Post: #26

(12-13-2018 04:49 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  

(12-13-2018 04:03 PM)TheLegendofBentCock Wrote:  Right, let me just say that "The Golden God" sounds like a bit of an idiot, it's easy to speak down to people in our situation when you're life is full of female interaction and sex.

How so? Because I don't engage in the self-pity circle jerk that low confidence, socially inept men love to get into on the internet?

Guess I'm the idiot and you're the failure. I can deal with that.

(12-13-2018 04:03 PM)TheLegendofBentCock Wrote:  I totally relate to you're post. Like you, I only do day game approaching. I also feel very unnatural approaching these women from a place of complete inexperience. I have got into trouble with mall security several times from approaching and also been told off by the women I've approached.

Simple, if you don't have your shit together then DON'T DO DIRECT DAY GAME APPROACHES.

If you're a basement dweller with little experience with human interaction, you're not gonna emerge as Casanova at your local shopping mall after reading a few guides on the internet.

(12-13-2018 04:03 PM)TheLegendofBentCock Wrote:  I also lack a social circle and tend to take a more combative attitude towards social situations, that's just due to my (and you're) experiences in life. It's nothing to let people like the guy above (Golden God) make you feel ashamed of.

I am not advocating being ashamed of anything, I am advocating moving on from an abysmally unsuccessful past to focus on the future.

Combativeness is not good, it is desperate and insecure.

Think primates.

Successful alpha gorilla = unreactive, calm & collected. Confident in his abilities to control the situation and take what he wants.

Scrawny gorilla at bottom of social hierarchy = always alert, off-putting because of tense nature, more likely to fail because of insecurity & inexperience winning.

When you learn to be confident in your abilities and comfortable you will be far more successful than going through things with a chip on your shoulder.

(12-13-2018 04:03 PM)TheLegendofBentCock Wrote:  I think women feel shocked when I approach them because I just don't look like the right sort of guy to approach women, or my vibe isn't right because of years spent in isolation.

No, they're shocked because you're creeping them out.

Mall security and being cursed out should have indicated that to you, but let me remind you.

(12-13-2018 04:03 PM)TheLegendofBentCock Wrote:  I, too, have always been a lone wolf. My most regular human interaction is when I go out on weekends looking for day gaming targets in my local town.

I know this is not a normal lifestyle and the targets can sense that, in some ways I guess I have a "predatory" vibe, because I am going to go up and give them a compliment whether they like it or not.

Proving my point again, it's not your past circumstances.

It's your lack of social skills and being CREEPY bro.

(12-13-2018 04:03 PM)TheLegendofBentCock Wrote:  I've already lost my teens and 20s, I've got to maximise my 30s for female interaction.

Well let me help you out to get your life on track.

Realize that if you have bad social skills and you're a negative person...

PEOPLE DO NOT WANT TO BE AROUND YOU

Your social awkwardness and lack of confidence bleed into your writing.

Guys, seriously. If you can't even make friends with other men, do you really think girls are going to be lining up to go on dates with you?

If you can't understand having a good time with friends, do you really think you're going to be giving off the vibe that you're a fun, cool guy when you're hanging out with girls?

Let's stop being delusional.

It seems to me that you are speaking from a position of adundance and can't relate to people like me or BadBoyGamer.

It's like telling a disabled person to stop whining.

I don't want to be 30, I feel like I should be 18. I wish I got this shit figured in 2008, before game was a known thing.

Fair enough if you are trying to help, but our realities are so different that we can't even relate to each other.

Since I've started day gaming I've felt like I'm expressing myself more and breaking down inhibitions.

Post: #27

I didn't get any sleep tonight. Hopefully my sentences are still making some sort of sense.

@ Captain Gh

Captain Gh Wrote:Man... this post sure does strike a chord since I grew up in a similar fashion!

Sorry to hear that.

Captain Gh Wrote:One thing's for sure: your quest to be more 'normal' is simply striving to be more happy! I still got a minuscule pit in my stomach when thinking about "happiness" since it's a concept I have a hard time clearly telling myself what it is... but I know I'm not!

Yes. I wish I could be happy. Or at least be content. To not have to worry all the time and just be.

Captain Gh Wrote:Do you have the ability to feel good & not burn through money?

I am dirt poor.

Captain Gh Wrote:The very good news is when you'll significantly reduce your anger.

How did you get rid of the anger?


@ TheLegendofBentCock

TheLegendofBentCock Wrote:But the enemy is not the girls, it's my inhibitions.

My greatest enemy is myself. I really hate that. Fear is the worst. I am literally afraid all the time.

TheLegendofBentCock Wrote:I've already lost my teens and 20s, I've got to maximise my 30s for female interaction.

Same. I lost too many years of my life.

@ Professor When

Professor When Wrote:I think a good idea is to figure out what you are actually looking for.
...
The reality may be that you are unhappy with yourself and you determine that something that you do not have or cannot yet achieve is the secret to attaining that happiness.

I want my piece of the pie.


@ tomzestatlu

tomzestatlu Wrote:I guess you are currently searching for some inner calmness.

Just 5 minutes of peace. That would be great.

@ firat113

firat113 Wrote:- You think you're more special than everyone else.
- You see yourself as superior to everyone else.
- You struggle to recognize the emotions and needs of other people.
- You believe you're great at manipulating people.
- You live in your thoughts and fantasies more than in real life.

Nope. Nope. Maybe. Certainly. Yup.

firat113 Wrote:Honestly, to me it sounds like you're one of the guys thinking that you can purely rely on game to acquire girls.
...
The thing is, you might get over step one with game, but getting to keep a girl around when you have nothing else to offer her than a script of game is not gonna work out for you.

It got me laid a few times. That is certainly worth noting. Something is better than nothing.

firat113 Wrote:Also, i appreciate the honesty and you saying your longest relationship lasted 3 weeks.

That's the time it takes before difficult questions get asked.

