Post: #1

I just go back from Trader Joe's.

As I was walking to the checkout registers, I passed by this cute girl. I slowed up and looked at her. Then kept walking. I paid for my groceries and headed toward the door. She seemed to be lingering where I could see her. I stopped, looked at her again, then went out the door. Outside, I looked back at her again before heading home.

Fuck.

What's the excuse this time? I was dressed nice and had just taken a shower. It's Friday evening and the mood is right for the unexpected. There is no excuse. It was as if I could feel her wanting me to approach yet I couldn't physically move in her direction.

How do I overcome this inertia?

Post: #2

Step 1: Look in a mirror.
Step 2: Slap yourself.

Those steps won't really help, but if you videotape it, we'll all get a nice laugh.

I have no idea what your level of game is, but baby steps sound appropriate here. Next time you see a girl like that, just say "Hi" and smile. That's all you have to do. Once the thought of doing that doesn't make your nervous, we'll proceed to trying to have a conversation.

Post: #3

Just move your feet towards her. One foot in front of the other. It's the hardest part. Your brain will handle the rest. Tell her she looks cute and you had to meet her.

I seriously went through months of doing the exact the same thing.

Post: #4

"How do I overcome this inertia?"

easy. have you listened to tyler's the blueprint? well he has this concept of being stifled. basically, inertia, but he explains it better. like you are not loose and relaxed and in the zone. not in state.

how do you get unstifled? what i do is when i am out walking around in a place where i could potentially meet a cute girl -- and really, i should just do this all the time -- i just make conversations with all kinds of people. they are my warm up sets. that could even include dudes, or old chicks. ANYBODY.

talk to a few people, make them laugh, then say "nice talking to you, see you later", and then you start feeling in the grove. so, once that cute girl comes around, you have more momentum.

it's like yohami says, game everybody. don't discriminate.

Post: #5

go and talk to her thinking that you are going to talk to a crazy human being with no logical brain...

Post: #6

I think you're helping overcome it now.

If you're like me and still new to all this a day game approach is HARD. I've missed about 5 really good opportunities in the last month because I couldn't muster up the nuts to act on it. You cant dwell on it because you'll just get depressed about it.

Look back (which you're already doing) realize that you DID let the opportunity get away (again which you're already doing) and then think what you could've done to get what you want (which you're in the process of doing)

Every day and every time after I go out have a reflective period where I think about the girl that I failed to open that I saw talking to some other guy later that night, its helped me a lot.

Chef In Jeans
A culinary website for men

Post: #7

(04-22-2011 11:35 PM)cool Wrote:  I just go back from Trader Joe's.

As I was walking to the checkout registers, I passed by this cute girl. I slowed up and looked at her. Then kept walking. I paid for my groceries and headed toward the door. She seemed to be lingering where I could see her. I stopped, looked at her again, then went out the door. Outside, I looked back at her again before heading home.

Fuck.

What's the excuse this time? I was dressed nice and had just taken a shower. It's Friday evening and the mood is right for the unexpected. There is no excuse. It was as if I could feel her wanting me to approach yet I couldn't physically move in her direction.

How do I overcome this inertia?

You forget this happened and move on.

Post: #8

(04-23-2011 05:10 AM)rivelino Wrote:  "How do I overcome this inertia?"

easy. have you listened to tyler's the blueprint? well he has this concept of being stifled. basically, inertia, but he explains it better. like you are not loose and relaxed and in the zone. not in state.

how do you get unstifled? what i do is when i am out walking around in a place where i could potentially meet a cute girl -- and really, i should just do this all the time -- i just make conversations with all kinds of people. they are my warm up sets. that could even include dudes, or old chicks. ANYBODY.

talk to a few people, make them laugh, then say "nice talking to you, see you later", and then you start feeling in the grove. so, once that cute girl comes around, you have more momentum.

it's like yohami says, game everybody. don't discriminate.

Ya, practice and warm up on ugly girls, old people, dudes, whoever. Get in that talkative state.

You (the OP) are not ready to "approach" girls. You first gotta learn how to talk to people. You gotta be able to have a normal conversation with a girl before you think you are gonna Game her. Game is a high level of social skill. You first gotta practice with some basic social skills.

Go out and make conversation with 100 different people.

Post: #9

I kind of believe in what Nietzsche and the Dalai Lama alluded to:

N: The superior man can afford to be nice, he has surplus power.
DL: Every day when, when you wake up, you should think "I am alive, I have this life, how can I help people?"

