Post: #1

Hi,


I would greatly appreciate your competence in this a bit twisted situation.

I met a girl 6 weeks ago in a nightclub. After exchanging numbers (i was talking to other girls and had a good time) we met up two weeks later. Meaning that we have spent about three weeks together in reality.

She seems grounded, is smart, and a very good-looking girl. I would rate her a hard 8She isn't the typical party girl and said herself she has other priorities, which gave me the impression she isn't necessarily show-off or slutty. Also, she keeps her FB profile minimalistic, not many pictures (to be changed, see below). I have a cool crib, good expat job,
and often get attention from other girls, something she has noted herself.

Over the past weeks we have had good, fun dates and activities. I supported her for a moment when she had a medical problem (just being there, but not beta hugging and lots of talking) which she said she appreciated a lot "you are special, too good to be true"

Sex is great. Im constantly elevating it, but am also being a bit cautious not to become too much of a lover, but also having more of a romantic touch, in the sense that she doesnt percieve our sexual life as too much of the "fuck buddy" kind, but also on a passionate plane.

She has blurted out that Im her 2nd half, and from the 30+ girls I have dated during the 18 months living here, she is by far the nicest. There is definitely chemistry.

She told me she doesnt want to get hurt (maybe a ST?) bc apparently her BF was a real jerk to her. She brought it up two times, I nodded and said "thats too bad, I once also had a bad experience with an ex", but then changed the subject. One time she was shit-testing regarding a guy she had dated with, who wouldn't let go of her (he approached her at the club where we met for the 1st time in a very desperate manner - i just turned around and talked to other girls). At that moment I told her that "this kind of subject is to be had with your girlfriends" and abruptly changed the subject. She got insecure and later asked whether I was angry and said she was sorry for bringing it up and how cool i had been when he approached her. I said "dont sweat it".

Last week I was teasing her during a date, when she asked if my family knew about me (she had told her fam about me) to which I said, grinning, "what makes you think that" ? "Because Im your GF" with a big smile. I just laughed and cheered with my glass. Later that nightshe invited me to join for a road trip, seeing her fam during the weekend.

They "loved me". I even had the cats who are asocial as hell to spin around me and the family dog who "always is hostile" (it was bad ass) follow me around like I was his master. My date said her dad later told her that he never met such an open minded and nice guy. So, all in all she was happy. I said "thats great, but your own feelings count in the whole scheme of things, disregarding of your family. Our connection is what is important". On the way back she mentioned her Ex again, followed by a classic shit test about him becoming a model long ago and changing personality by starting to judge her on the basis of her looks. She said she despised his personality change and him thinking he was the king of the world. I replied in an aloof manner ab not all models being shallow and that my ex also was a model (she was), but then changed the subject. In hindsight, a bit beta supplicating.

She knows my international assignment can take me to another place within months, and has expressed concern since (once again) "dont want to get hurt". I said it was important to me to keep it real, if we felt like it, but also "im an easy going person, lets not worry ab the future, but live now". She agreed, and has been saying that we always can work things out. I have been a bit too pedagogical in my approach and also mentioned friends who had LDRs which now feels like an unnecessary thing to discuss, since we just started dating..too much emotional investment.


Last night we had dinner at my place. i cooked some good food which impressed her. She was 45 mins late, and I was a bit pissed off. She texted sorry, prior to arriving late, and then acted all insecure when she arrived, by sensing I was a bit angry. I did my best not to say anything, but was also not trying to act too naively happy to see her, just keeing a casual attitude. I denied being angry, and just changed the topic when she asked if I was. The mood was quite awkward and after dinner, when drinking wine at the couch she asked me whether I was for real, or treating her as a winter romance - because "I am too good to be true". She often says "I am SOOOO happy", especially during post-coital bliss. I told her I dont play around, and dont waste my time with idiots. DHL'd her saying I had met different kinds of girls, and that most types easily bored me. However, I find her personality warm, her being smart, and a real FOXY girl - and that she should let me show her why I am serious "in my own way. I dont want to dissect and overanalyze things, but focus on having a good time together". I was honest wit her and a bit emotional (dont get me wrong, i didnt cry). She get tear eyed and kissed me lovingly. She started saying how I was an inspiration to her, and how I made her live life to the fullest. After this weekend she decided to take up an old hobby after me qualifying her on several occasion; that such things are important to me.

