Post: #1

Interested to hear someone else's thoughts on this.

I'm a big fan of self improvement. When I find a new area to research, I devour all available material on the subject until I believe I've found the optimal way to approach it. I just feel that I'm currently doing everything in my power to improve myself, and I'm getting bored because I can't find anything new to focus on.

Currently:

• Health - after embarking on a LeanGains cut, I'm down to 8% body fat, and embarking on a slow bulk. My diet is sorted, all my lifts are going up, I've got a programme I'm working through, I'm in the best shape of my life - I feel I've got this covered
• Wealth - I earn a relatively high six figure salary from my job, and I've just finished a personal project which is going to give me financial independence in a few years, it's just a case of patience. I find my work relatively interesting, if not riveting. I've got this covered for now
• Love - I can at any time get dates with 7s or low 8s through online dating, but most women bore the shit out of me. Unless they are genuinely intelligent and charismatic, and challenge me in some way, I just get bored after I get the lay. I'm pretty well self-validated, and I don't feel the need to pursue notches for the sake of it. The top tier of women currently elude me, but I'm taking some pickup coaching next week to hone my skills, and aim to get this under control
• Lifestyle - I have a good group of friends in a few places around the country, and have options to go out if I want to. I'm just starting Muay Thai classes, and I'm going to learn to ride a motorbike next month. I read extensively, both books (classic and modern) and blogs, and feel like there's not much more I can do in this area.
  

Some days I'm full of enthusiasm for life, and other days I just end up pacing around, bored, wondering what new area of interest I can find to give me some joie de vivre.

I recently stopped drinking because of the terrible depression I suffer from hangovers (it knocks me for 6 for 3 straight days), but I really miss the release I used to get from getting wasted and cutting loose every once in a while. In a strange way, coming out of the pit of depression midway through every week allowed me to appreciate life more by way of contrast - everything is a bit too much on a level at the moment.

I'm starting to wonder, do I need a partner to find some meaning from life? Someone to share things with? It's not the correct mindset obviously to go into relationships with girls trying to draw value from them, but no man is an island ultimately. It's not through lack of looking, I just almost never meet any women who genuinely excite me enough to want to spend prolonged periods of time with them.

There must be a good place to meet intelligent, creative women - some sort of evening class that would attract those sort of characters, creative writing, literature or psychology?

Any thoughts welcome, cheers

Post: #2

It's all from the inside. Meaningful satisfaction never comes from the outside.

Will you find eternal satisfaction from drugs and alcohol? Only as an illusion for a couple hours and then you're worse off than before for days.

Will you find eternal satisfaction from women? As the Eagles once sang, "I found out a long time ago a woman can't take you any way you don't already know how to go."

Will you ever stop seeking? Who the fuck knows. You keep marchin on either way.

Post: #3

Wise words.

I'm definitely not going to stop striving for improvement, I guess I just feel that I'm doing all the things within my power, and am no closer to finding the answer. Perhaps I just haven't yet discovered my true passion in life.

Drugs and alcohol are of course not a permanent solution, but they certainly used to be a welcome temporary distraction!

Post: #4

(02-03-2013 04:29 PM)Hoodlum Wrote:  Some days I'm full of enthusiasm for life, and other days I just end up pacing around, bored, wondering what new area of interest I can find to give me some joie de vivre.

It's the latter that fuels the former. You cannot have the light without the shadows.

Post: #5

"What is happiness? The feeling that power is growing, that resistance is overcome." Even though you're improving, you're not fulfilling your potential. Time to shift gears. I think trying to learn muay thai and improving your pickup will provide a rush for you. Travel may help as well. Throw yourself into new ventures that interest you and that make you feel like a beginner. However, at the end of the day, happiness is a fleeting emotion. Don't chase it.

Post: #6

Very interesting OP, and several good replies. Hoodlum, I guess you have a low boredom threshold, like me. I find most women boring (after I've bedded them) - hell, I find most people boring. What I need to keep motivated is progress in my life, or the illusion of it. I keep finding new projects, new trains of thought, new ways of working on myself physically, mentally and emotionally.

Like Thomas said, the lows are necessary for the highs - the eternal interplay of opposites - yin and yang. Have you looked at spiritual growth at all (I don't mean religion, but maybe an eastern philosophy like Buddhism or Taoism)?

