Post: #1

Let's share stories of flaking for understanding and support. Flaking seems more common with online meetups. But maybe it is common from live meetings too if you make quick, weak connections.

In my first online case, a woman contacted me, we set a lunch meeting near her house, and she ultimately cancelled. A few days later I tried to message her, and she had blocked me. Weird!

It is very rare to actually get stood-up. A typical flake just texts me a cancellation the night before, the same morning, or even an hour before the date. Then they are too scared to pick up the phone when I call. Flaking is more common when the woman needs to drive, dress up, or exert effort.

It is possible to recover from a flake. When one date didn't want to drive to my place, I calmly rescheduled at a safer, more convenient location. In another case I sent this recovery text next day:

"I'll forgive you if you buy me a drink! :-)"

Roughly one third of my scheduled online dates flake. I don't know if that is high, signifying a weak connection, or if it is standard. Online time moves fast, so a connection can easily dissolve if things are scheduled a week in the future. I have tried sending intermittent flirt texts to maintain relations.

One strategy is to meet at or near home, and plan back-up activities or dates. Then you aren't inconvenienced. What are your stories and coping strategies?

Post: #2

Dupe?

/thread-12137.html

Post: #3

Well in your case, she might have googled you and found something she didn't like. For whatever reason (you may not even be able to determine it), she disqualified you immediately and cut you off.

I may do a write up on online flaking soon. I've become slightly more picky when it comes to actually setting up the date, and my flake rate has gone down significantly... while my first date to bang ratio for the year is currently 100%. With 3 dates this week I expect that percentage to crumble away a bit though.

Post: #4

My strategy is that I have plans to have a fun night and she's invited to join me. Even if I'm not getting the vibe she's going to flake, I'm keeping contact warm with a couple other people (whether it's close friends, FWB, or someone new I've an ongoing conversation thread started online/txt) so that having a good night is still going to happen even if she doesn't show up/cancels last minute.

The consequence though is that I'm not going to be talking to her. If she was interested she would have made it happen. No need to waste time on a flake. Not when I have two others in line.

Post: #5

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the psychology of flaking in women and what is causing it to happen with greater frequency these days. Some possibilities:

1) Ratios. Women flake more when there are [seemingly] more men to choose from. They feel there's always a better option right around the corner.

2) Shallower attention spans. If you aren't on point and can't make a great impression rapidly, you are at a disadvantage. You are also competing with all the other things constantly grabbing her attention in an "always plugged in" digital world.

3) Women's inherently capricious emotional nature. They behave not according to principle(like men), but according to whatever their emotional whim dictates at the moment. Sure, both sexes do that to some extent, but women much more so, especially when it comes to obligations. She could be 100% interested in meeting you at the time she agreed to the date, but several days and 50 twitter updates later may care less.

4) Women are not as horny as men or as motivated to meet men as the other way around. The social and economic need to meet men was undone by feminism, so a guy has to jump over a higher bar now as women have no issue holding out until a guy comes along that wets their panties.

5) Not sure if she's going to have a good enough time to justify the effort of meeting up with you.

As you(OP) implied above, women will exert minimal energy if they have nothing invested in you. To many of them, the time it takes to prepare for a date, getting dressed, makeup, doing hair, shaving legs, driving somewhere, etc is not worth it unless they feel a certain threshold of motivation. For guys, our prep time for a date is so much less, and our horniness levels much higher so our motivation threshold is always extremely low. Guys flaking on dates is almost unheard of it. I never hear about guys backing out of a date due to having a headache. If I do, I take a couple fucking Advils and push through.

As for lowering flake rates in women, only thing you can do is lower her motivation threshold by:

1) Making a deeper connection. Making a better impression, by making her convinced that she will have a fun/interesting night out if she meets up with you.

2) Making it easier for her by choosing a venue convenient to where she lives(esp in cities with long driving times). Making the first date very casual. If I'm setting up a first date, I find out what her area is and then Yelp some cool spots within a few minutes drive of where she is. The more casual the better. The more time she has to put into prepping or driving out, the higher chance that she's going to flake.

And of course some girls are just so damn fickle-minded that there really isn't much of anything you can do and whether they flake or not is just luck of the draw. When we guys get flaked on, we often start wondering what we did wrong to supposedly cause it. Sometimes you didn't do anything wrong. It's not always you.

Post: #6

Flaking? Online?

Reminded me of this.

Post: #7

The reason flaking is bothering you so much is because you have very low number of women you are talking to. If you talk to one then you will invest 100% of energy into her.

If you talk to 5 then each one is getting 20% of your energy.

If you talk to 10 then each one is getting 10% of your energy. If you keep this routine up for a long time then 1 or even 2 or even 3 won't matter.

El mech and Mixx are machines, you think they will give a shit if two or even 3 girls flake on them.

This applies to online and daygame and etc.

Post: #8

That's true, Wolf, except that also the problem with faking is that they kill a night that you had blocked for them and it can be hard to replace her that night on short notice. I'd rather get blown out early than flaked on, personally.

Post: #9

(05-16-2012 10:36 PM)Catch 22 Wrote:  That's true, Wolf, except that also the problem with faking is that they kill a night that you had blocked for them and it can be hard to replace her that night on short notice. I'd rather get blown out early than flaked on, personally.

I have very little time these days so I try to fit them in between things. If they flake I actually feel relief because I have many things to catch up on, like sleep, reading game, reading books, working out.

The reason why I get upset now is if I really wanted the chick and she flakes on me last moment(same day, a couple of hours before).

You'll notice with a busy schedule and going out with several girls you'll care less if one flakes. I suggest talking with 5 girls, and by talking I mean you got five numbers/five chick that you're currently working.

I also suggest going out with girls that previously flaked on you, instead of being mad at them. They will drop subtle hints as to why they flaked on you.

Keep in mind of course that if a chick flaked on you then she wasn't that interested in you anyway. Always know in the back of the mind that a flake will walk on you at any time, doesn't matter if it's 3 dates, several weeks into banging her, or several months in a LTR relationship.

Post: #10

Another way to counter such a high rate of flaking is to be a flake yourself. Schedule multiple dates for a given night, and with online game that is very possible.

Post: #11

Flaking is just part of the game. Its just what girls do. If they really like you, theyll be nervous and flake. If they dont really like you, they wont feel a sense of urgency and flake. Its just normal female behavior.

I can remember one particular flake that I salvaged by just plowing thru and meeting up with her anyway after she tried to say she was too tired and didnt feel like getting dressed up. She was already at the bar so I just said, fuck it, Im coming to meet you anyway. I went and we drank and got drunk as shit.

The second date consisted of her calling me at like 11.30pm on a Friday talking about shes bored. She comes over to watch a movie, swearing that shes not going to let me fuck and that I shouldnt get any ideas. I ended up fucking that night.

Flaking is just part of it. I think after a while tho, you get a sixth sense of whos just playing and whos full of shit.