Post: #1

I was watching a movie with my GF the last night (we have been dating for 4 months). She was emotional and a bit teary from the current scene when I told her a romantic compliment (that she's got a great heart). Her reaction surprised me. She giggled. She kissed me and continued the cuddling, I just went silent and continued to watch the film.

However, that giggle kind of hurt my feelings, since the compliment was genuine and I am sparse with those kinds of "romantic" lines. After the movie, I got ready for bed and laid down. She was waiting for me, and rolled over to hug me. She usually falls asleep laying on my chest.

I was still feeling a bit pissy about the giggle and didn't hug her close or give her a big kiss like other nights we sleep together (or after fornication). She asked if something was wrong, to which I replied I was tired, but later chose to ask her if I had said something funny before. She (maybe acted) seemed surprised and asked why/when. I told her to go figure, she hinted at the film. I repeated the question, if she had found my comment funny. She even seemed unaware she had giggled. I said it wasn't very important if she didn't recall it, and that I shouldn't have brought it up - to which she got teary and apologizing. I bit my tongue and regretted having brought it up, since it made me look fucking insecure about the giggling. I don't really care about peoples opinions including hers in most cases, but since it was a rare, heartfelt compliment which was answered far from what you would normally expect, it got to me. Other than that how it escalated is bullshit, I knew it when I said it, and I contemplated asking her before thinking it was pointless.

She said she related the compliment to the scene and giggled because of the fact that a film can get her so emotional. Sure, it might have been a misunderstanding.

Conclusion. Her 1 - Me 0. Pointless discussion, I looked insecure.

Aside from last night she has said that I'm bad at chit chatting over the cell and texting, the days we don't hang out. When in touch I usually tell her what's up a la Gmanifesto, and to wear sthg hot, meet up at 8 at XXX - you know the deal. So today, for a change, I shot a "nice" text about having had a great weekend together, to which she almost immediately replied with a long, heartfelt text ab being happy with me blablabla... AND she would get better at telling me about her feelings.

So, not only did I come off as insecure, but also needy - she translated the situation as me needing confirmation of her feelings more often.

I'm confused and don't really know how to deal with this, and how to defer from this betaness surfacing and coloring her opinion of me. Normally we're easy going, spontaneous and she usually says things ab me such as being "mysterious" "a real man" "feeling so secure in your arms" "cocky" "my dream guy" and other ear warming stuff.

As usual. Thx beforehand for your input sirs!

Post: #2

Stop sweating it ASAP.

Post: #3

Haha. Yeah. I'm great at that.

Post: #4

Read her actions, not what came out of her mouth.

You're making something out of absolutely nothing. Don't sweat it lad, you're fine.

Post: #5

Beta in small doses might actually help your relationship if you are alpha for the rest of the time. Her hamster will spin it in your favor; "ooh he's got a sensitive side others don't know i love him blah blah blah".

Post: #6

small sprinkles of beta will make her feel that you're human, you're overthinking this one. I'm pretty sure I remember Roissy saying something about that.

Post: #7

The initial compliment was not beta.

That you have worried so much about it and written a post here analyzing the whole episode in detail and thinking about what she thinks about what you think about her and so on-that's beta.

Stop worrying so much about what girls think. the proper mindset is that you are the judge of girls, they are not the judge of you.

I notice that this girl has been your "girlfriend" for four months. Have you been approaching and banging other girls? This whole thing sounds like a symptom of oneitis.

Post: #8

I've mentioned this in other threads but a great book to checkout is Models by Mark Manson. I'm no expert at this yet but he hits on a strong point that it's both important and liberating to allow yourself to be vulnerable by sharing your feelings (within reason). With that being said, it has to come from a solid, confident place where you're just saying what you feel without any worries or cares about what will happen. His definition of neediness is doing something with the express intent of wanting her approval or hoping she accepts what you say. I guess it goes back to the old rule that it's not what you say but how you say it. Or the intention behind what you say...

MrXY is spot on. The fact that you gave a compliment was not the issue. It's that you're so wrapped up in what she thinks about it that's showing your neediness.