Post: #1

I need help with a diagnosis from my RVF brethren.

Oneitus is typically showcased by a chump loving some girl, that to him, is unattainable. He pedastalizes said girl and thinks about her with every moment of his breathing existance. The probability of ever getting over her is slim to none, let alone replacing her with someone better. All in all, it's more or less a guy obsessing over a woman who doesn't reciprocate the feelings.

Okay then, with this said: Where would I fit in here?

My first girlfriend I had dated for three years, took each others virginity, loved each other crazily (we're both fierce scorpios, shit gets fiery).

Things ended very badly- cheating, lying, all sorts of horrible stuff. We didn't talk for a couple years, but I always thought about her, and after her confessing her side of the story to me last night, she felt the same, actually, IMO much stronger than I.

Now, I consider this girl to be very much to my taste, possibly because I acquired said taste by dating her for so long, but: Good style, very cute, brunette, big brown eyes, petitte, caring, feminine, huge heart, forgiving. So it's hard for me to just walk away. I've tried to do a pro and con list but it won't sway me one way or another, theres many good things that are offset by her shitty traits like jealousy, partying, talks way too much (won't listen), etc. Regardless, I can't get her off my mind. Everytime we go through this, it's a major mindfuck to the two of us, but we can never help but going back to explore.

By this point, most of you are going to say, well Chubby, get out there and get some new tail! Go explore foreign lands! Work on improving yourself.

I've been there and done that this whole time. I lived in Spain for half a year and studied there (loved it). In the interim between breaking up with this girl and getting together with her last night again I have gotten with circa 100 girls. In terms of improvement, I'm gonna graduate with honors and I fund tuition working as a part time athletic model.

^ I'm not saying any of this for narcissist supply- simply as a reference... as if to say, if this can't shake these feelings...what will?



What would you do if:

You are crazy about a girl, she's crazy about you- meaning, there may be a "love" issue at hand, but you have some really messed up history. You've tried everything you possibly can in order to shake each other but it just won't budge.

I could go out and keep gamin' like I have been (which is awesome don't get me wrong), or I could look deeper into this situation and see what needs to be done. I love multiple pump and dumps, even short flings, but man, sometimes people have a connection that makes neurons fire on all cylinders.

Really lookin' for some help from the experienced guys- I posted in the newbie section as it's not really "game" related but more so and inner confidence/general confusion type thing.

Thanks

-CruisenChubby

Post: #2

You two will always be number 1 in each others heart even after you've entered into serious relationships with other people.When you have that kinda connection with somebody it's very difficult to break.Maybe due to age and immaturity its not meant to be right now but as you mature you may very well find yourselves seriously commited to each other.You need to make her your "bottom bitch". Continue to develop a positive bond and build unbreakable trust in each other...Behind every great man is a bottom bitch.Every true player has one.Make her your ride or die chick.

Post: #3

Did she cheat on you??

Post: #4

Any time I have had one-itis, it has been because I've not seen any other options for me. I guarantee if you go out there and meet new chicks, you will forget about her.

Post: #5

(11-25-2012 04:54 PM)TheMachinist Wrote:  You two will always be number 1 in each others heart even after you've entered into serious relationships with other people.When you have that kinda connection with somebody it's very difficult to break.Maybe due to age and immaturity its not meant to be right now but as you mature you may very well find yourselves seriously commited to each other.You need to make her your "bottom bitch". Continue to develop a positive bond and build unbreakable trust in each other...Behind every great man is a bottom bitch.Every true player has one.Make her your ride or die chick.

This has some depth, and it rings so true it scares me. I feel like I'm going to be thinking about this girl for life, and vice versa, regardless of how many other chicks I go through.

You say to go out and meet new girls, brother, I've been doing that. I 've traveled all over for being so young and have met girls everywhere- but it's just not that deep of a connection that me and this girl have.

In regards to her cheating- We were "breaking up", pretty much rocky as hell, I was with other girls at the time too and she started messin around with one of the other guys on the football team (who happened to be one of my back ups) so it would only be natural that he'd have sloppy seconds.

