(08-16-2015 02:12 AM)heavy Wrote:  It's bull shit that I have to keep bumping this thread.

So I get an uber home tonight...not really that drunk, but I'm not gonna risk the $$ or the rep cost of getting busted for 'buzzed' or 'drunk' driving. Especially since I can walk to my car in like 15 min and don't have anything going tomorrow and I have a buddy who got busted a couple months ago, anyway...

The uber driver, this fat fuck of the 500 pound slob belly spilling onto the steering wheel glad I can somehow afford a cadillac escalade variety type of guy (apologies if he's on the forum haha)...I say how nice of a night is tonight, late summer beautiful, and he says 'can sleep in tomorrow.' So...for those who know me, I joke 'yeah just gotta get up for church tomorrow' joking, and he says.........

When his China-doll gets here he'll start going to church. Now, despite the two bulleit burbounds and 3 beers, my finely tuned world-renowned Alpha ears know exactly what the fuck he just said, but I play along regardless.

"What do you mean China-doll?" in the most non-judgmental innocent way.

He proceeds to describe this woman from China he wants, has a kid of course, but who wants in the States.

I simply respond, "hey, ya know, everybody wants something" and exit the vehicle.

The thirst is real my friends.

And then, as I pour myself a fine whiskey on ice for a nightcap I say, "What a fat fucking loser. Wait, maybe I'm the loser."

And then I eat my pizza I picked up and enjoy a nice late evening with my fine whiskey on ice.

Good night.

It's bullshit I had to search for this thread, I would expect it would be posted in nearly every night, not because RvF are lushes but because overall we would generally do interesting stuff and sometimes that involves having a couple drinks and chasing some tail or at least having a good time.

I'm about to leave the country soonish and I keep putting off going through all the shit in my storage to find my damn passport. Tonight is one of my last open time slots to search for it, so I'm pouring myself some more vodka on ice with some electrolyte hydrating crap mixed in and stumbling over to my storage to find that fucking thing. Why I ever took it out of the one default spot I had it in...

I was posting in another thread about LTR/commitment material and it's the last time I'll see my girl in a while due to our schedules before I leave the country and she cooked me dinner, rubbed my back down good, and then asked me seductively to fuck her.

Now I want a pizza, fucker.

Not drunk but had a glass of wine so should qualify.

My mother has been going on at me that when I finally move out of home (working on it) I'm going to starve to death because I don't know how to cook.
I keep telling her it's all right, I'll just get take out every night.

My family is away tonight so thought I'd try cook something.

Found some lean chicken mince stuff in the freezer, printed the first chicken mince recipe I liked, didn't have half the required stuff and what I did have was in the the wrong quantities so I winged it. Replaced BBQ sauce theme with sweet chilli theme and you wouldn't even know if you ate it, came out grand.

In my job if I deviate from the plan by one thousandth it's called a "fuck up" and you start again (and buy a box of beer for the boys).

Cooking is easy.

It took me nearly 3 hours, but I found my passport. Of course it was the absolute last place I searched. Watch out world, I'm coming back inside you.

Fuck work. I'm drunk already and it's only 7:36, so I guess I'm really sticking it to the man. I left a fascinating, fast-paced gig to come work for this soulless cubicle-farm sweat factory where I interact with no one and the people are all mindless automatons, because it's a "secure, stable career." I made the wrong choice. Now I keep a water bottle full of vodka in my desk drawer, and most days I'm wasted before noon. FML. They still haven't fired me, and I don't even think they will. I'm screwed.

I'm also fucking two married middle-aged women here. Started on the first one three months ago, and the latest one last week. Someone on this forum said, "married girls are the most ridiculous creatures on the planet." I have to fully agree and endorse this attribution, because I've found it 100% accurate. These women are even more bored than I am, probably because they've been working here for over a decade and a half. I brought thrill and excitement into their cubicle-farm existence, and they now stalk me all day. Fat slob husbands have no clue but if they did, I'm sure they'd just grovel and beg these women to stay with them. When the bosses find out I'm curious to learn whether they'll actually have the balls to can my ass. I'm anticipating being disappointed, because they'll probably just stick me on some bullshit "performance improvement plan." While I'm fucking married coworkers. FML with a big plastic dildo.