@ Eddie Winslow

Eddie Winslow Wrote:You admit that sex and the seduction process are often not even fun for you - why the fuck are you FORCING yourself to do something as inconsequential dating if you don't even like it?

I need the learning expierence and practice to become more comfortable and confident. Especially when it comes down to sex. Doing nothing does nothing.

Obermarschall Wrote:Did you ever take any therapy concerning your drug usage?

I hate therapists with a passion. I got into drugs in order to escape reality. Big mistake.

@ Montrose

- do you like people ? (´Liking people´means feeling positive emotions when in the company of people). What kind of people do you like?

I do not dislike people. Not feeling particulary warm and fuzzy around people either. Some are alright, others are not. Certainly do not feel any need to be among people. Except for gils for obvious reasons.

- do you feel any emotions at all? What about guilt, shame...?

Yup. The whole range of emotions.

- do you understand what drives people and what people like? (Again, what people like is what makes them feel positive emotions)

Not really. People are not honest about it. They be saying one thing and do something else. And then expect me to be a mind reader. When I get angry about it I end up being the bad guy.

- can you identify what emotions people feel most of the time?

Most of the time although sometimes I can be entirely oblivious to it. People can be deceptive about this as well and expect me to be a mind reader. And I end up being the bad guy when they fool me.

Post: #28

What is Bringing Value ? People have needs and they are trying to fill their needs in order to be happy. Value is what people are looking for in their search for happiness. So, by definition, you have value if people have an incentive to interact with you, talk with you, spend time with you, have sex with you etc. You have value if you provide others with positive emotions. You have value if you provide people with what they are looking for. There are millions of ways of providing value, from the most basic (providing food or money) to the most complex (soothing people’s deep fears, making people feel important, making people feel morally good…). Most people need stimulation to avoid getting bored, so being entertaining or interesting brings value too. As we all know, the key to a successful social life is to bring value to others. If you don’t fill any need, people have zero incentive to interact with you.

Post: #29

You are likely an introvert, possibly an INTP or INTJ ( http://www.personalitypage.com/INTP.html or http://www.personalitypage.com/INTJ.html ). This is not a pathology per se, but it’s not very natural for introvert to bind with others because it’s work. It doesn’t mean than Introverts cannot be very social, but it’s more work. Additionally being Thinking (rather than feeling) you don’t have so much emotional need, and being Intuitive you tend to question everything people do, rather than doing what everyone else is doing (like Sensing people do). Additionally you sound very neurotic (prone to anger and negative emotions), which is not a pathology either but does suck for you and for others. Your worst characteristics of course is that you don’t like people, in the sense that the company of others doesn’t give you positive emotions (but this can be changed). This is bad enough for you but also for others because people can see that you don’t like them. All this put together means that being social will be both hard and not rewarding for you. Finally, you have reacted to this set of issues with a certain amount of foolish pride as you tend to resent others “hiding their intentions” or “expecting you to be a mind reader” when in fact they are most likely just acting naturally (to be fair it is true that women expect men to be mind readers)

First, ‘feeling different’ is not necessarily a problem. Many people feel different, they are very happy with it and other people don’t mind. Your problem seems to be that you are unhappy, and you think that it’s because you cannot connect with others. However, since you don’t like people, even if you *did* connect with people, I’m not sure it would make you happy. In fact, if I were you I would consider giving up entirely on social life because it’s not rewarding for you. So you might try to be happy in other ways. Even if you knew how to manipulate people into wanting to interact with you, there’s really no point if you don’t like them. Besides, even if you had a rich and rewarding social life, and you liked people, you might still be unhappy because of your high neuroticism.

Now if you really want to have a rich social life, I suggest the following steps:

1. Don’t try to be normal. You are like you are, you don’t need to pretend to be different. A lot of people are ‘normal’, but a lot of people are complex or strange in one way or another and it’s perfectly fine. In fact complex or strange people are often very popular.
2. You must enjoy other people’s company (aka ‘like people’). If you only do manipulation (or ‘game’) it will *not* satisfy you and relationships will never satisfy you. The only way to learn is by doing. Try to make one or two close male friends, or join a social group (hobby, sport…). It will be work, but you have to do it.
3. To make social relations work, you don’t need to bring a lot of value at first. But you need to bring *some* value. People are not very demanding, a lot of people will enjoy your interest in them, even if it is only partially sincere. Read books, read novels, talk about movies or things. Develop your general knowledge as much as possible. Read biographies. The pre-requisite is to learn how to talk to people (aka conversation). Conversation is a very technical skill but it can be learnt easily. Most people do it naturally. Essentially it’s about talking alternatively about your experience and the other person’s experience (use question marks to help the switching between you and them) and then comparing those experiences. From time to time you generalize to larger groups of people or larger concepts. Or you start by general remarks and narrow down to your experience and that of the other person. Show interest in the other person’s perspective and experience. Try to see every experience both from an objective (factual) and subjective (emotional) point of view.

Once you do this it’s kind of a virtuous circle. The more you enjoy bringing value to people, the more they enjoy interacting with you and the more you enjoy the process, which makes you better at bringing value. The trick is to launch the process.

Post: #30

(12-13-2018 11:47 PM)Professor When Wrote:  Get yourself under control and either be helpful or shut up.

This is rich coming from someone proclaiming he is diagnosed with Cluster B personality disorders such as NPD and ASPD with lacking social skills.

Go cry about your "mental illnesses" somewhere else man, I wish I read into your own thread about making friends before wasting time on refuting your autistic viewpoints here.

(12-05-2018 10:17 PM)Professor When Wrote:  I'm a 28 year old virgin

(10-13-2018 07:18 PM)Professor When Wrote:  To be honest, I wish I could find someone to tell me what the fuck is wrong with me. I can never seem to get into confrontations or anything. Others just back down or assure me how great I am.

Stop thinking your shit doesn't stink, you wouldn't have all these issues if you were so great. What makes you so special, when the people you see as average are doing things that you can only fantasize about? You need this advice just as much, if not more than Badboygamer.