This morning, while she was showering, I checked her phone (by mistake firstly, because our are the same and were both by the bedside), and saw that she had been texting with her ex a couple of days ago. I recall that they set up some coffee date about the same days we had our 1s date. That is OK I guess. I did bang another girl three weeks ago, before I felt more emotionally invested with her (I know, too early). She was a hard 9 with fake tits hehe.

In her ex-bf convo which reeked of beta texting, she wrote about "sometimes i feel like a little child" and him writing back that he missed her . What made me upset, was that she somehow agreed to meet him on this Friday, when Im gone. It was in the style of "Maybe we can aim for Friday" Just a couple of days ago she brought up the weekend herself, saying she would be seeing a girlfriend on Friday, before leaving to her parents on sat.

1) I can understand that girls want to keep orbiters around them
2) Before our dating got intensified, its fine to "keep in touch" with whomever whenever, i don't care
3) Now, after starting to call me her BF, I dont find it acceptable of her seeing him. I am flat out surprised, and dumbfounded. So typical, even the best girl ive met so far, is gaming
4) being very objective, I don't understand why she even keeps in touch with him, the guy is a total beta. Does history really have such an influence over hurt girls? Sure, if he plays the asshole game, she might be more into him.



Furthermore, I have not been enough alpha for her to cut him off. I feel hurt. In hindsight, I know I could have done better in some situations, but then as a wise man once said. Hindsight can go fuck itself.

Oh, and today she changed her FB profile pic to a hotter.

Now, how to deal with this in the best way possible?

I found G manifestos reply here useful, but we are at a point beyond casual dating, at least in how we discuss "us". /thread-5039.h...+boyfriend

also here is a great take, http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/12/1...irlfriend/ also http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/04/0...-behavior/ but I have a hard time defining whether the end part applies to my situation, since we are dating and sexing "It’s a different story once you’ve been sexing a girl or are in a relationship; at that stage of the fuck cycle, you should establish your dominance when she starts pulling shit on you to test your alpha mettle. Bemused mastery is the alpha attitude women love, and there isn’t much room for indignant anger in that attitude. Especially at the beginning, when neither of you knows each other very well."


What to do now? How to deal with this, and game her into my frame?
We have another date set up for tonight, our "last night together". I was thinking substituting dinner and drinks (i dont want to be a beta provider) for an hour at the shooting range, for my own amusement and also doing sthg off the beaten track with her. Then drinks at my place and lovemaking (keeping in mind heartistes suggestion ab love to fuck ration being 2:1, myself now leaning more to 1:2).

I greatly appreciate your feedback!!

Post: #2

I think you're handling it like a champ - I like the shooting range idea. If her phone is that easy to access I'd carefully keep tabs on it and at some point it will either come to a head or will take care of itself. You have probable cause to snoop so dont feel bad about doing it carefully. I'd also try to step up the degradation in sex a tick - up your power over her.

Post: #3

Thks for the reply Mike, and the props.


However, I dont like to feel like a fool, and am right now feeling that i should instill dread and just cancel on her tonight. She will bark out and get worried of course, which most likely will cause some kind of confrontation. That shit is so unnecessary at this stage of dating, such a shame! it should be ab having fun. The fact she has invested in me, introduced me to her family, made some social sacrifices to see me (canceling a ticket for a friend to invite me to an event for instance) seems like she genuinely wants to invest in our dating - but at this point scheduling a meeting with her ex is totally uncool.

It feels like im more of a springboard for her, that she has written me off prematurely (expatriating) to play around and then maybe take back her loser BF who will give her all the "luuuuv" she needs.

Cannot keep tabs on her phone, i think mostly it was a lucky strike.

Let me know what you guys think!

Post: #4

Let me play devil's advocate: If you don't love her, she'll find out sooner or later. And it doesn't sound like you love her.

