Post: #1

Hey everyone this is my very first post, I would appreciate any tips from guys with maybe more experience than me at this.

So a few weeks ago I went upstate to visit my girlfriend on the Greyhound. On the way I ended up meeting a really cute girl from Sao Paulo headed back to Brazil and we got to talking (we were sitting right next to each other) and then flirting and eventually we ended up hooking up on the back of the bus under a blanket. After we both came and were being all cuddles and afterglow type stuff I was feeling just really amazing. But then I started getting this intense guilt coming out of nowhere and like this paranoia that I was gonna get caught (I know it's stupid) so basically it was ruining this moment I was having with this pretty girl I'm never gonna see again asleep in my arms. So I know this may sound dumb but how do you kill those guilty feelings/paranoia when you cheat on your girlfriend? I really want to enjoy other girls so any advice on how to stop myself from ruining it for myself would be really appreciated, thank you so much!

Post: #2

By having unfenced relationships with women.

Post: #3

Some of the more experienced posters will definitely have something to suggest, but I'll say from my experience that you should minimize emotional investment. The cuddles don't help with that, and it seems like you did the equivalent of staying the night.

At this point there's not much you can do but try to keep yourself distracted until the memories lose their freshness.

Rationalizing will help. Check out this tread. /thread-14341.html

Post: #4

Think about it this way

What right does any woman have to control your body and your sexuality?

Post: #5

(09-01-2012 02:41 PM)JJ Roberts Wrote:  By having unfenced relationships with women.

With a girlfriend who believes heavily in society's "mapping error" how can I destroy the fences put around our relationship? Also how do I explain my own jealousy issues when she inevitably says that I'm a hypocrite for wanting to exercise my own option for one night stands but am heavily against her using her own?

Post: #6

(09-01-2012 02:57 PM)storm Wrote:  Some of the more experienced posters will definitely have something to suggest, but I'll say from my experience that you should minimize emotional investment. The cuddles don't help with that, and it seems like you did the equivalent of staying the night.

At this point there's not much you can do but try to keep yourself distracted until the memories lose their freshness.

Rationalizing will help. Check out this tread. /thread-14341.html

Really solid advice thank you so much! I love the thread you linked me to, it actually helped a lot with feeling not so alone or ashamed. I really struggle with emotional investment so me "staying the night" was a symptom of that, I really felt connected and attracted to this girl and needed to hold on to her despite only knowing her for a couple of hours. I know the memory will lose its freshness/pain but I'm really concerned about when/if this happens again. I just hope to be better prepared.

Post: #7

(09-01-2012 03:11 PM)MrXY Wrote:  Think about it this way

What right does any woman have to control your body and your sexuality?

She doesn't, I just haven't figured out a solution to control her body (because of jealousy issues) without giving up control of my own. It seems that every relationship I have ever been in there is this compromise of mutual ownership and shame/guilt associated with breaking the "relationship contract." I think saying to myself "what right does any woman have to control my own body and sexuality?" If/when this happens again will really help me rationalize and get my head in a better place, so thank you times a million!

Post: #8

well i look at it like this
we're men and we have basic sexual needs and if your gf ain't meeting those needs, then (so long as you keep it discreet), i think it's good to keep your eyes open for some other short term options whatever it be (fb, fwb, etc)
i used to suffer from massive guilt in these situations, but not so any more
it's also life affirming, knowing you can still attract and bed other women apart from your gf/ltr, and restricting yourself to one woman for long periods of time can deaden a man's soul, unless that woman is unfeasibly hot and a demon in the bedroom

Post: #9

Experience helps you get over the guilt. I've cheated on countless women and I still feel some guilt because some of them are good girls. You manage it by rationalizing however works best for you.

For me, it might be that I'm not getting it often enough, or I'm bored because the sex got too vanilla. If it picks up again the fuck buddies fall by the way side, but it's not like I see myself never cheating ever again. I just know that I'm careful enough that they'll never find out and that keeps me going.