Post: #1

Hey guys, I'm wondering if anyone has this experience.

I'm a naturally introverted guy, but I am great socializing individually or in small groups. If I'm just chilling out and talking with groups of people, I'm having fun and people have fun with me.

Basically I have fun everywhere except when I go to a place with a lot of people and a lot of stimulation, like a college party, and ESPECIALLY when I go to a nightclub, I feel absolutely miserable.

I'm super, super awkward in those kinds of places.

It's like a shut down, feel bored and just start observing. Because I'm clearly not having fun, I feel like the people I'm with feel bad and it takes away from their nights.

I've really tried to get better. I've forced myself into those situations over and over again, but that hasn't worked besides making me numb to the stimulation, but still unable to have fun.

The reason why it's bad is that I feel like it limits my opportunities. It's embarrassing to be hanging out with a group of friends and when one of them says "hey, let's go dancing," I want to do anything but go out.

It's embarrassing to be dating a girl and make excuses every time she wants me to go out with her and her friends because I feel so uncomfortable at those places.

It's embarrassing to couch surf and not have fun with 1/6 of my hosts because they take me out and feel bad because I'm not having fun.

Have any of you guys been where I'm at, and how did you deal with it?

Post: #2

I'm right there with you.

I usually just tell myself "fake it until you make it"

Still doesn't always work but sometimes things click and sometimes Im just stupid.

Post: #3

How old are you? I would make a couple of suggestions here: 1) choose house parties over bars and clubs 2) consider daygaming. For example, if you're an intellectual, cultured kind of guy, consider sitting in front of your local library on a Saturday morning with a financial newspaper or a book you enjoy reading. Game in your own element. Clubs aren't your element, and neither are big parties. Do what you like to do and game while you're doing what you enjoy. I don't pick up women in clubs because I don't enjoy them. But put me on a hiking trail, or in an art gallery, or in front of a library, or in church, and I'm more congruent, and that leads to attraction. If you're good on a one to one basis, you just mainly need to attract attention and break the ice. Check meetup.com if you live in the states to find some activities you enjoy doing. Also, consider joining one of those salsa meetup groups. Pretty much every major city in the U.S. has several of them. I can't stress enough how much developing some dancing skills will do for your self confidence and this leads to 3) broaden your horizons a bit because you need to expand your comfort zone if you really want to excel in life. This applies to areas far beyond just game.

Post: #4

I'm pretty similar. I use alcohol, but I have to drink just the right amount - to where I increase my sociability while remaining in control enough to run solid game. It's a small sweet spot that's hard to hit. Too much to drink and I'll have no game because I'm out of it. Too little to drink and I'm too inhibited to feel good enough to make moves. Confidence is still the variable here - I've lucked out and gotten makeouts with little or poor game in the past and as a result my mood improved to where I could open other girls. I'm naturally more anti-social as well, you just have to fight it and force yourself into some uncomfortable situations until you become accustomed to them and have different positive ways of responding.

Post: #5

For me it's if I go alone to clubs and stuff it's horrible if I go with wings or friends its a lot more fun, but I can agree with you, I didn't really like clubs that much initially but started to like it as I went more and more over the years.

Post: #6

@Capitán Peligroso good advice man
there's always a certain amount of 'being in the right place at the right time' when it comes to gaming women in nightclubs and bars
i've noticed so long as my wing is tall/handsome/very confident (or a combination of these qualities), we'll always have a few opportunities during the night, but when i link up with my shorter and less stylish mates, the chances are few and far between, and i often have to roll solo(at least for part of the night) to get any movement
there's no doubt that day game, if you have the feel for it, can yield much better quality of women

Post: #7

I am in the same boat. I have had similar experiences in past. I was always a rather quick guy in everyday communication but as soon as a party started, loud and dumbing music started beating and all the people started magically getting fun an everyone somehow seemed busy with something stupid I just felt like I would like to be in every other place but here, I often got sleepy from the music that excited others and wanted to home to sleep, I hated that there is nothing happening that would give any ground for conversation and I hated that the loud noise made whatever stupid short sentences I could squeeze out unhearable. I hated not hearing what others say because of noise and me generally feeling dumbed down and always having to ask "what" and having to leaning in ( I have always unconciously known it is unattractive). I hated how all this seemed a big farce with no purpose and would rather be doing anything than just pretending to have fun.

Here are solutions I have found for myself.