Post: #5

I read your post and instantly thought of a recent heartiste post

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/12/1...irlfriend/

on a personal level, I'd fuck the broad off before I travel and get her out of mind

Post: #6

Hey,

Thx for commenting.

@bojangles, I also liked to that post. Am a bit unsure ab how to balance the confrontation though.

@iknowexactly, Im not in love per se, bc I see it as something that grows with time. However, I am falling for her, big time. Because she, until now, has shown "good girl" qualities no girl has shown so far, and I have dated plenty the past year! Is it impossible to find a good girl?

/thread-18179-...#pid318286 this is also a good thread, and tenderman100 puts the finger on it here:

Quote:Look, it's all a matter of degrees. Sure there are babes out there you can rope into your harem who might stay "faithful" ... Chances are she will bang, or is banging someone else, when she is banging you...

...No, what it makes here is your average sexually active woman in the feminist-laced social atmosphere of the early 21st Century.

Its just a damn shame, that this has become an axiom

Post: #7

That text exchange between them doesn't sound that terrible, for all you know at this point she is meeting with him to tell him that she is really into you and b/c of that she can't keep in contact with him anymore.

You are right though that she could also be playing games since she was dishonest about her plans, but she also told him "maybe we could meet up" which doesn't sound like she is certainly interested in getting back with him

Post: #8

In my humble opinion you're fine overall. I can't tell you what's best solution I can tell you what works for me.

I personally always draw boundaries very clearly and express them very strongly. These boundaries differ depending on the status of our relationship.

For instance, at the beginning of the interaction I'm chill and carefree. She's random person, we have no connection so it's like whatever.

Later on when it's clearly on I might say things like.. "you mine from now on / i like your friends but tell them to back off I don't want to see some bullshit like them rescuing you from from me, I'm the best guy in this time zone / [her shittesting me] wtf you think this is some kind of joke? i want to get to know you for real, how old are you? you're too immature for me, go back to your faggot boys standing in line to date you / uncross your arms". So that's just the expressions of my boundaries when we meet to pass shittests and set the frame that I'm for real.

When we date boundaries change. I don't need to emphasize that I'm for real (although she still might get cranky from time to time to see if I can deal with her) but I need to draw other boundaries appropriate to the situation preferably in the same bossy manner. Those boundaries typically revolve around jealousy, her behavior, expectations, sex, etc.

So in your case..

Quote:One time she was shit-testing regarding a guy she had dated with, who wouldn't let go of her (he approached her at the club where we met for the 1st time in a very desperate manner - i just turned around and talked to other girls). At that moment I told her that "this kind of subject is to be had with your girlfriends" and abruptly changed the subject.

I'd say "why the fuck you even telling me this shit? It has nothing to do with me and you in this moment. I know you probably have tons of faggots leering at you trying to meet you and get you, I'm not stupid, I've dated beautiful girls before I get it ok? So you either leave and go give them some pity fuck or shut up and enjoy your time with me".

Quote:She got insecure and later asked whether I was angry and said she was sorry for bringing it up and how cool i had been when he approached her. I said "dont sweat it".

I'd say "not angry it was just lame to talk about that with me, you're adult you should know that".

Quote:On the way back she mentioned her Ex again, followed by a classic shit test about him becoming a model long ago and changing personality by starting to judge her on the basis of her looks. She said she despised his personality change and him thinking he was the king of the world. I replied in an aloof manner ab not all models being shallow and that my ex also was a model (she was), but then changed the subject. In hindsight, a bit beta supplicating.

I'd say "Model? cool I'd fuck him. Are you done?"

Quote:This morning, while she was showering, I checked her phone (by mistake firstly, because our are the same and were both by the bedside), and saw that she had been texting with her ex a couple of days ago. I recall that they set up some coffee date about the same days we had our 1s date.

In her ex-bf convo which reeked of beta texting, she wrote about "sometimes i feel like a little child" and him writing back that he missed her . What made me upset, was that she somehow agreed to meet him on this Friday, when Im gone. It was in the style of "Maybe we can aim for Friday" Just a couple of days ago she brought up the weekend herself, saying she would be seeing a girlfriend on Friday, before leaving to her parents on sat.

