Cobra 
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RE: Best Cities/Countries for Black American Guys???
(09-12-2015 02:45 AM)Excelsior Wrote: (08-18-2015 09:58 PM)Fortis Wrote: I didn't grow up impoverished but I certainly had a lot of issues (severe depression, anxiety, poor eating habits and apathy), which is why I ask this question. I always get the impression that it's a lot of the black guys who otherwise have their shit together that seem to have the inferiority complex. A lot of the brainy black guys, if you will.
Speaking from experience, this comes from the fact that a lot of these guys have been caught between rocks and hard places socially and, particularly, romantically.
Growing up, they often have many issues with other blacks and, romantically, with black American women. They are frequently labelled (oreo this, Tom that, etc, etc) and otherwise insulted for being who they are. Their women clown them for being too soft or just not "down" enough. They're black (clearly), but they don't feel accepted as such by their own people.
Then they look at the other side of the spectrum and find out they're not really going to find full acceptance there either. They may feel they have much in common with whites and other non-blacks, but these people look at them and just see another black guy. They then judge accordingly.
Much has been written in this thread about how white women in the USA can be uniquely difficult to pursue for black men (particularly for relationships) given certain stigmas and stereotypes. These black men find that this still applies to them, even though they are (by the admission of their fellow blacks themselves) far from whatever the black "norm" is that these people are afraid to associate with. These guys get to university and find that, no matter how educated, "well-spoken", or "smart" they are, they still fight an uphill battle to get the same social/romantic results and integrate smoothly relative to their non-black friends.
In short, they find they have no place. Stigmas and stereotypes leave whites wary of them (too black for the whites), while their distance from many norms in the black community leaves them outsiders there as well (too white for the blacks). They don't easily find a place to call home, romantically or socially. They're in no-man's land. These circumstances can do a number on one's confidence and inner game, thus leading to the issues you describe.
On one hand, your failure to connect with black women and black culture in general can sap confidence. This is especially true when you see men who aren't necessarily better than you objectively (no better looking, no more well educated, no wealthier, etc) getting vastly superior results with said black women while exerting the same or less effort. This does a number on your inner game and self-esteem, and can have you wondering if anything you do will ever get you any decent results.
Meanwhile, you deal with the same issues on the other end of the spectrum: you approach non-black girls who put up walls to you and make you work far harder just to get a word in edgewise, while your non-black peers (who are no better than you from a game, economic, academic, or professional perspective) have those same women opening up to them easily despite their putting in equal or lesser effort. This will do another number on your confidence, especially if you were raised among these very same non-blacks for most of your life and couldn't be much more well integrated. Realizing that even serious self-improvement (better game, better style, etc) often doesn't improve your station much in your earlier years as a older teen/young adult can do a big number on your inner game and leave you wondering, again, if you'll ever get anything remotely resembling good results.
In your darkest moments, given the realities described above, you might just give in and start to accept the pessimistic notion that you simply aren't good enough to get better results and never will be because you're too much of a weird outlier (stereotypically nerdy, "brainy" black guys aren't the norm). You'll conclude that the other guys you see getting superior results are simply better than you (since they're more "normal") and always will be. You buy all of this because your romantic results match these conclusions and do nothing to dispute them, hence the inferiority complex kicking in.
Fighting this off is no small task. Over time, as you become more aware of the socio-economic and cultural realities associated with your environment and come to understand the wider world (and opportunities) that exist beyond your environment, optimism can creep back in. You start to realize that many of the issues you faced are less a function of you being shit than they are a function of your society having its own quirks and abnormalities independent of you.
A large dose of consistent, long-term self-improvement work helps as well, especially when applied as you become aware of the realities I just mentioned. The results of said self-improvement (ex: superior style, better game, more financial success, etc) are objectively valuable regardless of your appearance, and your possession of these objectively valuable things that cant be written off because of what you look like builds confidence that you're not so shit after all and will eventually get your fair share.
Your understanding of the environmental realities I mentioned above will allow you to reason that a lack of immediate appreciation for these objectively valuable improvements (ex: girls still reacting more negatively to you than your peers despite your improvement having given you better style, game, and aesthetics than said peers) may not be down to you, but to things out of your control. You gain a better understanding of the role your environment plays in your results. That allows you to decouple the reaction you get (which may be more negative than it should be because of what you look like) from your own conception of your worth, thus giving you a more accurate sense of your own value.
With this improved awareness of the realities I just mentioned, you also get better at actually countering the negative effects of your environment, helping to make better results more probable.
As you get older and gain more financial independence and life experience (ex: traveling) while making more improvements to the self, it gradually gets easier to see better results out on the horizon and right on your doorstep. As said results improve over time, confidence builds back up, you realize once and for all that you're not quite as shit as you thought you were in your darkest moments mentioned above, and you become less pessimistic about your future.
It takes years to get to this level. I wouldn't have made it without exposure to RVF and red-pill thought in general. For men without exposure to these things (which are crucial for providing the insight into the environmental realities I mentioned and guiding the self-improvement process), it can be a lot harder to kill an inferiority complex.
Quote:I can't necessarily speak for the experiences of our hood brothers, but I actually don't get the inferiority vibe from a lot of the guys in newark but those dudes have a slew of issues that go far beyond the scope of this thread. A lot of those guys seem a bit less concerned with girls of other races for whatever reason.
Because they didn't grow up surrounded by them.
When you are raised in an environment in which said non-black girls are pretty much all that's around, you care much more about what they think of you.