I guess I'm quite a bit older than you. I've done many things in my 40+ years, and have a fair few accomplishments to my name, but I've still not found my true passion, either. I have a feeling that that is due to attenuated authenticity on my part - I am still not daring to be 100% myself. Makes sense?

Post: #7

Cheers for the replies guys, good food for thought.

Thomas - interesting, I had hoped it would be possible to stay happy and upbeat 95% of the time, but maybe it's as you say - you need the contrast and balance of being low sometimes in order to be able to fully appreciate the highs.

Stoic - you're probably correct. Even though I'm already pushing myself harder than 99% of other guys I know, it's not enough. When I attain a new level of accomplishment, I buzz off it for a week or two, and then it just becomes the new baseline norm, and I cease to derive any satisfaction from it any more. I am hoping the adrenaline buzz from things like Muay Thai and riding a motorbike will go some way towards combating this. And indeed, forcing myself fully from my comfort zone to start approaching the real high value women in society, the wealthy, intelligent 9s and 9.5s, instead of playing it safe in the level which I know I can succeed in.

Acute Angle - yes, you're right, I do tend to get bored pretty easily. When I find a new area of interest, I devour it for days, absorbing every shred I can find until I've exhausted it, and then I return back to my former slightly bored mood until I find something else. I have been thinking about spiritualistic teachings actually, I figure they may help to arrive at a point of acceptance of self and reality, without railing against it all the time. Fully know where you are coming from with the attenuated authenticity comment - I am the same. I always seem to be just slightly holding myself back from acting fully in the way in which I wish. It's why I used to enjoy getting wasted so much - all the barriers came down, and I could just fully act without inhibition for at least one night a week. Unfortunately, the side effects ended up massively outweighing the benefits.

So the answer is... push myself harder, whilst trying to develop more self-acceptance along the way then I suppose!

Post: #8

(02-04-2013 09:28 AM)Hoodlum Wrote:  Acute Angle - yes, you're right, I do tend to get bored pretty easily. When I find a new area of interest, I devour it for days, absorbing every shred I can find until I've exhausted it, and then I return back to my former slightly bored mood until I find something else. I have been thinking about spiritualistic teachings actually, I figure they may help to arrive at a point of acceptance of self and reality, without railing against it all the time. Fully know where you are coming from with the attenuated authenticity comment - I am the same. I always seem to be just slightly holding myself back from acting fully in the way in which I wish. It's why I used to enjoy getting wasted so much - all the barriers came down, and I could just fully act without inhibition for at least one night a week. Unfortunately, the side effects ended up massively outweighing the benefits.

So the answer is... push myself harder, whilst trying to develop more self-acceptance along the way then I suppose!

Haha, just like me! I even get the awful hangovers.

Just a caution about motorbikes. I used to race motorbikes (Donington, Brands etc.). It was my raison d'etre in my teens and early twenties. But even that buzz loses a lot of its power after a while. I stopped racing when I found myself sitting on the start line at a race feeling hardly anything - it was like I was just about to pop down the shops to buy a pound of lard. That was a long time ago and riding on the road is a lot more hazardous now - I don't do it - it's too easy for some numpty car driver to put you in a wheelchair or a pine box. Now if I lived in a warm country with good, empty roads - hell yeah!

Pushing yourself harder whilst increasing self-acceptance sounds contradictory to me. Are you a perfectionist? Very demanding of yourself? If so, maybe ask yourself why you need to be perfect? What emotional need would be met by achieving perfection?

Post: #9

I'm not trying to insult you but in my experience the people I've encountered that complain about being bored a lot are all very boring.

Maybe now that you're exploring these other pursuits will help enrich your life and you can find some fulfillment out of them. If you don't like them keep searching.

Post: #10

I think the joy to live actually comes from living your own life and loving what you do. Have a vision and work to make that happen.

Your vision can be: work in a bookstore until 5 and then hang around with friends playing music or building up a million dollar company or growing cactus for a living.

You must find what makes you click and get to the point were you can jump on a plane and in mid air think "If the plane crashes right now how I would die happy and without any regrets in my life, despite the all the good things that i'm missing".

Once you are on that mindset, it's very difficult to bring you down.

Money becomes just numbers that come and go.
Women become something more real.

Success tastes sweeter, and failure hits harder, but you learn faster and if you are on that track and focused, the pain will fade out fairly easily and next time you will land on your legs.

Usually when things in your life taste like ash, or you think you are stuck, you should try making some radical changes, or expose yourself to intense experiences such as travelling by yourself.