You seem to have a lot of internal conflict

(12-04-2018 11:46 PM)Professor When Wrote:  I have dealt with these borderline retarded (as in just above 80 iq), flat affect rejects for a lot of my life. They're the kind of people that like to start shit with the introvert pariahs like me, in high school. They really are too damn stupid to be attributed any form of agency. I had this one guy pick a fight with me on 3 separate occasions and I left him with a bloody nose, a broken finger, and missing teeth; he just didn't get it. That doesn't make him tough, just dumb.

(12-04-2018 11:46 PM)Professor When Wrote:  Actually, I ended up beating up these guys because they were too fucking dumb to not cause shit with the big guy who ate lunch alone. It is the fact that these dumbasses threw themselves at me over and over to prove themselves that makes my point. They tried to act tough to impress girls (presumably) or make up for their own shitty existence.

Classic fabricated tough guy NPD persona. Of course bullying is shitty and most of us have put up with it in some capacity at some point in our life, but normal people do not look back in anger denouncing people from high school... because it's sad and unhealthy to hold on to slights like that.

Do you feel like you have to put on a cold, distant persona to combat threats at all times?

It seems like you are constantly fighting battles in your own head, attributing to your standoffish demeanor.

(12-06-2018 04:06 PM)Professor When Wrote:  I've seen a few therapists, one diagnosed me as ASPD, the other as a classic narcissist with sociopathic tendencies. Even when I was young I knew I was a bit "off" compared to everyone else, so I adopted a highly agreeable persona and it has become almost a habit. So in recent years I have been trying to shed that persona and be more of myself. I'm still witty and confident, but I am much less willing to suffer the bullshit of the morons around me; but it's a work in progress.

I'd love to see how you actually interact with those around you, I'm fascinated by people who claim Cluster B personality disorders.

Because, funny enough, in most cases they are putting on an act and are just deeply insecure, troubled individuals.

Good luck to you, because I know all of this is falling on deaf ears.

Post: #31

@ The Golden God

You are an asshole and I think you are full of shit.

You be putting people down the whole fucking time. It makes you feel big and strong. But on the inside you just be an insecure little twat.


@ Professor When

Do not let him get to you. His mind is weak. Just compare him to all the other people that have posted in the topics you made. He is only one who is trying to tear you down while everybody else trying to lift you up.

Post: #32

I resonated with a lot of the issues you brought up, and I too am anything but 'normal'. But, I don't think this was something that just happened, but rather a choice. Someone said that 'a feeling of importance' is the one thing human beings want the most. For me, this importance manifests as 'uniqueness'. The though of being normal is horrifying. I've taken to calling it a 'Fear of Normality'.

Listening to the same top 40 music, same crap Hollywood movies, wearing the same clothes, and so on and so forth as everyone else is the most awful thing I can imagine.

But, if I don't at least try to understand such things, I have the worst time carrying on conversations with anyone.

"Did you see that TV show last night?"

Nope.

"Did you see that new Marvel movie?"

Nope.

'Normal' things are not fun for me at all, and from what you're saying, I doubt anything 'normal' is fun for you either. It provides you with no value, therefore you do not engage in it. Sure, you can read interesting books, go to interesting places, but ultimately, those are only interesting to you. It's impossible to know if anyone you're engaging with will give a crap about it or not.

I fear losing my uniqueness just as much as I want to interact with people normally. The only real option is to find a group with similar interests, but even then, I actively find new ways to make myself an outcast in those niche groups.

"Oh, you like that specific thing, well I like this even more specific thing."

It makes me feel important and reaffirms my uniqueness and then I have another reason to distance myself.

One's own worst enemy is always themselves. If you can find a way to break out of this mindset, while still being at ease with yourself, let me know. I'm still figuring it out.

Good luck, ignore the haters.

Post: #33

(12-14-2018 11:49 AM)The Golden God Wrote:  *holy crap*

Dude, you are digging through my post history for ammunition for your ad hominem bullshit. You are clearly way too emotionally invested in this. Step back and look at yourself for just a second. I swear your posts read like you're frothing at the mouth.

Own up to the fact that you're being an asshole and save face.

Post: #34

(12-13-2018 11:14 PM)BadBoyGamer Wrote:  And yet another personal attack. How many guys been calling me autistic? How many been calling me narcisistic? I guess kicking people when they show some weakness is what makes you feel strong and mighty.

I think everybody here is genuinely trying to help you, and they're bringing up narcissism and autism because your writing reflects typical statements narcissists and autistic people might make trying to explain away their difficulties.

Admittedly, they're being hard on you, but that doesn't mean they aren't trying to help you, and circling wagons with other people who think the same way will not actually help you change the things that you need to focus on changing.

Would you agree that I've got a good point about that?

(12-13-2018 04:03 PM)TheLegendofBentCock Wrote:  I totally relate to you're post. Like you, I only do day game approaching. I also feel very unnatural approaching these women from a place of complete inexperience. I have got into trouble with mall security several times from approaching and also been told off by the women I've approached.

I also lack a social circle and tend to take a more combative attitude towards social situations...

So if I'm following the breadcrumbs, you're a combative person walking around the mall alone cold approaching women half your age and they're complaining to security.

I hope you can see where this is going wrong. What do you try to talk to them about?

Post: #35

I am conflicted about that. Some use autism as an insult as is a common practice. In this case, one better makes sure to make a proper argument for use of the word, or else there is no reason to not assume it being intended as insult.

Outside of that I agree. I am fully aware about how my posts "sound".

Quote:...writing reflects typical statements narcissists and autistic people might make trying to explain away their difficulties.

What do you mean by "explain away their difficulties"?

Focusing on autism for a moment. Are you aware this is an actual condition and that people with autism have actual real difficulties? The brain of autistic people is actually "wired" different and this is visible on a fMRA scan. It is in fact a neurological condition and not a psychological one.