When I was relapsing at the beginning of the year, I kept a journal, and some of the entries are pretty good. I think this still qualifies for the Drunk Lounge...

-----

What I can offer...

I am 6'1" and look good naked. I am a shit athlete but carry recessive athletic genes. If we have an illegitimate love child there is a good chance he will throw a baseball 95 mph left-handed, or start as a linebacker at a prominent D1 university. Probably an ACC school - which is still pretty impressive. If you are half-black, then go ahead and bump that up to a Big 10 school. If we have a daughter, she will win states in high school hurdles and destroy the dancefloor at every wedding she attends. I am fairly musical. If you put any instrument in front of me and give me a month, I will be able to play it with competency. Give me a year, and I will be good enough to play in a douchey indie band on the west side. This does not apply to piano. That shit is hard. I wanted to be an illustrator when I was a kid. That talent has not stayed with me as much as I'd hoped, but I can still sketch amusing caricatures of you on paper place settings and napkins. I frequent classy establishments.

I made the flippant but ultimately brilliant decision to switch majors from marketing to computer science when I was a sophomore in college. I embraced my inner nerd, and ran with it. I geek out over shit like JavaScript frameworks and CSS3 animations. I use "geek out" in sentences. That just made you wet. I will always be gainfully employed. No one wants to do this type of work. It's dry and it's tedious and you stare at a text document of code for hours. You sit in a smelly cubicle in an office full of borderline-Aspies with dad jeans and mustard-stained polo shirts from Oracle OpenWorld 2013. Refresh the page, review the element inspector, check the debugger, restructure the framework. But if you can find that intersection of creativity and technology...that's what I've found and I like it.

I want to provide for you while you take my seed and spit out a ravenous brood of children. I will venerate you as a housewife, and I will work my ass off to give you everything I can. We will not be able to afford the shit that your sorority sisters with dual incomes will, but our kids will not be handed-off to an immigrant to raise in our stead. They will be raised in a partnership - you and me. You will provide the unconditional love. I will provide the discipline. We will listen to Sam Cooke on Sunday afternoons and clean the house. We will dance slowly in the kitchen to "You Send Me" and you'll run a hand through my thinning salt-and-pepper hair. When our well-adjusted, savant-like spawn have come of age, I will support you in whatever endeavor you so choose. Please do not cut your hair.

I dress well and cook and have a cool haircut and this is all reading like I'm terribly out of touch, but I am ruthlessly self-deprecating and this exercise is hard for me. What I really want to do is to tell you about all the bad things. The dark things. The fucked-up things that will pique your curiosity, but in the end leave me as undateable as the last self-destructive booze bag you fucked around with. At the end of the day, I think that makes me more attractive. And that is sad.

I ejected from my date as soon as she bought me a crown and coke. I walked fifty feet and happened upon a cigar bar so I rolled up in there and lit the Cohiba in my jacket pocket.

Now I'm sitting here on this leather couch solo, a block from the beach, suited up, not giving a fuck. I may catch an Uber and go game. Fuck it, maybe I'll walk to the ocean, strip, and pound one out.

I can tell already, tonight was a mistake.

(08-22-2015 12:34 AM)tarquin Wrote:  I can tell already, tonight was a mistake.

You just haven't drank enough yet.

How awesome would it be if you could feel beer-induced irrational exuberance 24/7 and without the accompanying deterioration in somatosensory abilities. That would be a game changer! Imagine walking the earth like an immortal, with zero inhibitions and an imperturbable confidence in your own cockamamie schemes. I think if I could maintain such a mental state for a month straight, by the end of the month I'd end up as CEO of the world with a harem of 10 10s each of Chinese, Korean, and Japanese girls. It's about time somebody improved on the millennia old technology of EtOH to prolong half life while diminishing deleterious side effects.