I know she's dated a couple guys in the past couple of years, but being objective as possible - downgrade on her part, that's why she came over last night and broke down and is still hung up on me. But regardless, we have a crazy connection.

I am as red pill as they come and would consider myself a well versed womanizer; but I just don't know what to do about this girl.

Its one of those where we hate each other, almost can't stand in the same room for over an hour or so with other people around cause one of us will do or say something that irks the other one, but when we come around- there is no feeling like it.

I can only hope other players here have been in a similar situation. I've tried everything I can to shake it. It's something I don't want to accept but am fearing that I may have to. =(

Post: #6

It may help to think about this woman as a Dog that you have loved for quite some time, but (for whatever reason) you are no longer allowed to own. You will always have fond memories of your "best friend," but the *reality* of the situation is that, your dog no longer belongs to you, and, as Roosh said in his latest video post, you will never be "THAT" kind of happy again.

If your dog died, and you tried to work through your feelings by getting a new dog, all you would do is create new memories with your new pet, but that doesn't make it that you don't miss your first dog. You love your mother, your father, your sister, and brother, but if one of them were to die... you couldn't replace them, that pain will never go away - it would only dull; you can ONLY get used to it.

Emotional attachment is real. You can't just GET over that. It's a real (physical) thing. That's the risk you take when you grow close to someone. That is why screening is SO important. God forbid you get emotionally attached to someone who is (objectively) toxic for your life. Its just like an addiction, you're going to have to actively work (for lack of a better term) to disassociate yourself from your vice.

I suppose all you can do is be thankful for the memories, and move on.


-PJ

Post: #7

I'd say work out all the "toxic tension" between the 2 of you and see whats what. You two need complete and brutal honesty.It may hurt but it's the only way it's ever gonna work.

Post: #8

I understand this to a tee, what I did was brutal but it saved my life I tell ya. Cut all ties. Everything, pictures, numbers, 'mutual' friends. Everything. You sound like a very young guy, you see all of the stuff that happened the first time round? It'll happen again, except it'll happen when she's tied you down into a marriage. You still won't have even reached your time and she'll likely be about to hit the wall or already done that and gone past it.

Your problem is that you are a man. As a man you love unconditionally, she is a woman, she 'loves' you but it is opportunistic.

What you are describing sounds more like this:
http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/1...mate-myth/

Post: #9

keep her around and continue to game. As said above you need a bottom bitch aka a home base.

Post: #10

The problem is that if you broke up once, you'll do it again. I'm not gonna tell you to dump her, because it sounds like this girl gives you immense pleasure.

There's nothing wrong with love.


But it is a drug, and like all drugs, they can be harmful to you. I believe you when you say you've fucked dozens of chicks and still are in love with this girl. But just remember she hurt you before and she will do it again.


There are a few ways to deal:

1. Date her until things fall apart again. Hopefully the next time things end, the love between you will have diminished enough such that you'll be able to walk away. I've seen couples fall out of love, it happens all the time.

2. Dump her ass and break off all contact.

Quote:Cut all ties. Everything, pictures, numbers, 'mutual' friends. Everything

This choice will ultimately save you time, and allow you to find new women to try and have a relationship with.

3. Cheat on her ass as much as possible, and keep her around as a "feel good love drug" until she catches you and dumps your ass.



I've always been a big fan of option 3. Either she puts up with your cheating, and you get to have the best of both worlds, or she doesn't, in which case you won't have to deal with her anymore.

Post: #11

PJ- Thanks for the analogy brother. It helps me put things into perspective but at the same time...Fock, is that a hard pill to swallow.

I know a lot of you "liked" the poster's comment above that basically said "get out there and get with new women". The fact that I have, and not just 3-4 new girls, I'm talking close to triple digits at this point, and still can't shake this girl when I see her, scares the living hell out of me.

I've been trying my best guys. I have gotten with hotter girls than the one in question. I strive daily to become the best man I can be. I travel frequently, practice my second language on a daily basis, game till my hearts content, help others achieve the body they've always wanted. I've taken then tenets of RVF, CH, Tom Leykis, etc and have applied them over and over.

