Post: #1

After reading through Tuths first date recipe for probably the 20th time I wonder how this recipe applies to girls that don't really speak your native language, Making rapport much more difficult to establish. I have a date with a hot Lithuanian tonight, she speaks very little English, but Spanish. My Spanish is decent but not fluent by any means. Any tips from international players where and how to steer the conversation? Or is more physical escalation and expression just better in these situations? I don't want to scare the chicken Keep in mind i've kissed this girl already.

Post: #2

I remember reading about a study that said that couples who did a cooperative task (such as rolling a ball to each other while blindfolded) exhibited a better bond afterward than couples who did the same task without the need for cooperation (i.e., both people could see).

I think this applies for languages as well. People who struggle to communicate tend to establish better bonds, because the task of communication becomes one of patience and effort. She will be investing in you simply by talking to you. There will be plenty of opportunities for humor, but don't be intricate with your jokes (sarcasm especially can be lost in translation), and keep the conversation to something simple but universal such as music or travel or personal desires.

Post: #3

PHYSICALITY. that was the ticket for me.

Post: #4

Go caveman or go home is how I approach many of my international attempts when there is a language barrier.

Post: #5

Show her lots of pictures from your travels from your cell phone, camera, etc.
Use a karaoke bar if they have them there.
Take to the club.

Post: #6

(08-14-2012 02:09 PM)polymath Wrote:  I remember reading about a study that said that couples who did a cooperative task (such as rolling a ball to each other while blindfolded) exhibited a better bond afterward than couples who did the same task without the need for cooperation (i.e., both people could see).

I think this applies for languages as well. People who struggle to communicate tend to establish better bonds, because the task of communication becomes one of patience and effort. She will be investing in you simply by talking to you. There will be plenty of opportunities for humor, but don't be intricate with your jokes (sarcasm especially can be lost in translation), and keep the conversation to something simple but universal such as music or travel or personal desires.

Interesting perspective Polymath. I've always known and applied the principle of getting the girl invested, but never really thought about it in terms of the language barrier. Might be something to it.

If you have the time can you expand on this thought? Language barriers to IMPROVE your game. I like it.

Post: #7

UPDATE: didn't go hard caveman save a single short Makeout, 1 venue change then back to my pad for a guitar session. Turns out music is the universal language. +1

Post: #8

(08-15-2012 08:33 AM)Bad Hussar Wrote:  

(08-14-2012 02:09 PM)polymath Wrote:  I remember reading about a study that said that couples who did a cooperative task (such as rolling a ball to each other while blindfolded) exhibited a better bond afterward than couples who did the same task without the need for cooperation (i.e., both people could see).

I think this applies for languages as well. People who struggle to communicate tend to establish better bonds, because the task of communication becomes one of patience and effort. She will be investing in you simply by talking to you. There will be plenty of opportunities for humor, but don't be intricate with your jokes (sarcasm especially can be lost in translation), and keep the conversation to something simple but universal such as music or travel or personal desires.

Interesting perspective Polymath. I've always known and applied the principle of getting the girl invested, but never really thought about it in terms of the language barrier. Might be something to it.

If you have the time can you expand on this thought? Language barriers to IMPROVE your game. I like it.

I am no expert, but here are my thoughts.

I think a foreigner is always intriguing, and that the more you get a girl to be patient with you, try to understand you, and do all the other things that come with conversing through a language barrier, the more she will be attracted to you...and inclined to take care of you.

From the girl's perspective....

If you're talking to someone who hardly understands you, what is the point of being bitchy? What is the point of playing games, throwing out shit tests, or any of that? There is nothing to gain by being closed, mean, rude, or negative. Rather, the challenge lies in communicating something, finding what makes the guy special, and showing him a nice time.

Also, I think it's advantageous to be cute in a girl's eyes, and being linguistically helpless is a pretty cute thing in a girl's eyes.

I grew up in a (sometimes fiery) multilingual household and I learned there that, even when you are arguing angrily with someone, saying "look, this language is hard for me to understand and speak, please, listen to me, give me a chance to express myself" wins you forbearance from the other person.

