Post: #1

Hey...

I am new to Roosh and recently have started reading his books and learning some of the techniques employed by Roosh. I am 38 years old and feel as though I am 20 years behind the curve. My story is long and somewhat familiar I am sure. I am the oldest of two boys. My parents for whatever reason did all they could in their power to prevent me from dating girls, associating with girls, and interacting with girls. My dad, as nice as he was outside the home was a hater, and I believe was frustrated to the point that he gained power by sabotaging my efforts at dating. Consequently, I gained low self esteem and eventually felt as though I was not worthy and became actually afraid of girls. When I went off to college girls who openly showed an interest in me were shunned because not having any experience or understanding of dating or gamer I guess I interpreted their moves as insincere and flawed. Yes at 38 I am a still a virgin and I find this has become a very troublesome issue for me.

My brother on the other hand was given free reign. One conquest after another and finally he settled into having relations with fat ignorant slobs. Ultimately, he married this cow 4 years older than him with the IQ of a peapod and just as ignornant. 5'10 360 pounds and they argue and fight all the time.

Recently, I took note of a 18 year old girl. She is 6 foot tall and maybe 140. Really nice looking and as I found out later, pretty flighty and stupid. When I first tried to talk to her, it was at her job and I started shaking to the point that I thought I would pass out. I mean terrible terror style fear like I was going to die. Finally, I left. Two months later when I did try talking to her, it went nowhere and I left nagry and feeling like a failure almost. Girls my age do not interest me as they are used up, jaded, and have children. I liked this girl, but then I knew nothing about her. I really need help on this issue and advice on how to attract these girls and get past the barrier I have fought behind for so long.

Post: #2

(11-30-2012 11:52 PM)rabbit4132 Wrote:  My dad, as nice as he was outside the home was a hater.

Post: #3

This is awesome. I am coming to yall for help...seriously. I am coming to you for advice and I am called a troll? I desperately need advice..not this troll crap. come to Florida if you don't believe me...I don't know who else to ask for help here.

Post: #4

Why was your Dad a "hater" according to you? I honestly don't get it. I mean, he was fucking your Mom, so he was getting pussy. What did he have to hate on you for? You were the one who wasn't getting laid, right?

Post: #5

I don't know. It is really irritating to look back on it. My dad carried some better than or moral code I guess. Bottom line is I got nowhere when I was younger and now I suppose it is built into my subconscious somehow. Hence I am petrified when I try to talk to girls.

Post: #6

i read Bang...I felt better about myself and I tried explorig some of the ideas. Instead the fear kicked in and I got stuck.

Post: #7

Assuming this isn't a troll thread, what's at the heart of your approach anxiety? Is it just fear of rejection or is it something deeper than that?

Post: #8

Against my better judgement Im going to give you some benefit of the doubt. Lets begin. First, forget your past. You're living in the present. Your dad's effect on you- ancient history. You're (hopefully) no longer living at home so you're free to do what you want. As for your brother- if what you say is true then you got the better end of the deal. Better to currently be a virgen than wifing up a shrieking manatee that belongs back in the sea. Next, step the fuck away from the barely legal girls. Your inexperience will cost you greatly with these types. As for now you have a lot of personal issues to deal with, mainly your stress and fear. Get that under control first, then begin working out while beginning to lightly approach girls. Start off by just saying hi to every girl you walk by. Thats enough for the time being. Now, get out there.

Post: #9

Shrieking Manatee lol. Well said. If he's nearly passing out from anything more than just saying hello he's gotta figure out what's really holding him back, and then fix that. Younger girls could be easier for him to game at this stage in his career, however. Not that I'm advocating he start exclusively banging 18 year olds. But still. Girls that age aren't too experienced yet themselves, so it could be good target practice for the Rabbit.

Post: #10

Thank You. Now that you half believe me I will tell you I have a good job, my own house, and a nice truck. I have been told in the past that I am over thinking the whole issue. But still..it is hard for me. I can assure you this is all true...no troll here. Yes my brother married a manatee. That is a whole other story. The whole thing is like the forbidden fruit and everyone I have had try to "help" me has always tried to set me up with horrible trainwrecks. As for 18 year olds tgis one caught my eye because of her height.

