Post: #1

I loathe using the "emotions" word because of the connotations it has in today's culture, but it is accurate in the story I'm about to mention.

When my second son was born about 7 weeks ago, me and my wife stayed overnight at the hospital for about 4 nights. She was sleeping and I was on a couch next to the bed watching Saving Private Ryan which had come on TV. Only thing they censored was the swearing.

I was enjoying it like I usually did, but something different happened this time.

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We get to the part where Mrs Ryan is washing dishes and she sees the a car driving up the road to her farm. She notices the army symbol and considers the worst. Sur enough, they get out and tell her that 3 of her sons were killed in the landings and they don't know where the 4th one is. She drops to her knees.

During this part, tears came to my eyes and I couldn't stop them for a few minutes. I just kept thinking of how it would feel to lose both my sons in a day. All that time, investment, love, seeing them grow up, and bringing them up to do great things - gone in an instant.

For a brief moment, I felt this overwhelming sadness.

This happened again, though not as pronounced. Just a few tears this time. It actually happened when I was looking at the war world one thread in this deep forum and someone posted an imgur gallery of a lot of previous unseen photos.

Toward the end of it are photos of soldiers with parts of their face missing from wounds and the attempted reconstruction surgery that never made them look close to how they were before. It brought some tears to my eyes thinking what it would feel like as a parent to see one of my sons come back, completely disfigured and helpless for life and imagining what the future would hold for him after it.

Then I thought about how I would justify it to myself considering the result of the war and what it was fought over. In a true story, one mother lost 5 of her sons in The Great War. Again, that feeling manifests when I saw this:

Quote:"Following the death of her sons, who were all killed in action in the trenches of the Western front, Mrs Smith was known to say: "Don't have boys, they just grow up to be cannon-fodder."

Honestly, I believe it would be worse today. A marine comes back from Afghanistan disfigured. Good luck having enough game to get past a nasty facial injury. The guy's future is screwed.

This emotion of sadness stirs in me specifically during war films and pictures where parents lose their kids or the soldiers are left with terrible facial scars and missing limbs..

Has this happened to anyone else when you had kids and imagined what it would be like if it were them horrifically injured or killed in a war?




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Post: #2

I have always felt these emotions when witnessing scenarios you describe in movies or real life, even before I had children.

Part of the reason I always knew that I would want a family. I feel very uplifted by smiles of children and very sad when they suffer.

It's easy to bring me to tears by suffering of others - especially suffering of soldiers, little children or unjustly accused. Sometimes I just read a story about a false rape accusation on this forum and my eyes become wet. Suffering of women doesn't move me that much, after taking red pill I usually see their own fault in that.

Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me - like I am too soft, but thinking more thoroughly I have concluded it is actually evolutionary advantageous to have these feelings, they are motivator for procreation and creating brotherly bonds with other men.

I know some men say they hate crying children, don't want children ever or hate children - and are proud to claim they are dark triad (usually they are not trough). I think those men are damaged and are missing something important in life metaphysically.

I am also attracted to eastern ideas that compassion for suffering of others are good for our own soul. Actually Chrisianity also has this concept about the bleeding heart of Jesus and I have begun to appreciate it although when I was a child I thought it was stupid.

Despite me being easily moved by suffering I do not allow these feelings to influence me into supporting pathological altruism like welcoming refugees, giving pussy pass to crying women and such. It's an important life's lesson when to soften your heart and when to harden it, when to embody Justice (Gevurah) or Mercy (Hesed). This is a fucked up world and compassion can be easily be weaponized against you, so you must be innocent (not harmless) like a dove and wise as a serpent.

Post: #3

It's true, after having children I have a much harder time reading articles about children dying or reading about the abuse of small children. There's that ancient and powerful phrase "No parent should ever have to bury their own child."

Post: #4

Everything changes when you have children. Everything.

But it was amplified for you due to fatigue, relief that all was well with the birth and a lot of off channel time to reflect.

Post: #5

btw I consider myself pretty tough, but saving private ryan really depressed me for a few days afterwards. It was a pretty powerful movie.

Post: #6

Yes, I realized I get deep joy from irritating and slightly embarrassing a 12 year old.

Post: #7

(03-22-2019 02:14 PM)debeguiled Wrote:  Yes, I realized I get deep joy from irritating and slightly embarrassing a 12 year old.

Oh shit how could I have missed this.

There is no greater joy for a father, than irritating his teenage son. Not humiliating...never that. But irritating and bothering, oh yes.

"Accidentally" tripping the circuit breaker when he's in the middle of a video game...now that is dirty pool.

Post: #8

I've noticed moms don't get it and immediately claim you have 'humiliated' them.

They have no sense of proportion.

No clue when teasing is too far and when it is just right.

So they want to spoil your fun too.

If you do it right, it keeps kids from taking themselves too seriously.

Post: #9

I don't have kids and but I do this all the time with my parents are both alive in their 60's, I love them and I call them Mom and Dad, not their first names like so many adult children (it just sounds distant). You'll only ever get to call your parents (two people ever) those names and sooner rather than later you won't be able to at all. It hurts knowing their time will come but I thank god I can feel see such gratitude. I honestly think half the reason people say "Syberpunk is just so genial, cordial, real" is down to my parents (and their parents). I hope I can rub that off on my kids if I ever have them.

I have a family member who's exactly the opposite this because I wish I could offload some of my empathy on to him, and balance it out , I arguably have too much, I don't know how he is going to raise kids if he couldn't love his parents, how could he not take it on them? When you see how people are good and you know what you could be good easily, it would take no effort, but aren't.....that's unforgiveable. If its breaking my heart, I can't imagine what its doing to them. I've had enough suffering in my own life to know the only antidote is not to cause any more voluntary suffering to myself or to others, so when I see others engage it I want to slap the silly bastards around the room.

I do find kids being separated from their parents a really hard thing to watch film/tv or real life or people experiencing isolation in films as well, yet its always the most compelling to me. It can be good as any meditation. Animals in pain from cattle to cats and dogs too. Parents trying to do their best, but sometimes unable to do anymore is too real.

I actually wanted to get into film to give people ephinanies like this, its partly also the reason, what you consume when younger is vital. Especially as most people don't read books or have the mental space to slow and think about philosophy or what a decent life could be, that self awareness to know that they can know themselves and be the captain of their own ship is the best of all. You got to be as a decent, give without expecting back. Is there a better scenes than this, when I was young I felt I was there in this film, playing out in front of me, this one simple scene shows up and dissolves a nearly 2 decades worth of comic trash and hollow instagramming, these were driven like spikes into my psyche:











Should have received an award for this, amazing acting in every scene from him (and everybody else too):

Most movies would just frame drunk abusive fathers as stock-insert antagonists for tragic backstories, but here we see a living portrait of war trauma with an actual character underneath, it was pleasing and refreshing to see a good man under it all struggling and helping his son.

SPOILERS:

Post: #10

SPOILERS:





This goes on everyday, christ: