Post: #1

I'm starting to think I might have a problem with having a lack of aggression. Not only with women but with regards to life in general. It applies across multiple aspects of life. I'm very laid back and perhaps too laid back. My default energy state is pretty low. Even when lifting heavy weights, I tend not to approach it from the "get angry and pumped up before a heavy set" mentality like a lot of guys do, but with a more Zen-like approach of trying to empty my mind of doubts and self-defeating thoughts.

Anyone else overcome something like this?

Post: #2

Do you do any competitive sports?

In martial arts, football, rugby ect. you can be aggressive in a controlled setting.

Training in MMA and doing NoFap helped me.

Post: #3

Yes, studying Buddhism made me too passive.

I realized that I wasn't being aggressive enough.

Now, I prefer to cultivate healthy levels of aggression.

Post: #4

I'm passive as a cat by nature so I know what you mean.

Regardless, the following things have amped my levels of aggression.

1) Lifting and exercising

2) Doing 50 pushups in the morning. I don't know why, but I feel like I'm ready to go at it right after.

3) the Online Girl Hamster thread

Post: #5

(10-03-2014 01:55 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  Yes, studying Buddhism made me too passive.

I realized that I wasn't being aggressive enough.

Now, I prefer to cultivate healthy levels of aggression.

I went through this kind of stage too when I first got really into Osho.

Re: the OP's concern, it's perfectly natural to go through cycles and phases. If you feel like you're not as aggressive as you should be, find ways to cultivate the quality that you want.

It sounds like you don't really feel that it's a problem but rather you feel like it's 'supposed' to be a problem.

Is your lack of aggression impacting you negatively in any aspects of your life? Have you been through a period before when you were really aggressive?

Post: #6

Yes, I feel this too.

It comes down to who you want to be. Do you want to be aggressive? If so, why?

Are you okay with being more calm, collected, and passive?

Are you comfortable enough with a more passive personality to let yourself sink into that role?

We live in a society where extroversion is favored over introversion. It is seen as a negative, on the whole and compared to the opposite end of the spectrum, to be an interovert.

That's a poor ideal to uphold, I think. Introversion leads to many wonderful things that extroversion does not so much.

Aggression is more tied to extroversion so if you do not feel comfortable going against the norm, either adjust your comfort level or become more aggressive. That means lifting, perhaps consciously going out to spit some game, and setting really high goals (maybe even a bit impossible).

I am introverted and passive. In New York City, this is one of the ultimate social taboos to commit here, along with being seen as boring. So I get a lot of flack, though nothing I can't handle. Mostly I just feel out of place here. But I let the incongruence flow through me, and I don't let it bother me too much. In the end I always get what I want, regardless. There is much value in being zen and letting others trip over their own aggression.

Post: #7

Post: #8

I'm very much the same. Very few people have ever seen me truly angry. I prefer to keep it that way.

Lifting did not make me an angry person. Even when I competed I did not always use aggression prior to lifts. Visualization, in many aspects of life, is a very powerful tool. Look at Olympic lifters. Not all of them get angry before a lift. Though their lifts are far more technical than most gyms lifts, intense concentration is just as useful. I also found that getting angry and amped up fatigued me. Adrenal fatigue may be an accurate term, but if I got all jacked up for multiple lifts multiple times a week I would get fried quickly. This, of course, depends on lifting style too. Getting amped up for a 95%+ deadlift is different than getting amped up for max reps on dumbbell bench.
I've had many girls positively comment on my consistent calm and cool demeanor. On the flip side though, to look at me you'll see the capability to be aggressive. I have a very athletic and muscular physique. I don't need to act aggressive to show I have aggression. I think that is important. I may be able to pull that off better than someone of a smaller stature. I liken it to a Daniel Craig James Bond. You see that he is calm, but you know he can be aggressive.

In terms of aggression in relation to extroversion, that is a different matter. I'm far from being extroverted. This has probably cost me some bangs, but not being extroverted has no relation to a willingness (aggression may not be the right word here) to escalate.

I play the cards in my hand. I don't try and bluff something I don't have.

Post: #9

Aggression and extroversion do not necessarily go hand in hand, but that is the perception in Western society.

In other words, the perception is that introverts cannot be sufficiently aggressive to comport with societal ideals (going for what you want, being upfront, pushing forward to success).

I say that aggression takes different forms. I am aggressive in my own way, but introverted. As I had mentioned, I always get what I want, but do so with ears to the ground.

Post: #10

You really seem like a nice guy.

To be honest , I've been here . I was conditionning my brain on those zen , compassion affirmations daily . I believed this pathetic assumption " Starve the ego , feed the soul " . I was smoking weed and listenning to river and ocean sounds all day long and fapping to it .

An alpha is at peace with himself, but not to an extent where people would fuck him over .