Post: #11

So you have some things going for you. That's a start. You gotta get over the approach anxiety though. In my darkest days, game wise, I had some kind of delusional expectation that an interested woman would approach ME and initiate conversation. It doesn't work that way very often, if ever. Accept that you've gotta be the one to make the first move, and be comfortable doing so. That's a huge part of the battle.

Post: #12

Ok. But how do you get past the fear? My experience with the waitress of 18 went like this....

I was seated in her area.

Her: Do you know what you want? Let me recommend the blank blank and blank to you today...we also have blank.

ME: I will take a grilled chicken salad and sprite.

HER: I will be right back

Her: Here you are...your sprite..and a water

ME: Ok..thanks by the way do you recognize me? (I had previously seen her at another restaurant and m,y family used to see her all the time)

HER: Well you look familiar but not really.

ME: My brother said he ran into you and x and z.

HER: Oh your brother..ya he is a sweetie...he is awesome.

ME: (Hand extended) Hi I am X-Y.

HER: Nice to finally meet you.

ME: Yes I stopped in her like 4 weeks back and the bartender asked that I leave my number for you since I had dropped in and you weren't here.

HER: Ah, yes that is why your name sounds familiar. (Pulls out card with hand written note on outside folded card) If I had a number I would have called you.

ME: Well actually there is a number...

HER: Nope..sorry I looked.

ME: Well inside the card if you open it up.

HER: (Opening card)..well you are right silly me maybe if I had opened the card

(At this point she pulls the chair across from me out, places her knee in the chair and learns forward towards me)

HER: Ya, I have been working here about maybe 6 months now. I'll be starting a new job soon at midtown in a dentist's office learning to be a technician...so I don't know if I will be here that often or not..maybe just weekends.

ME: Wow...you ever get any free time? Time to yourself..

HER: Well not really (As she scans the room and looks about for an out) I am so busy all the time I mean I have 7 shifts right now I am so busy.

ME: Hmmm

HER: I really need to check on this table let me do that and I'll be right back..

ME: Ok

(At this point she goes in the kitchen, exits out another door and speaks to the manager...who in turn looks at me, then talks to a slimy little dude who in turn brings me my food, 20 minutes later)

DUDE: Here you are sir I guess the manager is playing games I don't know.

(Food was cold and the salad and dressing was hot...nasty sucked...Another waitress filled my drinks and then she came with the bill and dropped it at the table, not placing it sort of tossed it like she was getting the hell out of dodge...so I sat there until her ass showed back up 10 minutes later)

HER: Hey X-Y thanks for coming in to day.

ME: Ya, well it was interesting talking to you

HER: So, can I take your bill...I mean are you going to come back and see me?

ME: Probably not.

HER: Oh uh what? Why not?

ME: Well if I wanted to go to xt restaurant I have one not 4 blocks from my house.

HER: Oh I guess that makes sense.

ME: Ya, you see you talked about a messed up schedule let me give you mine.. 7 days on, 2 off, 8 days on 4 off. See I took today off in part to drop by here.

HER: To see me?

ME: Nod

HER: Well that was sweet I guess

ME: Do you know Mr. X (Who was her uncle and forever told me to see her)

HER: Um no never heard of him should I?

ME: Well he lived here and here.

HER: Oh ya I learned to drive on that road

ME: Well anyway I got to go...listen you got my number..if you ever want to hangout sometime..

(Now at this point she got saucer eyes for a split second. blank expression... and then her eyes went back to normal)

ME: Hangout sometiome then give me a call...otherwise throw the number in trash...your choice....see ya!

At this point I got up and left the restaurant she looked like I had taken the keys to her FErrari away from her (No she does not have a Ferrari) Point is she looked befuddled and confused. She just stood there staring as I left, no movement at all.

As I left I felt like a fool and got really angry and frustrated. A reaction common to me in such situations, but I think I am working past that. critique me and tell me where I went wrong, if there was a right?

Post: #13

New guy here..but it sounds like overconservative parenting.

Doesn't really happen with the poor or very wealthy, but common with the middle class.

Post: #14

I used to be afraid , for me , I had to force myself to do cold approaches and after awhile the fear left.

Post: #15

You need to learn to stop caring about what women think of you. It's gonna be really tough, but if you practice at it you'll be okay.

Quote:Her: Do you know what you want? Let me recommend the blank blank and blank to you today...we also have blank.