1)Always maintain a purpose. I go to a party or club with a clear intent of getting laid. I don't go to just spend time because I would rather spend it by working out or playing a videogame or reading a book. If I lose purpose I start feeling numb and beta. I waste no time. I check the talent and I approach. I am aggressive. If I feel that I will not attain my goal I leave. Quickly in and quickly out.

2)I play no theater. I do not care for blending in. I do not beat my head to the rhytm and do not clap my foot to the rhytm. I place my center inside me not outside me. I don't care for the music for the stage, I feel no need to become a part of a wave. I do not chitchat. I only do what brings me closer to my goal.

3)I go either alone or with a close friend with whom I am comfortable sharing long long silences. I don't go with someone with whom I am forced to communicate just for the looks and politeness. And if I do go out with such a mediocre company I leave them and do my my own thing. That makes them to approach me and come up with subjects to speak with me not the other way around.

4)I disqualify everyone. I maintain my head high and regard every other guy as a beta who wastes his time and money pretending to himself to enjoy this shit, while actually wanting to get laid. I maintain eye contact with someone all the time and make them all lower their eyes first. I feel the killer inside me.

5)And last but not least, maybe even foremost I dance. Once it felt awkward to me but I mastered it. When you dance I don't have to worry that I look bored or ignored and don't have anything to do. I don't dance for no purpose either. I don't dance with no contact for too long ever. I approach. I grind. I twist a girl under my arm. I twist her in my lap. I perform moves on her from salsa, swing, tango, native dances and even waltz. I surprise her with moves. I perform a special dancing move on her that I invented that is too good to share here. I make her feel my strength. i make her feel sexy. I looker in the eye. I flirt with her trough eyes, sometimes no words. No words all intent. I lead her. I make vertical sex to her. I dance with multiple girls at the same time. I am the God of dance. I mentally spit o guys who do not or cannot dance. They step aside before me. Girls want to dance with me an approach me.

Basicly that is it.

Post: #8

You don't like music?

*shrugs*

Post: #9

Go take up dancing.

That is your number 1 way to fix your issues, keep dancing until people recognize you are good and until you feel perfectly fine teaching someone the basics.

The faster you feel comfortable dancing, the faster you will feel like you belong there which will make everything else a hell of a lot easier.

We are social animals by nature, continuing to stay in your box is going to limit your potential, not just with girls but with life as a whole.

Nothing worthwhile is easy, sounds like learning how to dance would be a serious challenge, I'd encourage you to partake.

Post: #10

@WestCoast

I think that would go a long way towards making me feel more comfortable. Would I be better off "learning" how to dance with classes or just going to nightclubs alone and practicing?

Post: #11

Go take a class.

No alcohol for you, you're going to learn how to interact and dance dead sober until you feel like you are a good dancer. It is going to take 6-9 months if you are really uncomfortable in clubs right now.

A good way to force yourself is go to forced partner dancing lessons, no classes where you "dance in lines".

Your first instinct will be to shove your hands in your pockets and have an extremely tight upper body. You'll eventually get through it, just go and practice a couple of hours a week until you feel like "you can't learn it" when you're about to throw in the towel do it for 1-2 more months and you'll be set.

Post: #12

I only started to enjoy clubs a bit more when I started listening to electronic music. That, and when I started going out with a purpose (which is to get laid). I'm still not a huge fan of night clubs, but I like the music (though most places play shitty music), and I like banging girls.

Post: #13

Drop an E-bomb and you'll be good. Suddenly everyone is your best friend

I'm half serious on that comment. I'm not trying to promote drug use.
But sometimes you need a drink or two, little smoke or whatever to take
the edge off and relieve the tension.

Problem is you're getting some sensory overload and retreating back into your mind.
I had the same problem for years. Stop caring what people think so much. Crack
some jokes. Tell some stories.

Post: #14

(01-03-2013 10:48 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  You don't like music?

*shrugs*

This was probably adressed to me.

I do like music but I do not actually like music too loud, I believe there are other introverted people out there who have it similar. I like my music quiet melodic and serene.

I am naturally a very observant guy I will notice many things others do not with both eyes and ears. Probably that is why I get deafened and stupified by loud music and flashy lights and many people. I cannot relax in such a situation, but I am ok if I am concentrating on my goal instead.

Post: #15

OP - Same, except I didn't/don't like bars and clubs because I grew up where it was always beatings, stabbings etc in clubs and bars. so I am more on edge at bars which doesn't create a good vibe for women.

