Post: #1

I matched with a girl on tinder. Texted back and forth (thank you, youngblood, for your tinder inspirations). I suggested a date, then she told me she was busy all week, but that she would be down for next week.

I say ok. Sometimes people are busy, but I assumed this was just a polite way of saying no.

Today she texts me asking me about myself, trying to make sure I'm not a catfish. I passed a few shit tests. Then, I suggest a date for Sunday. She says fine. I get us in at a lounge in D.C. for Sunday evening. I sent her the details for the meetup and she responds saying "I have plans for the evening, can we do a day thing?".

Now, I suppose I could just say sure, whatever, let's do a day thing. Honestly, I'm a bit tired of her controlling the frame. Maybe she does have something that evening, but my gut tells me that meeting during the daytime on a Sunday is not very much a date at all. This might be her way of meeting me without having to confront the fact that she might fuck some guy off of Tinder.

What are your thoughts? Should I suggest another day, perhaps?

Post: #2

She's controlling the Frame like a mutherfucker.

Re-frame or eject.

Post: #3

Ok. Blow her off Sunday and tell her you will be at place X some other night. Don't even bring her changed plans up at all. Radio silence let the hamster spin.

Post: #4

Thank you, gentlemen. I wasn't sure whether to just completely ignore the request or change it up, as per Christian's suggestion.

I told her that I was cooking for all of my friends (a memorial weekend cookout) and that she was welcome to join.

If she responds that she can't, would you go radio silence, or say "Maybe some other time" and let the hamster spin?

I guess the thing I always have trouble with towards the meetup phase of any online connection is whether or not radio silence or dread game works better.

Post: #5

(05-21-2014 06:40 PM)booshybish Wrote:  Thank you, gentlemen. I wasn't sure whether to just completely ignore the request or change it up, as per Christian's suggestion.

I told her that I was cooking for all of my friends (a memorial weekend cookout) and that she was welcome to join.

If she responds that she can't, would you go radio silence, or say "Maybe some other time" and let the hamster spin?

I guess the thing I always have trouble with towards the meetup phase of any online connection is whether or not radio silence or dread game works better.

Yeah Christian's right, she's def owning the frame. Shit I use the catfish line all the time, she's qualifying you (you should be doing that to her). Doesn't want to do night time meetup, something tells me maybe she's got something lined up. I personally wouldn't invite her to meet up with all my friends the first time we hangout, a bit scaring the cat.

If she keeps giving you excuses or sidestepping your questions....as Christian said, eject ! It's not like there aren't plenty of other girls on tinder, don't fret over this one !

Post: #6

Yeah Christian's right, she's def owning the frame. Shit I use the catfish line all the time, she's qualifying you (you should be doing that to her). Doesn't want to do night time meetup, something tells me maybe she's got something lined up. I personally wouldn't invite her to meet up with all my friends the first time we hangout, a bit scaring the cat.

If she keeps giving you excuses or sidestepping your questions....as Christian said, eject ! It's not like there aren't plenty of other girls on tinder, don't fret over this one !
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I dig. I'm not stuck on this girl. I'm talking to a handful of girls on there now. I do keep getting caught in this moment where they give me their cell phone number, and we chat for a bit, but then the meetup seems to cause their anti-slut defense or something. I will definitely have to qualify them, as you say.

You are right about inviting her over, should not have done that. Oh well. Next.

Post: #7

(05-21-2014 04:11 PM)booshybish Wrote:  I matched with a girl on tinder. Texted back and forth (thank you, youngblood, for your tinder inspirations). I suggested a date, then she told me she was busy all week, but that she would be down for next week.

I say ok. Sometimes people are busy, but I assumed this was just a polite way of saying no.

Today she texts me asking me about myself, trying to make sure I'm not a catfish. I passed a few shit tests. Then, I suggest a date for Sunday. She says fine. I get us in at a lounge in D.C. for Sunday evening. I sent her the details for the meetup and she responds saying "I have plans for the evening, can we do a day thing?".

Now, I suppose I could just say sure, whatever, let's do a day thing. Honestly, I'm a bit tired of her controlling the frame. Maybe she does have something that evening, but my gut tells me that meeting during the daytime on a Sunday is not very much a date at all. This might be her way of meeting me without having to confront the fact that she might fuck some guy off of Tinder.

What are your thoughts? Should I suggest another day, perhaps?