ME: I will take a grilled chicken salad and sprite.

HER: I will be right back

Her: Here you are...your sprite..and a water

ME: Ok..thanks by the way do you recognize me?

Why are you even asking these questions? Never ask a girl for her opinion of you unless you've already banged her. It's not going to accomplish anything.

You want to be in control of the entire interaction, from start to bang. This means you're more or less directing the conversation, you're getting her 'invested' into you (which means have her enjoy herself), and acting as if you could take her or leave her (no one girl is ever a big deal).

You need to ingrain these beliefs before you'll start saying and doing the right things. What you say isn't as important as how you say it.

Post: #16

Hey, have you read no more mr. nice guy? i feel it will be very helpful.

https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_...ce_Guy.pdf

Good thing is: you can improve, a lot.

General rules: don't focus on one girl only.

You don't like those in your age? Ok, who cares? Do you want to get laid or not? So, we all have had sex with some girls we are not proud of (read what roosh did: http://www.rooshv.com/do-it-for-the-notch)

So, start talking to them, also if you are not interested in. Just to become comfortable among women, and to have "abundance mentality".

Post: #17

I wouldn't have admitted that I went there specifically to see her, either. Like the others said, don't be too nice of a guy. That doesn't mean you have to be a dick either though. Just play it cool and remember she isn't the only chick on the planet with a vagina. Cut the small talk and ask her if she wants to grab dinner sometime after work. The worst she can say is no, and who the fuck cares if she does? Not you. You need some work, but it can be done. I am a bit concerned with your lust for 18 year olds as you're walking a thin line between legal and creepy. Bump that up to 21+. Then at least you can take her for a drink. Also, you gotta dress the part as well. Lets say you want to head to the mall to do some cold approaches on younger girls. You can't be dressed looking like the stereotypical nearly 40 guy. That enhances the potential creepiness factor. Go to J. Crew or AE and get yourself some jeans and a few well fitting t-shirts or button down shirts. Look the part. I guess it's no different than using the right bait when you go fishing.

Post: #18

So you kow she was the first 18 year old I tried hitting on. Like Roosh has said there are many girls out there and the need to avoid the pedestal syndrome is paramount. I appreciate all the advice. It is just hard to get reprogrammed.

Post: #19

Hey I am reading that book and it is right on the money...thanks. I am glad to see that I am not the only mis-trained misguided guy out there.

Post: #20

I would check also the forum associated to that book, the author - a psychologist who by his own admission used to be "a nice guy" - has a long set of threads with many suggestions that you will probably find very helpful as well.

Keep us posted on how things improve.

Post: #21

I think it's a bad idea to be obsessed over a girl and have oneitis when you barely know her like in that situation. I understand where your coming from, until I was 20 I was extremely introverted with low self esteem. I had a group of nerdy friends in high school, all we did was play video games and obsess about stuff like world of warcraft. I was openly ridiculed in front of class among all my peers, afterwards I spent almost a year before asking a pretty girl out and then being rejected with saying lets just be friends and ALL my friends and everyone knowing about it which was really embarrassing. People at this point usually retreat into their shell and shun social interactions, but shouldn't and seek to make friends, I know it's hard but take it one step at a time.

When I started university I forced myself to be more sociable, I went to club nights and join a bunch of clubs. Some even I didn't like, just to meet people and interact. I lived in the suburbs then and commuted from school so aside from classes I'd never meet people. I was really lonely and had no friends in university. To work on being comfortable in situations I would talk to old people in lines when I shopped or at grocery stores or volunteer.

One thing I stress a lot is making some friends with other men who are seeking what you're seeking, which is getting laid. I was lucky I found a few friends in my school clubs to hang out with. It was great, sure they played some video games, but that was on rainy days, but we motivated each other to go out have fun, go to parties, work hard, play sports. People in the PUA community always talk about shit like AMOGing and all that bullshit and competition. If you make some friends who go after the same girls, so fucking what? You've got a front row seat to see how to pick up a girl for free and the right to grill your friend on how he did it. In most cases he'll help you to reach your goals and motivate you at the same time to be a better man.