This will give you a personal perspective about yourself. What you really like to do, what you really like to think, what is really important for you in the end just comes afloat when you have a little taste of freedom.

Get in touch with your natural rhythm and also see how you react to new experiences and circumstances.

If you go back to your previous life, you will also see with a different perspective and probably a more clear head what exactly was holding you back and you can make a conscious decision on what to change.

I don't know. Every time that I start feeling bored I try to bring some thrill to my life and then see how I naturally respond to that.

Sometimes I loose, sometimes I win, but I just win because I try. Losing is just not trying.

Post: #11

Find out what different parts of you want. Unhappiness/ restlessness often comes from having parts of your personality pulling in different directions. For me, for example, I have a few core drives, that each make me feel fully alive and saying "YES" inside:

-Live an adventure - romp thru new countries and environments Indiana Jones style
-Pure play and excitement - the glory of "the game", teaming up with awesome mates and raucus nights out
-Doing something really meaningful, using my gifts to make a difference
-The inner animal that just wants to approach and ravage hot girls all day
-The "go getter" that wants to just smash business and money and accrue hundreds of thousands and build an empire

The trouble is, all these different parts of me would be quite happy running the show 100% of the time. When Im focussed on one thing, other parts of me get restless/upset. For true contentment, you gotta have some inner negotiation and compromise. The book "Healthy Parts, Happy Self" is helpful for resolving these kinds of "restlessness" issues.

Post: #12

Cheers for the thoughts, I'd actually forgotten I posted this. Good insight on whoever mentioned the perfectionism... that's definitely something I'm afflicted by, it's a double edged sword that drives me onwards and yet causes me to be frequently dissatisfied.

In the time since I posted this, I have found a bit more contentment in life by gaining a larger measure of happiness and acceptance with who I am. I believe I was perhaps seeking endless external endeavours to make up for the fact that despite what I would have told myself, I wasn't content with the person I was at a basic level.

I went to CBT sessions and have studied a bit of spirituality since then (not the mystic kind, more the nature of consciousness stuff), and I'm just much more content to "be", and to be working towards my goals, without feeling the need to reflect on myself and my perceived progress all the time.

And to whoever speculated if it was because I was in fact a boring person... I certainly don't think so, and I hope not! People have variously described me as one of the most interesting and inspiring people they've ever met, because I'm so driven, imaginative and ambitious. The ennui comes at times from not feeling like I have anyone on my own level to connect with, but after getting more heavily involved in the 'sphere of late, I've come into contact with other guys whose intelligence and confidence I genuinely respect and admire. It's a virtual peer group, but a peer group nonetheless.

Post: #13

I just noticed this thread, I'd forgotten I'd posted it.

I rediscovered my joie de vivre, and then some. For anyone interested, turns out I had a chronically low testosterone level, and needed TRT.

If you find yourself feeling flat, listless, enervated, unenthusiastic about women and life in general, or even just depressed - go and get your T level checked. I honestly feel like a new man since I got myself sorted out, the world has gone from shades of grey to full colour once more.

Post: #14

If you are bored, you lack imagination and passion.

Post: #15

(07-22-2013 02:59 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  If you are bored, you lack imagination and passion.

Yeah good job on reading the thread dude. So good of you to drop by and impart your golden nugget of wisdom.

Post: #16

(07-22-2013 03:15 PM)Hoodlum Wrote:  Yeah good job on reading the thread dude. So good of you to drop by and impart your golden nugget of wisdom.

I sense sarcasm..

Okay, fair enough. I went back and read the thread.

Sounds like you want a girlfriend. So, get one.

Also, maybe you should start drinking again..? Sounds like you enjoyed that. Just drink less.

You are asking where to find intelligent, creative women?

The answer: Universities and colleges.

(02-03-2013 04:29 PM)Hoodlum Wrote:  Any thoughts welcome, cheers

I gave you my thoughts, you did not welcome them.

I will give them again.

If you are bored, you lack imagination and passion.

Thats my honest opinion.

Post: #17

(05-06-2013 02:22 AM)Hoodlum Wrote:  I'm down to 8% body fat... I'm in the best shape of my life - I feel I've got this covered...

I earn a relatively high six figure salary from my job, and I've just finished a personal project which is going to give me financial independence in a few years, it's just a case of patience. I find my work relatively interesting, if not riveting...