Learn to like people more. every single time someone waits on me (grocery store, cafe) I ask them "How's work going today?" And I try to be helpful in some tiny way. I also get a lot of practice gauging people's interest in talking at that point. Sometimes something like that can really help someone feel a little better.

Then you might realize you, too, deserve some happiness and will find it easier to get some HB9.75 barking like a dog for you.

But then, I can afford to permanently leave for Ukraine soon. It's easy for me to be smug.

Post: #10

Go out to a restaurant and game the waitress no matter how much of a whale she may be. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Remember that all girls including the HBs are human beings - they eat, shit, etc. - like everyone else. Picture how that girl would probably look first thing in the morning after banging her, then approach with confidence.

It also works to go ahead and have a couple of different lines memorized so you can use them if you freeze up and can't think of anything. DON'T USE PICK-UP LINES, though.

Post: #11

(04-23-2011 05:10 AM)rivelino Wrote:  "How do I overcome this inertia?"

easy. have you listened to tyler's the blueprint? well he has this concept of being stifled. basically, inertia, but he explains it better. like you are not loose and relaxed and in the zone. not in state.

how do you get unstifled? what i do is when i am out walking around in a place where i could potentially meet a cute girl -- and really, i should just do this all the time -- i just make conversations with all kinds of people. they are my warm up sets. that could even include dudes, or old chicks. ANYBODY.

talk to a few people, make them laugh, then say "nice talking to you, see you later", and then you start feeling in the grove. so, once that cute girl comes around, you have more momentum.

it's like yohami says, game everybody. don't discriminate.

Aye thats true. I have a friend who does that and its rubbing off on a me a bit. I'm being more social with people in general. If you hang around people who are very talkative with everyone it rubs of on you and it improves your general level of social mastery.

Another thing is talk loudly whenever you can, and you naturally become a louder person which helps you gain momentum faster and helps your game.

Post: #12

(04-30-2011 12:56 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

(04-23-2011 05:10 AM)rivelino Wrote:  "How do I overcome this inertia?"

easy. have you listened to tyler's the blueprint? well he has this concept of being stifled. basically, inertia, but he explains it better. like you are not loose and relaxed and in the zone. not in state.

how do you get unstifled? what i do is when i am out walking around in a place where i could potentially meet a cute girl -- and really, i should just do this all the time -- i just make conversations with all kinds of people. they are my warm up sets. that could even include dudes, or old chicks. ANYBODY.

talk to a few people, make them laugh, then say "nice talking to you, see you later", and then you start feeling in the grove. so, once that cute girl comes around, you have more momentum.

it's like yohami says, game everybody. don't discriminate.

Ya, practice and warm up on ugly girls, old people, dudes, whoever. Get in that talkative state.

You (the OP) are not ready to "approach" girls. You first gotta learn how to talk to people. You gotta be able to have a normal conversation with a girl before you think you are gonna Game her. Game is a high level of social skill. You first gotta practice with some basic social skills.

Go out and make conversation with 100 different people.

I'm not sure I agree with this. I don't see anything that tells me he can't have normal conversations with people, just that he doesn't always have the balls to approach hot girls. If his social skills are already fine, he's wasting his time approaching other strangers for practice. From what I read, it sounds like the problem is simply approach anxiety. Roosh recommends in "Bang" that people should not build up to talking with girls, rather just start talking to girls right away. That's best for OP IMO.

Approach anxiety is an instinct that can be minimized through repetition.


@iknowexactly. Nice post.

Post: #13

(05-01-2011 10:25 PM)gringoed Wrote:  I'm not sure I agree with this. I don't see anything that tells me he can't have normal conversations with people, just that he doesn't always have the balls to approach hot girls. If his social skills are already fine, he's wasting his time approaching other strangers for practice. From what I read, it sounds like the problem is simply approach anxiety. Roosh recommends in "Bang" that people should not build up to talking with girls, rather just start talking to girls right away. That's best for OP IMO.

Approach anxiety is an instinct that can be minimized through repetition.

Gringoed is right. Talking to cute girls is way better practice for your Game.

Go out and talk to a couple cuties a day!

Post: #14

(05-01-2011 10:25 PM)gringoed Wrote:  Roosh recommends in "Bang" that people should not build up to talking with girls, rather just start talking to girls right away. That's best for OP IMO.

I was re-reading Bang a couple days ago, and came across that exact part and was going to say to disregard my previous post, but I'm just not sure what the OP's level is.

After thinking about it, I think this method is best though. If possible, you need to just immerse yourself in what you want to do, and build up a tolerance to rejection.

