Post: #1

Mindset - The New Psychology of Success - Carol Dweck


http://mindsetonline.com/

The basic premise of this book is that there are two types of mindset - fixed, and growth:

• The "fixed" mindset - You believe that you are successful because you're superior, therefore any failure is direct evidence that you are not perfect and damages your ego.
• The "growth" mindset - You believe that you are successful because you work hard at developing yourself. There is no failure, only identifying areas you need to work on more.
  

You don't have a single mindset in all situations, it changes based on what area of your life is involved and how you approach it. E.g. a successful businessman (growth mindset for work), who's terrified of cold approaching (fixed mindset).

The book is structured so that the mindsets are described in detail for the first few chapters, then the rest is dedicated to giving examples of both mindsets, and suggestions on how to move yourself and others to the growth mindset.


Once I was through the first section, I felt that there was nowhere else for the book to go, but after sticking at it, I found the other chapters to be incredibly useful and the best part of the book.

There's a great section on business leadership that really opened my eyes to how people in charge set the direction of a business through their actions.



Once I'd finished reading, I suddenly had regular 'behind the matrix' moments when people around me were behaving in fixed mindset ways, and it gave me further insight into their motivations and fears.

I strongly recommend this book for anyone who's interested in developing themselves, especially if you already apply the growth mindset in some areas of your life.



Rather than run through every chapter in detail, I thought it might be helpful to select a couple of themes and pull out some good quotes for each.


Relationships

Quote:I asked one of my fixed-mindset friends about her divorce. I’ll never forget what she said. “If I had to choose between me being happy and him being miserable, I would definitely want him to be miserable.”

Avoid women with issues. They are messed up beyond repair.

Quote:Sometimes people with the fixed mindset blind themselves to problems in the partner or the relationship so they won’t have to go that route.

Regularly we ask "why is that decent guy being seen in public with that whale?" Perhaps he is deliberately ignoring her blubber to preserve his identity as "great boyfriend guy".

Quote:in the fixed mindset, you don’t take control of your abilities and your motivation. You look for your talent to carry you through, and when it doesn’t, well then, what else could you have done? You are not a work in progress, you’re a finished product. And finished products have to protect themselves, lament, and blame. Everything but take charge.
...
Remember how hard it is for people with the fixed mindset to forgive? Part of it is that they feel branded by a rejection or breakup. But another part is that if they forgive the partner, if they see him or her as a decent person, then they have to shoulder more of the blame themselves: If my partner’s a good guy, then I must be a bad guy. I must be the person who was at fault.

Reverse this - if you have the right mindset, accept the words of Patrice, "It's always your fault". Take control of your life, accept that your decisions lead you to this point, and you can make decisions that will lead you somewhere better.

Quote:Cynthia left her partners no room for their own identity; she needed to equal or surpass them in every skill they arrived with. There are many good ways to support our partners or show interest in their lives. This is not one of them.

Ball-busting competitive women can't get and keep a man because they are completely unfeminine.

Quote:When people feel deeply judged by a rejection, their impulse is to feel bad about themselves and to lash out in bitterness. They have been cruelly reduced and they wish to reduce in return. In our studies, we have seen perfectly normal people—children and adults—respond to rejection with violent fantasies of revenge. Highly educated, well-functioning adults, after telling us about a serious rejection or betrayal, say and mean “I wanted him dead” or “I could easily have strangled her.”

Many people with the fixed mindset think the world needs to change, not them. They feel entitled to something better—a better job, house, or spouse. The world should recognize their special qualities and treat them accordingly.

Beta in a nutshell.


Shyness and fear of failure/success

Quote:people with the fixed mindset were more likely to be shy. This makes sense. The fixed mindset makes you concerned about judgment, and this can make you more self-conscious and anxious. But there were plenty of shy people with both mindsets, and when she looked at them more closely, she found something even more interesting. Shyness harmed the social interactions of people with the fixed mindset but did not harm the social relations of people with the growth mindset.

...

shy growth-minded people looked on social situations as challenges. Even though they felt anxious, they actively welcomed the chance to meet someone new. The shy fixed people, instead, wanted to avoid meeting someone who might be more socially skilled than they were. They said they were more worried about making mistakes.

...
A man with the fixed mindset will be] controlled by his fear of social judgment and prevented from making contact.