Post: #36

(12-14-2018 03:04 PM)BadBoyGamer Wrote:  Focusing on autism for a moment. Are you aware this is an actual condition and that people with autism have actual real difficulties? The brain of autistic people is actually "wired" different and this is visible on a fMRA scan. It is in fact a neurological condition and not a psychological one.

There's a quote from Dr. Temple Grandin that I remember: "Autistics learn social interaction the way ordinary people learn lines to a play". It's a really useful insight.

You can look up "masking" as it relates to autism. It is possible to appear "normal" (neurotypical) to people you deal with. It's also a LOT of work. There are habits and scripts that can make a huge difference in how people react, but you need to find the ones that work for you. Toastmasters helped me a lot. Developing the habit of being observant and mimicking other people's behaviours has helped a lot. It is quite possible and practical to do things consciously that ordinary people do unconsciously.

It's a lot of work, but it is possible. I'll try to at least give you moral support in the effort unlike certain abusive assholes in the manosphere.

Post: #37

(12-14-2018 03:04 PM)BadBoyGamer Wrote:  What do you mean by "explain away their difficulties"?

Focusing on autism for a moment. Are you aware this is an actual condition and that people with autism have actual real difficulties? The brain of autistic people is actually "wired" different and this is visible on a fMRA scan. It is in fact a neurological condition and not a psychological one.

What I mean is that narcissism, as a defense mechanism, involves shifting the blame away from the real problem to protect the narcissistic person's fragile ego.

Combined with stereotypical rigid, rules-based autistic thought processes, it's actually pretty common to encounter someone who is struggling and has a lot of very elaborate theories to explain why, when the truth is much simpler, but they simply don't want to hear it and become angry when someone brings it to their attention, because what they're hearing violates the "rules" they've made up to explain their situation and relies on a lot of details that they gone without noticing.

Example: "No, I wasn't oversharing. People talk about feelings. It's just that my pain is so unique and special that nobody else can relate to it."

Alternative: Everybody has a lot of pain and it isn't unique or special at all, we just all keep it to ourselves because it's not fun at parties. People try to focus on positive feelings and get weirded out when someone doesn't realize what is happening.

Post: #38

(12-14-2018 02:05 PM)Jetset Wrote:  

(12-13-2018 11:14 PM)BadBoyGamer Wrote:  And yet another personal attack. How many guys been calling me autistic? How many been calling me narcisistic? I guess kicking people when they show some weakness is what makes you feel strong and mighty.

I think everybody here is genuinely trying to help you, and they're bringing up narcissism and autism because your writing reflects typical statements narcissists and autistic people might make trying to explain away their difficulties.

Admittedly, they're being hard on you, but that doesn't mean they aren't trying to help you, and circling wagons with other people who think the same way will not actually help you change the things that you need to focus on changing.

Would you agree that I've got a good point about that?

(12-13-2018 04:03 PM)TheLegendofBentCock Wrote:  I totally relate to you're post. Like you, I only do day game approaching. I also feel very unnatural approaching these women from a place of complete inexperience. I have got into trouble with mall security several times from approaching and also been told off by the women I've approached.

I also lack a social circle and tend to take a more combative attitude towards social situations...

So if I'm following the breadcrumbs, you're a combative person walking around the mall alone cold approaching women half your age and they're complaining to security.

I hope you can see where this is going wrong. What do you try to talk to them about?

Not to highjack Bad Boy's thread, but coffee, drinks, phone number. I show my intent and make sure they know that it is man to woman.

But I'm light hearted and jokey/cocky. I just don't understand how I can show intent without scaring them.

I actually had field reports going on another forum, when I can post threads I will copy them over.

Post: #39

Have you read any daygame books? Which ones?

Post: #40

(12-14-2018 02:05 PM)Jetset Wrote:  walking around the mall alone cold approaching women half your age
I hope you can see where this is going wrong. What do you try to talk to them about?

The young ones are the hot ones to be fair.

Post: #41

(12-13-2018 12:18 PM)BadBoyGamer Wrote:  How to be "normal"?

When it comes to girls I have limited expierence. Mostly bad. None of it can be described as remotely "normal". For one I have never had a girlfriend. At least not for long. My "relations" have always been short and things go wrong the moment girls figure out how fucked up I truly am. My record stands at about 3 weeks.

You sound entirely normal to me and match about 50% of the guys I've ever met.
Having relationships with many women is abnormal, most guys are lucky if they found 1 LTR in their life.

Post: #42

(12-15-2018 06:31 AM)TheLegendofBentCock Wrote:  Not to highjack Bad Boy's thread, but coffee, drinks, phone number. I show my intent and make sure they know that it is man to woman.

But I'm light hearted and jokey/cocky. I just don't understand how I can show intent without scaring them.

In all seriousness, and I'm directing this advice at both of you:

The Mall

TheLegendofBentCock talks about direct approach at the mall. Some young people use the mall as a social hangout because it's open to the public for free. These are usually kids. There's a real possibility that some of the girls he's approaching are underage and he doesn't even realize it (or, worse, he does, which is a separate troubling situation), because after age 18 or so, people who are functional are usually either working and/or in college. They have other social options and are getting too busy to hang out at the mall for no reason.

As for adult women who are at the mall, they are there because they have a mission, one which is mostly an annoying distraction from things they'd like to be doing. ("Shit, I spilled coffee on my favorite jeans. Now I have to go to the fucking mall, find a parking spot, and find new favorite jeans.") Amazon is popular because shopping mostly blows unless you're at a very high-status mall that's designed to turn it into a glamorous "experience" (see: Kierland Commons in Arizona), where women have enough money to not be worried about all the other things they should be doing. Much like gaming a waitress or bartender, there's a good chance you're just annoying them while they struggle to be polite and you'll need to be able to detect this and change course instead of focusing on your script.

Beyond that, as an adult male, being at the mall alone is a bad look unless you're actually shopping for something, because it screams "I have no life, no other options, and nowhere of value to be". Personally, I haven't bought anything at the mall in years - the last time I bought clothing in person, it was at an airport during a layover - and direct approaching is just going to make it look worse.

