Post: #1

overcoming overbearing mother

Post: #2

Get something good going on your life, a solid career or some accolades in your field, and you will receive more respect from her. Nobody can abuse you without your consent. Until you get your weight up (so to speak), stay distant, lay low, and keep her happy. You're not fighting for your ego, you're fighting for your self respect and your future.

I was in a similar situation, my parents are not the best, my Mom is crazy and controlling, and my Dad is either a pushover or a dick, depending on the day. You just have to realize that they are as confused as anyone else, and that the battle with them is not the one that you should spend your life fighting.

Post: #3

The past is the past. You will get over it, if you need therapy just do it and get it done so you can get on with your life.

Post: #4

Jungian psychologists/psychiatrists/social workers are particularly into these types of developmental dilemmas and aren't significantly more expensive than the rest.

I had an opposite problem, my mom was too nice, too soft, and I've turned out so it's difficult for me to deal with the harsh side of women very well at all.

Post: #5

Because the underlying problem is that she feels insecure do to your dad's pusillanimous behavior, she will never be satisfied no matter what you do. The best thing to do is keep some distance between yourself and your parents until you can learn to not see life through the lense that they have given you. I recommend starting a weight lifting routine, eating a healthy paleo style diet and daily mindfullness. By the time you have done 100 hours of mindfullness you will feel much better about the whole situation and will have an appropriate distance from it.

Post: #6

I knew this thread was coming one day

A mother that can't let go and is all up in your business is a major strain on your game. Emotional vampire is an understatement. It can really be torture.

All I can say is break her out of that habit early if you still live at home. If you're fortunate enough to have your own place then make it clear that you have no problem cutting her out if she doesn't cut out the shit.

Post: #7

A mom's overbearing nature can be one of the most difficult things to get over. There is nothing wrong in seeking therapy; especially if you need it. Sometimes, a therapist can help you simply because they are removed from your situation: they can provide a impartial person that you can just talk to without fear of judgement secured by a legal confidentiality agreement.

Unfortunately, I can't give you good news that it will be quick. It will take time to get over it, but removing yourself from the situation is the first step. You need to overcome the brainwashing inherent in poor parenting. The thing is someone can just tell you "Fuck You" or "You are shit" etc. and you would normally have no problem telling that person to go to hell. But if that person is a parent, and they tell you that day in and day you will eventually believe it because a lie told enough times becomes the truth. Your brain starts to believe it and you have been programmed.

Congratulations on finally moving out!!! You should completely break off contact because you don't need any reason to revert back to your old behavior. Besides, it should teach her a lesson because she has no one to blame but herself for estranging her son. Think of this as the first day of the rest of your life (Yes corny I admit). You finally live alone. Secure a source of income to make sure you can stay independent of them, and then, Find a project.

The best project I can recommend is the one I started with: yourself. Work out and learn skills that you need or always wanted to learn. Make sure one of those skills you work on is interactive with people. ( of any gender, just become good at it). Become sociable. It will take time, but every skill worth having does. This will start deprogramming you from the negatives of your childhood. It will tighten your inner-game. Work on yourself and you give yourself value that everyone will respond to.

I wish you the best of luck.

Post: #8

Polymath i already moved out, she tried to use emotional blackmail sending me texts saying she cried everyday and shit but i mean they got problems unfortunately they wont admit it so i dont want to go down with them. Anyway i dont want to look into the past too much im more concerned about overcoming the programing like one of the guys said, i would honestly beat the shit out of a girl if she treated me the way my mother did my father so that a big game issue right there ive reacted very bad on occasions when girls have been just a little bit disrespectful to me
.... Parlay care to explain why? Has this happened to you?

Post: #9

(06-02-2013 12:41 AM)dog24 Wrote:  i would honestly beat the shit out of a girl if she treated me the way my mother did my father so that a big game issue right there ive reacted very bad on occasions when girls have been just a little bit disrespectful to me
.... Parlay care to explain why? Has this happened to you?

You have become sensitized to disrespect. Your defense mechanism in dealing with that kind of disrespect from your mom carried over to all women. (and maybe all people given your self described trouble with interacting with people.)

You don't need them, so cut them off completely. Then your hairline trigger will readjust so it doesn't have to go off all the time. Everything starts with cutting them off. You need time away so your inner game can develop the way it should have during your teenage years.

