Post: #1

I'm hiring for a few positions and I got this gem. There are too many online resources on resume writing so I won't get too into it, but this is a pretty good example of what NOT to do. It's for a cooking position, hence the references.

"Re: This cover letter takes approximately 5 minutes to read. Has 402 words.

What do you get if you hire XXXX XXXXXX? You get someone who is bright, energetic, consistent, reliable, efficient and organized; who enjoys food and cooking. Also I’m classically trained in fine dining. Maturity and experience has helped me to understand how imperative to a career staying committed and devoted to the work place can benefit my life and reputation. Things others, we and I often over look or so not understand the destructiveness of when we first experience the job market as teens.

Only as an adult I know how important it is to seriously seek and gain employment, with an extensive knowledge and amiability for my employer; knowing that it will be a main contributing factor to all persons employed with the company, when applied, helps to aid in the companies overall success.

Also being innovative and applying new and competitive techniques to our respective and individual departments. This is just my general work philosophy. Just a bit more about me; because I have said much already. I can tell you absolutely, with a professional proficiency, in my opinion the greatest achievement, is to be part of and contribute to an exemplary- team, setting the standards ,as we go.

Once more before closing: and thank you for your patience, as this cover letter is longer than average; but I felt that in order to present myself with a full understanding requires it as a necessity. I think the following statements about myself as a great employee and person, deserves a special note of mention and recognition.

Which being are, I also battled with a severe drug and alcohol addiction for several years. I have been in a 12 month live-in Christian Life Recovery Program for men through 2011- 2012. Not only did I lose my self-destructive behaviors of substance abuse but became a Christian during the process. If you have any further questions about the CLDP (Christian Life Discipleship Program) please contact Mr. XXXX XXXXXXX at (XXX) XXX-XXXX. He will explain in depth about me and the live-in program for men if you would like to know more. I’m also sorry if you feel I have wasted your time."

Post: #2

Wow, the person is literate? They are already in the top 30% of unemployed Americans.

Post: #3

(06-11-2012 11:11 PM)babelfish669 Wrote:  Wow, the person is literate?

Barely. Judging from the letter, either they have some learning difficulties, low IQ, or English isn't their first language.

Post: #4

He was on drugs writing this.

Hire him

Post: #5

(06-11-2012 11:19 PM)RawGod Wrote:  

(06-11-2012 11:11 PM)babelfish669 Wrote:  Wow, the person is literate?

Barely. Judging from the letter, either they have some learning difficulties, low IQ, or English isn't their first language.

His name is American. Sadly, this is similar to about 90% of resumes I get.

What's worse is this kid is applying for an entry level management position. I wouldn't even consider him for a dishwasher.

Post: #6

It's sad when someone's recovery from drug addiction is their biggest accomplishment. They feel so proud about it, that they see the need to include it on their cover letter.

Post: #7

(06-12-2012 09:11 AM)DiabloBravo Wrote:  It's sad when someone's recovery from drug addiction is their biggest accomplishment. They feel so proud about it, that they see the need to include it on their cover letter.

That's what Christian recovery, and its extension the 12 step program, preach. You are completely powerless over your life and overcoming this demon is a huge accomplishment that needs to be reinforced day by day for the rest of your life. 98% of people in these programs go back to drugs within 5 years. Basically all these programs do is trade the addiction to drugs to an addiction to Jesus. Once they go out on their own, they go back to what they always were. That's why you see the same crowds going from meeting to meeting. Almost as if they were nomads chasing a herd of buffalo. Compare that to LSD therapy with a success rate of 33% the first go around, and 66% after two sessions.

Is breaking addiction from drugs difficult? Yes. Is it something to shout to the rest of the world? No.

I'm willing to bet money that this guy hasn't gone back to drugs because he's not allowed to have money at the center and as soon as he gets some cash in his pockets, he will get high.

Post: #8

Bahaha fuck this can't be real. He's to honest and you know damn well he has zero of the skills listed.

Post: #9

I bet this is real. Most resumes I've seen from friends are piss-poor b/c it's not a skill that taught that's taught. A good cover letter should be like a movie trailer. It hints at some interesting details and makes you want to see the movie(resume).

He's got some good skills there but needs 2-3 specific examples to back them up.

Post: #10

(06-11-2012 11:26 PM)Rosca Wrote:  He was on drugs writing this.

Hire him

Everyone that works in a kitchen is on drugs

Post: #11

Yeah but the talented ones know how to mix. At one point in my career I would regularly down a 1/4 bottle of Pernod (we cooked with it), show up high, do a few lines in the bathroom, and then jump in the meat cooler to do a few whipits, all of this in one shift. I still managed to work my way up.

I'm clean now though, except for the occasional holiday excess. Good cooks are rare. Good cooks who do drugs and can handle their shit are even more exponentially rare.

Post: #12

You guys would be shocked. When I was looking for an assistant I was inundated with absurd resumes and cover letters. From people linking me to websites devoted to themselves, to incomprehensible english, you will see it all.

Post: #13

(06-11-2012 10:52 PM)thedude3737 Wrote:  Which being are, I also battled with a severe drug and alcohol addiction for several years. I have been in a 12 month live-in Christian Life Recovery Program for men through 2011- 2012. Not only did I lose my self-destructive behaviors of substance abuse but became a Christian during the process. If you have any further questions about the CLDP (Christian Life Discipleship Program) please contact Mr. XXXX XXXXXXX at (XXX) XXX-XXXX. He will explain in depth about me and the live-in program for men if you would like to know more. I’m also sorry if you feel I have wasted your time."[/i]

This must be a standard thing they make people in rehab do.

The times I've looked to Craigslist or that Career Builder shit to find people, I get that crap.

Usually what I do is highlight the "sorry if I wasted your time" part and writ back "It's ok. Just don't do it again. Good Luck" and that's that.

Aloha!