("Why is this guy here alone? He isn't shopping. Does he just throw random women his phone number and beg for sex at the mall out of desperation? OH, NO. What do I have to do to get him to stop paying attention to me? Call security?")

Chasing

BadBoyGamer reacted badly when told to stop focusing on directly chasing girls ("Become an incel? Go MGTOW? Is that your recommended course of action?"), but the point was that chasing girls almost never works. They're astute enough to understand that they're being chased because they're your only option, and that scares them.

("Doesn't he have anyone else he's fucking right now? Why now? There must be something wrong with his life that I can't see. OH, NO. What do I have to do to get him to stop paying attention to me? Scream at him?")

Social skills are critically important, but they get you nowhere alone. I'm big into the concept of "stacking". In business, they call it synergy. Tying things together so that they become more valuable than the sum of their parts or come at a lower price. Both of you should be focusing on building your own personal stacks, things you have going that make your life fun for you so that women will want to be a guest in it and are envious of women who are seen with you.

Giving Value

BadBoyGamer says he's experimented with painting. Think about it. If he enjoys it, he should do it. Plus, it gives you a few options for building a persona for women to see. If you're any good, are there art galleries or social groups in your town that you can use to network with professional painters? You don't have to take yourself very seriously as a painter, just be a regular guy who is interested in art and paints a little.

No doubt, you'll encounter women who are interested in art, too, and as long as you don't try any miscalibrated direct approach shit or triple text like a lunatic and get yourself marked as the "creepy" guy, you should be able to figure out how to convert some of those encounters into a drink or coffee to keep it going. Having some decent paintings at home gives you an excuse to show them off, and getting her into your apartment - which you've hopefully cleaned up and decorated appropriately for an adult male with a busy life - is the first step to getting her panties off. Take it in small steps.

Real-life anecdote: I attended community college for a couple of years in my early twenties. While I was there, I got a volunteer job on a political campaign. Two women that I met at college who were not interested in anything more than bored small talk while finishing a cigarette (maybe I didn't know how to convert in that setting) were falling all over themselves to give me their phone numbers when they saw me in a suit jacket working, and in one case, having a meeting with her boss at the radio station. Pumped-and-dumped them both.

It did not matter that I was working for free, which party I was working for, or that we were definitely going to fucking lose. What mattered was that they saw me an entirely different context, where I wasn't just some random clown at college trying to nut but was a relatively high-status guy who had some implicit social approval. On top of that, I really am busy: "I can't do Thursday, I've got to take the guys from the campaign to trivia night at [popular local bar] as a 'thank you' for all their hard work, Friday I've got to do a state committee thing and will be in the city overnight...so let's have coffee when I get back Saturday". It flipped the script instantly.

("People who seem powerful to me - more powerful than any of my male friends or my father - people I see on TV, trust this guy to get things done. Why? What do they know about him that I don't know? He must be busy and popular. What if he's too busy and popular for me? OH, NO. What do I have to do to get him to pay attention to me? I KNOW. I'LL SUCK HIS DICK ON THE FIRST DATE.")

Even going door-to-door, I'd end up meeting male voters' wives and daughters while their husband/father was away and they'd openly flirt. It's a little disgusting but that's just how life works.

You both need to step back from direct approach and make sure your life is on-point. They should be chasing, not you, because you are busy with your life and most women talk a big game, but have very little going on other than what men bring to the table. Your value will be mostly defined by the things you do and the men you choose to surround yourself with, not the script you read aloud to women. You've got to get out of your own heads and focus on what's substantive and tangible.

Contemplate this, as pictured below, and maybe add Rollo Tomassi and Chase Amante to your reading list for some different perspectives on how women think and how you should be thinking.

Post: #43

(12-14-2018 06:49 AM)BadBoyGamer Wrote:  I didn't get any sleep tonight. Hopefully my sentences are still making some sort of sense.

@ Captain Gh

Captain Gh Wrote:Man... this post sure does strike a chord since I grew up in a similar fashion!

Sorry to hear that.

Captain Gh Wrote:One thing's for sure: your quest to be more 'normal' is simply striving to be more happy! I still got a minuscule pit in my stomach when thinking about "happiness" since it's a concept I have a hard time clearly telling myself what it is... but I know I'm not!

Yes. I wish I could be happy. Or at least be content. To not have to worry all the time and just be.

Captain Gh Wrote:Do you have the ability to feel good & not burn through money?

I am dirt poor.

Captain Gh Wrote:The very good news is when you'll significantly reduce your anger.

How did you get rid of the anger?

Snip

This shit gets very very deep my man! In short you have to use your anger towards assertiveness aka goals you want to achieve. But I swear if you read this free book, and consciously work on yourself... the anger will dissipate itself! Be patient since change does take time & effort.

Since you're a late bloomer, you seem like you just want to be constantly on the Go all the Time... but learn to slow down, and focus on building wealth WHILE Gaming. Gaming skills, being in shape, being wealthy + less angry will bring you to your desired 'normal' like a piece of cake. Don't make my mistake of Daygaming your ass off while doing nothing else! Work on your issues otherwise your issues will burn YOU, and YOUR MONEY OUT! Trust Me!

Also the Golden God came at you pretty hard... but don't dismiss the advice he's provided! I can't speak for him of course, but he's probably a natural, and for him be social & make friends is as easy as drinking water!

Post: #44

(12-15-2018 10:27 AM)Jetset Wrote:  

(12-15-2018 06:31 AM)TheLegendofBentCock Wrote:  Not to highjack Bad Boy's thread, but coffee, drinks, phone number. I show my intent and make sure they know that it is man to woman.

But I'm light hearted and jokey/cocky. I just don't understand how I can show intent without scaring them.

