Post: #1

This is weird but I wanted to share it. I have a huge problem keeping secrets -- of my own.

When a friend tells me something is confidential I will hold it with me to the grave, but I seem to tell everyone everything about me, and I don't like it.

I have had some unbelievable life experiences and I sometimes think how nice it would be to just keep it all to myself, so that it was for me and me only; yet I find myself constantly story telling (it's one of my best skills). Maybe I like the power I have over people when I speak? Maybe I like making people laugh? Maybe I like sharing my happiness with others? Whatever the cause, I can barely keep any of my own personal happiness to myself. I want to become more selfish in this respect.

And worst, in tragic irony, here I am telling you this issue of mine that continues to irks me -- as I let another deeply personal thing go.

Any ideas?

Thanks.

Post: #2

If they were really secrets (or secrets that matter) you probably wouldn't be telling them so easily in the first place. So I would just blame it on ego boost, storytelling, getting attention, etc.

Post: #3

Hmmm, what kind of secrets?

I don't think keeping secrets is healthy anyway so getting them out of your system is probably a good thing in the long run.

One question you should ask yourself is: why do you have so many secrets? And are they really secrets if you tell everyone about them anyway? probably not IMO.

Post: #4

I would argue that it depends on how you're sharing them.

Are you simply telling these stories to boost yourself up, (as an overt and forced display of high value)
or are people discovering how great you truly are on their own?

I used to tell stories just to fill up conversation (with girls, especially), but I found people react better when you keep your cards (and awesomeness) close to your chest, to be discovered by others as time slowly goes on.

"Wow, I didn't you know you did that..."
"How did I not know this about you before?"

Post: #5

I think I have a similar problem. I tend to divulge a lot of info that'd be better kept to myself. Revealing a lot of personal "secrets" deludes the mystery, reducing your game.

It's also, IMO, a method of getting validation. I've been trying to stop this and one way is to be focused on a project instead of looking for outside validation and following a script.

Post: #6

Title a little misleading. Your problem, allegedly, is oversharing about yourself. Why do you characterize it as a problem? Does it detract from some tangible goals of yours? Some people are just more willing to share about themselves, and others are more private. Are you losing girls, friends, jobs, money over this? If not, don't worry about it. Alternatively, as suggested above, try to consciously notice how you feel right before you start in on one of your stories. Is it coming from a place of generosity and a desire to connect, or is it more from a place of insecurity and a feeling of low self-worth? The latter is definitely something to work on, but on its face, what you describe is not an obvious "problem."

Post: #7

Spot on Chemistry.

(07-25-2014 01:06 PM)Chemistry Wrote:  ...
Are you simply telling these stories to boost yourself up, (as an overt and forced display of high value)
or are people discovering how great you truly are on their own?

People who tell stories to boost themselves up eventually get caught up with. If you're a bad story-teller, you'll get caught by everyone. If you're a good story-teller, it'll take longer and more perceptive people, but you'll get caught on to eventually.

I think stupid annoying not-worth-LTR chics you can fool all day long (that's not to disregard the short-term indulgence with their candy-like pussies).

Quote:I used to tell stories just to fill up conversation (with girls, especially), but I found people react better when you keep your cards (and awesomeness) close to your chest, to be discovered by others as time slowly goes on.
...

Yep, same here. The more you can hold interest AND the slower you can reveal yourself, the more intriguing person and 'giner tingling machine you will be.

Post: #8

(07-25-2014 01:27 PM)Menace Wrote:  Title a little misleading. Your problem, allegedly, is oversharing about yourself. Why do you characterize it as a problem? Does it detract from some tangible goals of yours? Some people are just more willing to share about themselves, and others are more private. Are you losing girls, friends, jobs, money over this? If not, don't worry about it. Alternatively, as suggested above, try to consciously notice how you feel right before you start in on one of your stories. Is it coming from a place of generosity and a desire to connect, or is it more from a place of insecurity and a feeling of low self-worth? The latter is definitely something to work on, but on its face, what you describe is not an obvious "problem."

It's only a problem because I want to keep more for myself. I like the idea of having special moments that I can look back on, that only I will ever know.

I don't do it out of insecurity. I know my self-worth and remain the happiest person that I know. I rarely get upset, laugh and smile often to myself, and walk around grateful for everything. Maybe it's the urge to be the best in the room? Not just funny, or interesting, but the MOST funny/interesting? Not sure.

In some ways this has come back to bite me in that I'll often share stories with my guy friends of sexual exploits. Before I know it, girls have found out and now view me differently, usually to my disadvantage.

Just yesterday I told myself that I wouldn't tell anyone about how I was trying meditation. Then a new guy I met and like told me that he was trying meditation and loved it, and before I knew it we were chatting about meditation and me trying it. Is there a reason for me wanting to keep it secret? Not really. I'm not ashamed of it or anything. I just want to have things that are mine and mine only.

Post: #9

In dealing with women, maintaining an air of mystery is like hamster crack. She becomes more intrigued wondering what is up with this guy. Guys will respond as well BUT, you have to be coming from a genuinely altruistic and selfless place. You have to be engaging people to find ways to positively impact their life regardless of whether or not you receive any benefit. For now, it seems that your natural inclination is toward trying to reap the most benefit. Make an effort to do the opposite, talking about others instead of yourself, and with practice you will feel more well rounded in your interactions. Everyone loves talking about themselves, I'm no different, and if you allow it, a girl will talk herself right into your bed.

tl;dr why buy the cow when the milk is free

Post: #10

What's your Social Security number?

Post: #11

I'm confused why you want to keep these secrets? Are you trying to have a mysterious factor about you? I doubt your really sharing any secret worth keeping as I doubt you would do something to sabatoge yourself or make yourself look bad. If all your talking about is war stories and crazy life stories they are meant to be shared. Share stories and life experiences with others that is what friendship and relationships is about. Now if your telling your employer your stealing form the company well yeah thats stupid but telling a buddy a story about something is hardly something to try to change. Why does this irk you?

Post: #12

I think I kinda understand what you are talking about. Maybe it is just that you are getting more socially aware of things. You understand more how people interact and you are getting self-conscious about the things you are sharing with others. And the other way around. I had that same problem, if that is the case.

Post: #13

Stories and secrets are different I'll share stories freely but secrets stay with me. The less they know the less they can use against you.