Post: #51

Quote:
Is there anyone here who has been in a marriage where they can honestly say that they were giving their wife great and varied sex, bringing her to orgasm regularly, etc. while also maintaining a masculine frame and she simply refused to have sex with them?

Yes, I can say that except for the last part because we have a mutual rule of no refusal.

It's also not true that they shut down after a few years. It does get more difficult with things like a kid but never quite had a shutdown.

I think a few things that help are a willingness to be extremely dominant up to and including some mild BDSM, knowing how to work their mood, using "Mindfucking", and us not using contraception which forces a dry period while she's fertile so there's some forced deprivation to create some longing and give me the nofap benefits.

Post: #52

I’ve been married for a while and there’s some truth and some falsehood to the thread’s initial claim. In general, a big part of good sex is novelty, and so by definition it’s hard for monogamous sex to be reach the peaks of the best ever. But if you and your wife are willing to keep introducing novelty to your relationship, there’s also a corresponding improvement that comes with learning everything about a person and knowing what turns them on that you can’t get with a ONS or short term fling.

We still don’t have children and so things are still frequent and passionate and fun. From what I understand so far of married life, I imagine the hard part comes after you have children. I’ll refrain from commenting on how that looks until I’ve been there.

Post: #53

We have to face the biological reality that "traditional" marriage is not really a natural arrangement. The point after all of sex and love is reproduction, not living with the same person for 20-50 years. This is swimming upstream so to speak, as far as our evolutionary heritage goes.

So in this context we can also see why sexual attraction, as well as attraction in general, goes away after a while. There`s really no way that it couldn`t change in this manner. You are now in the routine part of the relationship, that in the cultural context we live under currently will end in a divorce/break up. Yes it will help to have some LTR game, and to stay fit and so on, but it will never be the same as the early stages and pre child-birth in particular. It`s just in the nature of things.

Post: #54

I’m not sure that I agree that it’s unnatural - human reproduction isn’t a matter of just popping out a baby, humans require many years of care and preservation before they can be independent, and studies demonstrate that this is best achieved in two parent married households. But I agree that it is natural for the attraction phase itself to decline, because your biological function post-childbirth becomes something else besides conception.

Post: #55

(09-25-2018 12:34 PM)Extinguished Light Wrote:  I’ve been married for a while and there’s some truth and some falsehood to the thread’s initial claim. In general, a big part of good sex is novelty, and so by definition it’s hard for monogamous sex to be reach the peaks of the best ever. But if you and your wife are willing to keep introducing novelty to your relationship, there’s also a corresponding improvement that comes with learning everything about a person and knowing what turns them on that you can’t get with a ONS or short term fling.

We still don’t have children and so things are still frequent and passionate and fun. From what I understand so far of married life, I imagine the hard part comes after you have children. I’ll refrain from commenting on how that looks until I’ve been there.

Spontaneous sex is less likely to work.

Can still be great and while....there's plenty of "what about the baby" moments you can use to give them that rush of feeling like they really shouldn't be doing it right then. Depends a bit on the psychology of the individual lady in question though.

Post: #56

(09-25-2018 03:06 PM)Extinguished Light Wrote:  I’m not sure that I agree that it’s unnatural - human reproduction isn’t a matter of just popping out a baby, humans require many years of care and preservation before they can be independent, and studies demonstrate that this is best achieved in two parent married households. But I agree that it is natural for the attraction phase itself to decline, because your biological function post-childbirth becomes something else besides conception.

I agree with that, that`s why I wrote 20-50 years. It will be a phase where the biological parents are bonded together by the mutual interest of caring for their offspring. But this would certainly not be as long as marriages (post civilization) are expected to last. Maybe more 10-15 years?

But the hunter-gatherer "natural" gender dynamic from which we originate is a bit different. Remember that we evolved in small groups. Maybe 50-150 individuals. So it was like one big family. There would have been uncertainty as far as paternity goes also, so the men in the group would probably have some collective responsibility for the (particularly) male children of the tribe. But is was still "all in the family" so to speak. Hence you see male initiation rites and so on. But there are forms similar to that of monogamous relationships in some groups also. But with shorter time spans.

Post: #57

(09-25-2018 12:34 PM)Extinguished Light Wrote:  I’ve been married for a while and there’s some truth and some falsehood to the thread’s initial claim. In general, a big part of good sex is novelty, and so by definition it’s hard for monogamous sex to be reach the peaks of the best ever. But if you and your wife are willing to keep introducing novelty to your relationship, there’s also a corresponding improvement that comes with learning everything about a person and knowing what turns them on that you can’t get with a ONS or short term fling.

We still don’t have children and so things are still frequent and passionate and fun. From what I understand so far of married life, I imagine the hard part comes after you have children. I’ll refrain from commenting on how that looks until I’ve been there.

The thing is, there's only so much novelty. There's only so much you can do with 2 arms and 2 legs, and once you've done a bit of fancy dress and covered each other with whipped cream and done all that other stuff, that's pretty much it.

I'd say the best way to keep it interesting is to have the correct dynamic and polarity, which is for the woman to be feminine, submissive, youthful, and in servitude, while the man dominates (without trying too hard), does exactly as he pleases and acts almost like he's single (within reasonable limits of course). I think that's more than enough. Polarity and tension never get old. Plus it buys you enough alpha credibility to be beta from time to time because gestures go a long way.

It's like cooking. Pick the right ingredients to begin with, cook them well, and don't overdo it with the spices. You'll end up with a nice dish every single time.

Post: #58

(12-23-2012 05:33 PM)kdolo Wrote:  They,ll give it up to the pool buy, milkman, bartender, cable guy, kid,s soccer coach, thug on the corner, guy at work, .........everybody, but the husband.

You have a milkman?

They sell that shit in stores now, you know...trust me on this...

Post: #59

Damn, that explains why I've never married.

Post: #60

(09-25-2018 09:38 PM)The Father Wrote:  

(12-23-2012 05:33 PM)kdolo Wrote:  They,ll give it up to the pool buy, milkman, bartender, cable guy, kid,s soccer coach, thug on the corner, guy at work, .........everybody, but the husband.

You have a milkman?

They sell that shit in stores now, you know...trust me on this...

I'm just going to start following you around with this...

Post: #61

I don't know really know.. but if you keep things new, fresh, and exciting in the bedroom and psychologically for her, im sure she'll want to keep messing around. I can only imagine it gets boring though.. but eh, get some costumes, some fun new toys, some bondage stuff, ect... if iwas married, and was actually interested in keeping my wife engaged.. i would just keep getting more fucked up in the bedroom to keep it going. Also, prioritizing her orgasm, is probably key. You should always make your wife orgasm hard as fuck, if you're married, imo, if you want her coming back, esp if you're dick size is underwhelming. I honestly doubt big dick fellows have much problems, unless there's no orgasms for her.
Tie her to your bed torturing her with a vibrator one day, next day fuck her ass while she has anal beads going, and the next sex make her your worthless cum slut... and then u could give her slow passionate sex.. u cant be giving her the same shit over and over is all im saying lolol

Post: #62

Here's an interesting dynamic, What if she is more well off than you? Say you have your 9-5 with your retirement plan and hobbies but she has her life together already, say, more money/assets. You are still respected as the man and spiritual leader in the relationship though.

In regards to marriage, does this change anything?