Post: #1

One of the things I've noticed about myself is that after I have sex with a girl I get attached. Even though I rationally know she's not going to be the mother of my children (or at least, god, I hope not) I'm still anxious about seeing her again and get upset and unreasonably bummed out if she loses interest or starts acting evasive/flakey. It's not really oneitus-I don't think the girl is anything special. It's more that having experienced some intimacy with her I want more. And I want her to want more. Of course when the chick is super into me I tend to lose interest, so go figure.

Anybody else struggle with this or have ideas on how to get over it? My first thought it so just go out and bang more girls but I don't have a harem built up yet and this seems to be an impediment to getting one.

Post: #2

Like all humans you get DE-sensitized to repetition, you keep slaying girls and it usually begins to fade. Sometimes when I connect with a girl on a deeper scale I feel the same but after a while these girls become quite rare to come across so largely pumping and dumping isn't that hard.

Post: #3

Yeah. I guess there's no way around it, just gotta go through it.

I've noticed it happens more with girls who are from out of town. There's generally a very short window to make something happen which I think adds to my own anxiety and makes them feel more pressure.

Post: #4

Fuck enough girls and you'll have trouble actually connecting, that's my 'problem' now. I'm probably bordeline sociopathic with how I have zero feelings towards a girl I'm fucking.

My advice, I would just bang away. After you've banged 100 girls I bet you won't have that issue.

Post: #5

You need to not place so much importance on this one girl. The only way to do that is to bang multiple girls at the same time. If you're dating two or three woman at any given time, it keeps your abandonment issues at bay, at least superficially. That's the easy fix.

Post: #6

This happens to me too, don't know what the right answer is. It's normal to want to want the girl to keep wanting to fuck you and vice versa.

Being anxious about possibly losing a potential harem member isn't quite the same thing as attachment. Both of the last couple girls I fucked were super stoked about me and my cock one day, and then broke it off with me a week later. I was disappointed that I lost the puss, but not "attached" to either girl at all. I barely knew em. But I liked them both more or less, so it was a disappointment. I think that's normal.

Post: #7

I had similar experiences. Weird feeling

Post: #8

Yeah, it's not really oneitus. I think it's more the anticipation of sex. Before I've banged a girl I'm not really expecting much. Even if she's coming over to my place and I'm assuming the bang, I'm not really 100% on board. Maybe she'll do something that turns me off, maybe her pussy stinks. Too many variables to care much one way or the other. Also if we don't bang I can write it off to something that has nothing to do with me. However, after the first bang now I know the sex is on the table and that I want more of it. In some sense there's more pride at stake because if I want more and she doesn't it's hard for me not to take that personally; even if I don't really like her that much as a person.

I managed to keep my anxiety in check and not scare off the girl that inspired the thread. She came through and we had another night together. Thanks for the responses.

Post: #9

(02-08-2013 06:37 PM)Ensam Wrote:  One of the things I've noticed about myself is that after I have sex with a girl I get attached. Even though I rationally know she's not going to be the mother of my children (or at least, god, I hope not) I'm still anxious about seeing her again and get upset and unreasonably bummed out if she loses interest or starts acting evasive/flakey. It's not really oneitus-I don't think the girl is anything special. It's more that having experienced some intimacy with her I want more. And I want her to want more. Of course when the chick is super into me I tend to lose interest, so go figure.

Anybody else struggle with this or have ideas on how to get over it? My first thought it so just go out and bang more girls but I don't have a harem built up yet and this seems to be an impediment to getting one.

Same here, last Friday bang a Belgium chick in ONS (get the flag by the way ;-)) and even when I had another bang the next day with another girl I couldn't stop thinking in the other, mostly becuase it was a lot cuter.

I just try to be calm, not overthinking and keep the tempo, she shows no too much interest and I have some doubts about bang her again, so I try to concentrate in getting more ladies to rotate....

Post: #10

You want her to like you. When she "rejects" you by moving on, it bothers you. Even though you had sex, her not staying in contact with you makes you question yourself. It's a subtle form of validation seeking.

Instead of blatantly asking her "hey do you like me", subconsciously if she stops hanging out with you, then you think there's something wrong and she doesn't or didn't like you. This makes you feel bad and anxious: "Maybe she doesn't like me? We had sex... wasn't it good? What's she doing right now and who is she with?" etc.

This is also why when a girl is into you, it's easy for you to move on. You're reassured (externally) and so have no qualms. It's a form of insecurity. If you were deeply confident with an internal locus of control, this wouldn't be an issue.

Post: #11

Quote:My advice, I would just bang away. After you've banged 100 girls I bet you won't have that issue.

It's this simple.

I understand where you are coming from, as I used to have this problem.
For me, I would wonder what I may have done or said to cause her flakeyness that caused me to become bummed.

Just push on through. If you bang again. Great. If you never see her again. Find a new hole for your seed.