Here's what I found worked instead:

1. I learned and practiced Daygame
2. Volunteer, join a club or co ed sport, something that gives you access to women in a social environment and lets you also learn a skill.
3. Get good at online game to built a slut list for dry spells
4. Find a small, local, quiet place that you can have a drink at. This becomes your base for converting women from daygame and volunteering.

Your selection will be different than blond bar sluts, but not 'worse'. Also, with the advent of text game and social media you can still build a rotation after you have qualified yourself. Previously, slutty behavior was limited to venue, now you can build it an perpetuate it after the fact.

Post: #16

OP- there are a couple books that are good to read, Introvert Advantage and Highly Sensitive People. Both books address what it means to have that introverted, sensitive personality type. I relate to it a lot, although years of partying and being social have hardened me up quite a bit.

OP- how old are you? I was unbelievably introverted and antisocial when I was younger. It's a tough journey but one that's absolutely worth it. Every time you go out you'll get better. Even now, there are some Saturday nights where I hit my wall at 12:30. I just can't take any more stimulation and I feel the need to go sit in a dark room by myself. Other saturday nights I can do a few lines and hit a warehouse party dancing to trance until sunrise. It all depends.

It's important to know how to react to each venue. If you find yourself being overwhelmed by loud music, go find a chillout space and hit it up for 15 minute stretches. Or go outside for some "fresh air".

I'm all about finding venues that suit your personality type, but you miss out on a shitload of opportunities in life if you limit yourself. It's important to push the boundaries for the sake of experience new things (and getting new lays)

Post: #17

Oh and I just got the name "flying nimbus" Now I know why you don't like bars...you only know how to do the fusion dance.

Post: #18

(01-04-2013 10:51 AM)wiscanada Wrote:  Oh and I just got the name "flying nimbus" Now I know why you don't like bars...you only know how to do the fusion dance.

Not true... I got more moves!

Post: #19

Eh, did you try talking to girls:?

Post: #20

One thing that might help you is to operate out of a particular area of a club/bar rather than looking at the entire place, if you post up somewhere it's much easier to approach girls/tap them on the shoulder. If it's not too busy, chat to the bartender or people around you. Roosh has written extensively about finding the right area in a club and his advice is pretty solid.

Obviously clubs and bars aren't for everyone but they are probably the most usual place to hook up with girls so if you're in the game and don't go to clubs you are limiting yourself. I find that girls in a club are drawn to the guys that look like they are having a good time. If you convince yourself before you even go into a club that you aren't going to have fun then you probably won't and it's a bit negative to make that assumption in the first place. Also I feel pretty accomplished when I pull a girl in the club especially if she's hot because I know that my game was tighter than the competition around me. There are few things more fun than making out with a girl in the club and winking at the beta orbiters that were following her around all night and buying her drinks.

Dancing in clubs especially here in England you never see any Fred Astaire types anyway. It's mostly just drunk people bobbing around to the beat so don't worry and try to relax mate!

Post: #21

(01-04-2013 11:59 AM)LaPastillaRoja Wrote:  Dancing in clubs especially here in England you never see any Fred Astaire types anyway. It's mostly just drunk people bobbing around to the beat so don't worry and try to relax mate!

Ha. You don't see this in England?





Astaire dances sick.

The girl is fly too.

Post: #22

(01-04-2013 12:34 PM)thegmanifesto Wrote:  

(01-04-2013 11:59 AM)LaPastillaRoja Wrote:  Dancing in clubs especially here in England you never see any Fred Astaire types anyway. It's mostly just drunk people bobbing around to the beat so don't worry and try to relax mate!

Ha. You don't see this in England?





Astaire dances sick.

The girl is fly too.

Yeah man Astaire was a legend, god only knows what his notch count was haha. In England the dancing is more like this (Specifically at 0:38 and 1:30)

Post: #23

You should definitely try a quite bar with softer music if you think the club or parties is a bit over-whelming. Also, you can meet women in the day time or in coffee shops so it does not limit to the club or at parties.

Post: #24

Just get fucked up on drink or drugs, works for me.

Post: #25

Don't do something you truly don't like.

I'm kinda the same way. I focus on day game and meeting girls doing activities. I'd rather spend a night at a party with friends than out in a bar. Or a concert, where I know I'll like the music.

Do what suits you.