That's the curse of growing up in predominantly non-black environments as a black male in the USA. Your appearance will always lead to challenges with those women due to the stigmas and stereotypes associated with interracial relationships, but the fact that you grew up so accustomed to them means you will be more willing to cope with these challenges and will be more concerned about them.
If your hometown was 92% non-hispanic white during your formative years (the bulk of the remainder consisting of Asian Americans), and you were among the 2% black minority, all of your formative romantic experiences probably involved white girls. Your first crush as a little kid was probably white (maybe asian). The bulk of the crushes and dates you had throughout your adolescence were probably white (maybe asian). You were molded by this environment - by the time your emerge from it as an adult, you're almost certainly going to have a very strong interest in the women you grew up around and the physical traits they tend to possess. Again, that'll keep you pursuing them despite the challenges.
You might love black women too and try to pursue them aggressively as soon as you get to college and start finding them in numbers, but your isolation from them for almost the entirety of your youth will make success harder to find in your interactions with them. You won't really understand what they want, how to turn them on, and how keep them attracted, all of which takes time to learn.
Black men who have been raised in predominantly (or at least significantly) black/non-white environments are going to naturally care much less about what white women think because their early exposure to women wasn't dominated entirely by whites. Their environment just doesn't foster the same problems or concerns.
Excelsior, I read this post a few days ago and it's one of the most insightful ones I have read. Any minority can take from this. I've shared my story on the forum before but it's nice to be able to relate to it in the context of this thread.
I myself am an Indian guy. I grew up in predominantly white neighborhoods. Initially moved into a black neighborhood when I moved here with my parents at the age of 12. This was the 90s.
Back then people were openly racist given the Indian stereotypes (Apu, 711 etc.). I didn't fit in with the white crowd or the black. I was skinny and pretty low confidence to start with. The added challenge of a new culture and people squeezed me on to a corner. I crushed on a lot of white girls. Never even made it close to them. It devalued me to such an extent that there were many days that I cried myself to sleep hoping somehow my skin would turn white the next morning. My parents were too poor to buy me nice clothes. While the rest of the kids wore Starter jackets (popular back then) and nice sneakers, I was wearing hand me downs from my cousin. If I were lucky, my parents would take me to Kmart to buy me some new stuff there. It's funny, at least when I got these clothes, I felt marginally better. That is, until some kid yelled out publicly that I must have got that from Kmart. Shit, he would be right.
I worked hard to learn as much as I could culturally and develop my accent to the point that I would not be recognizable as Indian unless you actually saw me. I had no real masculine guidance, or even guidance in general, except TV and some nice teachers that saw something in me especially since I did well in school. Kids would taunt me and even push me into fights that I could never win, forcing me to back down. I was not only weak on the outside but also inside. I don't know if anyone could have had a weaker inner game.
All I wanted was to be "American." I truly was grateful to be in the country. I just wanted to be a part of it and be accepted. One fine day, a Navy recruiter called me and the rest was history. In boot camp, some of the same taunts came from some guys. However, I knew what I needed to do. I physically and mentally pushed myself so hard because I never wanted to feel like I did before. I succeeded and made a lot of friends there and even in the Naval fleet, I had a great experience.
On my first ship, I was lucky enough to be supervised by a smooth black man that to this day I owe a debt of gratitude to. He changed my life. He knew how to make people feel good every time they interacted with us. We both worked in the Finance office and did a lot of check cashing and customer service for the sailors. We came into contact with a lot of girls and women. He macked them all. And eventually I started doing the same, to such an extent that I felt not only good but also attractive. I knew girls wanted me. I could feel it. I embraced my "Indianness" but at that time never felt the need to flaunt it (inner game wise it's the best state to be in). If it wasn't for his guidance, I would be lost to this very day. I've been meaning to dedicate a post to him some day and given the context of the thread, it was a great opportunity.
When I left that command and his tutelage, I still had a very hard time still coping to new environments. Losing him was like losing a father. I had about 3 years of guidance from him. Best I have ever gotten. I have not got in touch with him since. When I left the Navy, I went back to where I grew up and those old insecurities creeped in again. I was able to still make friends but this "white girl" stigma still stayed. It's funny because, during that time, the few girls I dated were white.
Today, I still struggle, but every day, my inner game is developed to a point where while it's not a 100%, I have a good idea as to how to get it to 100%. People notice on the forum that I preach inner game extensively. My life and past experiences have caused this focus to be a stark reality. So your point that journey that you mention is not an easy one resonates with me loud and clear.
When I walked around even 5 years ago, I would feel unaccepted. Every look I got from a girl on the street, I questioned or even dismissed as a random fluke. Nowadays, my experiences, with a little guidance from the forum have caused me to accept who I am and go back to that "embrace but don't flaunt" inner game that I was most comfortable in when I joined the Navy.
The stereotypes and racism with regards to black people appear to have significantly decreased in the media and social settings, even though I wish we wouldn't be so politically correct all the time. Yet, with regards to stereotypes those of Indian and maybe even asian descent, there is a lot more to be done. Reality is white girls are going to give the white guy more of a chance just based on the easiest route to take heuristically speaking. However, a dapper and confident black man or Indian man can do even better if they understand and embrace themselves. If they can develop their inner game to the maximum it can be and work their asses off, they will have more value than most men, including white guys that may have it a tad easier relatively speaking. Like you said, not easy but doable. My experiences are evidence to that.
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RE: Best Cities/Countries for Black American Guys??? 
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