Back to foreign girls.... if you commit a faux pas or say the wrong thing, the girl will rationalize it as "oh, he's just a foreigner." As long as you come across as masculine and valuable, you get a lot more room for error than a local guy might.

I personally like to play up my unique advantages when I'm talking to an attractive woman in a foreign country. I see being a foreigner as a source of uniqueness and value, especially if you can make the girl think about the allure of traveling, or about the unique advantages that men from your country can offer.

When I say "unique advantages," I mean...

If you're Italian, be romantic and seductive.

If you're American, be friendly and make subtle displays of wealth/prosperity/education.

If you're French, be passionate. And quit being such a dick! haha

If you're Canadian, be nice.

If you're Puerto Rican, be fun and colorful.

If you're Tanzanian, show some street smarts.

If you're Iranian, let your beard do the talking.

These are characteristics that seem common in their own locales, but they capture attention when you are in a place where everyone else is different. The contrast works to your advantage.

(I know I'm stereotyping a bit but positive stereotypes can be useful, because they let other people develop expectations about you.)

Similarly.......

When you fail to fit in, it only draws attention to these relative advantages. Here in Paraguay, I get instant warmth when I smile and bashfully tell a girl who just spoke a long sentence to me that I don't understand her Spanish. I let her try to teach me, or maybe we have a conversation through Google Translate or something. Suddenly the language barrier becomes an opportunity to share an experience that nobody has ever shared with that girl before.

I was out with two fellow Americans in Asuncion a few weeks ago -- we met up with two girls I met briefly at a club last year, both of whom are gorgeous by anyone's standards. There are two official languages here, Spanish and Guarani (an indigenous language). At one point in the night, two of my friends had a contest with one of the girls. The contest went like this: one guy would say a phrase in Spanish, then the girl would translate it to English, and finally the second guy would translate it to Guarani.

I think that was the best moment of the night. I have never seen a girl laugh so genuinely at the phrase "what are you doing right now" spoken in Guarani. She wasn't drunk, she wasn't trying to please anyone, she was just enjoying the nuance of my buddy's Ohioan pronunciation, and sharing a fun moment with some foreigners.

Post: #9

(08-14-2012 02:09 PM)polymath Wrote:  I remember reading about a study that said that couples who did a cooperative task (such as rolling a ball to each other while blindfolded) exhibited a better bond afterward than couples who did the same task without the need for cooperation (i.e., both people could see).

I think this applies for languages as well. People who struggle to communicate tend to establish better bonds, because the task of communication becomes one of patience and effort. She will be investing in you simply by talking to you. There will be plenty of opportunities for humor, but don't be intricate with your jokes (sarcasm especially can be lost in translation), and keep the conversation to something simple but universal such as music or travel or personal desires.

Now I know I'm not crazy when I tell people I connected more with girls in foreign countries who didn't speak English than American girls here in LA. My simplest explanation was that "they were more curious about me" or "we made an effort to get to know each other."

Post: #10

(08-16-2012 10:06 PM)polymath Wrote:  If you're talking to someone who hardly understands you, what is the point of being bitchy? What is the point of playing games, throwing out shit tests, or any of that?
Back to foreign girls.... if you commit a faux pas or say the wrong thing, the girl will rationalize it as "oh, he's just a foreigner." As long as you come across as masculine and valuable, you get a lot more room for error than a local guy might.

Bingo.

As someone who has made good use of the "Gringo with unusually good Spanish" angle, I actually think it's a disadvantage to be 100%, native-speaker fluent in their language when hitting on foreign girls. Of course you want to be able to communicate as much of what you want to say as possible, but in my experience there is absolutely an added mistake buffer when it's clear that you're speaking a second language. She'll gladly tolerate a few fuckups and chalk them up to the language or cultural barrier when they would have been potentially fatal otherwise.

I think the optimum level of fluency for macking in foreign languages is when you can understand and express yourself easily and naturally, but you occasionally fuck up grammar or local expressions just enough that it's endearing.

Don't be afraid to make bold moves like pushing for early escalation or fast sex at a love motel either. If she's taken aback you have the ready-made bullshit excuse that this is how people normally act "where you come from."