RE: When The Search Is Finally Over
I know this sheet could have it's own thread but for reasons of my own I'd rather it was left here as a part of the wider discussion on Russia. Thanks.
Into the valleys of death
After my Summer 2012 trip I became interested in the further exploration of the North Caucasus. It seemed so wild and lawless,completely unlike any other part of Europe. Everywhere else in Europe has been pretty much visited by the likes of us. I wanted to visit a place that might hold out the last hope of being a great unknown region full of boundless opportunities. The odds were not good. The North caucasus is the most conservative region of Europe and unlike say Abkhazia that had a thriving tourist industry so you could mingle with locals or tourists,nobody came to the North Caucasus unless they had to. Government websites of Western countries warned it's citizens against visiting due to the very real threat of kidnap and murder. I would never put my life in deliberate danger,but I do take such stark warnings with a pinch of salt. The British Foreign office would advise against visiting a country if they thought there was a chance you could get a splinter there. Whilst the aim of the trip was cultural understanding, I did of course make some approaches and made mental notes of the dynamics there which I will share.
I flew into Tbilisi on a cold February morning and headed to the bus station to find a shared taxi heading over the Georgian Military Highway into North Ossetia. I paid 1500 roubles,waited for two more passengers to show up and then set off into the mountains towards Kazbegi and the pass into Russia. The road ascended the mountains,the scenery was stunning. One of the passengers turned to me an hour into the journey somewhere high up in the Caucasus and asked me where I was from. I told her and she asked me why was going to Ossetia. "Adventure" I replied. "But are you not afraid,you know, of bombs?" she said smiling. We climbed higher along the unbarriered road,inches from the edge of the mountain,the peaks along the Russian border always in the distant view. After Kazbegi we started entering tunnels and the places we passed became poorer. We were near the border. A half hour from the border we pulled over and myself and the two passengers were transferred into a Russian taxi heading back to Ossetia. The passengers from the other taxi climbed into the cab I had just vacated and heard me speaking accented Russian. "You are a foreigner?" they asked. I confirmed. "You are not afraid?"
We set off in our new taxi and headed down into a brown barren valley where the Russian border post stood. We pulled up and was asked to get out by the attractive Russian border guard. She looked at my passport "spy?" she said with a smile. I queued for my entry stamp partly expecting not to be allowed in. This border was only recently opened to foreigners after being off limits since the Soviet union fell apart and Ossetia is a restricted area in terms of visas,you need permission,or so I had been told ( turned out to be bollocks ). The guard studied my visa,scanned the passport and stamped it. I was in.
We drove on down the barren valley into Vladikavkaz,a low slung city straddling the river Terek. The taxi driver told me he knew a cheap hotel,the cheapest in the city,only 1000 roubles. I accepted the offer since the Hotel Vladikavkaz was more then double the price but immediately wished I hadn't when we turned up. It was a motel next to a rubbish dump and backing onto a railway track,far from the centre. It looked like the kind of place people could get snatched from and there would be nobody to help you. The hotel did not even have a name. I checked in and started exploring:
Vladikavkaz ( North Ossetia )
Description: Dusty Soviet town overlooked by the Caucasus. Divided in half by the Terek river. Architecturally little to distinguish it from other Russian towns further north,no 'Ossetian style' of architecture. Has restauarants and bars,hotels,shops an airport ( nearby in Beslan ). Seemed to be quite prosperous by provincial Russian standards but a large number of Gopniks who come to the city from South Ossetia which is much poorer.
Safety: I felt perfectly safe there. There are bombings in Vladikavkaz every year or so but I never felt any more unsafe then I do at home. Just a few problems with Gopniks.