In all seriousness, and I'm directing this advice at both of you:

The Mall

TheLegendofBentCock talks about direct approach at the mall. Some young people use the mall as a social hangout because it's open to the public for free. These are usually kids. There's a real possibility that some of the girls he's approaching are underage and he doesn't even realize it (or, worse, he does, which is a separate troubling situation), because after age 18 or so, people who are functional are usually either working and/or in college. They have other social options and are getting too busy to hang out at the mall for no reason.

As for adult women who are at the mall, they are there because they have a mission, one which is mostly an annoying distraction from things they'd like to be doing. ("Shit, I spilled coffee on my favorite jeans. Now I have to go to the fucking mall, find a parking spot, and find new favorite jeans.") Amazon is popular because shopping mostly blows unless you're at a very high-status mall that's designed to turn it into a glamorous "experience" (see: Kierland Commons in Arizona), where women have enough money to not be worried about all the other things they should be doing. Much like gaming a waitress or bartender, there's a good chance you're just annoying them while they struggle to be polite and you'll need to be able to detect this and change course instead of focusing on your script.

Beyond that, as an adult male, being at the mall alone is a bad look unless you're actually shopping for something, because it screams "I have no life, no other options, and nowhere of value to be". Personally, I haven't bought anything at the mall in years - the last time I bought clothing in person, it was at an airport during a layover - and direct approaching is just going to make it look worse.

("Why is this guy here alone? He isn't shopping. Does he just throw random women his phone number and beg for sex at the mall out of desperation? OH, NO. What do I have to do to get him to stop paying attention to me? Call security?")

Chasing

BadBoyGamer reacted badly when told to stop focusing on directly chasing girls ("Become an incel? Go MGTOW? Is that your recommended course of action?"), but the point was that chasing girls almost never works. They're astute enough to understand that they're being chased because they're your only option, and that scares them.

("Doesn't he have anyone else he's fucking right now? Why now? There must be something wrong with his life that I can't see. OH, NO. What do I have to do to get him to stop paying attention to me? Scream at him?")

Social skills are critically important, but they get you nowhere alone. I'm big into the concept of "stacking". In business, they call it synergy. Tying things together so that they become more valuable than the sum of their parts or come at a lower price. Both of you should be focusing on building your own personal stacks, things you have going that make your life fun for you so that women will want to be a guest in it and are envious of women who are seen with you.

Giving Value

BadBoyGamer says he's experimented with painting. Think about it. If he enjoys it, he should do it. Plus, it gives you a few options for building a persona for women to see. If you're any good, are there art galleries or social groups in your town that you can use to network with professional painters? You don't have to take yourself very seriously as a painter, just be a regular guy who is interested in art and paints a little.

No doubt, you'll encounter women who are interested in art, too, and as long as you don't try any miscalibrated direct approach shit or triple text like a lunatic and get yourself marked as the "creepy" guy, you should be able to figure out how to convert some of those encounters into a drink or coffee to keep it going. Having some decent paintings at home gives you an excuse to show them off, and getting her into your apartment - which you've hopefully cleaned up and decorated appropriately for an adult male with a busy life - is the first step to getting her panties off. Take it in small steps.

Real-life anecdote: I attended community college for a couple of years in my early twenties. While I was there, I got a volunteer job on a political campaign. Two women that I met at college who were not interested in anything more than bored small talk while finishing a cigarette (maybe I didn't know how to convert in that setting) were falling all over themselves to give me their phone numbers when they saw me in a suit jacket working, and in one case, having a meeting with her boss at the radio station. Pumped-and-dumped them both.

It did not matter that I was working for free, which party I was working for, or that we were definitely going to fucking lose. What mattered was that they saw me an entirely different context, where I wasn't just some random clown at college trying to nut but was a relatively high-status guy who had some implicit social approval. On top of that, I really am busy: "I can't do Thursday, I've got to take the guys from the campaign to trivia night at [popular local bar] as a 'thank you' for all their hard work, Friday I've got to do a state committee thing and will be in the city overnight...so let's have coffee when I get back Saturday". It flipped the script instantly.

("People who seem powerful to me - more powerful than any of my male friends or my father - people I see on TV, trust this guy to get things done. Why? What do they know about him that I don't know? He must be busy and popular. What if he's too busy and popular for me? OH, NO. What do I have to do to get him to pay attention to me? I KNOW. I'LL SUCK HIS DICK ON THE FIRST DATE.")

Even going door-to-door, I'd end up meeting male voters' wives and daughters while their husband/father was away and they'd openly flirt. It's a little disgusting but that's just how life works.

You both need to step back from direct approach and make sure your life is on-point. They should be chasing, not you, because you are busy with your life and most women talk a big game, but have very little going on other than what men bring to the table. Your value will be mostly defined by the things you do and the men you choose to surround yourself with, not the script you read aloud to women. You've got to get out of your own heads and focus on what's substantive and tangible.

Contemplate this, as pictured below, and maybe add Rollo Tomassi and Chase Amante to your reading list for some different perspectives on how women think and how you should be thinking.

for December 15th 2018 is in folks!

Post: #45

I give you props for writing this post OP and I think it's even better that you're getting a lot of feedback and that a lot of it is negative.

You need a proper kick in the ass to be motivated to change and one of those things is getting kicked down until you've hit rock bottom and you really understand the need to do things different.

You've been called an autist and a narcissist. Maybe you are. You do write sort of like both, but I don't think you are. I think you suffer from dissociation and post traumatic stress and you've basically shut down your authentic self. Did you have a neglected or abusive childhood (don't answer here)? Maybe a proper diagnosis would be more schizoid. I won't and can't (cause I'm no shrink) diagnose you, but if you're not an autist and if you're not a narcissist, then there's hope!

What's important is that you feel like somethings missing and you realize it begins and ends with you.

That's great, you can work with that, no matter how old you are.

You probably would do well to talk to someone, you need to reach out to people. Maybe a priest? It's important to reach out to people irl. Figure out who, when, where. Do you spend time in nature? Feel the sun, wind, rain on your skin? Do you have pictures of your young self? What do you see?

You took a first step and that's to be applauded. Let go of game and red pill thinking, it will only hurt. Better to be a beta than an weird omega gamer.