Post: #15

(04-23-2011 05:03 AM)peterthephoenix Wrote:  Just move your feet towards her. One foot in front of the other. It's the hardest part. Your brain will handle the rest. Tell her she looks cute and you had to meet her.

I seriously went through months of doing the exact the same thing.

Tell her she looks identical to a Swedish (if blonde) or Italian (if brunette) friend of yours. That's why you glanced over. "God, you are her twin". From then proceed to talk about these foreign countries (where I hope you have been and she hasnt).

Enthusiasm.

Post: #16

(05-01-2011 10:25 PM)gringoed Wrote:  

(04-30-2011 12:56 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

(04-23-2011 05:10 AM)rivelino Wrote:  "How do I overcome this inertia?"

easy. have you listened to tyler's the blueprint? well he has this concept of being stifled. basically, inertia, but he explains it better. like you are not loose and relaxed and in the zone. not in state.

how do you get unstifled? what i do is when i am out walking around in a place where i could potentially meet a cute girl -- and really, i should just do this all the time -- i just make conversations with all kinds of people. they are my warm up sets. that could even include dudes, or old chicks. ANYBODY.

talk to a few people, make them laugh, then say "nice talking to you, see you later", and then you start feeling in the grove. so, once that cute girl comes around, you have more momentum.

it's like yohami says, game everybody. don't discriminate.

Ya, practice and warm up on ugly girls, old people, dudes, whoever. Get in that talkative state.

You (the OP) are not ready to "approach" girls. You first gotta learn how to talk to people. You gotta be able to have a normal conversation with a girl before you think you are gonna Game her. Game is a high level of social skill. You first gotta practice with some basic social skills.

Go out and make conversation with 100 different people.

I'm not sure I agree with this. I don't see anything that tells me he can't have normal conversations with people, just that he doesn't always have the balls to approach hot girls. If his social skills are already fine, he's wasting his time approaching other strangers for practice. From what I read, it sounds like the problem is simply approach anxiety. Roosh recommends in "Bang" that people should not build up to talking with girls, rather just start talking to girls right away. That's best for OP IMO.

Approach anxiety is an instinct that can be minimized through repetition.


@iknowexactly. Nice post.

This the OP.

I'm stuck where most guys are. I'm unsatisfied with my sex life, but I basically haven't been doing anything about it for a long time.

Update, I went out on Friday and Saturday night alone. I had had myself convinced that there are no fuckable chicks in Monterey.

Well, I saw four girls this weekend I would fuck.
Three of them gave me a look.
I didn't approach.

Fuck.

Usually I sit in my barracks room on weekend nights. If I do that it's easy to put my "girl problem" out of my mind or indulge in porn. But the last two nights, I saw the opportunities out there.

Post: #17

Well its good that you went out when you ususally don´t.

Post: #18

(04-22-2011 11:35 PM)cool Wrote:  I just go back from Trader Joe's.

As I was walking to the checkout registers, I passed by this cute girl. I slowed up and looked at her. Then kept walking. I paid for my groceries and headed toward the door. She seemed to be lingering where I could see her. I stopped, looked at her again, then went out the door. Outside, I looked back at her again before heading home.

Fuck.

What's the excuse this time? I was dressed nice and had just taken a shower. It's Friday evening and the mood is right for the unexpected. There is no excuse. It was as if I could feel her wanting me to approach yet I couldn't physically move in her direction.

How do I overcome this inertia?

You just do it. You force yourself to. Otherwise, you're stuck in your self-eating cycle where you always think "next time!" and then beat yourself up like you are now, then have a new chance and go "next time" and beat yourself up over it... and so on and so on.

Grab yourself by the balls and squeeze until a man comes out.

Post: #19

(05-08-2011 08:29 PM)cool Wrote:  This the OP.

I'm stuck where most guys are. I'm unsatisfied with my sex life, but I basically haven't been doing anything about it for a long time.

Update, I went out on Friday and Saturday night alone. I had had myself convinced that there are no fuckable chicks in Monterey.

Well, I saw four girls this weekend I would fuck.
Three of them gave me a look.
I didn't approach.

Fuck.

Usually I sit in my barracks room on weekend nights. If I do that it's easy to put my "girl problem" out of my mind or indulge in porn. But the last two nights, I saw the opportunities out there.

Take it slow if you need to.

You went out when you normally don't. That is real progress, even if you didn't talk to the chicks. Keep doing it.

Go talk to guys and ugly chicks that you run into. The approach should be much easier (since you don't want to fuck them), and it helps get you used to doing it.

Maybe write yourself a note that says "Go talk to her!" and carry it in your hand when you are out. Refer to it as necessary.