As you go outside ,think of yourself as the prize to be sought after .
Engage in daring yet benefitial activities that would boost your ego . Daygame is a perfect illustration of that . Enhance your self-worth by setting up goals and giving your 100% .

The world is a beautiful place to be ,and at the same time a jungle where except your parents, everyone else will let you down and laugh at your failure.

Post: #11

We people are mostly a by-product of our environment, if you think youre not aggressive enough it only means you never put yourself in the position where you needed to be aggressive, if by aggression you mean anger..
I get very angry sometimes and i dont see that as a good thing.
On the other hand when im very focused i also get aggressive but i only see that as passion about something.
Maybe you just havent found something you really want in sometime.

Post: #12

Aggression isn't a virtue unless you fight for a living.

I don't think it's healthy to try to be aggressive without a particular reason.

Ultimately your goal in the gym is to move iron, not to be angry with it.

Post: #13

(10-03-2014 08:47 PM)Doctor Wrote:  I'm very much the same. Very few people have ever seen me truly angry. I prefer to keep it that way.

Lifting did not make me an angry person. Even when I competed I did not always use aggression prior to lifts. Visualization, in many aspects of life, is a very powerful tool. Look at Olympic lifters. Not all of them get angry before a lift. Though their lifts are far more technical than most gyms lifts, intense concentration is just as useful. I also found that getting angry and amped up fatigued me. Adrenal fatigue may be an accurate term, but if I got all jacked up for multiple lifts multiple times a week I would get fried quickly. This, of course, depends on lifting style too. Getting amped up for a 95%+ deadlift is different than getting amped up for max reps on dumbbell bench.
I've had many girls positively comment on my consistent calm and cool demeanor. On the flip side though, to look at me you'll see the capability to be aggressive. I have a very athletic and muscular physique. I don't need to act aggressive to show I have aggression. I think that is important. I may be able to pull that off better than someone of a smaller stature. I liken it to a Daniel Craig James Bond. You see that he is calm, but you know he can be aggressive.

In terms of aggression in relation to extroversion, that is a different matter. I'm far from being extroverted. This has probably cost me some bangs, but not being extroverted has no relation to a willingness (aggression may not be the right word here) to escalate.

I play the cards in my hand. I don't try and bluff something I don't have.

"I liken my awesomeness to James Bond, specifically the Daniel Craig James Bond. Sure there was Connery and Roger Moore...hell, I even dabbled in Timothy Dalton for a spell but ultimately I decided that Craig did a good job of representing my handle on aggression".

Post: #14

(10-03-2014 01:23 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  I'm starting to think I might have a problem with having a lack of aggression. Not only with women but with regards to life in general. It applies across multiple aspects of life. I'm very laid back and perhaps too laid back. My default energy state is pretty low. Even when lifting heavy weights, I tend not to approach it from the "get angry and pumped up before a heavy set" mentality like a lot of guys do, but with a more Zen-like approach of trying to empty my mind of doubts and self-defeating thoughts.

Anyone else overcome something like this?

Yeah, I'm the same way. I've given up trying to fight it. Because one, so much of your temperament comes from inborn traits and some long-term personality traits can be seen starting from very early childhood. Second, I read a quote by Kurt Cobain that said, "trying to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." Something about that quote has always stuck with me when I felt some pressure to try to conform myself in any way. I stopped worrying about my social energy level and have just come to accept that that's who I am and there's nothing wrong with it. I've ALWAYS been that way and it's how I was born.

Funny what you say about the zen like state at the gym. When I lift weights I'm often listening to jazz or some chill-out music while all this euro dance stuff is being played on the gym's loud speakers.

The upside to all this is that my life is virtually stress-free. I mean seriously, I'm almost NEVER stressed out about anything. And I can count on one hand the amount of times in life I flew into a fit of rage. Very little actually upsets me. It takes an incredible amount of shit to piss me off. And I think that's a good thing if you want a long life span and to preserve your health and youth. So there's some definite advantages too to being chill.

Post: #15

(10-04-2014 03:49 AM)speakeasy Wrote:  The upside to all this is that my life is virtually stress-free. I mean seriously, I'm almost NEVER stressed out about anything. And I can count on one hand the amount of times in life I flew into a fit of rage. Very little actually upsets me. It takes an incredible amount of shit to piss me off. And I think that's a good thing if you want a long life span and to preserve your health and youth. So there's some definite advantages too to being chill.

Speaking as someone who is on the opposite end of chill i'd say that it's true that being chill is better. Being overly aggressive comes with some severe negatives and if you lose composure or lapse in judgement it can get real serious. I was a hot head in my younger days but i've cooled a bit from age and life experience.

I try to channel all that residual aggression into productive activities like business. Being able to travel a lot has also been a tremendous help.