Post: #46

(12-13-2018 12:18 PM)BadBoyGamer Wrote:  Social Circles

Social circles are a puzzle to me. I can not even locate them. Many times I see people in a group and it is clear that they are part of some sort of social circle. They all know eachother. I have nothing that even looks like it. At best I know a bunch of different individuals. But no groups or people who know other people.

I grew up in environments where I automatically got fully functional social circles from day one. Being part of a group was the default and no possibility of not being in one. But once I became an adult and was no longer in these groups I never had anything else. And no idea or expierence with "normal" groupings.

To me social circles are to be "located and infiltrated" and sadly I have been unsuccesful at both. How do I find social circles? How do I get into one? What do normal average people do?

I grew up less than optimally socialized as well and too much of my early adulthood was spent on retrospective "what ifs" and other escapisms. I'm in my early 30's and fairly content now, but I had to relearn the basics of being a normal adult person over the last few years.

What you need to do is practice being relaxed and engaged in social settings. Most people's social interactions aren't constant cold approaches to strangers. Most people who are largely engaging in cold approaches to strangers are stressed out working in sales or customer service. Set aside outings to try dialing everything you've been doing with your cold approach outings.

12 step meetings are a good place to get practice with this, if you are inclined to that. Otherwise you can go to a bar, root for whatever sports team is on, and practice building rapport with the guys. You shouldn't try to fuck the guys or get fucked by them. Just watch the game, make the right sounds in response to events occurring in the course of the game, and during downtime passively practice rapport building. Keep doing this at the same bar and in a few weeks you will probably have some friendly acquaintances. Maintain the rapport. Eventually you'll probably get invitations to get together outside the bar for events. Accept some of them.

Quote:What is value?

A concept within Game and the whole community that is mentioned a lot is "value". It is being said that you have to "bring value" or "give value" or "have value". However nobody seems to be defining what this "value" precisely is. As if everybody naturally understand what is value and what it is not.

Problem is that I have no idea what value is. I understand that money or a skill can be valuable. But outside that my brain hits a blank.

How do you "have", "bring" or "give" value? What is it?

Status. Even lone wolves and outcasts fit somewhere in the social hierarchy. A lot of times loners can fit at several different parts of the hierarchy depending on the situational context. Generally the people you associate with signal your relative social status, by virtue of being the people you associate with. Having the more and higher status people you have a cordial rapport with the higher your social value appears. Even largely transactional relationships can contribute to your social status as long as you are reliable and you have rapport.

The most toxic thing you can do to your social value is unsupported aggression above your station. AMOG and anti-AMOG strategies are centered around how to defend your status and attack the status of others along these lines. Having social status assists in these contests when they arise.

Watch Mean Girls and study everything but the ending.

Quote:How to not be a loner or lonewolf?

I have always been alone. This can mean many things. It can mean I just feel alone. Or that I only connect with a few people. Or that I am actually alone. There are many variations of being alone or feeling alone and most people be alone at one time or another.

The big question is; how to not be alone? How to not be a loner or lonewolf?

First there is the feeling of being alone. For me a big factor of my loneliness is that I cannot afford to be honest. I cannot tell people too many truths about myself or expose any "deeper" of my feelings.

Inside of me their is so much anger, frustration, distrust, bad expierence, insecurity, lack of self confidence, hate and fear that the moment I open my mouth people be scared away. For example I cannot talk about family or childhood without visible getting angry and shaking from the adrenaline rush. Like a soldier having flashbacks.

My expierence with people in general has been a negative one. For me it has always been difficult to "connect", espeically in any personal way. This again is amplified when it comes to girls. There is nothing to "show" or "give" to a girl besides negatives. Nothing to "connect" about at a personal level. Almost everything I show is fake.

How does one become a more "normal" person?

Last words:

It took me 3 days to construct this post and I am still not happy. As I said earlier; I am a seriously fucked up guy trying to survive on this piece of shit rock called a planet. I feel like an alien from another planet trying to make sense of these strange beings called "humans". I am looking for any useful advice on how to be a little bit more normal and less fucked up.

One of the best things you can do to restructure your thinking is learn a new language with intensity. Immersion in a foreign culture for a couple months can especially help. If you can take a couple months to travel, a full immersion language school and a commitment to practice socialization could be a good way to remake yourself into a better you. You can study a language on your own, and the more basics you have down the more you can improve the language through immersion, but... in my own life I don't think anything has improved my social skills and standing than moving to Latin America one year ago. Forcing my brain to live in a new language helped to cement a number of other self improvement things which needed more of an active push before.

I still consider myself a loner, but I survived living in a hostel for more than half a year without getting making myself unwelcome or ostracized. I recently went back there for a few days. Everyone but the morning cleaner, morning desk person, and one long term resident had gone. All it took was a couple of introductions and rapport building to reclaim my place in the hostel heirarchy. The Peruana I'm seeing just spent an week in my apartment and neither of us killed or irredeemably disgusted the other. Most of my life I operated with the SINCERE belief I could only be my relaxed self when I'm alone. Now I can get my level of relaxation surrounded by people and go through my morning routine with a cute brown girl touching herself in my bed. I am very sure my brain would have resisted this like hell if it wasn't entirely occupied writing a new language into its routines so I could stop eating at Burger King and Subway.

If you look at more and less successful manosphere figures and forum members, learning a foreign language and living in that language tend to correlate with longer term success.

(12-13-2018 04:03 PM)TheLegendofBentCock Wrote:  Right, let me just say that "The Golden God" sounds like a bit of an idiot, it's easy to speak down to people in our situation when you're life is full of female interaction and sex.

I totally relate to you're post. Like you, I only do day game approaching. I also feel very unnatural approaching these women from a place of complete inexperience. I have got into trouble with mall security several times from approaching and also been told off by the women I've approached.

I also lack a social circle and tend to take a more combative attitude towards social situations, that's just due to my (and you're) experiences in life. It's nothing to let people like the guy above (Golden God) make you feel ashamed of.

