising are designed to poison us, make us feel even more insecure, so that we have to comfort ourselves by buying more poison to eat.

For coke to convince you to open happiness, you have to accept the underlying propaganda that you are unhappy to begin with. Then you drink a coke and the sugar upsets your hormonal balance and you are even unhappier and then you end up drinking more coke to be happy.

For a deodorant to convince you to become a babe magnet by buying a deodarant, it has has to convince that you are unsociable scum to begin with.

McDonald's ads implies that without a happy meal, you are unhappy.

I could go on and on with endless examples - pretty much all advertising works on playing and strengthening insecurities in people.

I didn't realise how advertising tries to tear one down until I withdrew from mass media. On a deep level, subconscious or even unconscious level, much of mass media is designed to make you feel inadequate and then it offers up the option of filling up the hole in your soul with an iphone. Withdrawing from mass media made me a happier person. Whenever I start reading newspapers or listening to radio stations I start getting grumpy again. It's because the underlying assumptions of mass media are to tear people down, not to build them up.
:End of rant.

BTW, hanging around happy and optimistic people also helps.

Post: #6

Just one way to look at it - a lot of great info up above too.

Post: #7

I do this too sometimes, ive thought about it a lot and i think it has to do with one of this 3 things. 1. Hormonal levels: sometimes i mean mugg people everywhere wishing someone would say anything to me i literally feel as if i can take on anyone, other days i mostly look at the floor and my voice nearly cracks when i speak makes me feel like a bitch. Its not such a drastic change and also doesnt fluctuate as much so i know its not some bipolar disorder. 2. Money: dont know why but when i dont have it i literally feel as if my opinion in the world doesnt matter, when i do have some i pretty much stay positive all day. 3. Family issues: when my family fights a lot i dwell on things like you said thinking what would have been like if my family were normal. Ive read many books like the ones youve been suggested but i have come to accept it as a part of me now. Mostly i just train whenever i feel like this and wait till it goes away which always does. Other times i just need someone to listen to what i have to say even do i already have some form of conclusion as to what im saying. Also +1 on the get rid of the tv and mass media i havent watched tv in two months.

Post: #8

This is a very timely topic because this issue was examined by a BBC Horizon programme just yesterday: Can science explain why I'm a pessimist?

The reporter, Michael Mosley, is a medical doctor and a science reporter. He suffers from pessimism, excessive anxiety taking the form of negative thinking, and chronic insomnia.

The conclusion was that personality can be modified somewhat. The treatment he used was Cognitive Behaviour Modification, consisting of identifying a happy face among an array of unhappy faces, over and over again, for about ten minutes a day. After seven weeks he was noticeably happier and more relaxed and his brain activity was measurably altered. He also meditated for 20 minutes a day, so that may partly have been what made the difference. I hope to find a program that replicates the CBM therapy he had.

Post: #9

Exercise and meditation are both extremely good for your emotions. Both hard to do when you're feeling down but well worth it.

It has always struck me how counter-intuitive exercise is to us emotionally. It's one of the few things that we still struggle to force ourselves to do even though it has both positive long-term effects and positive short-term effects (i.e. you feel better immediately after working out).

Post: #10

I have also the negative thoughts. I think they are unavoidable.
Is living in the moment possible when you are playing?
I don't think it's possible. If you go out and try to get chicks you have to calculate all the time or you will fail.
-when is the best time to approach her.
-what's the best thing to say.
-how do I neutralize her friends?
-who do I have to befriend to get access to that woman.
-how do I deal with the (potential) cockblocks?
-...
Indeed, with all this talking in your head you sink away in negativeness, but it's necessary. If you don't take care you can lose her in a blink of an eye.

Post: #11

I always feel like I can't trust anyone, especially women anymore. But I solve that by distancing myself

Post: #12

I tend to fall into depression often which of course in turn makes you dwell on all the negativity of life and have a little pity party in your head. I usually just grab some beers and a half o of mushrooms and tons of joints then go into the forest with my best buddy (we also bring a gps because we tend to just follow the paths where we see fit). We just devour shrooms drink beer and talk about life, love, nature, women, work etc for hours. It helps us come to terms with what our life is like, what actions got us to where we are and what were going to do about it now. Just my 2cents, psychoactive drugs aren't for everyone though.
Also since noporn/nofap challenge I have been loving life. I think in the last 6 months I broke down 3 times, it's amazing how cutting something out that is so socially acceptable and common these days will alter your mood in such a drastic way.

Post: #13

I lay in bed at night and contemplate the fact that I'm going to die, and that it's going to occur sooner than I think. This even happens after banging a new chick, unless I'm already plastered. In fact my own sense of mortality is part of what drives me to drink.

I'm pretty sure this one will be with me the rest of my life, new age therapies, paleo diets, and exercise routines be damned.

Post: #14

Obsessing about it without forceful action to fix it is where people go wrong. There is nothing wrong with thinking you suck if you actually do. There is no government program, nothing we can do in society, etc, that can make up a persons mind to do something about it. What I often find is that the most successful people are the hardest on themselves and most paranoid. Its ok, its human. Do you always think you will be happy with yourself? With your performance in every given situation? Is there a sliver of truth to it? I think its unrealistic to expect that you will never have a bad thought about yourself, if you are striving to make a better life for yourself.

Now, you are not like most people. Most people dont admit to themselves or others that they are awful. They just let these thoughts cook inside their heads and it manifests itself in any number of ways, drug abuse, alcoholism, entitlement, misplaced arrogance, anger.

If you use these thoughts as fuel to your fire, instead of becoming frozen in place, you can benefit greatly. Frued talked about sexual sublimation as a way to channel your energies into great things. What about Anger Sublimation, or Bad Thoughts Sublimation, how can you channel this into building something better? I mean this is why we are all here, right?

Supposedly this book is good, havent read it but its in the kindle queue - http://www.amazon.com/dp/0671733354

Post: #15

I made an error - CBM stands for Cognitive Bias Modification. There's a paid app available for iPhone and iPad called Anxiety Mint that combines CBM and CBT, but I've no idea if it's any good. Would like to find an Android (or PC) equivalent to the program used in the BBC Horizon programme.