Drinking with this chick i banged at the beach. Saw this i think it fits here.

http://imgur.com/5gPV9Oh

I am drunk enough to post stupid shit that will inevitably get me banned. And this is a cool place, where I've met cool people. So instead of posting the shit I was originally considering, I will instead post about how I was going to post about that shit, but instead searched up the drunk lounge and talk about posting about the shit that I was going to post about.

Tonight is great, I just wanted to share it all with you guiys

fuck man

california.

i've been called a racist more times in the last two days than in the rest of my life combined.

(08-29-2015 03:03 AM)storm Wrote:  fuck man

california.

i've been called a racist more times in the last two days than in the rest of my life combined.

At least the poon is good. So many asians. There are barely any white men here. I feel exotic.

It's raining out on a Sunday night which is basically a Saturday because tomorrow is Labor Day no classes, fuck I haven't left my place all day. What a depressing night.

On the other hand, I just got a Tinder like an hour ago. September 2015 kinda late on the Tinder scene, but yeah. Never had a dating profile ever so what should I expect.

Shitty footy game tonight because the regulars were a no show so i just basically cussed out the few Weekend warriors who showed for lack of skills.

Then strolled through Adams Morgan/Mordor on the way back to base. Millennial fat orc bitches and questionable faggot males scarfing over large pizza slices as far as the eye can see.

Safely back @ base crushing...

       

I want to try Guinness sometime.

(09-07-2015 12:45 AM)Goldhawkstar Wrote:  I want to try Guinness sometime.

You've never tried Guinness? How old are you?

delete

(09-07-2015 12:45 AM)Goldhawkstar Wrote:  I want to try Guinness sometime.

(09-07-2015 12:50 AM)wi30 Wrote:  

(09-07-2015 12:45 AM)Goldhawkstar Wrote:  I want to try Guinness sometime.

You've never tried Guinness? How old are you?

Only 20.

(09-07-2015 10:11 AM)Goldhawkstar Wrote:  

(09-07-2015 12:50 AM)wi30 Wrote:  

(09-07-2015 12:45 AM)Goldhawkstar Wrote:  I want to try Guinness sometime.

You've never tried Guinness? How old are you?

Only 20.

Bruh you can get it at a lot of Shells by the 40 oz(extra stout). I get them all the time. As a fellow college student it's not that hard.

Makes sense. I assumed you were older than that. Once you are 21, only order Guinness at an Irish pub. Most bartenders don't know how to pour it and leave you with a pint that's mostly foam.

My college go to was two 4-packs of Steel Reserves. 8% alcohol so eight 16 oz cans is enough to get you started. Costs under six bucks and they don't taste too bad once you down the second one.

(09-07-2015 12:14 PM)hwuzhere Wrote:  Bruh you can get it at a lot of Shells by the 40 oz(extra stout). I get them all the time. As a fellow college student it's not that hard.

I never said it was hard to get, just that I want to try it sometime. I've never had dark beer but Guinness looks tight.

(09-07-2015 12:53 PM)wi30 Wrote:  Makes sense. I assumed you were older than that. Once you are 21, only order Guinness at an Irish pub. Most bartenders don't know how to pour it and leave you with a pint that's mostly foam.

My college go to was two 4-packs of Steel Reserves. 8% alcohol so eight 16 oz cans is enough to get you started. Costs under six bucks and they don't taste too bad once you down the second one.

My go-to is a liter bottle of 100 proof (50%) unflavored Smirnoff, usually mix it with juice or Gatorade. Tastes good, stay hydrated, gets you efficiently hammered fast at a low cost if you mix it strong enough. I should probably get used to drinking beer more for when I'm 21 and go out to bars. I just don't care for the bitter taste after two or three. I've never understood how people can down 10+ in a couple hours.

I should probably just stop being a puss. Gonna get some Guinness this weekend.