kali
Beta Orbiter

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RE: Guys in their 30's and girlfriends
(07-01-2010 12:15 PM)kindredspirit Wrote: Here's a re-post from a previous thread. May not be the right answer but it's the best I've been able to come up with:
In my humble opinion, the best answer I've found is to adopt the lifestyle of historically famous sailors/explorers. They'd have a woman and family back home where they were were worshipped as grand adventurers who brought fortunes home from abroad for the glory of the empire.
When they were in their homes, they'd enjoy all the comforts of family, companionship, and rest/relaxation.
However, they'd soon get the itch to travel to new, distant lands once again. Therefore, once again they would embark on new adventures abroad and of course, discreetly keep lovers in every port.
The key is to find a good woman to settle down with who can understand this lifestyle, and give you the freedom you need when you need it.
I think it can work if you're successful enough, worldly enough, and yes, financially well-off enough, to design your life in such a manner.
Positives:
1. You're not shitting where you live. You're faithful within the national boundary of the nation in which you reside :-)
2. You're not keeping "long-term" mistresses nearby -- the negative energy caused by the daily deception needed to keep nearby mistresses will likely kill your primary relationship IMO. See Tiger Woods for daily deception/negative energy going out of control.
3. You and your woman will miss each other with the time spent away from one another. This is a good thing. If you don't miss each other, it's also a good thing -- it lets both of you know the relationship is valueless to one another.
4. If you have a kid(s), then it lets the relationship "continue" with some normality while allowing for you to get release from the daily grind of an unsatisfactory relationship or the semi-castrating feeling of being and seen as "daddy" 24/7.
5. It lets you feel like a man. Take risks, explore new lands, conquer new women, meet new people, embrace new opportunities. This is what we were born to do.
6. It lets you appreciate what you have. A woman who loves you, a family that cares of you, and the comforts of a life partner back home, without throwing it all away just to "be single." This is especially important for warding off cynicism/jadedness towards women. And for those times when you strike out/get rejected. Sometimes, all we want is to experience the freedom of being single again, the ability to hunt freely without looking over our shoulders, and the actual f*cking is not all that important (assuming you've gotten your rocks off in some way already).
7. You're not proposing something "weird" that most girls would reject -- like becoming swingers, proclaiming yourself to be polyamorous, or asking for an open relationship.
8. 3-4 months by yourself in a new country can teach you a lot about how the world works, make you more confident & independent, and open up all kinds of new doors for you. Even without the potential of fucking new women, it's a wonderful thing. Think of it as the study abroad experience that you never had, except now with the wisdom and resources to do the things your awkward teenage-self could never do.
Negatives:
1. It costs money. Lots of it, depending on how you roll. I am envisioning spending several months abroad from your primary home during one stint.
2. Women generally can feel when her man is straying. Your woman may not remain faithful to you if you are away for too long. In other words, the relationship has to be something you're willing to lose. But as far as I'm concerned, this is how a guy SHOULD be in every relationship. It may hurt like hell, but you have to be willing to cut her off from your life and she has to KNOW that you're capable of this if she crosses the line one too many times.
3. Might get difficult to justify spending 3-4 months every year in the fucking capitals of the world for "business" :-) Ideal girlfriend back home should have the attitude -- do what you need to do, I don't really want to know all the details, I'm just happy you come back home to me a better man.
4. You may fall in love with a newer, younger, hotter...maybe even *better*...woman. But by this time, hopefully you'll know what "better" really means and wiser to the ebbs and flows of a relationship (hot in the beginning, warm in the middle, with a fast drop off after 3-4 years once the sex gets old). In other words, just because you're fucking your new girl night & day does NOT necessarily mean she's the right girl for you. However, this is *danger* territory as relationships with women abroad that go beyond purely sexual/short-term romantic flings MAY have a significant effect on how you view your primary home relationship.
5. Your job may not be location-independent. But if it's not, you should work towards making it so.
6. With the Internet, any new women you meet in these distant lands may want to keep in touch with you when you go back home. If this becomes daily contact via e-mail/chat, then you would be in spiritual violation of #2 above (not shitting where you live). I believe it would be important to have your flings and leave them as just that -- romantic, passion-filled flings that are in your past and be the good lover/boyfriend when you are back home.
7. If you have a girl AND a kid(s), then 3-4 months is a long time to spend away from them. Kids need a father-figure. However, when you DO return to your home environment, I believe the time spent away will make you appreciate your kid a lot more. This is not really my forte so someone else may want to chime in with parenting issues and consequences. One possible idea is to have a "family-oriented location" where you, your primary girlfriend, and kid can spent time together exploring and enjoying a new land once in a while. This way, they don't feel like they're constantly "left behind" while you go on adventures and can also enjoy the international lifestyle you've adopted to a certain degree.
8. You don't want to have to "start over" (new friends, new place, new women) all the time. It may be worth finding a few favorite places and building up a network there so that you can re-visit them with greater ease and convenience in the future. I once read that people feel psychologically reassured by routine and that it is good for you. You probably don't want your life to be perpetual, jet-lagged chaos.
I'd be interested to hear others thoughts on this model as well as it's something that's somewhat theoretical for me. But based on my experience as well as those of my older friends, it seems viable.
Brilliantly written!
I was discussing this option with my friends for the past couple of months, we all eventually want kids but do not want a westernized woman or get married where the divorce laws favor the women. Thailand or some South America countries were a few places we were discussing as a good option to find a good wife, have kids, send them money each month and visit them several times a year.
Any suggestions for other countries?
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