Ossetian Women: They come in two types,average or mind blowing. All brunettes,slim with long legs. I loved them. Dressed more conservatively then Slavs,no short skirts but then again it was winter so summer may be different. Whilst on average Ossetian women are less attractive then the average Russian Slav,a top Ossetian is as attractive if not more so then a top Russian. They have an incredible exoticness to them that I loved. I saw the most beautiful women I have ever seen in Vladikavkaz but I also saw a lot of very average ones. The issue with them is they are conservative. Women need to be careful of their reputations so serial dating is a no-no. They are also expected to be virgins on their wedding night and whilst I doubt that is strictly adhered to by everyone ( a friend there said "50% good girls and 50% bad girls" ) it gives you an indication of difficulties. They are big into their familes and not whoring it around and according to the men I met the women are very loyal to their husbands. I wasn't there long enough however to get any empirical insights so my views are what others there told me. Probably a great place to find a wife. They also don't drink in public with strangers so you can't go into bars hoping to pick up,it's all social circle from my impressions. A local I met and who I quizzed told me I might have to be careful approaching women on the street because sometimes they could tell their brothers which could mean trouble. I never had anything but friendly responses though,no hint that they were pissed off by being approached.
Game Venues: Prospekt Mira! It's a pedestrianised street with cafes and bars. At one end of it is the Agricultural university so in the afternoon you have hundreds of students pouring out and walking in groups up and down the street or sitting on the benches. I was eye-banged to death but not in a way that necaserily invited me to approach,more curiosity about a foreigner. That's not to say I did not approach. I approached a few sets,got gasps of amazement that I was foreign,lots of questions thrown at me but I struggled to convert those openings into setting up another meeting. I would say "we should meet again" and I would get "I'm sure we will,Vladikavkaz is a big village". Hard to number close. I found the best way to meet locals was with hired hands: waitresses,shop clerks. The only number I got in Vladikavkaz was with a waitress and she hid the fact that she was giving it to me in case someone else saw which gives you an idea as to what you're up against. Once I had it though I found myself entering a small social circle and because I had been proofed found the new people I was introduced to much more relaxed and open and able to talk more candidly. Unfortunately I left the city before being able to capitalise in any way on this. Another thing is that there are only a couple of clubs and I never found them. I was told they are pretty rough because they are full of visiting Ingush and Chechens who can't chase women in their own republics so come to Vladikavkaz to chase women and drink but end up causing a load of shit to go down. Therefore I never put much effort into hitting a club however I will when I next visit.
I hailed a cab one morning and asked the driver if he would be willing to take me to Nazran the capitol of Ingushetia. He looked me up and down,pondered and said "500 roubles". I climbed in. The guy was nervous "this will be a problem for me,you will see". My Russian was not good enough to understand his reasoning why it was a problem for him so I hoped it was nothing to do with terrorism. We came to the first border with Ingushetia a few miles outside of Vladikavkaz. Russian soldiers with weapons stood on the road checking under cars with mirrors and opening trunks. Their guard post surrounded by sand bags and concrete with slits built in out of which pointed the barrel of guns. This 'banging in the danger zone' jaunt had just got real.
We were allowed in and drove on along a road that my driver told me was no-man's land,any turn-off's were guarded by heavily armed soldiers. People raced along it seemingly desperate to make it to the next military checkpoint as soon as possible. We came to the roadblock and the entrance to Ingushetia and I could see my driver was nervous. We were flagged down by a soldier and my driver got out with his documents ready for a shakedown. I stayed in the car and took in the scene on the border before me. Guys with beards and scowls stared at me and didn't look away. I'd read on websites that if you travelled to the area you should avoid military instalations of any kind because they were often the targets of attacks by militants and here I was sitting in a beat up old lada outside a military checkpoint in Ingushetia,the dodgiest part of Russia. If anything kicked off I was as good as dead. I sat for half an hour in the car before my driver came back in a fowl mood, "Ingush fucks". He had been forced to pay a bribe. He explained that they stopped every Ossetian car entering ingushetia for bribes and the Ossetians did the same in return when their cars entered Ossetia. The effect was the breeding of mutual resentment.
We drove on into Nazran a dusty town that felt like a large village. It was a small dusty town and was the first place I'd been to in Russia that really did not feel Russian,I felt like I was in Peshawar or Kabul. There were no Slavic people here,the women wore headscarves and seemed to be in a rush to get somewhere. I knew there would be nothing to keep me here but I had to run some approaches just for the hell of it. I told my driver that I needed a couple of hours here and then if he was willing and could offer a reasonable price I'd like him to drive me to Grozny. We settled on 2500 Roubles all in. We drove to what seemed the centre of town and my driver told me to be careful. He made the universal hand across the throat sign and not in an ironic way. When you think there is a chance of getting your head chopped off approach anxiety means nothing.