I think women feel shocked when I approach them because I just don't look like the right sort of guy to approach women, or my vibe isn't right because of years spent in isolation.

I, too, have always been a lone wolf. My most regular human interaction is when I go out on weekends looking for day gaming targets in my local town.

I know this is not a normal lifestyle and the targets can sense that, in some ways I guess I have a "predatory" vibe, because I am going to go up and give them a compliment whether they like it or not.

I am 100% determined to take the battle to the enemy. But the enemy is not the girls, it's my inhibitions.

I've already lost my teens and 20s, I've got to maximise my 30s for female interaction.

You on the other hand are in a more dire situation. You need male friends and a Rock Bottom experience to undermine everything you think you know. Mall security branding you a predator should be enough of a Rock Bottom if you can accept it as such, but... different people have different pain tolerances.

In your situation resignation may be a better base than determination. You can't change the feelings of other people. You can't change how other people react to the world or you. All you can change is yourself and your feelings. Then accept your past and move forward. Your hostility is undermining your frame. You aren't a man if you aren't capable of being hostile, but if your attitude is constantly hostile what you are telling yourself is that you are a low status loser because everyone is your enemy. You need friendly acquaintances, people who you interact with absent hostility. Without that you aren't even a lone wolf. You are unanchored fodder for a fedposter to trap in a sting operation.

Do keep pursuing game, but read Roosh's Daygame. Elderly openers and not scaring the cat should be your focus. Given your present situation you may want to designate a nearby city as a testing ground for a gentler daygame program. Everything I recommended to OP holds for you except... you have a still greater socialization deficit.

Post: #47

(12-14-2018 06:28 AM)TheLegendofBentCock Wrote:  It seems to me that you are speaking from a position of adundance and can't relate to people like me or BadBoyGamer.

It's like telling a disabled person to stop whining.

I don't want to be 30, I feel like I should be 18. I wish I got this shit figured in 2008, before game was a known thing.

Fair enough if you are trying to help, but our realities are so different that we can't even relate to each other.

Since I've started day gaming I've felt like I'm expressing myself more and breaking down inhibitions.

Much as there are only two sexes, there is one reality. What is frustrating other posters including the ones you complain about is that you are doing almost the right thing from the wrong place. You are right about being a disabled person and he is right in telling you to stop whining. There is a story in the big book depending on the edition titled either Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict or Acceptance Was The Answer which you should read and try to frame to your situation.

You have to accept life on life's terms. If you can accept acceptance into your heart, every small improvement you manage in your life can bring great satisfaction. If I could go back and give me 15 years ago, I'd give me a stern talking to. If I could meet me 10 years ago, I'd give me a well deserved beating. If I could go back just five years, I'd have to beat myself and leave myself for dead... If I didn't kill my past self.

Your attitude suggests that right now you are both the rock and hard place conspiring to your own destruction.

Post: #48

(12-15-2018 06:28 PM)nomadbrah Wrote:  I give you props for writing this post OP and I think it's even better that you're getting a lot of feedback and that a lot of it is negative.

You need a proper kick in the ass to be motivated to change and one of those things is getting kicked down until you've hit rock bottom and you really understand the need to do things different.

You've been called an autist and a narcissist. Maybe you are. You do write sort of like both, but I don't think you are. I think you suffer from dissociation and post traumatic stress and you've basically shut down your authentic self. Did you have a neglected or abusive childhood (don't answer here)? Maybe a proper diagnosis would be more schizoid. I won't and can't (cause I'm no shrink) diagnose you, but if you're not an autist and if you're not a narcissist, then there's hope!

He definitely has more hope than the angry virgin autist ProfessorWhen. This is what I was saying earlier in the conversation before all the negative comments regarding my posts. I believe he is not some cold calculating person, but blocking emotions & his social side because of past experiences & a need to feel strong.

And probably focusing on getting girls and learning cold approaching as a way of proving something to himself.

But, the truth is right now you need a solid foundation. Before a system of cold approach tactics.

You need to be hard on yourself and stop whining and lashing out at the people who are giving you a wake-up call by calling you out on your whiny ass post.

I don't respect people who make excuses for every problem and cannot self-motivate themselves to change.

Hard work and grinding down the weakness in you is what is gonna turn it around for you. Not venting on the internet to random people. Not learning strategies to fake emotions and act.

Go out, find stuff you enjoy, live life. Connect with like minded people, stop taking yourself so seriously. It's not that hard once you start doing it. Stop focusing on stuff that is not bringing you closer to your goal.

Post: #49

No offense to any specific users but there's a lot of armchair psychology in this topic.

I recommend you to talk to a psychological health professional, preferrably male.

Post: #50

Wow I know exactly how you feel! I've never been diagnosed autistic but there's enough evidence that I must be on the spectrum by how others say I act. I didn't have a bad upbringing so that wasn't the cause, for all I know it was vaccines or something in the water...

Age has creeped up on me fast as well, I'm sitting here sad that I blew most of my young years not getting laid and being a virgin until my mid-20s.

A good example of my lack of reading people could come from a post I made a few years ago about a ONS I pulled off. The one where we made out a little bit on the couch while watching TV, she got up and went to the bedroom and I kept watching TV oblivious as to what was going on. Game definitely does work, but my application of "push-pull" was essentially by accident.

(12-14-2018 03:49 PM)chicane Wrote:  There's a quote from Dr. Temple Grandin that I remember: "Autistics learn social interaction the way ordinary people learn lines to a play". It's a really useful insight.

That's basically how I ran game on her that night, she threw out things like "I'm not having sex with you tonight" repeatedly and I responded back with witty lines I remembered from RVF, it works!

I'm high functioning enough to where I can have a normal job and all that, but I'm totally dead on the social end. I lack the social cue reading ability everyone else has and takes for granted. Supposedly I have a really high IQ however I'm unable to focus my attention to really take any advantage of it most of the time.

+1 rep for your honesty