Post: #1

Gentlemen,

I have a theoretical question as well as an anecdote that I would like advice on as well:

I picked up this girl during orientation week; skinny, brunette, big brown eyes, etc. etc. - a nice piece. She's an astute christian and makes damn sure she makes it to church at least once a week. This obviously having to do with the way she was raised would lead me to believe that was why she was a virgin up until your protagonist (cruisenchubby) entered in on stage left.

The first night I hung out with the girl we ended up watching a movie in her dorm (a single). She was easy to talk to and we clicked. Her body language was a bit awkward, not in a sense that she was closed off to be, but more in an inexperienced way. As it got later, I summoned my sexual gumption and made things happen.

Naturally, things got a little messy (her bed though; not my problem). There was a little more beard on the clam than I would prefer, but I doubt she anticipated gettin' mowed that night anyways. Sorry, that's neither here nor there.

So here are the facts in question: 1) she lost her virginity to me; 2) When we hang out, there is undeniable chemistry; 3) She will always refer to me as hun, babe, etc (relationship like terms) when texting.

The part that throws me off though...is that this girl is playing typical alpha game. Our back and forth gaming is a ping-pong like courtship, long and dragged out, more difficult than need be. But, weirdly enough, it's working for...well...both of us.

If she texts me at noon, I will wait text back an hour later. She will then text me back 2 hours later. I will wait 5-6, etc. This goes on to the point where it will be days between texts. If I call her and she doesn't answer, then she calls me back, I won't answer either. So we play butt hurt phone tag all day.

I won't get into every specific but this happens in almost every aspect of our dalliances. Even meeting up when we're out at parties:

Her: "Hey, it's [Friend's name] birthday party, you should come!"

CC: "We're having people over at our house tonight, text me later if you venture out."

Her: "Okay, I will. But I really want you to come here."

etc. etc. ad nauseum.


I'm still spinnin porcelain as a young man should be, but I can't help to take a liking to this girl. Call it beta or needy if you must, but I don't see it that way. Sometimes it's just nice to have a fun connection. Even goes to show me that our own game can work on us.

My question is: If a girl is using your game (whether it be on you, or just to counter yours)... What do you do?

I can crank up the aloofness and disappear for a month; text her friends; walk down the isle during a sermon in a devil's outfit; etc.

or...

I could simply eliminate the bullshit. I could text her back right away, go to her venues, cave and tell her I miss her too, etc.

Comments and advice well anticipated.

Thanks as always,
-Your Chubby

Post: #2

Go for it. Part of game is about having fun and being the life of the party, not just sex. You don't always have to call all the shots all the time, but know when to sit back and let the girl lead from time to time too.

Post: #3

(10-08-2012 12:02 AM)HiFlo Wrote:  Go for it. Part of game is about having fun and being the life of the party, not just sex. You don't always have to call all the shots all the time, but know when to sit back and let the girl lead from time to time too.

The underlying assumption that I am fighting here is that I do not want to invest in a girl who may not be equally invested.

The best part about running aloof, alpha game is that women are usually chasing you. My ability to gauge interest is pretty good (or so I think).

I like this girl, but still act distant. She may feel the same, and acts the same.

It's a matter of pride, and I'm feeling like I may have to swallow it to get to the bottom of this.

The part that throws me off is the facts in question (delineated above) should, in and of themself, cast her to the stage 5 clinger category; however, her actions are completely opposite of what was expected.

(Scratching my head)

Post: #4

People don't fit nicely into boxes. You have to adapt to overcome obstacles and use the best bits of everything you learned and throw out the rest, jeet kune do style.

Post: #5

Interesting. I would have been expecting her to be bonding to you pretty hardcore. As Heartiste says: If she’s not a virgin, she won’t bond as strongly from the sex act. A woman who has been around the block will find nothing spectacular about the next in line cock. (Slam poetry!) Virgins will bond like Krazy Glue to the first man who deflowers them. The love will be so strong that she will look up to him as a king, and Eat, Pray, Love boredom killing journeys of tingle-actualization will never even enter her consciousness.
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2010/08/1...uld-admit/

Post: #6

Quote:Virgins will bond like Krazy Glue to the first man who deflowers them.,

I'd say this is mostly wishful thinking. It's part of the whole virgin fantasy but in my experience has little basis in reality. I've found that when a girl gets pumped for the first time she's just as likely to go on a cock bender.

Post: #7

Keep banging her out but get some more chicks in your stable. It's amazing what smashing multiple chicks concurrently does to your mindset. 10:1 you stop caring about investment when you have multiple choices for who's draining your balls.

Post: #8

(10-07-2012 11:50 PM)Cruisen_Chubby Wrote:  My question is: If a girl is using your game (whether it be on you, or just to counter yours)... What do you do?

I can crank up the aloofness and disappear for a month; text her friends; walk down the isle during a sermon in a devil's outfit; etc.

or...

I could simply eliminate the bullshit. I could text her back right away, go to her venues, cave and tell her I miss her too, etc.

pointless games on your part. dude, you slept with her, she likes you, no need for playing hard to get on purpose IMO. you're too much concerned with "appearing needy". now don't get me wrong it's great to be aware of this dynamic and snip it when you feel it gets too far. however, the mere fact that you're trying to "appear" this or that way contradicts the alpha/cool guy image you try to portrait as you now actively trying to micromanage her perception of you. and that's like the first step to messing it up.

you see, this is that big "being vs doing" dilemma. non needy is feeling. just like a fear. i'm sure you can feel that within yourself at times. so it's something that you feel first which later materializes in real life. it's almost impossbble to explain on on paper or internet post. the solution is to BECOME non needy, not trying to appear non needy. think of what can make you more non needy/happy/indifferent/cool/icy and do it.

i'd say, yes go and eliminate the bullshit, text her back right away, go to her venues, cave and tell her I miss her too. and as you do it try to notice how you feel inside when you do it, is it the expression of not giving a fuck/indifference/fun or is it more like hoping etc. when you mess it up due to treating her like she's the main star of the show you will learn how NOT to do it in the future.