Post: #16

When I used to be a general population martial arts coach we had loads of guys who were there to try and become more aggressive.

I found that guys generally fell into three categories:

1) Those who are naturally aggressive and struggle to control it.

2) Those who are naturally aggressive and repress these feelings.

3) Those who are simply not capable of overt aggression.

1 & 2 can be worked on in my experience.

Number 3 cannot.

Post: #17

Just wanted to say that this thread reminds me of how good this forum is. OP came with a concern and is getting a ton of support, perspective and insights. You guys are pretty awesome.

Post: #18

Thanks for the replies. Good ideas to consider. I've thought of looking into martial arts and the possibility of low T. With regard to the first I'm worried about injuries and with regard to the second I've always kind of been this way. In my college days I would get amped up with heavy drinking but I don't do that anymore.

Post: #19

(10-04-2014 03:37 PM)CrashBangWallop Wrote:  When I used to be a general population martial arts coach we had loads of guys who were there to try and become more aggressive.

I found that guys generally fell into three categories:

1) Those who are naturally aggressive and struggle to control it.

2) Those who are naturally aggressive and repress these feelings.

3) Those who are simply not capable of overt aggression.

1 & 2 can be worked on in my experience.

Number 3 cannot.

You might find this interesting: http://theconversation.com/temper-trap-t...trol-26110

They've identified specific genes that contribute to lack of impulse control and aggression.

Post: #20

That was an interesting article, thanks. I am trying to up my "jerkboy(CH)/douche(GLL)" factor but I may have to accept that there are limits.

I have apparently had or still have some "nice guy" issues of which Robert Glover has written.

When I speak of the aggression I need it's not really about the easiness to become provoked or angry (which is often counterproductive), but the desire to go out and "conquer".

Post: #21

(10-03-2014 01:55 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  Yes, studying Buddhism made me too passive.

I realized that I wasn't being aggressive enough.

Now, I prefer to cultivate healthy levels of aggression.

Who decides what is "healthy levels of aggression"?.

Buddhism is a joke. They think they can choose what is good/pure and what is not.

Post: #22

(10-05-2014 08:02 PM)strengthstudent Wrote:  Buddhism is a joke.

I'm not a Buddhist, but I disagree. Then again, the Buddha would probably agree.

Post: #23

(10-05-2014 08:02 PM)strengthstudent Wrote:  

(10-03-2014 01:55 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  Yes, studying Buddhism made me too passive.

I realized that I wasn't being aggressive enough.

Now, I prefer to cultivate healthy levels of aggression.

Who decides what is "healthy levels of aggression"?.

I'd say that we can each define it personally for our own lives..

For me, I consider "healthy" levels of aggression to be levels that do not lead to the deterioration of my health.

For example, if I am so aggressive that I get seriously hurt, die, or go to prison, I generally consider that to be "unhealthy".

Or, if I am so "un-agressive" that I allow my health or well being to deteriorate, I also consider that to be generally "unhealthy".

Post: #24

(10-05-2014 08:23 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

(10-05-2014 08:02 PM)strengthstudent Wrote:  

(10-03-2014 01:55 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  Yes, studying Buddhism made me too passive.

I realized that I wasn't being aggressive enough.

Now, I prefer to cultivate healthy levels of aggression.

Who decides what is "healthy levels of aggression"?.

I'd say that we can each define it personally for our own lives..

For me, I consider "healthy" levels of aggression to be levels that do not lead to the deterioration of my health.

For example, if I am so aggressive that I get seriously hurt, die, or go to prison, I generally consider that to be "unhealthy".

Or, if I am so "un-agressive" that I allow my health or well being to deteriorate, I also consider that to be generally "unhealthy".

You could add unhealthy blood pressure, unhappiness from being angered easily, interpersonal relationships suffering etc.

Probably the perfect definition Gio nice one.

Post: #25

(10-05-2014 08:23 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

(10-05-2014 08:02 PM)strengthstudent Wrote:  

(10-03-2014 01:55 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  Yes, studying Buddhism made me too passive.

I realized that I wasn't being aggressive enough.

Now, I prefer to cultivate healthy levels of aggression.

Who decides what is "healthy levels of aggression"?.

I'd say that we can each define it personally for our own lives..

For me, I consider "healthy" levels of aggression to be levels that do not lead to the deterioration of my health.

For example, if I am so aggressive that I get seriously hurt, die, or go to prison, I generally consider that to be "unhealthy".

Or, if I am so "un-agressive" that I allow my health or well being to deteriorate, I also consider that to be generally "unhealthy".

Fair enough.

I would say that the one who is continuously aggressive feels deep down very inferior because he has the huge urge to prove himself to others. Why else would you be aggressive for no legit reason?

See, I am not talking about consequences. But the feelings behind the behavior. One consequence is the heaven for one, the hell for another.