Post: #20

I started by just going out every weekend. I'd say keep going to the same bars that way you feel comfortable there. Once you're comfortable its YOUR bar and then you have more confidence. Chat up the bartenders, make them you're friends so even if you're having a shitty night you can shoot the shit with them. Find other regulars, buddy up with them, do everything to make it YOUR place, that way when you do make an approach you feel like the man, not just some guy at a bar.

Chef In Jeans
A culinary website for men

Post: #21

Here's a situation I encounted last night. I was walking down the street to a bar and a girl walking a little ahead of turns around. She comes up to me. She tells me about a nearby club, hands me a promotional card. I ask her how much the cover is is you come after 11 pm.

We walk together down the sidewalk because we both happen to be walking the same way.

I asked her what she did at the club. She said she worked the door and shots. I sort of teased her about being a bouncer and asking her if she's in charge of bodyshots. She's handing out these promotion cards to passerbys and we keep talking.

She's wearing a sleeveless dress and skirt. It's cold out, I'm wearing a sweater and leather jacket zipped all the way up and I was cold. She said she could handle it because her ancestors were from Skandinavia.

Also, I talked about the bar I was walking to, how three people got shot there a few months ago. She told me that someone got stabbed at her club. I think I said that I'd rather get shot than stabbed and she agreed with me.

Anyway, it was only a block of walking and talking. We got to the bar I said I was going to. She said she hoped I'd come to her club later and then crossed the street to walk back. I kind of stood there watching her walk away.

What should I have done?

Gotten her number. (Did I build up enough rapport / attraction? I was flirting but I didn't touch her.)

Gone to her club later that night. (Her club has a rep of being ghetto, which she admitted to me. I wouldn't have known what to do once inside the club since she's working.)

Nothing. (Chalk it up as a learning experience.)

Post: #22

(05-14-2011 10:57 PM)cool Wrote:  Nothing. (Chalk it up as a learning experience.)

^^^This.

She's trying to get you in the club, not in her pants. Try to be more forward next time. And try to read the situation. Look for IOIs and always, ALWAYS, game. Practice practice practice, even if there's no chance of a notch.

Post: #23

(05-14-2011 10:57 PM)cool Wrote:  Here's a situation I encounted last night. I was walking down the street to a bar and a girl walking a little ahead of turns around. She comes up to me. She tells me about a nearby club, hands me a promotional card. I ask her how much the cover is is you come after 11 pm.

We walk together down the sidewalk because we both happen to be walking the same way.

I asked her what she did at the club. She said she worked the door and shots. I sort of teased her about being a bouncer and asking her if she's in charge of bodyshots. She's handing out these promotion cards to passerbys and we keep talking.

She's wearing a sleeveless dress and skirt. It's cold out, I'm wearing a sweater and leather jacket zipped all the way up and I was cold. She said she could handle it because her ancestors were from Skandinavia.

Also, I talked about the bar I was walking to, how three people got shot there a few months ago. She told me that someone got stabbed at her club. I think I said that I'd rather get shot than stabbed and she agreed with me.

Anyway, it was only a block of walking and talking. We got to the bar I said I was going to. She said she hoped I'd come to her club later and then crossed the street to walk back. I kind of stood there watching her walk away.

What should I have done?

Gotten her number. (Did I build up enough rapport / attraction? I was flirting but I didn't touch her.)

Gone to her club later that night. (Her club has a rep of being ghetto, which she admitted to me. I wouldn't have known what to do once inside the club since she's working.)

Nothing. (Chalk it up as a learning experience.)

Sounds like she was just working. You probably didn't build enough attraction or it's possible she wasn't interested, had a bf, whatever. I wouldn't read too much into it, especially when girls are promoting something.

Post: #24

I avoid any girl whos on the clock, bartenders, booze girls, or promo girls, they're all gonna say whatever they have to to push whatever product it is they're selling.

Chef In Jeans
A culinary website for men

Post: #25

Re: grocery store... I did what you did hundreds of times because I didn't know what to say... until I read Paul Janka's NYC guide, his line is gold: "Hey, I noticed you, I think you're cute, I'm in a rush to (make dinner), how about you give me your # and we meet up sometime." Go for the ones that make EC and smile. Downside is little rapport means you'll get lots of flakes. The worst thing is she's going to say is "Uhh.. ha, ha. No." The pickup -- successful or not -- is over within a minute, you have nothing to lose. You'll have more confidence when you already have something to say. Ideally, you'll want to establish a connection with her before closing, but if you can't find anything to say, use that.