I'd structure some conversation with her where I could tell her since we're dating I'd like to let her know that there is no such thing like a second chance to me so if she likes to date guys behind my back then she can go and never come back.


Basically If I date girl I really like I do everything I can to destroy that common weak sauce half ass shit guy-playing-aloof-to-court-a-girl frame. I fully impose myself and express my boundaries really harshly and own it in a tyrant/dictator manner to overwhelm her and to present myself in a outstanding way [she only knows what she sees] which usually makes all other orbiter guys and potential suitors look like total pussies/losers/faggots with no spine and character next to me [it deals with them even beforehand cause guys usually try exactly that mr smooth seducer game or nice pretty boy shit]. I don't even try to convince her to be with me. I just constantly frame all those guys and ex's as full on gay nice guys like > THAT < plus I tell her to get off and go date them.

Post: #9

(12-19-2012 10:18 AM)XXL Wrote:  In my humble opinion you're fine overall. I can't tell you what's best solution I can tell you what works for me.

I personally always draw boundaries very clearly and express them very strongly. These boundaries differ depending on the status of our relationship.

For instance, at the beginning of the interaction I'm chill and carefree.

Later on when it's clearly on I might say things like.. "you mine from now on / i like your friends but tell them to back off I don't want to see some bullshit like them rescuing you from from me, I'm the best guy in this time zone / [her shittesting me] wtf you think this is some kind of joke? i want to get to know you for real, how old are you? you're too immature for me, go back to your faggot boys standing in line to date you / uncross your arms". So that's just the expressions of my boundaries when we meet to pass shittests and set the frame that I'm for real.

When we date boundaries change. I don't need to emphasize that I'm for real (although she still might get cranky from time to time to see if I can deal with her) but I need to draw other boundaries appropriate to the situation preferably in the same bossy manner. Those boundaries typically revolve around jealousy, her behavior, expectations, sex, etc.

So in your case..

Quote:One time she was shit-testing regarding a guy she had dated with, who wouldn't let go of her (he approached her at the club where we met for the 1st time in a very desperate manner - i just turned around and talked to other girls). At that moment I told her that "this kind of subject is to be had with your girlfriends" and abruptly changed the subject.

I'd say "why the fuck you even telling me this shit? It has nothing to do with me and you in this moment. I know you probably have tons of faggots leering at you trying to meet you and get you, I'm not stupid, I've dated beautiful girls before I get it ok? So you either leave and go give them some pity fuck or shut up and enjoy your time with me".

Quote:She got insecure and later asked whether I was angry and said she was sorry for bringing it up and how cool i had been when he approached her. I said "dont sweat it".

I'd say "not angry it was just lame to talk about that with me, you're adult you should know that".

Quote:On the way back she mentioned her Ex again, followed by a classic shit test about him becoming a model long ago and changing personality by starting to judge her on the basis of her looks. She said she despised his personality change and him thinking he was the king of the world. I replied in an aloof manner ab not all models being shallow and that my ex also was a model (she was), but then changed the subject. In hindsight, a bit beta supplicating.

I'd say "Model? cool I'd fuck him. Are you done?"

Quote:This morning, while she was showering, I checked her phone (by mistake firstly, because our are the same and were both by the bedside), and saw that she had been texting with her ex a couple of days ago. I recall that they set up some coffee date about the same days we had our 1s date.

In her ex-bf convo which reeked of beta texting, she wrote about "sometimes i feel like a little child" and him writing back that he missed her . What made me upset, was that she somehow agreed to meet him on this Friday, when Im gone. It was in the style of "Maybe we can aim for Friday" Just a couple of days ago she brought up the weekend herself, saying she would be seeing a girlfriend on Friday, before leaving to her parents on sat.

I'd structure some conversation with her where I could tell her since we're dating I'd like to let her know that there is no such thing like a second chance to me so if she likes to date guys behind my back then she can go and never come back.