I got out determined to do some approaches,purely for the crack, not in expectation of results. I had come to the region hoping to pull an 'Ossetian-Ingush-Chechen' threesome ( in the spirit of mending bridges and bringing enemies together ) so I had to try. The local men standing on a street corner watched me as I walked along dressed in clothes that look perfectly normal in western capitals but in the ass end of the caucasus must have made me look like the victim of a camp practical joke. I pushed my silk pocket square deeper into the pocket so it wasn't visible and cursed G Manifesto. The women were somehow different to the Ossetians,there were no inquisitive looks or smiles but nor were they hostile,just neutral expressions. I saw a young woman in a floral headscarf approaching my direction on the pavement and I said "excuse me miss..." but she did not flinch or appear to hear me. I said it again louder but she carried on walking past me as though I did not exist. Maybe she was deaf or more likely she just did not want to be seen talking to a guy on the street. I had two hours to get a number at the very least but this was going to be a tough test. I walked on and found a market place with people milling about but the women were all walking about seemingly in a rush to get somewhere and there were too many dudes watching me for me to approach. I entered a small tea house and ordered tea. A waitress served me who seemed friendly. I asked her what people did here at night for fun but she seemed not to understand me or decided not to. It was only afterwards I learnt that there is a curfew in the city at night. I also learnt that the militants had bombed all the shops selling alcohol so Nazran was not a party town to say the least. A guy at another table heard me ask the question and said "Vladikavkaz" meaning that's where people went for fun. He asked me where I was from and when I said England he insisted on paying for my meal before asking the usual football questions. I was getting hit on by friendly old dudes but ignored by the women. I left and hit the streets again. I saw a girl in a headscarf who seemed to have a smiley disposition and said "miss do you know where there is an internet cafe?" After not understanding me at first she smiled and explained by pointing in some direction or another. It was so nice to see a friendly female face that as she talked I was eulogising her in my mind and imaginig what part she'd play in the threesome ( I decided I'd have her eating out the Ossetian chick ). She asked me if I was a tourist and smiled when I said I was but I saw her look to her side and I noticed there were a few guys listening in to our conversation a few metres away. She gave me a slight shrug of the shoulders, said goodbye and walked off. Cock blocked. I did not feel particuarly unsafe in Nazran,there were police on the streets but there was an atmosphere,either real or just my imagination,that bad shit could go down at any second.I walked along the centre of town where all the marshrutka buses were parked,lot's of people milling about shopping etc. I saw a couple of girls in their early 20's standing waiting for a bus. I approached not caring who was watching. I said "girls,help a lost foreigner,what do people do here for fun?" They looked at each other and drew a blank,I couldn't tell however if my language skills had stumped them or if they just had no idea where the fun was to be had in this shit hole. I walked on dejected and found my taxi and driver parked in a car park. I'd seen enough and failed miserably so told him I was ready to move on to Chechnya. He gave me a 'I told you so' look.
Nazran ( Ingushetia )
Description: Rough. Think 'Black Hawk Down' and you get the picture.
Safety: If you stayed here at night I'd say pretty dangerous. There is a curfew for a reason.
Ingush women: Not many about on the streets but the ones I saw were less attractive then Ossetians ( their style of dress made them less attractive as much as anything ) and a lot more conservative. Were they conservative through choice or because the men enforce such social mores I don't know.
Game Venues: No idea,I never found any. Certainly doesn't seem to be on the streets,obviously heavily social circle orientated. Marriages possibly arranged by family members. The militants blow up shops and kill the proprieters selling alcohol so no clubs or bars. I'd think your best and possibly only bet would be to enrol in the university and target chicks that way. That would be an insane adventure. I did notice a few Nazran chicks on Mamba so worth a try.