I can at any time get dates with 7s or low 8s...

I have a good group of friends in a few places around the country... I read extensively, both books (classic and modern) and blogs...

People have variously described me as one of the most interesting and inspiring people they've ever met, because I'm so driven, imaginative and ambitious. The ennui comes at times from not feeling like I have anyone on my own level to connect with.

Humblebrag much?

You sound like an insufferable bore. It's no wonder you lack contentment. Everyone you come in contact with must think you're a complete dickhead who can't stop talking about himself.

I'm also laughing at how you somehow "forgot" you posted this thread, twice, then returned to bump it, just to remind us how great you're doing.

Here's an idea: stop being so self-obsessed and trying to impress people with your accomplishments, and instead learn to appreciate other people and theirs.

Post: #18

Giovonny - I gave you a sarcastic response because the only reason I came back to post in this thread was to point out the fact that my lack of enthusiasm for life was caused by secondary hypogonadism which required treatment with testosterone replacement therapy, in the hope that anyone else who read it who was suffering from similar symptoms could potentially go and get themselves checked out. Starting TRT has literally transformed my life. I actually like to try and give useful advice that helps people, rather than a thinly veiled insult.

If you'd have read the last response I just typed, instead of trying to impart wisdom like the erudite sage you seem to imagine yourself to be, you'd have known that what I was describing was caused by a medical condition, not by lacking imagination or passion.

Scorpion - I'm not even going to dignify that with a proper response, you bitter little maggot.

Out of here. Can't be bothered posting on here any more when it seems to be mainly populated by childish idiots.

Post: #19

How old are you Hoodlum?
Wonder how much a testosterone check cost here in the states.... Shit is stupid expensive if you dont have insurance, which I do not.

Post: #20

I'm 31 mate. Testosterone levels in men do start to decline around this age, but mine was way under what it should be have been. A normal level for someone my age would have been in the range of 600-700 ng/dL, mine came in at 300.

Check this thread from the Steroidology forums for info on where to get cheap blood tests in the US - it's actually a lot easier and cheaper than it is over here.
http://www.steroidology.com/forum/anabol...cheap.html

Post: #21

See you in a few months after you "forget" about this thread again!

Post: #22

(07-22-2013 04:16 PM)scorpion Wrote:  See you in a few months after you "forget" about this thread again!

Yes, see you then pal. I'll be counting down the days.

Post: #23

EDIT: Okay I didn't notice the part about the TRT, just skimmed the beginning of this, but what I've said below still stands, and hopefully other guys reading can find it useful too.

(02-03-2013 04:29 PM)Hoodlum Wrote:  I just feel that I'm currently doing everything in my power to improve myself, and I'm getting bored because I can't find anything new to focus on.

Alright, right off the bat, I have to say this post comes off with some neediness, kind of like a ego boost for recognition from other men.

That said, I can understand why you wrote the way you did, and I'm still gonna give you some good advice, try to be humble about this, and not get defensive or emotional like one of the earlier posts.

99% of men in the Western world have no excuse to be bored.

You are literally living in the most complex time in history, with more distractions, diversions, destinations, etc. than ever before.

You lack focus because you are most likely approaching things from a perspective of "what SHOULD I do to improve myself." This means you're already operating under the lens of forced improvement to feel satisfied with progress and productivity with your life.

You also spent this entire post talking about you, you, you. I'm sure your need for productivity, coupled with the fact that it sounds like you're financially safe, could be put to use on projects for others.

How many men are you taking under your wing to mentor? I'm sure a lot of people would want your life as it stands right now. Are you doing anything for your community? It's clear you're an intelligent, driven guy, find what frustrates you about the world, and where you could apply your skills to fixing issues.

There's a reason that charity, generosity, etc. is so often linked to happiness and self-actualization. You will also be able to get positive recognition, in a completely different fashion from prestige, materialism, etc.

(02-03-2013 04:29 PM)Hoodlum Wrote:  I recently stopped drinking because of the terrible depression I suffer from hangovers (it knocks me for 6 for 3 straight days), but I really miss the release I used to get from getting wasted and cutting loose every once in a while.

Let me guess, you hate wasting time, and you have a hard time quieting your mind, and feeling "in the moment"?

With the intricacy of our world today, it's common, and the mainstream solutions to this often offer little substance (i.e. porn, tv, videogames).