Basically If I date girl I really like I do everything I can to destroy that common weak sauce half ass shit guy-playing-aloof-to-court-a-girl frame. I fully impose myself and express my boundaries really harshly to overwhelm her and to present myself myslef in a outstanding way to make her realize all her orbiters and potential suitors are total pussies/losers/faggots with no spine and character. As for outgaming potential competition I don't even try to convince her to do anything I just constantly frame all those guys and ex's as full on gay nice guys like > THAT < plus I tell her to leave and go date them.

I like that, and I also like to throw in a piece about how girls who behave that way aren't that hard to find

Post: #10

XXL, Thanks! you gave me very valuable feedback once before.

I will definately apply that thinking when I see her. Will meet her in a neutral place, like a bar. You are tough, but rightful, sir! Good to drop an ultimatum on her.

I also spoke with my dad who is a natural alpha. At the age of nearly 60 he is dating a really good 27yo girl. His tip was to tell her that I have dated a similar girl, and am recognizing the signs, even though she might have many good sides, her dishonesty is something I do not need in my life.

Good finishing, with that last piece, snoop.

I just feel like she has consumed her credibility with myself, and for whatever reason she might give, me even reconsidering or taking her back - would be total beta. Its a catch 22, right? I know for a fact they are talking, so even if she drops some capricious reason for seeing him, or even "ending things" - she will also know that I tried calling her bluff, she passed, and I took her back. This would anchor betaness !

Post: #11

(12-19-2012 11:09 AM)Benelli Wrote:  XXL, Thanks! you gave me very valuable feedback once before.

I will definately apply that thinking when I see her. Will meet her in a neutral place, like a bar. You are tough, but rightful, sir! Good to drop an ultimatum on her.

I also spoke with my dad who is a natural alpha. At the age of nearly 60 he is dating a really good 27yo girl. His tip was to tell her that I have dated a similar girl, and am recognizing the signs, even though she might have many good sides, her dishonesty is something I do not need in my life.

Good finishing, with that last piece, snoop.

I just feel like she has consumed her credibility with myself, and for whatever reason she might give, me even reconsidering or taking her back - would be total beta. Its a catch 22, right? I know for a fact they are talking, so even if she drops some capricious reason for seeing him, or even "ending things" - she will also know that I tried calling her bluff, she passed, and I took her back. This would anchor betaness !

Have you specifically told her to cease contact with her ex? If not, you need to do so if you want that behavior from her (although I would be careful to frame it as letting go of the past is important to the future, so as to sound positive instead of jealous).

It sounds like you were worried about being "beta" so you didn't say anything, which is a good move for a fling, but not for someone you want to keep seeing. For that I think you need to establish your expectations.

Also, she made what to this point has been a pretty minor mistake, allowing people the chance to redeem themselves isn't automatically "beta" IMO. Just make sure to point out that the next time it happens it will now be considered a pattern and something you find unacceptable.

Post: #12

Good feedback!! But do you really think it is a minor mistake? Perhaps our approach to this situation is different because of cultural reasons, but I see it as quite bad given the commitment.

I set up a drink date at the same venue we met the 1st time. Not too far from my office, so its both convenient and also symbolical. Will def try to have a positive attitude of presenting facts, but at the same time, keeping frame and being serious about it.

Post: #13

I think this commandment is relevant in this situation (Interpret it as you may to apply):

XVI. Never be afraid to lose her

You must not fear. Fear is the love-killer. Fear is the ego-triumph that brings abject loneliness. You will face your fear. You will permit it to pass over and through you. And when your ego-fear is gone you will turn and face your lover, and only your heart will remain. You will walk away from her when she has violated your integrity, and you will let her walk when her heart is closed to you. She who can destroy you, controls you. Don’t give her that power over yourself. Love yourself before you love her.

I think its important that you verbalize this to her, in a not so structured way, but in a way in which she is able to get the point.

If you have met her family, she claims to really like (love?) you, etc. then you must let her know that you will not break her heart or hurt her as long as she doesn't violate your integrity. This meaning, no contact with exes or other orbiters.

Women are emotional creatures, we all know this- but to such an extent that they can actually experience future emotions in the present by allowing their hamster brains to spin into overdrive; this is why Roissy advocates instilling dread in your women to induce feelings of love and closeness.