We drove on along a single carriage highway,the mountains to our right and a few dusty towns in the distance to our left. Every now and then we'd overtake a slow moving convoy of Russian army trucks and military transport vehicles. Every now and then we'd pass a Russian army base surrounded by barbed wire and sandbags. It was obvious that the only thing keeping this part of the federation in the federation was military muscle. The caucasus is to all intents and purposes a war zone being fought by-proxy.
We came to the border of Chechnya which was marked by more razor wire,more military units but this time also soldiers dressed entirely in black and holding modern weapons. These were kadyrov's men. Kadyrov is the Kremlin's guy in Chechnya. The only thing is he seems to have done a Kurtz and gone awol,ruling over chechnya as a mad tyrant doing as he pleases. Putin seems to let him get on with it,happy to have a pro-Kremlin guy down there that however brutal his methods and abuses may be,is atleast bringing some kind of normalcy to Grozny,if not the rest of Chechnya. This time we were waived through,both my driver and I making sure not to make eye contact with one of the soldiers in case it invited them to stop us. I'd been warned by Russian friend's that my danger in Chechnya would not only be from the terrorists wanting to kidnap me but also from Kadyrov's men who would be happy to sell me to the terrorists. I have no idea if such dangers were well founded or just the fertive imagination of overly concerened friends but when you are on your own at the Chechen border and at the mercy of some dude with an M16 and a balaclava you don't want to test the rumour out. We drove on into Chechnya and immediately saw the cult of personality that Kadyrov had encouraged. Road side signs showed photos of him and his father ( his father was the leader of Chechnya before being blown up in a terrorist attack ). The road was new and double laned each side. It immediately felt wealthier then Ingushetia and Ossetia too for that matter. We passed through towns with construction work going on,new mosques that seemed far too big for the villages they served were springing up. I had not eaten breakfast so asked my driver to pull over when he saw a place. We pulled into a modern petrol station in the middle of nowhere with a cafe attached and a gym upstairs (!?). I went in and ordered a meal whilst my driver who was a dodgy looking bastard stayed in the car and made a phone call. Now read that last sentance again;25 words that you probably didn't think twice about. Perfectly normal,I eat and the driver makes a phone call,but with my heightened sense of awareness and danger I suddenly had this paranoid idea that he was phoning militants to come and get me. I'd been warned before I came that that was how people get snatched and my mind was now asking myself why he didn't come in to eat and make the call in front of me? What was he hiding? I ate my meal with a growing unease in my stomach and bowels. I was in a lonely service station in the middle of Chechnya,my phone did not have a signal,I had nowhere to go. I paid and returned to the car. We drove off but my paranoia now meant that I was ready to go Jason Bourne on him if he did anything that I thought might be suspicious. If he slowed down or headed up a dirt track I would launch myself at him and steal his car. Looking back it seems rediculous but at the time I thought it was entirely rational. We drove on past more murals of Kadyrov and his dad. Eventually we hit the outskirts of Grozny,the shiny new buildings in the centre of Grozny visible on the horizon. There was a massive concrete sign saying 'Grozny' by the side of the road and I asked the driver to stop so I could photograph it. I got out and walked across an empty square to get a better angle for the photo. There were woods at the end. When I got to the edge of the woods, about 30 metres from my taxi,I noticed sitting on their haunches in the woods were about five guys in civilian clothes with Kalashnikovs. They looked at me but didn't move. I have no idea who they were but I immediately headed back to the car at a brisk pace. They were probably just local dudes,having a ciggie together but I didn't want to find out. It did emphasise to me though that being in the wrong place at the wrong time is what will get you in trouble in this part of the world. We drove on and eventually entered the city centre which was all brand new,signs of the war having been eradicated and built over with grandiose projects. Kadyrov's guards stood guard on every street corner. In the centre of town stood a newly built mosque,Russia's largest,all marble and minarettes. I got out and paid my driver,he shook my hand and wished me well and I felt a tad guilty for presuming him to be the kind of man who would sell me to Al Qaida given the chance.