A good recommendation I can give you is to find a guy you like/respect and become friends with them. Someone who can be the model of an alpha your dad never was. They don't have to be the ultimate alpha, just have some alpha traits that you lack, and that you can learn to emulate.

Post: #10

When I moved out of the house my mother made me feel really guilty for 'leaving her', she still does to this very day... She keeps calling me daily telling me how much she loves/misses me. I can't just tell her to not call me anymore.

Post: #11

You have to learn assertiveness, boundary-drawing, and acting adult-to-adult to her at times instead of "son-to-mother" which is fine sometimes but not the right frame when her behavior is infringing on your well-being.

Post: #12

(06-02-2013 02:38 AM)Every10GivesMeA10 Wrote:  When I moved out of the house my mother made me feel really guilty for 'leaving her', she still does to this very day... She keeps calling me daily telling me how much she loves/misses me. I can't just tell her to not call me anymore.

Technically, you "can"; but you're not ready to, or don't want to for some reason at this time.

Post: #13

I face the exact same situation and cause I saw this everyday with my parents I was able to understand the entire red pill philosophy easier.

When I was 15, I had to see the school counselor. Within the first minute she already knew that I had a nagging mom and asked me about it.

I recommend to just call her on it everytime she tries doing something like that whether its emotional manipulation or if she's nagging you about something. Eventually it'll stop.

I don't know if therapy is gonna solve you're issues. Try meditation and go through some inner game resources.

Post: #14

I face the exact same situation and cause I saw this everyday with my parents I was able to understand the entire red pill philosophy easier.

When I was 15, I had to see the school counselor. Within the first minute she already knew that I had a nagging mom and asked me about it.

I recommend to just call her on it everytime she tries doing something like that whether its emotional manipulation or if she's nagging you about something. Eventually it'll stop.

I don't know if therapy is gonna solve you're issues. Try meditation and go through some inner game resources.

Post: #15

(06-02-2013 02:38 AM)Every10GivesMeA10 Wrote:  When I moved out of the house my mother made me feel really guilty for 'leaving her', she still does to this very day... She keeps calling me daily telling me how much she loves/misses me. I can't just tell her to not call me anymore.

This really hits home for me here. The first few times she did this to me I told her to stop. She did it a few more times so I hung up on her and didn't talk to her once for 3 months. She doesn't guilt me any more.

Post: #16

Chanel your inner Alpha and dont let any of her bullshit affect you. Also ask yourself what you are gaining from any interactions with her. It may sound cold but sometimes its necessary to move on and cut off/minimize contact with your parents.

Post: #17

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Post: #18

My own mother was the same, a force 10 of emasculation. Naturally, she was a feminist. At times she was intolerable. Sometimes I think she wanted to have boys just so she could break some males.

If you want your relationship with your mom to evolve at this point you pretty much need to give her a verbal drubbing and call her out on all her deplorable behavior. Doing this will not only help you move past the bad feelings you might have, but it will force your mom to accept that she can no longer control, manipulate, and emasculate you. If you don't do this, you'll always feel resentment, and your mom will likely never understand why you give her the cold shoulder. You may feel schadenfreude over this, but ultimately you only get to have one mother in this lifetime and it will be too late to communicate after she's gone.

Post: #19

Is this real life? Seriously what the fuck? Every single one of my friends is against me living alone... Wheter its some condescending comment like how long are you gonna last till you go back running home, or just hey man get over it and just go home you aint gonna make it... Ive read about if you want to make it in this life you have to do it on your own and shit but ive never taught it would get to this point... Is it just shitty friends? Im on crutches at the moment just texted some "friend" if he could pick me up and bring me home he said no im busy he live less than 2 minutes away and doin shit i had to walk like 2 miles with two bags of groceries. Ive already planned to beat up two so called friends once i can walk again. Seriously i get that they dong want me to change but refusing to help an injured person?

Post: #20

delete

Post: #21

Honestly, once you're out of their house and off of their dime 100% just tell her quite simply:

Go f*ck yourself.


Seriously, it works wonders on ndividuals who are over bearing and can't mind their business. My mom is the same way, and ironically these women respond very well to displays of alphadom. Just tell her to buzz off and mind her business.

The healing will start once you do this. You won't need a shrink unless you want to air your dirty laundry. A good friend can help you overcome these complexes just as well as a good shrink.

Best of luck to you brother.