For example- if you articulate that if she continues upon this path that you will leave her; she will play this situation over and over in her head (assuming she really cares about you). Be sure to make it as descriptive as possible so she can really immitate a similar situation i.e.:

" I have been in this situation before; there was a girl that I dated before whom I really cared about, kinda reminds me of you actually (As per your dad). I would never have dreamed of leaving her, but one day I found out she was doing some things in private that I did not approve of. I liked (loved?) her, but was not going to allow myself to be treated like that- anyone who truly cares about me would not participate in such behaviour. So I left her. One day I gathered up all my belongings, deleted her emails, defriended her on FB, blocked her number etc. She tried to contact me, multiple times, but I wouldn't let myself backtrack. I felt bad ignoring her, but it was her actions that brought on this situation. I wasn't mad at her- but I knew it was in my best interest to pursue other options....And here I am with you."

I give girls imaginery breakup situations all the time- it works better than I perceive it to. Never doubt a woman's imagination.

Post: #14

(12-19-2012 12:13 PM)Benelli Wrote:  Good feedback!! But do you really think it is a minor mistake? Perhaps our approach to this situation is different because of cultural reasons, but I see it as quite bad given the commitment.

I set up a drink date at the same venue we met the 1st time. Not too far from my office, so its both convenient and also symbolical. Will def try to have a positive attitude of presenting facts, but at the same time, keeping frame and being serious about it.

IDK, could be a major issue could be a minor one. I'm saying you don't know what it is b/c to this point all you have is a fairly innocent text message and a very minor lie of ommission.

How many girls have given you the "soft" blow off when they said they would "maybe" come hang out with you sometime?

You don't know her motivations behind any of it so its hard to tell what it means.

Post: #15

(12-19-2012 06:32 AM)Benelli Wrote:  This morning, while she was showering, I checked her phone (by mistake firstly, because our are the same and were both by the bedside), and saw that she had been texting with her ex a couple of days ago. I recall that they set up some coffee date about the same days we had our 1s date. ... she wrote about "sometimes i feel like a little child" and him writing back that he missed her . What made me upset, was that she somehow agreed to meet him on this Friday, when Im gone. It was in the style of "Maybe we can aim for Friday" Just a couple of days ago she brought up the weekend herself, saying she would be seeing a girlfriend on Friday, before leaving to her parents on sat.

1) I can understand that girls want to keep orbiters around them
2) Before our dating got intensified, its fine to "keep in touch" with whomever whenever, i don't care
3) Now, after starting to call me her BF, I dont find it acceptable of her seeing him. I am flat out surprised, and dumbfounded. So typical, even the best girl ive met so far, is gaming
4) being very objective, I don't understand why she even keeps in touch with him, the guy is a total beta. Does history really have such an influence over hurt girls? Sure, if he plays the asshole game, she might be more into him.
...
Now, how to deal with this in the best way possible?

A chick's phone is a pandoras box. Do you really want to know what's inside? Too late now. Anyway, it could be innocent or it could be lethal. But now you know. So, keep an eye on it. Choosing that Friday when you are known to be gone sounds shady. She talks to him still because she was invested and might still be.

Earlier this year I had doubts about a particular girl based on a couple text messages I partially saw over her shoulder. So a month or so later when she was safely showering I looked through her phone EXTENSIVELY and I found. . .nothing. The texts I saw were not what I thought they were. In fact, looking further back I found texts from her ex from several months before that had all gone unanswered by her. I suspected her wrongly in this case.

If you bring this up now then you will look weak and jealous. Look through her phone again in a couple weeks or whenever you can. And then decide what to do.

Post: #16

(12-19-2012 06:32 AM)Benelli Wrote:  I found G manifestos reply here useful, but we are at a point beyond casual dating, at least in how we discuss "us". /thread-5039.h...+boyfriend

What was my reply?

I didn't see any posts I did.

Post: #17

She was dumped by her ex who she never really got over because of the rejection and her perceived value of him kept him on her mind. Now she's happy with you but this guy has been built up in her mind much longer. She wants to see him to get closure and also compare the two of you to see how she feels as well.