Watching him leave was like watching the last link I had to civilisation dissapear. I walked over to my hotel in the centre of town and checked in. The lobby had photos of Kadyrov with some famous faces,Tyson,Hillary Swank,celebs who had been happy to take his money without asking too many questions about where it had come from or what Kadyrov had done to get it.
Grozny ( Chechnya )
Description: Newly built city centre that is like a Potempkin Village,i.e big hotel with no guests,a huge mosque with 3 worshippers in it,big new roads leading nowhere,a shopping centre with no shoppers. Spotlessly clean but somehow hollow. The river Terek runs through the centre of town. When the call to prayer rang out across the town I knew I was in the Caucasus and had left Slavic Russia behind.
Safety: I felt safe enough in the centre of town. My hotel had armed guards in the lobby with heavy weapons. There have been attacks on the centre but it is heavily policed by Kadyrov's guys. Leave the centre and hit the micro-regions though and it feels rough. I got on a random marshrutka that to my horror ended up going down a dirt track into the suburbs. Not going to lie,I didn't like it. No policeman around out there to help you.
Chechen Women: Very attractive,more so then Ingush. Brunettes but with the lightest skin tone,almost translucent. Saw some really attractive ones walking about. Mostly headscarved but not all by any means. Dress in jeans like any other Russian but no short skirts or slutty wear ( kadyrov's guys apparently patrol the streets with paint guns splatting any woman who does not dress conservatively enough but I never saw that ). I approached on the street and the women were very friendly for the most part. All very intrigued to meet a foreigner. I got the definite impression that you could get results here with time. The women were much more relaxed and open than Ingush chicks. I went into a bookshop near the centre. A woman worked in there alone,early 30's. I flirted and it was reciprocated,she gave me a free fridge magnet and asked me to promise to come see her again before I left. I number closed but had no intention of calling,more an ego close. Would have been interesting to see if I could have made something happen. I went into a photography shop and it was full of female students photocopying some school work. I opened and got lots of friendly banter,asking me about London and life in the West. I invited them for coffe and cake somewhere,one of them was interested but the others seemed to convince her otherwise. They spoke in Chechen so I have no idea what they said to dissude her. I hit a cafe that was in a basement next to an internet cafe,friendly female staff but could not get beyond pleasentries. In my hotel's restaurant that night I met and chatted to the staff,all exceptionally friendly but I could not transition from banter into getting numbers. It is obviously social circle orientated but I get the feeling there are options here if you targeted older age groups ( 30 plus years ). I.e divorcies and ones that never got married for whatever reason. Definitely harder then Ossetia but seemingly not as hard as Ingushetia.
Game Venues: when I asked about bars and clubs people told me there were none and that people go to restaurants with friends instead. It seems that the restaurants have dance floors so people can stand up and dance then return to eat some more. I only ate in my hotel in the evening so never got the chance to test out the restaurants. Day game is the street where the shopping centre is ( don't get excited,I use the term shopping centre very very loosely ). Lots of women in groups of 2 or 3 walking around. Approach lone women so you can't get bitch-blocked. Not nearly as much eye-banging going on here as in Vladikavkaz. The hotel restaurant and bars would be good if there were any other tourists in town but,well,it's Chechnya,there are no other tourists.
The following day I returned to Vladikavkaz and spent another four days there trying to get my feet under the table and cement myself in a small social circle. Nothing happened,no closes of any kind but I saw that it was highly possible,in fact inevitable that results would come but I would need a month to really start making headway.
Overall I had enjoyed the region immensely. I made some seemingly good friends,ate some amazing food,had an adventure. I will return to the city in the future. The North Caucasus is a rough place but not as dangerous as perceived. I felt safe in the city centres for the most part and if you use common sense and have a little Russian knowledge you should be ok. Just don't expect action unless you integrate yourself locally.
It's funny how every trip you go on seems to sew the seed for another,and so it is with me...
Safe travels...Vorkuta
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. Good to hear you've found somewhere to live, but has your lifelong search really been about somewhere for you to call home?. It's also interesting that you have settled on Moscow as I always though you were more of a Tier 3/4 Philanderer.
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