She's definitely trying to have frame. That said, there are many times when I've had a "day" date on a Sat/Sun and brought them back to my apt and banged them within hours of meeting.

If you were supposed to meet Sat night and she blows you off for Sunday daytime, that's a different story, but here she's giving you first dibs on Sunday before whatever or whoever she's doing later that night, and she very may well cancel her Sunday evening plans if she's having a good time with you.

Schedule a date at a bar near your apt, have some drinks, think of an excuse to bring her back to your place and bang her. I'm not on Tinder, but I've heard it's just a hookup app anyways, isn't it? Well, give her what she wants and bang her so she's screaming, "Oh my God".

Some girls like to go to church on Sunday's and say that, other girls….

Post: #8

(05-21-2014 04:11 PM)booshybish Wrote:  Then, I suggest a date for Sunday. She says fine. I get us in at a lounge in D.C. for Sunday evening.

When you texted her to meet Sunday, did you say place and time? (i.e. "lets grab a drink at XYZ place, hows 8"

If you picked place and time, then she's definitely trying to change things on her terms.

If you had just left it open to Sunday, it was a more open invite and she expressed she was free by day. If this is the case, you can go for coffee or ice cream in the afternoon if you're free. By your later comments, you aren't free so just hit her back saying you can't make it then.

Post: #9

Sometimes I over-think this stuff. After I sent her the text welcoming her to the BBQ at my place, I got the following responses (several hours later).

"Oh em gee. I am too :/ that's where I was going."

"Ok well don't cancel the reservations yet. I just didn't want to be drunk meeting you for the first time haha"

Could have been a made up story. Don't care. I suppose I should keep the reservations? Even if it means implicitly acquiescing to her request? (Lol. Told you I over-think this shit sometimes).

Post: #10

Sounds like she's the one acquiescing….isn't she?

Sounds like you've got your frame back.

When it comes to frame, I do agree there's nothing wrong with setting it strong from the get go. However, I think there's nothing wrong with her thinking she has frame and working within that to get what you want and then later establishing direct frame more forcefully.

I don't know how else to explain it, but it's very much how I play chess. If the other player is aggressive I let them come and establish their frame, all the while assessing the board to see how I can take advantage of the scenario they chose to lay out.

Kind of like fishing I suppose. You don't want to yank and reel the string too hard in the beginning, but then again you do need to be aggressive enough to keep it hooked.

Post: #11

Quote: I do keep getting caught in this moment where they give me their cell phone number, and we chat for a bit, but then the meetup seems to cause their anti-slut defense or something.

Can you give details and explain what exactly is the girls "anti-slut defense" is ? I'm curious to know the responses being given.

Post: #12

(05-22-2014 11:27 AM)kaotic Wrote:  

Quote: I do keep getting caught in this moment where they give me their cell phone number, and we chat for a bit, but then the meetup seems to cause their anti-slut defense or something.

Can you give details and explain what exactly is the girls "anti-slut defense" is ? I'm curious to know the responses being given.

Usually they just stop responding suddenly. Here is an example of a sexpot Jewish chick I matched with.

(This convo is over text)
Her: Good morning
Me: Hey you. Whats good
Her: Nm just working
Me: Me too. I was thinking you and I could make something happen next weekend. I will be back from Oklahoma on the 30th.
Her: Oklahoma should I wear my cow girl boots
Me: Definitely wear cowgirl attire
Her: Lol
Me: Se youre down for that weekend?

*crickets*

This was after a tinder conversation where she said "I'm up for an adventure" twice, and then gave me her phone number.

This is typical of many conversations I have had that have been very flirty and filled with innuendo. It's like a train suddenly stopping. I flirt, she flirts back, I qualify her, get the phone number. We text back and forth. It's all good until I finally say meet me at place X at time Y. Then, usually, it's just silence.

Post: #13

Some girls want the attention, some girls find something better, hell sometimes being so forward and upfront can scare the cat.

Did you build comfort before you went in for the meet up ?

Girls never make sense, that's all I can tell you lol

Post: #14

(05-23-2014 10:59 AM)booshybish Wrote:  

(05-22-2014 11:27 AM)kaotic Wrote:  

Quote: I do keep getting caught in this moment where they give me their cell phone number, and we chat for a bit, but then the meetup seems to cause their anti-slut defense or something.

Can you give details and explain what exactly is the girls "anti-slut defense" is ? I'm curious to know the responses being given.