Go forth and approach. If you get shot down, there's a minor inconvenience, but the upside can be limitless.

Quote:for fixed-mindset people, the shyness takes control. It keeps them out of social situations with new people, and when they’re in them, they can’t let down their guard and let go of their fears.

Be honest and open, don't hide your true feelings under a socially-approved mask.


How to promote the growth mindset and maintain it

Quote:Praising children’s intelligence harms their motivation and it harms their performance.

Substitute beauty for intelligence, this is where the princess complex comes from.

Quote:“You have to apply yourself each day to becoming a little better. By applying yourself to the task of becoming a little better each and every day over a period of time, you will become a lot better.”

Quote:Beware of success. It can knock you into a fixed mindset: “I won because I have talent. Therefore I will keep winning.”

Quote:Physical endowment is not like intellectual endowment. It’s visible. Size, build, agility are all visible. Practice and training are also visible, and they produce visible results. You would think that this would dispel the myth of the natural.

Quote:once a problem improves, people often stop doing what caused it to improve. Once you feel better, you stop taking your medicine. But change doesn’t work that way.

Stop backsliding, make a commitment and stick to it.

"I'd hate myself if I had that kind of attitude, if I were that weak." - Arnold

Post: #2

(02-04-2014 11:24 AM)Benoit Wrote:  Once I'd finished reading, I suddenly had regular 'behind the matrix' moments when people around me were behaving in fixed mindset ways, and it gave me further insight into their motivations and fears.

Can you give some examples you have noticed with people?

Nice review with all of the excerpts. I kind of feel like I don't need to buy the book now though, since you gave us the key points and another reviewer on Amazon basically said the same thing--That the main theme is made in chapter one and the rest is extraneous.

Post: #3

I enjoyed this too.

There is a good article here about it :

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2...k-mindset/

What was really interesting to me is how this applies to what I write about (sex and relationships).

Sex 2.0 (the prevalent belief system that you are born into which is basically dating->marriage) is based on a fixed mindset and 3.0 (the new emergent mindset on sex and relationships) is based on a growth mindset.

Wiki summary here - http://sexthreepointzero.org

Post: #4

(02-04-2014 08:15 PM)Checkmat Wrote:  Can you give some examples you have noticed with people?

Nice review with all of the excerpts. I kind of feel like I don't need to buy the book now though, since you gave us the key points and another reviewer on Amazon basically said the same thing--That the main theme is made in chapter one and the rest is extraneous.

Ok, some more examples and relevant excerpts off the top of my head:

A guy at the office who is super enthusiastic and always works twice as much as anyone else - I thought he was keen, but after the book I realised he was terrified of being seen as a failure (unable to cope) and so couldn't say no to extra work even when swamped.

Quote:Believing that your qualities are carved in stone—the fixed mindset—creates an urgency to prove yourself over and over. If you have only a certain amount of intelligence, a certain personality, and a certain moral character—well, then you’d better prove that you have a healthy dose of them. It simply wouldn’t do to look or feel deficient in these most basic characteristics.

The big boss at work sidelines people who disagree with him and promotes only yes-men. Here's why, made total sense as soon as I read it.

Quote:[Fixed mindset leaders use the] “genius with a thousand helpers” model. Instead of building an extraordinary management team like the good-to-great companies, they operated on the fixed-mindset premise that great geniuses do not need great teams. They just need little helpers to carry out their brilliant ideas.
...
Fixed-mindset people want to be the only big fish so that when they compare themselves to those around them, they can feel a cut above the rest.

Looking back on my own life - I've written elsewhere that reading 'The Game' was instrumental in making me realise "I can become better with women, this is something I can learn and improve". I was sat there all alone with the shattered dreams from another failed relationship, but at that point I switched from drifting through life in fixed mode to taking control of my life with the growth mindset.

Quote:I was single at the time, and he asked me what my plan was for finding a partner. He was aghast when I said I didn’t have a plan. “You wouldn’t expect your work to get done by itself,” he said. “Why is this any different?” It was inconceivable to him that you could have a goal and not take steps to make it happen.

What I've quoted is way less than half the notes I took on the book, the format seems repetitive but it works to give a much broader range of examples across different life areas, which brings the mindsets alive.

It's not a hard book to read, there's no technical jargon and will only take a couple of days to get through if you put the time in. My only minor complaint was that her academic background lead to constant repetition of "our research indicated x" when it would have been more natural to say "we know x" etc. Hard to explain but it got a bit grating.