I like the move your dad said. Tell her "I dated a girl like you before and I know the signs" as he recommended but end with "You are going to do what you are going to do, but if you value what we have, then you will remember it when it matters, Im not going to lose any sleep because if you are the girl for me, you will do what's right, if you aren't, then I haven't lost anything anyway".

This gives you the upper hand when she goes through with meeting her ex. He'll be the beta schlup and she'll remember your strength about how you handled it.

It sounds to me, based on how you've handled yourself thus far, that this could be the encounter that makes her completely loyal to you.

Post: #18

I believe you're handling this correctly so far but would like to point out this:

There are NO good girls.

Say that over and over to yourself. It's a form of pedalization to think there are good girls. I had the same problem thinking with my ex that she was a special snowflake. Nope. Girls are irrational and emotional which is the foundation for doing what feels 'right' in the moment.

Thinking a particular girl is special only sets you up for disappointment. You may enjoy time with her, she may have certain quirks that are endearing to you etc but girls have a way of pulling the rug out from under you. How many times have you heard girls say 'It's my right to change my mind'. They can and do. Invest in yourself, love yourself and live YOUR life. If you call her out on the ex and you find out she is still in contact with him then listen to me or you will regret it: CUT HER OFF. I've experienced this I know from wence I speak.

Post: #19

Another thing and correct me if I'm wrong, but she said she loved you after ONLY 3 weeks? Major red flag. She doesn't even KNOW you well enough to know if she does love you. Girls toss those words around like changing their shoes. It's not what a girl SAYS, it's what she DOES. Period.

Post: #20

(12-19-2012 04:30 PM)thegmanifesto Wrote:  

(12-19-2012 06:32 AM)Benelli Wrote:  I found G manifestos reply here useful, but we are at a point beyond casual dating, at least in how we discuss "us". /thread-5039.h...+boyfriend

What was my reply?

I didn't see any posts I did.

Correct sir.

It was here, hope the link works. /thread-2500-p...l#pid25514

Props for your blog. I swooped her the 1st time, equal to your "shrimp and linguine swoop move". I have spent years perfecting my swoop dish: de cecco pasta, sauce based on cocktail tomatoes with a dash of 10yo manicardi, fresh basil and parmigiano.

Last night, we had a rendez-vous, and the confrontation erupted on the sidewalk. She asked me something about being mad at her, and I told her what's up.

Soft nexted her, walked away. She ran after, crying, grabbing after me.
Damn, was I hard last night. I finally told her I knew they were planning to meet, after persistent denial from her. The facade cracked. She was devastated, kind of in paralysis. She spoke about hurting herself and having committed the worst mistake of her life by doing this. She still is, in 99% of all situations an amazing girl. She asked for permission to pick her stuff up at my place, which was ok. Of course she refused to leave my place after getting there. We spent yet another hour of hard talk, i kept frame. It was so obvious she had fucked up - what made me disappointed was that she had denied until the very end, when I pulled out the facts. Hell, i would also deny shameful truths till I die - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJC7GCxlhwc - objectively speaking, I can't blame her for doing her best to minimize the damage.

Her counterargument was based on insecurity, a lack of "real" old friends, some kind of nostalgia over her ex. She said she knew the ex was a total loser (she even started using my own BF destroyer words about him) - thanks XXL - and said she would never have cheated on me, had she met him. I called it out as BS, since the argument was solely based on a post-confrontational insight she had now gained, and was no reassurance of her faithfulness.

I made it very clear there are no 2nd chances in my life, and that she never is to speak or hang out with her ex again, or it is over. She promised me it would never occur, and texted him that she now was in love and they should not keep in touch. Fine.

Just as McQueen mentioned

Quote:Invest in yourself, love yourself and live YOUR life.

and Roissy pointed out long ago,

Quote:III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority

...women do not want to be “The One” or the center of a man’s existence. They in fact want to subordinate themselves to a worthy man’s life purpose, to help him achieve that purpose with their feminine support, and to follow the path he lays out. You must respect a woman’s integrity and not lie to her that she is “your everything”. She is not your everything, and if she is, she will soon not be anymore.