Usually they just stop responding suddenly. Here is an example of a sexpot Jewish chick I matched with.

(This convo is over text)
Her: Good morning
Me: Hey you. Whats good
Her: Nm just working
Me: Me too. I was thinking you and I could make something happen next weekend. I will be back from Oklahoma on the 30th.
Her: Oklahoma should I wear my cow girl boots
Me: Definitely wear cowgirl attire
Her: Lol
Me: Se youre down for that weekend?

*crickets*

That last line made you sound needy. Dried her right up I think.

Post: #15

(05-23-2014 06:56 PM)Onto Wrote:  

(05-23-2014 10:59 AM)booshybish Wrote:  

(05-22-2014 11:27 AM)kaotic Wrote:  

Quote: I do keep getting caught in this moment where they give me their cell phone number, and we chat for a bit, but then the meetup seems to cause their anti-slut defense or something.

Can you give details and explain what exactly is the girls "anti-slut defense" is ? I'm curious to know the responses being given.

Usually they just stop responding suddenly. Here is an example of a sexpot Jewish chick I matched with.

(This convo is over text)
Her: Good morning
Me: Hey you. Whats good
Her: Nm just working
Me: Me too. I was thinking you and I could make something happen next weekend. I will be back from Oklahoma on the 30th.
Her: Oklahoma should I wear my cow girl boots
Me: Definitely wear cowgirl attire
Her: Lol
Me: Se youre down for that weekend?

*crickets*

That last line made you sound needy. Dried her right up I think.

Just so you know, I waited almost 24 hours before sending that last text. She lives in New Jersey, I live in Maryland, so I felt like I should get confirmation before I go driving 4 hours to take her to NYC for a weekend.

Post: #16

^ If you're driving that long for girls and considering plans like that, you're already needy.

Post: #17

(05-24-2014 02:41 AM)LeBeau Wrote:  ^ If you're driving that long for girls and considering plans like that, you're already needy.

Yup.

With online girls, my frame is so tight...it has to be or they vanish into thin air.

I'm a busy guy but not as busy as I make out to these chicas. I make em come to me; if they want a piece of this HV ass they gotta make an effort!

Y'all know that old maxim for successful bricks and mortar businesses: location location location.

Well for me game is all about Frame, Frame, Frame, Frame, Frame.

Post: #18

(05-24-2014 02:41 AM)LeBeau Wrote:  ^ If you're driving that long for girls and considering plans like that, you're already needy.

I hear you. Thing is, I travel for a living, all around the U.S. and other countries. So I am always around this girl. I try to stay in touch with girls whose cities I visit frequently (NYC being one of them).

Nevertheless, I agree with what you are saying and what has been said. I have been working a lot over the last week on my text game and not appearing needy. The advice of this forum has been tremendous.

Now, my next question with regards to frame has to do with demanding women.

I recently matched with a model/cheerleader type. 21, "All American Cheerleader, Dance Team, Model, blah blah blah...".

I hit her with my usual routine, and am getting one word answers like "Oh ya?", "Lol". Basically, making no attempt to return the conversation. A few minutes later, she writes "Where are you from", followed by "How tall are you". Essentially, she's not willing to perform any work to keep the conversation going, and now wants to qualify me and put me in her frame. Less attractive women usually love the banter, as it takes them away from the drudgery of the day.

To be honest, I am short (5'7"), and this is a shit test I get semi-often on Tinder. I don't think it's the pictures, as some women seem to believe that I must be tall (one of them said I had a viking look). However, I know that for many women, height is an issue, and so I usually play it off as being Italian (we are short people), or say something goofy like "i am tall in bed" or "the best wine comes in the smaller bottle" (an Italian saying).

I thought I might tell her "Gee, you are quite the conversationalist", but I'm sure that would not translate to tingles.

Post: #19

(05-23-2014 10:59 AM)booshybish Wrote:  This is typical of many conversations I have had that have been very flirty and filled with innuendo. It's like a train suddenly stopping. I flirt, she flirts back, I qualify her, get the phone number. We text back and forth. It's all good until I finally say meet me at place X at time Y. Then, usually, it's just silence.

I had that happen too. I was talking with a Korean chick on tinder and asked her to say something sexy. I meant in Korean, but she came back with "idk if this qualifies, but I touched myself earlier" I continue with GALNUC, but next thing I know she deleted her account.