I am not actually referring to the girl herself as a snowflake, but rather the feeling she instills within myself FOR HER. And vice versa, I can assure you this is no one sided AFC love confession.

To the poster above who said lay it out all with brutal honesty- we did that two nights ago, ended up sleeping together (twice), and told each other we missed the hell out of each other. I was in "cuddle mode" for at least 24 hours afterwards, but now that I've felt the two rocks that must have been in my stomach sink back down into my sack I have a greater perspective on the situation.

I apologize to anyone here for wasting there time on such a subject, but it means a lot to me. I never get worked up on women in general, let alone one specifically, so when it happens, a guy gets scared.

The reason my attachment is so astronomic to this girl is
a) She was my first lay
b) Dated her for three years, my only other relationship was 2 months long, then I swallowed red pill.
c)She is hyper-feminine. I love to see the girl spill her heart out to me and cry. Not many women do that these days anymore. It shows me she has a heart and isn't afraid to use it. I have my scorpio sixth sense and have also been with a lot of women; her feelings are genuine.

Make her my go-to bottom bitch? That may work. It'd be a good place to call home.

I think my take away is this:

Realize and allow myself to experience these feelings; do not deny they exist, but do not allow myself to be paralyzed by these emotions. Keep making myself into the best man I can possibly hope to be, in the meantime, love the girl for who she is. However, if she were to violate my integrity or take my trust for granted, I should not be afraid to cut her loose. If anything, the notion in my mind of her being, not "the one", but a very good fit for me, would dissolve into nothing and allow me to break the emotional bonds with her.

I want to thank you guys for your input and would most definately like to hear more. Sadly, I cannot share this with friends or family because they have not experienced what we have (red pillers). Their advice would be disneyesque and would put me back in the same position I was in before.

The length of this was long and redundant, I know. Sometimes a guy just needs to put it on paper and read it again. Some people bottle emotions, but when the cap comes off, emotions pour. When it rains it pours- I'm sure others on here run into this once in a while as well. It's only healthy IMO.

Thanks again,

-Chubby

Post: #12

(11-26-2012 02:16 PM)Samseau Wrote:  The problem is that if you broke up once, you'll do it again. I'm not gonna tell you to dump her, because it sounds like this girl gives you immense pleasure.

There's nothing wrong with love.


But it is a drug, and like all drugs, they can be harmful to you. I believe you when you say you've fucked dozens of chicks and still are in love with this girl. But just remember she hurt you before and she will do it again.


There are a few ways to deal:

1. Date her until things fall apart again. Hopefully the next time things end, the love between you will have diminished enough such that you'll be able to walk away. I've seen couples fall out of love, it happens all the time.

2. Dump her ass and break off all contact.

Quote:Cut all ties. Everything, pictures, numbers, 'mutual' friends. Everything

This choice will ultimately save you time, and allow you to find new women to try and have a relationship with.

3. Cheat on her ass as much as possible, and keep her around as a "feel good love drug" until she catches you and dumps your ass.



I've always been a big fan of option 3. Either she puts up with your cheating, and you get to have the best of both worlds, or she doesn't, in which case you won't have to deal with her anymore.

You just gave me a revelation....

I never fell out of love with this girl- and vice versa. We ended things abruptly and millions of words and feelings left unsaid and unfelt, respectively.

I can date her again, keep things light and have our fun. But when things get heavy and the fights begin to happen again, allow ourselves to let the feelings diminish, and we may finally have some closure.

It will be much more bearable this time around having swallowed the red pill. I was as blue as they came back in the day while dating her.

Samseau, I can say with confidence (and many others can attest to this) that you are one of the most valuable posters on this board. Thank you for your input.

PS- I appreciate each and every other poster here- so don't think your advice and anecdotes have fallen on deaf ears because that is not so, not even close.

Post: #13

(11-26-2012 02:32 PM)Cruisen_Chubby Wrote:  Samseau, I can say with confidence (and many others can attest to this) that you are one of the most valuable posters on this board. Thank you for your input.

Thanks man, I appreciate it. Let us know how things turn out.