For most men, they feel in the moment during sex, drinking/partying, fighting, etc. Perhaps you need to get back to your roots about what excited you about life when you were younger, outside of the world's expectations for you.

This is one of the few areas where you might want to be less rigid and rational, and go by your feelings and/or adrenaline.

For some men, this could be connecting with nature (scuba diving, rock climbing, etc.) or other forms of "controlled risk" (i.e. racing, skydiving, etc.)

This may sound ridiculous, but on a nice summer day, go out to a wooded or natural area where you can be reasonably sure you won't see hardly anyone else. Even better if you can clear out your To Do list in the days beforehand.

Take nothing with you in your pockets except car keys if need be (i.e. no phone, papers, etc.). Bring a blanket/towel to sit down, and stay there for either an entire afternoon, or a full day. Your mind will scream at you to get up and do something, be productive, etc. You might even be tempted to start counting flora/fauna, playing with things nearby. Ignore all of this.

After a while, your mind will turn more inward, and you will be able to introspect on a whole different level. You'll be surprised at some of the personal revelations a man can have once he's removed from distractions.

(02-03-2013 04:29 PM)Hoodlum Wrote:  I'm starting to wonder, do I need a partner to find some meaning from life? Someone to share things with? It's not the correct mindset obviously to go into relationships with girls trying to draw value from them, but no man is an island ultimately.

It makes sense you would want to share your life with a quality woman, but also be mindful of the trap of finding, what I would coin as, "the perfect complement". What I mean is, a lot of intellectual and accomplished guys continually try to find their own female equal, then get frustrated.

You have to accept that the vast majority of women will be less well read, less interested in the world, and most importantly, give you no credit or recognition for the knowledge you've acquired.

It sounds like you may also need friends from a variety of social circles, where you can completely let loose with no filter. You should also have friends who challenge you, like the men in this thread did. Whether they are right or wrong in their diagnosis, it keeps people in check and forces them to consider other viewpoints.

I hate these labels, but to get the point across, I have friends who are blue collar, white collar, alpha, beta, extrovert, introvert, etc. The richness in your experiences with them and your ability to connect will often be a function of their variety. Most men by their late 20's or early 30's start to see their number of close friends decline, so it's important to stay in touch and meet people through other avenues.

I'll end with quoting a post that I've used to reply to 2Wycked and Western Cancer so far when they've asked for similar opinions on hobbies:

/thread-24650-...#pid465712

Quote:I can tell you have a pretty analytic mind, one thing that helps for staying interested in new hobbies is goal setting around new skills or pursuit of mastery.

Say you get bored with typical routines at the gym, maybe switch it up with a skill you always admired but never really seriously attempted. I'm thinking more bodyweight things like learning backflips, handstands, rope climbs, etc. You can go pretty in depth learning about all the different approaches, variations, etc. and will often surprise yourself.

Another checklist approach to hobbies is what else you can do to round yourself out as a man, as some posters have already mentioned. Self defense, hunting, organizing events/parties (leadership role), etc.

I'm one of those men that could retire tomorrow and never be bored, I find so many things interesting.

When people ask for advice about this, I usually tell them to focus on passions that give you a return on knowledge, physical skills, getting outside of comfort zone, etc.

This is opposed to things like collecting coins, stamps, etc. or hours of videogames each day, since at the end of it, you're left with either just niche material stuff, or simulated experiences.

Finally, keep myself, or better yet, all of us, posted on your changes.

Post: #24

(07-22-2013 04:15 PM)Hoodlum Wrote:  I'm 31 mate. Testosterone levels in men do start to decline around this age, but mine was way under what it should be have been. A normal level for someone my age would have been in the range of 600-700 ng/dL, mine came in at 300.

Check this thread from the Steroidology forums for info on where to get cheap blood tests in the US - it's actually a lot easier and cheaper than it is over here.
http://www.steroidology.com/forum/anabol...cheap.html

Damn I'm 33...... I need to check into getting the test.
Thanks for your info, I'm glad I read this thread even if other are not as thrilled ha.

Post: #25

Thanks for taking the time to put up that detailed reply.

Although it may have seemed like I was "humblebragging" in my initial post, I went into that much detail simply to point out that I had done, or was doing all of the things that people usually tell you to do when you feel bored with your life.

All of what you wrote is spot on, and good advice. For myself, it turned out to be a chemical imbalance in my body causing my symptoms, and ever since I got it sorted out, I've never been happier.