Post: #9

Chubby, do I recall you posting before about getting bored with chicks right away because they offer no challenge? Well, here you go. Not getting bored yet, right?

It sounds like you two actually like each other, but are both tryin to maintain hand by keeping distance.

You outlined two options:
1) Beat her at it
2) Beta out.

These first is stupid and childish. You have only one life to live, and a limited time to do so. Do you really want spend your whole relationship having to 1-up her? This gets tiring and misses the whole point. There is really no 'winning' in this case, just mutually assured distruction.

I agree with XXL that if 'betaing out' is how you really feel about her, then it's a better option to just eliminate the bullshit and see what happens.

There is, however, a third option. I know this may be heretical on RVF, but if she is one of those rare creatures that you can have a genuine conversation with, you could just try talking to her about it.

It doesn't need to be beta, or begging, or anything of the sort - just honest and direct, maybe something like this:

"Hey, I am getting the feeling that you are purposefully keeping me at a distance. I know because I have been doing a bit of that too. Maybe it's time we both have a little courage and drop the games."

Remember, vulnerability takes strength. Without it there is no risk, and hence no real reward.

You will make it much easier on her (and show real strength on your part) to admit your fault first. If, after that, this woman has the character and upbringing to follow suit and have an open, honest conversation with you about this, maybe she is a keeper.

If not, and she comes up with some nonsense like "I don't know what you are talking about" then it's better that you know now instead of later.

Game works wonders at getting and keeping power over a girl you are not particularily interested or ivested in - ie, a hot girl who is really not on your level as a person.

As far as I can tell, and I'm no master at this, 'real relationship' game is a process of mainting and balancing these two often antagonistic states:

Vulnerability - without it, you can't get anything deep or meaningfull out of the connection
Self Esteem/Reliance - Without it, you become a sniveling beta and she dumps you.

From Bruce:
"And I wish God would send me a word
send me something I'm afraid to lose"

Post: #10

Thank you for all the advice contributed. Great stuff on here.

It's rare to find people who share the same outlook on life/women/game in day to day life. Obviously it would be better talking to a friend about this over a beer, but they just wouldn't get it. You guys;however, know the game much more than myself, and I appreciate you all for that.

Good things happen here at RVF-

Post: #11

(10-07-2012 11:50 PM)Cruisen_Chubby Wrote:  I'm still spinnin porcelain as a young man should be, but I can't help to take a liking to this girl.

What does "spinnin porcelain" mean? It sounds as if it might mean "playing the field", but I don't see what that has to do with spinning or porcelain. Or does it mean "partying so much that you often vomit, after which you watch your vomit spin down the toilet bowl"? Or does it mean "banging women and then flushing them away"?

I've searched on Urban Dictionary and also done a Google search, and can't find anything. Could this be an expression so local that it's barely made it online yet?

Post: #12

(10-08-2012 11:21 AM)gds555 Wrote:  

(10-07-2012 11:50 PM)Cruisen_Chubby Wrote:  I'm still spinnin porcelain as a young man should be, but I can't help to take a liking to this girl.

What does "spinnin porcelain" mean? It sounds as if it might mean "playing the field", but I don't see what that has to do with spinning or porcelain. Or does it mean "partying so much that you often vomit, after which you watch your vomit spin down the toilet bowl"? Or does it mean "banging women and then flushing them away"?

I've searched on Urban Dictionary and also done a Google search, and can't find anything. Could this be an expression so local that it's barely made it online yet?

Spinning plates is a common PUA term. Plates are typically made out of percelain. Unless you're in college- then it's either paper or plastic.

It's a cruisenchubby shibboleth.

Post: #13

Okay, I get it.

I would say, though, that, while I'm not an expert on the subject, I suspect most plates of the non-paper, non-plastic, non-metal type are made of cheaper materials than porcelain, even allowing for the fact that "porcelain" is a vaguely defined term. So I think you could say that plates are "often" made out of porcelain, but not that they're "typically" made out of it.

If anybody here is an expert on plates, though, I'd be interested to hear your take on this.

Post: #14

(10-08-2012 01:00 PM)gds555 Wrote:  Okay, I get it.

I would say, though, that, while I'm not an expert on the subject, I suspect most plates of the non-paper, non-plastic, non-metal type are made of cheaper materials than porcelain, even allowing for the fact that "porcelain" is a vaguely defined term. So I think you could say that plates are "often" made out of porcelain, but not that they're "typically" made out of it.

If anybody here is an expert on plates, though, I'd be interested to hear your take on this.

I as well.

Referring to these plates as porcelain as opposed to a cheaper material may as well represent the quality of one's harem.

So to say:

One who spins porcelain is doing much better than one spinning cheap composite, paper, plastic, or any combination of the like.

Spining delicate china? You my friend...are a player.

Post: #15

If you're focusing on "playing hard to get", it means your game is weak. I don't ever worry about if I "appear needy", because already this means I'm caring too much. I send the texts when I want to, I ask to hang when I want to - but, OH NO WHAT IF I APPEAR NEEDY AND SHE DUMPS ME?

Who gives a fuck? When a girl dumps me, I think to myself, "Well that was fun" and I text the next girl on rotation...


So my advice to you, Chubby, is to let enjoy and not give a fuck about playing the perfect game. If she dumps you because you fucked up a small game rule or something, it really isn't a big deal. Take note and move on. There will be more vaginas in your future