From a practical standpoint the first steps you should do is join a local club that your interested in or volunteer, you'd meet great people and by interacting with them you'd develop socially and would ease being scared to meet people socially. This also expands your social circle, giving you more options and reducing your anxiety. From then you can work your way up and build confidence through social interactions to move forward. Joining a local sports team is also a great idea, you get fit, build confidence and make friends and could meet a jock who'll show you the ropes on women. Sure, you'd think jocks are douchebags, etc. but by being on a team you can get to know one and they can be the greatest people ever.

After forcing myself to be more sociable, my first approach was on a girl was after a exam, I tap her on the shoulder and say hey I saw you in class before. How'd you think about the exam? awkwardly say something, say she's kinda cute, she then looks at me and then LEAVES. Everyone has to start somewhere, I learned from the bottom. I never had a girl say she liked me or had a friend refer me to a girl, fuck I didn't kiss a girl until I was 21! You say you're scared and petrified, but HOW FUCKING BAD DO YOU WANT IT?! You can stay home and jerk off or you can get out there and get some ass and make friends.

Someone posted this piece of gold on the forums: http://www.succeedsocially.com/

read it, but realize you can reading and talking all day doesn't give you experience, doing does; remember ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!

end rant.

Post: #22

First, thank you for all of the good advice. I will definitely follow up on it. I understand too the meaning in the niceguy book of doing good to overcome perceived bad. I think my dad was sexually frustrated as a child and had overwhelming hate coming from his mother when it came to relationships. That is how he was raised, so that is how he behaved as he got older.
When I was in high school and even college he used to give me some real gems of advice, but when it came to follow through he would lambast me with guilt and over the top religious bullshit. I was always just so scared and terrified at times at what he might say or do to embarrass me that I basicly gave up. My mom as strange as it might sound was overbearing in convincing me that girls were dirty whores who spread disease and make you sick. IT's funny that under such extremes they now don't understand why there are no grandchildren.

It is really tough breaking the cycle and reprogramming my subconscious and body not to be waiting for that snide comment or hammer of hate from somewhere unknown. After my encounter with that girl I had a long talk with my dad and put out there all my malcontent about what he and my mom both did when I was a kid and how I believe it has affected me to this day. They are both 66 and he has stroke damage. Neither of them remember any of that except that for some unknown reason I never dated, but my brother did. I am working through it and believe me I truly thank you for reaching out and giving me some of the good advice I have found on here.

I have never had a problem meeting, greeting, talking to and associating with other men. I belong to a masonic lodge and serve as a mentor for the scout troop that I grew up in.

One quick tale of how this bullshit programming hurt me. When I was 20 I was an adviser for the same troop and one of the moms, recently divorced, about 34 and smoking hot blonde wanted me to watch her dog for the week at her house while she was out of town. Had I been smarter and known the signs, she would have been a notch on the bedpost. Unfortunately, one of her sons called me dad and then said that she was going to be there...that she was telling other women she was planning on spending the week with me. So I asked her about it and she started crying and went home saying she thought I could make her happy. Granted she was damaged goods and had problems, but for a bang she would have been awesome I imagine. Unfortunately, the failure programming overrode my situation and so I bailed instead of following up on it. I learned later that she was sleeping around with a number of the dads of the troop in secret, but it still would have been a notch.

Any advice is helpful and I take it a day at a time, learning the ways of manhood and bang.

Post: #23

After reading that I have to say that it sounded like you came across as creepy.

I wouldn't have said you came in to see her, but just made small talk. Then directly say you want to take her out next weekend, or whenever. All of the pussyfooting around just makes you seem lack you lack confidence. Which is clearly true, but you don't want her to know that.

My impression is that this is more or less a lost cause and that you should plow through some alternative targets.

Post: #24

Ok creepy..weak..whatever. I understad so much more now than I did then. It would have helped too growing up if I had been guided by confident men or friends who could have showed me the means to a end...neither of which I had.


for the record I have not made any attempt to speak to that girl since then and have no intention of speakig to her again. But thanks for your take.

Post: #25

Your confidence sub-routine ain't functioning properly. You need to master an enthusiasm/activity and own it in your soul. That activity should be something somewhat social so you can also work on your social skills at the same time. But remember, you're mastering this for you and not some mythical woman.

I wrote about this in more detail:

http://theprivateman.wordpress.com/2011/...-expanded/

Also, http://www.succeedsocially.com is very good.