All is closely linked with my international career prospects. She said she wanted to follow me wherever life takes me, and is willing to make personal sacrifices to keep our relationship going. She never said she loved me, but that I was her soulmate. I take the stuff she said with a pinch of salt, the truth is always somewhere in the middle. I will keep on enjoying life in the same easy going manner my dad taught me to live.

Furthermore, she insisted on showing me her other texts, fb history and such in order to assure me of actually brushing off other guys hitting on her, which she in fact had been doing. Either handling them hitting on her in a diplomatic manner, or plain out writing that she is was not really single. I said I didnt want to dig into her private life, and that it would destroy some "magic" but she was very persistent cementing her trustworthiness and showng the "positive" things she had been writing. Lots of qualifying.

I was tired and hungry and took her out for food. We had a calm eve. At one point she questioned my stance about the girls who are orbiting me (she drew logical conslusions from FB pics I was tagged in). I shrugged and just changed the topic. At one point, earlier during the night when we had the argument, she brought up a hottie who had posted pics of us during last summer. My girl displayed lots of jealousy from the fact that I had been in company with the babe. I told her, flat out, "yeah, we fucked, so what? I dont judge nor do I care about your past. I wouldnt want to be together with a virgin. Just drop this, it's getting absurd"

We had blissful sex twice, back at my place. Firstly she displayed signs of insecurity. I could make out that her eyes were looking for "signs" in me, whether I was in doubt of her or still being hurt/angry. The 2nd act solidified our bond, and both of us took a lot of pleasure from it. My feeling at the moment concurs with what you wrote, Fisto

Quote:It sounds to me, based on how you've handled yourself thus far, that this could be the encounter that makes her completely loyal to you.

Let's see how it goes. Thank you XXL, gmanifesto, MikeinMKE, iknowexactly, bojangles, snoop, Cruisen_Chubby, poutsara, Fisto & McQueen'sPlayboyRules. for mucho useful material to use.

I never wanted to hurt her, and I'm a good and trustworthy guy when I respect someone - but certain things had to be said and I do not feel any regret being so hard on her.

Post: #21

Post: #22

Sounda like you handles it well. Hopefully she acts right but if she doesn't you MUST next her and never look back.

By ever allowing her to fuck up again re: this type of behavior then you would be showing her you do take disrespect. Good luck I hope it works out and don't forget to spin plates.

Post: #23

(12-20-2012 03:55 AM)Benelli Wrote:  At one point, earlier during the night when we had the argument, she brought up a hottie who had posted pics of us during last summer. My girl displayed lots of jealousy from the fact that I had been in company with the babe. I told her, flat out, "yeah, we fucked, so what? I dont judge nor do I care about your past. I wouldnt want to be together with a virgin. Just drop this, it's getting absurd"

As a sidenote, expect more of this immature shit. No girl I've been with stopped causing drama and making stupid arguments for no reason. It feels like they consistently need to see how the guy flexes his emotional muscles and stays centered facing their temporary cranky/bitchy attitude. They just can't live in peace and harmony. Poor girls they just can't help it.

Post: #24

magnificent, another RVF dilemma resolved. A* pass rate, keep a handle on her like how you did that night. Rollo Tomassi's blog is a must read imo for relationships/ltr's

Post: #25

(12-20-2012 03:55 AM)Benelli Wrote:  ...The 2nd act solidified our bond, and both of us took a lot of pleasure from it. My feeling at the moment concurs with what you wrote, Fisto

Quote:It sounds to me, based on how you've handled yourself thus far, that this could be the encounter that makes her completely loyal to you.

Let's see how it goes. Thank you XXL, gmanifesto, MikeinMKE, iknowexactly, bojangles, snoop, Cruisen_Chubby, poutsara, Fisto & McQueen'sPlayboyRules. for mucho useful material to use.

I never wanted to hurt her, and I'm a good and trustworthy guy when I respect someone - but certain things had to be said and I do not feel any regret being so hard on her.

Handled! I wouldn't have said anything about the texts, but what you did worked well - better than what I suggested. Strong work.