I'd say read the whole book if you have an interest in any of the areas it covers. I even enjoyed the section on how to raise your kids with a growth mindset, and on paper that should be completely irrelevant to me.

"I'd hate myself if I had that kind of attitude, if I were that weak." - Arnold

Post: #5

Wow so much of this shit I agree with. Buying the book, haven't read a self improvement book in a few months.

Thanks for the book rec

Post: #6

Saved to my Amazon list.

Post: #7

If you want to see the pure growth mindset in action, read Arnold: The Education of a Bodybuilder.

Roosh is a big fan, and it's incredibly inspirational and motivating.

Quote:Because of my build I'd always had it easier at sports than most boys my age. But I had it tougher than a lot of my teammates and companions because I wanted more, I demanded more of myself.

Quote:I had found the thing to which I wanted to devote my total energies and there was no stopping me. My drive was unusual, I talked differently than my friends; I was hungrier for success than anyone I knew.

Quote:I was always honest about my weak points. This helped me grow. I think it's the key to success in everything: be honest; know where you're weak; admit it.

"I'd hate myself if I had that kind of attitude, if I were that weak." - Arnold

Post: #8

Picked up the book last night just finished it. Since Benoit has provided a summary in the OP I'll go ahead and just add on.

First I realized I did have a fixed mindset with regard to art. I have never been a great drawer and the book actually recommends a book/course? Haven't looked into it but will later "drawing with the right side of the brain".

The improvements are said to be made in just 5 days of effort. I'm gonna do this in April when I have time to commit to it because I think it would be cool to at least have competency in sketches/artwork. They provide startling photo evidence of tangible improvement.

Through the beginning the book is example ridden (she must be a tennis buff because tons of the examples were John McEnroe related, it reminded be of bob knight... Who was then later used as an example later in the book).

Essentially, by being fixed you're less in control of your emotions becuase you believe things should be "this way" simply because it is your fixed belief. Having been involved with sports and self teaching myself a boatload of crap, I don't really have this issue with fixed and growth personalities. As noted above I do have that belief with art so i am going to personally wreck that belief this year for the fun of it.

Naturally, one critique I have is they don't do a good job of really showing the difference in success, using ridiculously successful people as examples of BOTH growth and fixed mindsets I believe takes a away from the book. (Yes I still got the message but still think better examples could have been used) Which makes me have one downside to the book in general.

If you take it simplistically, it essentially encourages becoming a jack of all trades constantly seeking out challenges. This is good in moderation. Instead as is clearly noted you can be both fixed and growth oriented and be wildly successful. Ie: no one debates that talent is a thing.

As they say hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard.

When I was 8 years old that was my favorite saying, now it is.

"Find what you're talented in and work hard at growing that strength".

When it comes to real life you still want to be reasonable, just because muggsey Bogues played in the nba does not mean every kid 5' tall should try to be a hoops player.

Anyway back to the positives

The bigger positive is the result of "brainology" where they teach kids that their brains can grow. If you any a real life example of this I would say a Montessori school would be the most relevant and near you if you want to understand some of the basics of growth principles.

That is about it (a quick stream of thought review, if you have questions leave it here).

TL;DR in the book is this "growth mindsets believe anyone can improve at X". Fixed mindset believes "need validation to confirm I am good at X"

---

Side notes:

The end of the book has a cool diagram showing growth versus fixed mindsets
The last chapter is the best as it tests your ability to apply a growth mindset to real life
Finally, there is a great quote from A rod in the book "no one stays the same they move in one direction or the other". Ie: grow or get weaker - 100% agree of course,

I'd say this book is better for someone younger in their early 20s.

Post: #9

Two more quick additions:

1) also in the book it states you can find out who your real friends are during a time if success (ie: who gets jealous and who is happy for you) believe this is true but the same is true about avoiding being boisterous to your friends. (Ie: always lie down)
2) revenge is an unhealthy mindset and if people make you mad with a. Reaction to inflict physical pain on them you have a fixed (bad) mindset

Think that's it.

Overall I would say if you've read other self improvement books it's not all that incremental. So if people ask if they should buy it I would say 1) if you're young and haven't read much yes, 2) if you're older and have read a lot it is an "ok" book but not great.